Annie Get Your Gun
by easyl0ve
Summary: The world has gone to hell; Annie knows that better than most. Life has thrown her more than she'd ever expected, and only at the end of humanity did she found true strength. Is there any real hope left? Will she be able to find anything that makes life worth living again? Can't know that for sure. All she does know is that the days keep passing and she keeps breathing. OC/Daryl
1. 1: All Alone

**Thanks for reading! I hope you like it, but feel free to review with critique (I'd actually really appreciate that, because I'm always looking to improve my writing).**

1: All Alone

There is about one minute, when I first wake up and I haven't opened my eyes just yet, when I forget everything that's happened. The nightmares are just dreams, and in that moment it could be any old day back at home. It could all just not be real.

But then I open my eyes.

Reality is bleak. I have spent every day except for one alone since the initial outbreak, and most of me prefers it that way. There is a small piece of me that whispers every now and then of loneliness, but life could be far worse. I even have a home, if you could call it that. I was lucky enough that some rich and eccentric Georgian happened to have a cabin at the end of one of the roads I turned down. It was high enough on the mountain that in the days since I arrived it was almost untouched by the outbreak. The owners must not have made it here after everything, and I can't help but be thankful for that. The property was fenced in, and the second I laid eyes on it I knew. I just knew. Some kind of peace floated over me that moment. Barbed wire and all, if I could have a home now this would be the best thing I could find, and it was. After I scanned the property I found that it was much more than I bargained for.

"Environmentalists, God love 'em." I looked up at the solar panels and all I could do was smile. With all the things I lost I was beginning to think that the universe had something against me, but those glistening black panels were all the proof I needed. This was where I needed to be. It took me several trips to clear the town down the road from the house of everything valuable, but I did it. That's what I do. Sweep in and take everything that I can carry. Every book, every blanket, every can of food, everything I might need. I had space in the house that I needed to fill. The more stuff I had around the less the thought of being by myself scared me.

A normal day is full. I wake up to that brief moment of happiness, and then get to work. I check the perimeter, and then have breakfast. I never knew a whole lot about gardening, or working land, because most per-med senior students in Baton Rouge didn't have time for those things. I've had plenty of time since it happened. Nowadays most of the daylight is spent watering and harvesting. I take the buckets from the river the runs under the fence (I took some extra fencing and patched the holes under the water just to be cautious), and then I would make the walk to the fields. Whatever I could I threw into a compost pile at the corner of the field to use for the soil, and I'm embarrassed to admit that on more than a few occasions I would just take my bathroom breaks by the pile. I have to think like that now. Whatever time is left I spend on the roof with a book and the long-range rifle I picked up in some infested town on my way here, binoculars in hand. I do a full scan every few pages. When I first got here there wasn't a day when I didn't have to climb down and grab the baseball bat, then put another soul out of its misery, but now weeks go by. I've been putting the bodies about ten yards from the fence, because a part of me hopes the smell will drive off the others, but it's just an idea I had that I can't seem to shake. A glimmering hope for protection. It brought some sort of order to the kills. In the evenings, as soon as I can't see past the fence I go inside and make dinner. I was never much of a cook until this all happened. I had always pictured my mom and I in a kitchen when I was older, maybe even married, cookbook open and her helping me do things the way she did them. That's the way it goes, I think. _There is always time until it's gone._ At this point in the day, depending on my mood I do one or two of a few things. Thanks to the electrical setup of this house's previous owner I might watch a DVD. I might even get in a good workout, but I mostly reserve those for days before cleanings. I might practice the guitar, or keyboard. I might do yoga. I might relax while listening to music. I might read a novel. But almost every night I study from the med school textbooks I picked up. Finally, whenever my eyes start to get tired I turn the lights off and go upstairs to sleep. Every night I barricade the door, just in case. The bat is never out of my arms' reach.

I have a few of those kinds of ideas, the ones that bring a bit of order to everything. Every Wednesday and Sunday I give myself a good cleaning. Once every four weeks I even use shampoo, and I try to make those days special. I even will pour myself a glass from one of the many liquor bottles I have stored up, each time toasting 'the little things,' toasting 'still being human,' toasting 'not dead yet.' It's how I keep track of time; even thought time had become pointless to me. It's how I keep from falling apart.

Or at least, it was.

**Author's Note: I am going through trying to fix things I don't like or feel like need improvement. Because of this go crazy with the critique. Anything you see off or that confuses you just let me know; it'll really help with the process.**


	2. 2: Human Day

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and feel more than welcome to critique [actually I'd prefer it if you did]. :)**

2: Human Day

There is something about shampoo days that I can't get enough of; I think it's the change of pace. Or it might be the chance to smell good for once, or not feel so grimy. Whatever it was it always added this minor spring in my step and forced a small up-curve of my lips. I did my morning chores and decided, as I had every month, I deserved to take my time getting clean that afternoon. As I sat by the stream I couldn't help but inspect myself once more. It was strange how much my body changed in the year since everything happened. Where I had once been chubby I was now a rock, but I guess living the way I did now didn't really leave me any other options. Here at the end of the world you either got into shape or you died. On cleaning days I always got a bittersweet feeling, but today it was sweeter. I looked over my skin. I had only one tattoo, and I only got that on a dare from my best friend. She is probably held up in some place, surviving just like me, at least that was my hope. I guess I'll never know for sure though. I scrubbed the patch of skin on my ribs, just below my breast.

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep."

It's strange now, to think how much these words have become me. How much my journey here was affected by those lines. I think now I am just glad she dared me; it's probably the only thing I will have to remember her by, maybe even that whole part of my life. I wonder if she still thinks about me, too. After I had gotten the dirt and smell off of my skin I moved to my hair. It always got so dirty in the weeks that most of the time it almost looked brown, but not anymore. I scrubbed for a long time, and when I dunked my head into the river and when I pulled myself out my hair was back to its blonde sheen. I wrapped my towel around myself went inside to change into something nice, as has become custom on these occasions. This served no purpose besides letting me experience a slice of normalcy, of what once had been. Even if it was stupid it was still something that helped me hold onto my dwindling sanity. "Today the white dress," I said to myself before sliding into the soft fabric. I looked in the mirror, "If only my friends were around to see how great I look now." I made a mocking tone, "Gosh, Annie! You've lost so much weight! You look fantastic! Want to share clothes?" I let out a sarcastic cackle as I put on the necklace I made of the keys to the locks on the front gate and the house, my laugh echoed throughout the empty rooms. The next step in my monthly routine was one of the more fun ones. I never wore make-up anymore; there was no point in vanity when there was work to be done. Days like this were the one exception. My human days: as I like to call them. I'd always took a long time putting it on, but ever since things changed I took even more. There was something to it that made me forget everything. Normalcy. I then took the time to paint my nails. Every few nights I managed upkeep, filing and fixing cuticles so they wouldn't get mangled during the next days work, but I saved polishing for my human day. I looked in the cupboard at the various colors I had lined up from one of my raids into town. I picked one out. "Red would be nice for this month," I quickly went to work and before I could start to enjoy myself I was done with both my fingers and my toes. Even if it didn't last it still helped me clear my mind; I need as many of those kinds of activities as I can find now. Once I was sure they were dry I grabbed my gun, my binoculars, and one of the medical textbooks I had slowly started to wear out and made my way to the roof, happy to be human for a day.

The sun was slowly descending when I first heard the roar. I was reading one of the more complicated bits of the book, so at first I thought I was imagining things. When I realized it was growing louder I lifted the binoculars to my eyes and looked towards the sound. Just a lone man on a motorcycle? I scanned the road behind him; nothing. I grabbed my things and scuttled off the roof. I set down everything and grabbed the silenced pistol and baseball bat before running to the gate. When I reached it he was just pulling up.

I raised the gun and he cut the engine, "Who the hell are you?"

"Have you been bitten?" I looked him over, but he was too dirty to tell for certain.

"No," his face seemed annoyed, "Need to check, or what?"

I can't explain why I trusted him then, or if I was simply so excited to see a live human for the first time in months, but I found myself grabbing my keys and beginning to undo the locks, giddiness in my voice, "What's your name?"

"Daryl." I got the gate open, "You up here alone?"

I paused for just a moment, quickly debating if I should lie or not. "Yes, now get in here so I can lock up again. And don't turn on the engine again." He got up and began to push the bike inside the gate. Once it was clear I locked everything again and walked beside him up to the house. "What brings you out here?"

"Just looking for anywhere. My group needs a place to stay, so we spread out to find a place."

"Haven't you ever seen any horror movies? Never split up," I laughed. "You can just park it under that awning." I stepped onto the porch and waited for him to gather his things. I looked down at my bare feet and laughed at my own forgetfulness before making an attempt to be hospitable, "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, ma'am." Something about his smile made me smile, or maybe it was because he'd called me 'ma'am.'

"I'll make us something then," I turned towards the door, "Come on in Daryl," I walked inside. "And you can call me Annie."


	3. 3: Southern Hospitality

**Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoy this chapter, and please please please give me your feedback on it! :) **

3: Southern Hospitality

On my way to the kitchen I grabbed a towel, a razor, and a new bar of soap from the hallway closet.

"You can go wash up in the stream while I cook if you'd like." I turned and handed him the pile, "I think I have some clean men's clothes around here somewhere, too. I'll set them out for you for when you get back." I expected him to say something, but he just nodded and went outside. I ran upstairs to one of the spare bedrooms I had been keeping various items in and fished out a shirt and some sweatpants for my new guest. I had a guest. An actual guest. Someone who was alive. Someone who wasn't trying to eat my guts. On my way back downstairs I couldn't help but glance through the window toward the stream. "Now Annie, don't be creepy to the first person you've talked to in over a year," I quietly muttered to myself before I could see anything. I placed the clothes on the table and began to work on dinner. Bread, beans, and salad. The usual nightly meal. I opened a cupboard and reached to the far back, pulling out a bottle of red wine. It was still my human day of the month, plus I had a visitor who wasn't trying to gnaw my face off. If I couldn't celebrate this, then what else was left?

I had only just finished putting everything on the table when I heard the door close. I grabbed my bat and called out, "Is that you?"

"Who else would it be?" It might have been the year in isolation, or the fact that I had only seen a few shirtless men in my life that weren't related to me, but the fact stood that Daryl cleaned up very well and I had grown significantly lonely. He held up the dirty clothes in one hand, "Where do I put these?"

I set down the bat and reached for them, "I'll take them. I can clean them for you tomorrow if you want." I took the razor and soap as well. "The clothes are right there." I nodded towards the table and went to set the clothes in the laundry room. If there was one thing I wish still worked it was the washing machine, but unfortunately the water up here had been turned off. When I got back into the kitchen he was fully clothed and just standing there. He seemed so tense, like he was waiting for something bad to happen. Maybe he thought I was going to kill him, or that I wasn't alone out here like I'd said? Didn't I too have those same fears somewhere in my thoughts? I shrugged as I walked past him and sat down, pouring myself a large glass of the wine, "You gonna just stand there all night and let your food get cold?" I poured him a glass as well. He sat down cautiously. "Before I forget," I took a long sip, "Thank you for not killing me."

"I guess I should say the same to you." He ate a bite. We sat and ate in silence. Once I finished, and by finished I mean licked my plate clean, I got up and set my plate on the counter. "How come you have fresh food?"

I pointed outside, "I planted the stuff." I turned around and faced him, "Half of my days I spend working to make that food possible," I pointed at the plate.

"Is that what you did before this?"

"Oh hell no," I laughed. "I was a pre-med student in Louisiana."

"So you're like a doctor?"

"I could have been." Silence fell once more. "I should get back up on watch, that bike of yours is sure to draw some today. Feel free to check the place out, just don't go stealing my stuff and don't use any electricity."

"Electricity?"

"That's right," I left the room and headed back to my post up top. I scanned for a few minutes before I saw them. Three walkers making their way towards the fence on the east side. I went back inside and grabbed my bow and quiver full of arrows. Normally, if there was just one, I'd take the bat, but today he bat would have been too dangerous. There would have been too much of a chance that they would bite me, especially if there were three of them. A gun would have only drawn more of them with the noise. I almost never used the guns, except when I went into town, and even then they were mainly just for show. I slid on some shoes and a thick coat to protect myself from possible scratches. When I got outside Daryl was on the porch.

"Where you going?" He eyed my bow.

"Some zombies need killing," I began to cross the field, "You can come if you want." He ran inside and when he joined me he had a crossbow. "Nice choice," I nodded to the bow, "You any good with that thing?"

He snapped back at me, "You any good with yours?" I didn't mean to offend him, but I couldn't seem to control my words for the life of me.

"Why don't you tell me?" I unlocked the gate to let us through, then locked one of the padlocks behind us. I readied an arrow as we approached and he did the same. Release, and one falls. The click of the crossbow lead to another fallen corpse. Before he could reload I had already sent the next arrow straight into the last walkers eye socket. In seconds it was all over. No fuss, no muss. I walked up and grabbed one of the dead men's arms, "Help me, if you'd please."

"Help you what?"

"I line them up around the perimeter. I figure the smell might prevent others from showing up."

"It doesn't."

I glared at him as friendly as I could, "Humor me." He looked at me as I started dragging the body, and something must have gave because a coupled second later he was helping me. Once they were lined up I pulled out my arrows. "The stream's just a minute this way, we can clean off the arrows there." I walked and he followed. "So how was my shooting?" I looked at him and smiled.

He shrugged in a non-committal way, "Where did you learn to shoot like that?"

"In PE. I am not really one for team sports, and running was too boring, so archery it was." We passed another fallen walker, "How about you?"

"I hunt."

We reached the river and I wiped off the arrows before placing them back in the quiver and rinsing my hands. I looked over to him, "That must be useful to your group."

He shrugged once more and we began walking back, "What happened to your group?"

I let out a soft laugh, "Never really came across anyone who was alive and not freaking out. I figured I could last longer by myself, with an even head, than if I tried to save one of those fuckers." We passed the old body again, "Besides, most people annoy me."

"Do I?"

I paused for a second, thrown off by the question. Then a smile washed across my face, "Not yet." We kept walking, "So tell me about your group."

"Why?"

"Humor me," I repeated.

"Well, we've thinned out a bit, but there's me and Carol. Then there's Rick, Lori, and their kid Carl. Maggie and a little Asian fella named Glenn. Maggie's dad and sister; Hershel and Beth. And then there's T-Dog."

All I could think was that ten was a lot of people. "That's thinned out?" I laughed and unlocked the gate, locking it back up after us. "And you're all looking for a place to settle? That'll be tough."

"Got a month before we all meet back up."

"It was a bad idea to split up," I opened the door and walked to the kitchen and put the dirty dishes on a tray. "Well, make yourself at home. I need to do the dishes." I stepped out before remembering the other thing I needed to tell him, "And the bathroom is in the corner of the field by the compost heap if you need it, can't miss it."

-o0o-

I poured the rest of the wine into my glass, "Since you are the guest you can pick what you want to watch." I motioned to the shelves of DVDs I stole from the market in town. He happily stepped over and began to browse, or at least I figured he was happy. "I'll be right back," I went upstairs to my room and changed into some old yoga shorts and a tank top: my usual nighttime attire. When I got back he had already started to watch something and was lying on the couch. I just grabbed my textbook and began reading in the armchair, occasionally sipping from my glass.

"Whatcha reading?"

"Textbook," I said in a monotonous tone before I looked up. It was beyond strange to have anyone with me in this house, let alone a man. The thing is, I have had exactly two boyfriends in my entire life; the first was during my junior year in high school and the second was my first year of college. I was neither inexperienced nor skilled with men, but something about Daryl was just different. So different that, in that moment, looking over at him I completely forgot the dooms that resided outside the fence. Instead I found my mind utterly transfixed on the handsome man on my couch. "Most of the ones I have are about medicine, I figured it might come in handy now."

"Can I see?" I nodded and held the book up to face him, but he just rolled off the couch and walked over. He stared at the page for a second with glazed eyes, "And you understand this stuff?"

I laughed, "Most of it, yeah. I've had a lot of time to figure it all out."

"Still don't believe you got here all the way from Louisiana alone."

I smiled softly, "Running was the easy part." I placed the bookmark in and closed the pages with a creak. I swallowed the rest of my glass, "I think I better go to bed. I'm pretty sure it's late." I turned off the reading lamp and made my way to the stairs.

"Am I sleeping on the couch?"

I nodded towards the upstairs, "There are bedrooms up here you can use." He turned off the TV and grabbed his crossbow and bag. It felt strange to have someone else in the house with me, especially at night, when I was about to sleep. "This here is my room," I opened the door a bit, "I keep the door locked at night, but I'm a light sleeper so if you need me for anything you can just knock." I motioned towards the other doors. "You can take your pick, the people who owned this place really splurged on the beds, so hopefully that works out for you. But like I said before… don't steal my stuff." He opened the door to the room adjacent to mine.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." I smiled at him, but he didn't smile back, "Goodnight."


	4. 4: Repressed Annie

**Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoy this chapter, and_ please please please give me your feedback on it via REVIEW!_ :) {ALSO, I have edited it a bit - I am going through and editing various chapters to keep with continuity and solidify where this baby is headed. :) }**

4: Repressed Annie.

The next morning I didn't get that blissful moment of forgotten horrors, instead I got knocking on my door. I rolled out of bed and grabbed my bat before unlocking the door. It was just Daryl.

Before I could ask him what he wanted, why he needed to wake me up, he spoke, "I'm going hunting."

I nodded, still foggy from sleep, "Alright. Don't die." I began to shut the door, but his hand stopped me.

"I need the keys to get out," he held out his hand.

I just looked at it for a few seconds, and then a laugh escaped me, "Fat chance, man."

"You don't trust me?" A playful smile appeared on his face, and had I ever been a morning person I might have engaged him, but that wasn't me today, or any day.

I groggily nodded, "Just let me get my shoes on and I'll unlock it for you." I slid on some shoes and walked down the stairs after him on autopilot. I unlocked the gate and let him out before locking it again. My eyes were still half-closed, "Just holler when you're back or if you need any help or whatever." He nodded and left so I began walking back to the house, "I guess there is no use in going back to sleep." When I got inside I changed into some jean shorts and a black crop top. I began to regret the fact that the only bras I had now were of the sporting nature, but you live and you learn I guess. I changed into my work boots and grabbed an apple on my way out of the house. The sun was just rising when I finished watering everything that needed watering, "Laundry time," I said to myself when I went back inside and grabbed the washboard and my new guest's clothes. I'd gotten used to washing things in the creek. If anyone had told me I would be doing this before, manual washing in a river, I would have laughed obnoxiously in their faces. But here I was. Once I had put them in the dryer, and thanked God that luxury was still working, I felt a bit worried for him. I grabbed my things and took my place on the roof just to check. Sure enough there he was in my first pass with the binoculars, heading up the road with something. Were those squirrels? I sighed and made my way down to the front gate. I only had to wait for a minute before he came around the bend.

I think he caught me eyeing the tiny fur balls he was carrying, because the first thing he said was, "Hope you aren't picky."

I unlocked the gate with a laugh and let him in, making sure to secure it behind us. "Not as long as you do the butchering," I smiled at him but he was already on his way back to the house. "I'm gonna walk the fence, and then I'll head back to the house." He held up his hand to signal he heard me and I began my walk. A minute into it I began to whistle an arbitrary tune to myself. For the first time since back home things felt a little lighter, the first time since that first day in the cabin things felt good. Maybe that's what groups did, eased the suffering? Suffering. That was the word. The things I had to do in Louisiana, the things I did to survive long enough to get here, I was still suffering from it all. All the work I had just kept my mind off of it, helped me push it from my mind. I looked towards the house and could barely make out Daryl on the roof. My eyes lingered a bit longer than they should have as I kept on whistling. Was it wrong to be attracted to someone at a time like this? There was nothing in the Bible about this sort of thing, and Mama never said anything about it. All I knew is that Mama and Papa hated both of the guys I had brought home in the past. The mean dork and the douche bag as Papa always put it. They would've liked Daryl so far though. Joey would have hated him though; he hated everyone I was interested in regardless of if they were decent or not. I laughed to myself and pushed the thought aside to focus on the fence again.

As a rule I don't think about anything from that day, the first day. But sometimes it creeps in, and this new presence stirred up the dormant thoughts. I looked down at the bat I was totting. His favorite bat, just two days before he had hit the winning home run in that game. No. Focus on the fence.

Once I finished my check and got back to the house I had packaged the nagging thoughts neatly away, right where they belong. I grabbed a ragged looking plastic bag from the drawer right next to the sink and walked out back. I found Daryl tending to the squirrels on the back porch. "When you're done with those come get me. I'll be on the roof in a couple minutes." I walked out into the garden to the far north corner. I had one cluster of plants that bore no fruit but the sweet smoke of forgetting. I pulled off a few of the flowers, about a handful, shoved them into the baggie and walked over to one of the sheds. I set the flowers I'd collected out on the counter before filling the bag back up with buds that had spent their time curing. Then I made my way back to the house and up the stairs. Slinging the rifle over my shoulder and putting on the binoculars I searched my room for the things I needed. I had a Sherlock style pipe, several things of papers and at least twenty lighters, the best way to push these thoughts back. Instead of taking the pipe I grabbed a thing of papers and a lighter, then grabbed the iPod from its dock on the nightstand.

Once I climbed up and sat down in my usual spot and set my goodies down on the carefully placed table. I began to situate myself. Clunky headphones over ears, turn on music, The Beatles today. Pick apart a flower, sprinkle, carefully roll, and voila. Fire it up. I felt the sweet smoke in my lungs and in that moment I felt a bit of piece I hadn't indulged in since the last time I thought about them. That had been weeks ago. This was the drill, and this worked for me. The things I had seen, no one could deal with those, at least not after a good deal of time had passed. This was me buying time. I rolled two more joints and finished the first one when I did a scan. Nothing. I smoked and rolled again, beginning to sing along.

"Ooo I need your love, Babe. I guess you know it's true. Hope you need my love, Babe, just like I need you. Hold me, love me, hold me, love me. I ain't got nothing but love babe, eight days a week." I couldn't help but continue to belt it. In that moment I was with Paul, George, John, and Ringo. That's the thing I always loved about music. Music transported me through time and space and out of this hell, even if it was just for a few minutes. I relit as soon as the other one was done. Half of the way though singing along to 'Here Comes the Sun' and my next joint I did another sweep. I nearly jumped when a dark mass filled my view. The binoculars fell out of my hand and swung from the neck strap and I saw whom it was. Busted. Be cool, Annie. I pulled my headphones off with a jerk and put the joint in my mouth before straightening myself up. "Sup?" I gave a nod, "Something wrong?"

He laughed. No, laugh isn't the right word. He was busting out with laughter, and I laughed with him for a second, though I didn't understand what was so funny. He snatched the joint from my mouth, leaving it hanging open.

My eyes were wide, "Woops." I felt a redness fall over my face.

He took a puff from the confiscated spliff, "The squirrels are ready."

"Right. Food. Good," I took off the binoculars and handed them to him. "Keep an eye out." I shrugged the rifle from my shoulder and handed it to him before making my way back inside. When I got into the kitchen I found the meat on the carving board. I took off my headphones and turned on the speaker dock in the kitchen. That's not too much electricity, I'm sure. I flipped on the turns, resuming my singing, and then I set to cooking the first meat I'd seen in a long time.

-o0o-

"So having a group works?" I bit into the tiny leg; the fact that it was squirrel had completely slipped my mind. To me it was just something good to eat that didn't come from a can or my own hard work.

His words were blasé, "Made it this long, haven't we?"

"See, you'd think that is reason enough," I pointed at him with the now bare bone, "But I've made it this long, too. And all by myself."

"That's true," he didn't seem to know how to respond to what I'd said.

"Plus y'all split up," I added.

"We'll be back together in a month. Hopefully someone finds a place."

My mouth began running on its own accord, "But I mean, it would be nice to have people working the land besides me. There's more than enough, and we can add a few more rows different places."

He stared over at me, "What are you sayin? I can bring them here?"

I shrugged, still digging into the food in front of me, "If you don't want to, I'd understand. I'm a stranger." I took a long glug from my glass of water. "And there would be rules, of course, so it might not work."

In my peripheral I could see his eyebrows furrow, "What kind of rules?"

I set the next empty bone down and licked a few of my fingers, "Well, I get my room of course. Everyone plays their part with the work that needs to be done. No electricity in the daylight, or at least it needs to be used sparingly. Plus what I say goes, since this is my place after all. Stuff like that." I couldn't read his expression, "But, you say you have a month, you can think about it."

"I'll do that."

I finished the last of the meat, "That was surprisingly good. Thank you for catching that stuff."

"You're a good cook," he looked down at his plate, "Normally they taste something awful."

I smiled at the compliment, "Thanks." Although I wasn't sure if I wanted a bunch of people around, the more time I spent around Daryl the more I enjoyed his company. And if he liked these people, then they couldn't be all bad. Plus, after all of the things I had done since hell broke loose I needed to prove to myself that I was still human. Not just human, but the same kind person I was before things fell apart. The kind of person who was good deep down. The kind of person who could help people.


	5. 5: Light Conversation

**I wanted to get this out as a thank you for everyone who reads this. I can't thank you enough. Feel free to critique in reviews and even throw out suggestions or what you want to happen next. _Also, it is a little known fact that the elusive creature that is the FanFiction writer writes more, and better quality chapters the more reviews she gets. (EVIL LAUGH)_ Enjoy!**

5: Light Conversation

I tried to get back into my routine that night while Daryl watched some movie on the television, but my family kept creeping into my thoughts, so I kept on smoking. Just to try to numb it. Just to try to keep it all at arm's length. In-between bowls I did some push-ups and sit-ups. Then I tried to study, but I couldn't concentrate at all so I opted to do yoga instead. I figured it might help clear my mind of everything.

"I had you figured as a hippie," his voice didn't startle me.

I calmly looked up from wheel pose, "You think I'm a hippie?"

He almost laughed, "I don't think, I know."

I came out of the backbend and sat in full lotus, cracking my neck to either side, "Well, your wrong."

He looked over at the table beside my armchair that was currently housing my pipe with an arrogant expression.

I let out a deep breath, "It helps."

"Helps what?"

I sighed, "Don't worry about it," I pointed to the screen, "Just watch your movie." He did as I said for a while, and I finished up my routine of asanas before sitting in my chair just in time to catch the final scene. I didn't really register what was happening on the television screen; my mind was still circling back around to my family. I have never really talked about what happened to myself, let alone another person; hell not even one of the undead. I guess I was just too afraid of the judgments that would be involved, and it was like, if I said it then it would be real. There would be no escaping it. I slouched, pulling the pipe over to smoke some more as the movie finished. I looked over to see him lying down still watching the screen as the credits rolled. I got up and went to turn it off, "So, do you really want to know?"

He sat up, but didn't sound all too interested, "I guess."

"Too bad," I laughed, "But I'll tell you something. Everyone lost everything, right?" He nodded as I plopped down into my chair, "Well, I did a lot more than just lose everything." I held out the pipe to him and came over and sat at the foot of my chair and I handed it to him. "That's why you don't like me, huh… the 'hippie' thing. Because I don't fly the confederate flag."

He didn't look up, "Who said I don't like you?"

"Just a hunch," I shrugged my shoulders as he passed it back to me.

"You can cook and you can shoot. That's better than most people."

I smiled slightly as I nodded to myself, "I'll take it." I slid down off the chair and sat next to him, "Having someone around is not as bad as I thought it would be."

"I'd think you'd like havin' company." I passed the pipe back to him once I was finished. I couldn't keep myself from thinking that it was nice just having something to look at for a change, not to mention something that looked good too. I laughed at the thought and he turned his head to look at me, "Why you laughing?"

I shook my head casually, "I just thought of something funny."

"I could use a laugh," he took a puff from the pipe and handed it back to me.

I shook my head more, "It's stupid, it's stupid, but I'll tell you." I ashed the bowl and set it on the side table, "I was just thinking that it was nice to have something good to look at for a change." I laughed again and he joined me after shoving me slightly. It took me a while to calm down, but after we did there was a long silence. I sighed, "Well, I better get some rest."

"I'll try hunting again tomorrow, maybe find something better than squirrels," he stood up and extended his hand down to me. I looked at if for a second, then grabbed onto it. In the second it took for him to pull me up I couldn't help be think that this was the first human contact I had made in a very long time, well living human contact at least. I missed human contact. More than I thought I would.

"They were delicious though," I commented as we walked upstairs, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"The squirrels. Meat hasn't been on the menu here for, for too long," I paused for a second, distracted by various urges brought on by the handsomeness. I picked back up again, snapping myself out of it, "And for hanging around. You're good company."

"No problem."

I opened my door, "Goodnight." He nodded and went into the same room he had stayed in the night before. I wandered over to my bed and fell into it. I checked to make sure the bat was in its place and let myself relax. Did I really offer to let his people to stay here? What was getting into me? It might be nice, though. I wouldn't have to wake up so early. It would probably be safer with other people around. Those two things alone would be wonderful.

There were no nightmares that night.


	6. 6: Kind Old Annie

**THANK YOU FOR READING! It's a bit short, but I will be writing more this weekend. Remember to review! ENJOY!**

6: Kind Old Annie

Just as with the day before, I woke to a knock on my door. At least I was relatively ready for it this time. Once I rolled out of bed I quickly put on my work clothes and boots, checking briefly in the mirror that I looked decent before gripping the doorknob. I opened the door and without a word I walked past Daryl and down the stairs.

"You know it'd be easier if you just let me do it myself." He seemed almost angry, but I shook it off.

My voice still showed signs of sleep, "And have you die out there with my keys God knows how far away? I don't think so."

"I can handle myself."

I looked back at him, "I'm sure you can." Once we'd ventured across the yard I unlocked the gate and let him out, "Just holler when you're back." He nodded, disappearing into the woods. I locked the gate back up and did my daily inspection of the fence. As per usual there was nothing out of the ordinary; there hadn't been in weeks. Thirty minutes later it was deemed 'all clear,' so I set to watering. As winter was approaching the heat didn't hit me all morning as it used to when I first got here. That isn't to say I wasn't sweating heavily the whole time. After the watering was done I harvested a bushel of apples as well as five potatoes. I was still getting into the hang of exactly how to work the land, but everything at least looked okay, so I felt good about it. I then set out to replenish the house's water supply, which involved getting water from the stream, boiling it, letting it cool and then pouring that into the various containers I had in the house. It was all done before the sun hit its peak. I guess the same routine every day does that; things get to be second nature and you start to think you can do it all in your sleep, even the things that used to take gross amounts of time. I went to work in the kitchen next, making a fresh loaf of bread from the supplies I still had. I was only half-way through letting it rise when I heard Daryl yelling. I grabbed the bat, the bat that I never let get too far from me, and headed to the gate. The stroll didn't take long, but as I grew nearer I saw something in his hand, "Is that what I think it is?" I unlocked the gate while eyeing the wild turkey he was holding by the neck, "Bless my soul, I think I'm in love."

He laughed, "It's just a runt."

"Still," I could only think that this was actual meat that I used to eat before all of this, turkey. I don't know the last time I've been so happy, and it showed in my voice, "It's like Thanksgiving." He laughed as we got onto the porch. Then I got an idea, "Hey, can I see one of your arrows real quick?"

"Why?" he held one, but hesitated to give it to me.

I just smiled, holding out my hand, "I'll give it right back, I just want to check something." He handed me one and I was off, "I'll be back."

"Don't break it," he yelled after me.

Unlocking the door, I went into the garage and hurried over to the weapons section, then to the arrows. I held up several to compare against his until I found the right ones. "Perfect," I mumbled to myself as I grabbed every one I had in its size. There was a bounce to my steps as I went back outside, "I've got a present for you." He was on the back porch now, taking the feathers off of the poor creature. When he heard me he looked up.

He stood up straight and took them from me, beginning to examine them. "Where'd you get these?"

"I have some things stored up," I nodded back into the house, "I normally wouldn't part with any of _my_ stuff, but I owe you."

His eyes were still assessing the gift when he droned, "Thanks." He went back to the turkey.

"Well, I'll be on the roof if you need me." He didn't say anything, or even indicate that he heard me, so I just left. I brought one of the more basic medical textbooks up with me just as a review. It was on emergency medicine, potentially the most important of the medicines at this point in time, and I had put tabs on important pages so it had begun to look a little worse for wear. I did a scan of my surroundings and sat down. I turned to a page with blood in the corner; the only time I ever had to use this book this was the procedure I had to do, and it was on myself. I looked at the scar on my calf, and still couldn't believe I made it through the scrubbing and stitching without passing out. It even healed pretty nicely considering it was my first real attempt at stitches. I'd need more medical supplies, hell, I'd need more of all my supplies if Daryl's people were going to live here. I'd need to make a run out to get what I'd need before he left. I should anyway, at least while I have someone to look after the property. I did another scan, and then kept reading.

After a while the silence was broken, "No singing today?"

I looked up, "Nope, not today."

He took a seat by me, "So how many walkers come out here?"

I closed the book, keeping a finger on the page I'd just been reading, "It used to be one or two every couple days, but now I sometimes go weeks without seeing any." I looked out towards the gate, "I think it's because this place is so far up, they probably don't like hills. Too much energy required."

"Seems safe enough."

I glanced back over to him, a smile beginning to appear. "I wouldn't go that far," I laughed, "but it's better than anywhere else I've held up."

He looked at me with narrowed eyes, "Would you really let me bring my group here?"

"Sure," I stood up and did another sweep, this time surveying the grounds for a moment longer than really necessary, "I can make room for the non-essentials I've lifted in the sheds, clear up some of the bedrooms. I'd need to get more supplies, though. I need to get more anyway, I was just thinking that."

"What kind of supplies you talking about?" he shifted slightly, perhaps concerned, but it was hard to tell.

I started to list off a few things, counting them on my fingers, "Meds, some more equipment from the hospital, more canned food and non-perishables, more seeds, maybe another fridge or two. Basically more of everything." I paused, sighing, "And I've already bled the town down their dry, except I can probably snag a fridge from there with someone to help." He just nodded and it was quiet for a minute. My curiosity got the better of me, "So, you think y'all will be staying here then?"

He just shrugged while looking off towards the gate, "If they ain't found no place better."

"Fair enough," I nodded as I re-opened the book and kept on studying.


	7. 7: Road Trip

**Enjoy! And any and all feedback is welcomed and encouraged. :)**

7: Road Trip

The very next day I began the process of moving the extra supplies to the sheds while Daryl took over the watch duty. I didn't rush. I made sure to keep an organized inventory of everything I had and made frequent notes of the things I would need if there were going to be ten extra bodies on this compound. It was mainly food, but I also considered weapons, various over-the-counter medications as well as prescription grade antibiotics, not to mention clothing and blankets for the coming winter. It took three days to get everything sorted, including the garage, which had started to become a mess. Even if no one else but me was going to be living here in a few weeks when Daryl left it would still be nice to stock up on everything, replenish my stores and with that have sometime away from this place. As much as I loved the safety and the routine, I felt like I needed a break. A vacation. Even if it just meant getting out of here for a day or two. Once everything was chronicled and accounted for I referenced my medical textbooks and made a complete list of what I needed to take from the hospital. And as those days passed the more I hoped he would come back. Not just because he could hunt, although that was a big selling point, but also because our small conversations were actually enjoyable. Talking to someone else was significantly better than talking to myself. I even felt human again.

I set the table for dinner and called him down, "It's ready." When we began to eat I popped the question, "Do you think you can watch over this place for a day or two while I go get some supplies?"

He nodded, "Where are you going?"

"There's a place I saw on the way here, hospital, a few supermarkets, an REI. I figure I can take one of the SUVs in town, fill it up with everything I can find, be set for a long time even _if_ there are more mouths around here."

"Alone?" Was that a trace of concern on his face?

I raised my shoulders nonchalantly, "I've done it before." He just kind of nodded and finished his food.

That whole night was quieter than usual, but I wasn't afraid. Not of going out there alone. I can't even remember the last time I was truly afraid. Oh wait, that Sunday.

-o0o-

Getting ready in the morning for an outing was different than for everyday work. First off, I always woke up far before I normally would. Maybe it was the excitement, or the worry, or maybe it was just because I wanted to get the whole thing over with. Then I put on my thickest pants, sturdy boots, and a leather jacket to prevent scratches and bites. If it got hot during the day I'd rather be sweating than unprotected; what's a little discomfort over not dying a painful death? I even wore my hair up in a bun as an added precaution. Don't want a zombie getting me by the hair, then I'd really be screwed. Weapons were important too; two silenced pistols with four extra clips of ammo in holsters, one of the axes that I stole from the fire department, and my brother's baseball bat. It might've been overkill, but it was always better to be safe than dead. I grabbed the seven extra large duffle bags and slung them around my back. The plan was that I'd take one of the mountain bikes I had lying around the few miles down to the town and steal a big car from there. That was the plan, it was a decent enough plan, and I was sticking to it.

The sun wasn't even up yet when Daryl followed me to the gate. I unlocked it and handed him the keys, "In case I don't make it back."

"You'll make it."

"Can never be sure," I was about to get on the bike when a thought ran through my head. _I might die today._ I might die and turn into some monster or be eaten alive or a thousand other things. Today _might _be the last day I live. This might be the last time I see another living face. I looked at him for a second, deciding instantly what to do, "One more thing." I stepped over, closing the gap between us and giving him a hug. I don't know if he noticed the desperation in my limbs, but all I got was an awkward pat on the back in return. A part of me wanted to kiss him then, too. Just go all out, just in case. I can't say exactly if it was the looming death or the fact that for the first time I wanted to come back to someone, but I wanted my lips on those. I didn't act on it though. I just got on the bike and made my way down the hill.

-o0o-

I had been in this small town many times. It was virtually cleared of all supplies as well as any undead, but the only way to survive is to always be on guard, always be thorough. Thorough to the point of obsession. I always kept my eyes open for anything, everything. I always looked over my shoulder. It was how I made it this long. I checked out a few of the larger cars, but didn't find anything too promising.

Then I saw her.

A big and beautiful school bus was just sitting there in the road waiting for me. I rode over to it in awe, then I got off my bike and stepped in. "Perfect," was all I could say as I looked her over. I scanned the rows for people, or those things, but only found a couple bodies that were eaten away; the driver was still in the seat, at least what was left of them. I opened the emergency exit and plopped the corpses onto the concrete before checking the engine, "And a near full tank… Oh baby, we're a match made in heaven." I grabbed my bike, pulling it up the steps and setting it in the front row.

Then it was all on the road again.

The city I went to was a ghost town, unlike the last time I'd passed through. They must have migrated once the food ran out. And by food I mean people. And by people I mean stupid people.

First stop, the furthest and the most dangerous was the hospital. I wanted to get it out of the way as soon as I could. I backed up the bus as close to the door as I could, which was difficult considering that it was a bus and I was never a bus driver. Then I slung three of the duffles around my back. Ax in hand, I entered. I killed everything that moved, sweeping through the wings. It was hack and slash, and it was effective. This was how I did things. Go in. Kill everything. Make sure that I've killed everything. Get what I need. Get out. Once steps one through three were complete I did a complete raid of the pharmacy, getting everything on my list and then some. I found a few extra bags lying around and filled them up, setting them out so I could grab them on my way out. Then I went through the surgical supplies and grabbed everything I could, even some patient gowns. I even found a reasonably sized defibrillator that I could just manage to lug out. So there I was on the final step, waddling out, heavily laden with the giant bags of equipment and medical goods when I saw the locker room. I set the bags down and squeezed in to look into an open locker. Scrubs, a white coat, and a stethoscope: the marks of a doctor. The things I had always dreamt of having, and I would never get, never for real. It didn't matter how many times I stitched myself up or how many medical procedures I learned from books, I will always be just some pretender, never a real doctor. I grabbed them anyway, shoving them into one of the bags as I made my way back to the bus. "At least I can look like a doctor," I mumbled to myself while stuffing the bags in. I hopped in myself, did an inspection, and started towards my next destination.

Next stop was the supermarket. Then the REI. Then the Target. I got everything from food, to clothes, to seeds, to anything I thought might serve a purpose. The REI was filled with things that I could use, and I did well on grabbing it all, making multiple trips out to the bus. Then finally, the last stop was the little gun shop at the edge of town.

I backed up to it with ease this time and opened the emergency door. Inside the store there were two very large walkers. Ax to face. Ax to face. Correction, make that two very large _dead_ walkers. I took everything that was left. Guns to blades to everything, even the ammunition I wasn't sure I had the right guns for. It didn't matter. The sun was going down when I shut the door to the now empty store and pulled myself up through the back door and into the bus.

"Nice haul you got here, girl." I looked up at the man standing at the front of the bus, hiding the surprise from my face successfully. He was in his mid-to-late thirties by the look of it, the salt-and-pepper hair, and he had an assault rifle slung casually over his shoulder. His crooked smile spread wider as he continued in a drawl, "And you're quite a prize yourself. The boys will just love you back at camp."

I laughed for a second, not nervous but angry. I had very few rules now, but the ones I did have I followed to the 'T.' If I were going to die, I wouldn't do it as a walking rotting corpse. If I were going to live, I wouldn't do it as some sick victim of anyone. And if I had to, I would kill someone who threatened to do me harm. The man before me was currently threatening to harm me, so the third rule came into effect. I quickly pulled my gun and shot him straight in the forehead before he could even blink. "Shit," I holstered the gun with a heavy sigh. I didn't _want_ to kill him; I didn't _want _to kill anyone, but the rules were the rules for a reason. They kept me safe this long. I shut the emergency exit and made my way to the front of the bus. While pulling the dead man out onto the street I had an idea. He said he had a group. This was bad news. I didn't want them to come looking for him, or anyone to follow me; I didn't want anyone to bother me either. All I wanted was peace. I pulled out my ax and with two chops I cut off his head. There was a mangled car in the middle of the street with a tempting jagged piece of metal at the top. I put the head on the spike and dragged the body nearby. I scooped at the neck wound and scrawled on the car 'JUST RUN' and 'TURN BACK' in blood. This was very high up on the list of things I thought I'd never do in a million years. I could feel the slightest amount of heat behind my eyes as they began to water, but I knew I did what had to be done. I took a few paces back and looked at my terrifying work of art, "It's all about effect with these people." I wiped my hand off on the guy's clothes before making my way back to the bus. As I stepped into the bus I wiped the tears from my face and made my way home.

It had been a difficult day.


	8. 8: Time To Go

**Enjoy! And let me know what you think. :) ANY AND ALL FEEDBACK IS WELCOMED! [this is a learning process for me, a tool to help me move onto bigger and better things like novels and manifestos, so please consider giving me your two cents.]**

8: Time To Go

It must have been the middle of the night when I rolled up the hill, but Daryl was right there at the gate waiting for me. I carefully pulled the bus up to the house slid out, too exhausted to even think about carrying the supplies inside.

"Did you lock the gate?" I lazily asked as he stepped onto the porch behind me.

He handed the keys over to me, "Yeah, was there trouble?"

"I took care of it," I let out a sigh of relief as I put the keys around my neck, "but I might need to address something soon. A hostile camp."

He looked in the vehicle, seeing how full it was his voice came back with a bite of sarcasm, "Did you get everything you need?"

I slouched my shoulders, "Can always use more, but for now I guess." I pulled off my jacket as I went inside and walked into the kitchen. There was a plate of food waiting for me. I pointed, "Is this for me?"

"I figured you might want something when you got back."

"Thank you," I smiled at him and sat down, glancing up briefly at his lips before looking down at my plate. "So anything interesting happen around here today?" I began to shovel the food down my gullet.

"A few walkers, but I put 'em down," he said, sitting down too, and pouring himself a glass of water, "You said something about a hostile camp?"

I nodded a few times, chewing what was still in my mouth and taking a sip of water to wash it down, "I was just about to leave when this guy was standing there in my bus, saying how it was a good haul and the boys back home would like me. I could just tell there was something off about him." I shuddered at the thought.

"How'd you get out of it?"

I couldn't look at him with what I was about to say, "I did the smart thing. I shot him." I tapped my forehead, "I don't miss, never have, at least not when they are standing still." I let out a little laugh and forced more food in before swallowing, "I tried to make sure they wouldn't bother me again. Put his head on this post-thing. I didn't want them looking for me. Wrote a little message. 'Stay away.' It will work for now, but I might need to go out and take care of them." I sighed before looking up at him, another quick glance to his lips then back to his eyes, "I had to do it. The way he looked at me, and the stuff I'd grabbed; I had to do it."

He didn't seem phased by what I'd done, at least not like I'd expected, "But no walkers?"

I raised my eyebrows and let out a snort of a laugh, "In _that_ city? There were about a hundred I think, maybe a few more. But now there's only the ones in the buildings I didn't check." He seemed pretty impressed by my body count. I couldn't help but smirk as I took another sip, "You should sleep though. You've already waited up for me long enough." He nodded and disappeared upstairs. I yelled up after him, "Good night!"

I finished the food and went to bed myself. The nightmares were back though, that dead man's face fuelling them.

-o0o-

I had lots to do that week, but Daryl's help made it much more manageable. I cleared the bus of goods, placing them in the appropriate storage sections; the armory, meds, and some food supplies were located in the garage, although the best guns I kept in my room close at hand. I even asked Daryl to help me sort through the clothes to pick out the ones that would fit his people, of course hiding my fancy new underwear in my room first. Then once that was done I went about clearing out most of the seats on the bus, then wiping off the blood and guts so that it wouldn't scare off his people. I even put a crate of food in there, a few pistols with plenty of ammo, and a first aid kit just in case he wasn't coming back. It made me feel better knowing that I provided for someone else in some minor way. Before I knew it the last night of Daryl's stay was upon me. I had shampooed that day, and tried out the new underwear, which had proven to be surprisingly comfortable. I even did my make-up and everything in preparation for tomorrow. Tomorrow morning, before he left down that hill I was going to kiss him, for sure. No chickening out. Hell, this will most likely be the last time we see each other, maybe even the last time I see another living human being. What did I have to lose?

"How was dinner?" I asked while taking a swig from a bottle of whiskey I had saved for such an occasion, whatever this occasion was anyway.

He was lying flat on the couch, but I could see him smile up at the ceiling, "Best cook of the apocalypse."

I felt a flush of red come to my cheeks, but I stifled it with another swig. "Thanks for the help with the new refrigerators, they'll come in handy."

"If we come back here we'll need 'em."

I turned my focus back to my book when a throw pillow landed on the open pages, "Hey!" I threw it back at him and he just laughed, but I took the hint and set down the book regardless. Starting to walk over to sit by him on the couch I spoke up, "Since it is your last night here in my fortress it's only fair that I tell you what happened, why I try to forget." He swung his feet off the couch so I could sit; I took another long swig and handed him the bottle, "Drink up. You'll hate me by the end of it." He opened his mouth as if to say something, but decided against it with the recommended swig. "So, I was home visiting my family for my brother's big baseball game. He was a big baseball star at his high school. It was the last game of the season, he made the winning home run and MVP and everything; it was great. He went out with his friends afterward to celebrate and came home feeling sick. I thought he had just been drinking or something, but… We left him alone the next day, 'cause he was still sick, but Sunday was Church," a faint smile spread across my face for a few seconds, "And you don't just miss Church with my mom around." I even laughed for a moment; happy my mind was fuzzy for what was next. "So she goes in to check on him. We hear a scream, but we figure Joey's just playing a joke or something. After a while Papa goes in to check on them, he screams too. I waited for a bit. I figured he had maybe just puked or something, but when I couldn't hear them I went in to check." I paused, my face draining of all color and life, "It was the worst thing I'd ever seen, the worst that that's ever happened to me. There was my brother, crouching over Papa all bloody, his hands _in_ Pa's stomach. I panicked and grabbed his bat, it was the closest thing to me, and I swung. I just wanted to stop him eating our dad, I wasn't planning on… killing him, but then he went and snapped at me. I told him to stop, but he didn't even say anything. It was like he hadn't heard me. His eyes didn't even look right, they weren't his anymore. So I hit him again. And again. And I kept hitting him until he didn't move anymore. Then my mother started moving and snapping at me with those same dead eyes. I did it to her, too. Killed her. And the same with Papa." I looked up at him. "I killed my whole family." I felt the tears streaming, but there was no heat to them tonight. I tried to read his face, but I couldn't through the blur.

"You did what you had to do." An arm wrapped around my shoulder and the glow of the TV screen came on.

"So," I wiped of my face quickly, "You don't think I'm horrible for what I did?"

"Do you?"

I put my head in my hands, "How couldn't I?"

He rubbed my shoulder, "I know I wouldn't want to be one of those freaks. I'd rather be dead. They'd probably be thanking you for it today." I just nodded and watched the pictures on the screen.

"You don't hate me?"

"Hell no."

I nodded, "Guess that makes one of us." I didn't pay attention to what he was watching, all I could do is sit there and try to shut the door I'd just opened. _Just push it away, Annie. We can deal with this another day, when we've had more time._ Eventually we called it a night and went upstairs. He was about to go into his room, but I had a thought, "Wait."

He leaned out of his doorway and looked at me, "What?"

I took a deep breath. Okay, I had exactly four words to get out of my mouth, and only the nerve for two, maybe three if I was quick enough. "Stay with me tonight," I blurted. He laughed, so I laughed nervously along with him, "That was weird, I'm sorry."

"You want me to sleep with you?"

"Well, not like, doing it." What was I saying? Did I just say 'doing it?' My phrasing got choppy as I tried to figure out what to say while words already poured themselves from my lips, "Like actual sleeping, not intimate… relations… of the sexual nature." I thought that the recent human presence would have put an end to my deteriorating social skills, or at least helped it a bit. It appears that I was wrong. At least he was chuckling. He disappeared into his room still laughing. Shit. _Way to go Annie. This is why you stick to yourself; alone you're unbeatable. People make you all incoherent now. People just make you stupid._ I hit my head with the butt of my hand and stepped into my room. Just as I started to shut the door Daryl's hand stopped me.

"I just needed to get my stuff," he looked into the room at all of the back-up supplies I kept in case the house was compromised. I locked the door behind him.

I felt the need to explain my actions, validate my hoarding. The best I could come up with was a soft, "You never know." I shrugged and walked over to the dresser, grabbing some shorts and a tank. I slid the shorts on under my dress, and then quickly changed into the shirt before crawling into bed and checking that the bat was close by. He took off his shoes, and slid in, lying flat on his back. I turned off the light, "Good night."

"Good night."

**Thank you for reading!**


	9. 9: Butting Heads

**Wanted to get this out to you ASAP since you are all being awesome readers!**** And let me know what you think. :) ** Feedback is welcomed and appreciated. ENJOY!

9: Butting Heads

Morning came too quickly. That's how it always felt though. I guess it couldn't be put off any longer. Once he'd rolled out of bed I did as well. I walked downstairs after him, and mimicked him as he grabbed an apple from the kitchen and then headed out to the bus. I took a few bites from my breakfast to get the courage to do what I had to.

He didn't really make eye contact when he spoke then, "If we come back here it will probably be in a few days."

I just smiled and nodded, "I'll keep an eye out. If you do come back try to bring some of these things, just in case." I handed him a list, and the skin of our hands touched briefly. I felt this surge of energy, or was it bravery, I could never tell now, but as he started to open the door to the bus the words spilled out, "One last thing." He turned and there I was instantaneously, hands on either side of his face, lips on his lips. Nothing serious, just a few pecks, more than enough for me, but at the same time I felt this desperate feeling somewhere deep in my soul. I wanted more, but I had to deny that of myself. Wrong time. Inappropriate enough as it was. I pulled away and spoke quickly, "Good luck."

I didn't have the heart to say goodbye, or stick around to see his reaction, I just took off to the gate and opened it for the bus. He passed through, yelling something that I couldn't quite catch, and as soon as it was clear I shut the gate once more and waved as it snaked down the road and out of my view.

"That was nice," I said to the crisp morning air. It had been nice. A nice change of pace. Nice to have company. Nice to kiss someone.

Then life went back to normal.

Every so often that day I'd run my finger over my lips and smile at my own bravery. Then I would get back to work. When dinner came around I found myself much more lonely than before. The high of the impromptu kiss was gone for the most part. Now it was just the empty house and I. The next day was much worse, so I dulled my senses with some smoking. During my watch duty I found myself almost constantly checking the road: nothing. It was amazing how much work I was able to get done now. I set up a bit of an irrigation system, planted several more rows of various things; I even started both a spice garden and a flower garden. I cleaned my weapons at night and spent time cleaning the house as well. Everything was getting done, and it kept me busy. Busy enough to not feel that something was now missing.

By the fourth day I gave up the thought of them coming here. I gave up on the thought that I might not have to be alone indefinitely. I gave up on the thought that maybe having a group was advantageous. I went about fortifying the fence and cut down a tree. Winter would be here soon, and firewood was always good to have. Plus, the more I cleared away from the fence the safer I would be. Chopping trees down took time though, so I only ever really got through one a day, then I had to haul the wood in and take my post on the panel-less section of the house roof.

I did that for three whole days before it happened.

On my seventh sweep of the day I saw it.

There was that bus of mine coming down the road, kicking up dust in her wake. I hoped back inside and grabbed my pistol before making my way across the field to the gate. I looked through the binoculars at the approaching bus to get a better look; there he was. I unlocked the gate and rolled it open. The bus passed through followed by another car, then I shut the gate and locked it. As I walked back to where the cars had parked I looked down at myself. Cut-off shorts and a black Queen concert tee that had been utterly worn out to the point of holes, not to mention my work boots. My face was probably still a mess of sweat and fatigue. This was not the first impression I was hoping for. At least the house is clean. At least the house was clean and the place was safe. As I walked up Daryl and a dark-haired man with a stern but handsome face approached me. He eyed my gun for a second, but I compensated with a smile. "This must be Rick Grimes," I held out my hand and he shook it. Then I stepped over and gave Daryl a one-armed hug, "I'm glad y'all chose to come here."

"There aren't many places to go."

I shrugged, "All the same."

I couldn't quite place Rick's tone, "Daryl said we'd have to follow your rules." The group was slowly massing behind Rick.

"They're simple, don't worry." I began to count off on my fingers, "Stay out of my room, don't take what doesn't belong to you without asking, try not to use electricity during the day, and earn your keep. You think you can handle that?"

With a still stern face he spoke again, "We don't have much of a choice." Something about this rubbed me the wrong way. Here I was, being nice for a change, opening up my home, trying to do the right thing when I could just as easily kill them all, and how do they treat me? Like I'm some sort of monster for having a few basic rules.

"Can I meet everyone?" I looked from Rick to Daryl who had an expression on his face I didn't understand. He didn't stand the same as he had those days ago. I also took note of the shorthaired woman standing close by him.

"I'm Hershel" the older man stepped forward and I hastened over to meet him.

We shook hands, "I'm Annabelle, but you can call me Annie." I smiled at him, trying to continue on with my plan to be warm towards everyone, "I was told you had a farm before all this, I'd love to see what you think of the set up I have going." I released his hand and turned to the blonde girl beside him, "And who is this beautiful young lady?"

"This is my daughter, Beth. And over there is my daughter, Maggie." I shook Beth's hand and walked over to shake Maggie's as well. Both politely smiling while we did so.

I smiled back over to Hershel, making one more attempt at flattery, "You, Sir, are a genetic goldmine."

"I'm Glenn," the Asian boy beside Maggie shook my hand, "I heard you emptied a whole town of walkers by yourself. Is that true?"

I looked over at Daryl, "No wonder you are all afraid of me." I shook my head and turned back to Glenn, holding up a finger in correction, "It's almost true, I am pretty sure I left a few stragglers."

A young boy stepped forward next, "I'm Carl." Something about him reminded me so much of my brother. I felt a slight pain in my heart before he motioned to the woman beside him, "And this is my mom."

The tension in the air could be cut with a knife at this point. I shook her hand first, "You must be Lori." She faintly smiled back, and then I shook the little guy's hand.

Another man stepped forward, this one bearing the friendliest face of the entire ensemble, "I'm Theodore, but everyone calls me T-Dog." I shook his hand, relived that he wasn't nearly as nervous as the others.

"And this is Carol," I smiled at the woman beside Daryl, then proceeded to shake her hand.

"Good," I threw my hands up and laughed when I saw the pistol still in my left hand. "Woops. I forgot that was there. I don't really entertain guests anymore, or ever. Sorry about that," I let out a bit of nervous laughter and started towards the house. I projected my voice behind my strides, trying to address everyone, "Alright, if any of you are wounded feel free to come talk to me. I was pre-med, and I've kept studying. Also I have some clothes for you guys and there are rooms and beds here for the taking. Mine's locked, so don't worry about breaking that rule today." I started to step inside, but I paused for a moment and looked at Daryl and what I had just realized must be Daryl's girlfriend. I heaved a sigh as I looked to Rick, "Mr. Grimes, can I talk to you for a minute?" He followed me into the house. I waited until the door shut before I spoke. "I can see you all are very uncomfortable around me. Did I offend you in some way? Is it this?" I lifted the gun in my hand slightly, "Or did I do something that would make you be so hostile towards me?" He didn't say anything; he just stared at me. "I went out and got extra supplies for your people. I offered you a place to stay, potentially build a life. I have made preparations for your group, even thought I didn't know if you'd all even show up. I just don't get it; what more do you want from me?"

"I'm the leader of my group."

"I know." He just stared at me, "This may be my house and there may be some rules, but don't take that as inflexibility. All you have to do is ask and I am here to help. We can make this work if we just work together." Desite all my efforts to be a good host and say the right things he didn't say anything in return. "It's nice to have people around, I don't know what he told you, but I was alone before all of this. Please just think about it," I extended my hand and he accepted.

"I'll think about it."

**Thank you for reading!**


	10. 10: Group Dynamics

**Thanks for reading! I encourage you to provide any and all feedback, especially with this chapter. ENJOY!**

10: Group Dynamics

After a few days things got into a flow. Everyone seemed to be fine with working the field, or helping with the various projects I made and they were pleasant enough to live with. Hershel had a lot of good input of the farm and I conceded that charge mostly over to him. He couldn't do much with his leg, but he knew what had to be done, and his daughters and Glen seemed to enjoy the work. Daryl and rick would go out hunting, and a part of me wanted to go too, but I just stuck around chopping down trees, cleaning, and keeping watch. Being up and away from them seemed to make the transition easier. Carol and Lori were normally teaching Carl stuff from the books, or preparing the food.

That's what happens when people come into your life, I think. They eventually take over everything, and what was I left with? Hacking wood, keeping fit, and keeping watch.

Sometimes I couldn't even sleep, I had grown so used to being useful that now that my favorite activities were taken from me I would go into the garage and clean the weapons. I had the door open on one night, so I could feel the breeze, when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I grabbed my pistol and aimed.

"You should be sleeping." I smiled at the kid. It was something about the eyes, it was so much like him.

"I couldn't." He stepped in.

"Am I being loud?" He shook his head. "Well, you can sit with me and talk if you want." I tapped the space in front of me with the tip of the rifle I was cleaning.

"Can I help?" He came over and sat.

"Your dad will want to teach you."

"Did your dad teach you?" He was staring intently at the gun.

"Papa took me hunting exactly one time." I smiled at the thought. "Want to hear the story?"

"Sure."

"Well, I had just turned 14, and my little brother was 10, and one morning Papa woke us up and said we were going hunting. It was both of our first time, and I was so nervous. I shook like a leaf the entire car ride." I laughed and he did too.

"You were scared?"

"I don't know about that, my dad was there to protect me. But I was worried I wouldn't be good, you know?" I began piecing the rifle back together, "Not that being scared is bad. It's good. It's your body telling you something is wrong and you should always listen to it. Promise?" I looked up at him.

"Promise."

"Good. Anyways we were in the woods, and my brother had already had his chance with trying to shoot this deer. Then it was my turn, and you know what I did?"

"What?"

"There was this one buck, sprinting across the field, and I aimed. Papa said, "Don't waste the shot." But I shot anyway."

"Did you hit it?"

"Perfect shot. Papa was so proud. So he took my brother and me out to pick it up, and the second I saw it I started bawling. He asked me what was wrong, and I said I never wanted to go hunting again."

"Why?"

"Because I killed something. Not just that, but it was just living its life, and I came in and took that away. It didn't even do anything to me." He leaned over and patted me on the shoulder. "That's when I think I really knew I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to save things, repay the debt."

"Can you teach me?"

"Medical stuff?" He nodded, "Sure, I don't see the harm in that."

-o0o-

The next night Carl joined me again, ready to learn. I showed him where everything was in the garage, the suture kits and gauze, basic stuff.

"What's with all these tools?" He pointed at a shelf.

"Well those are for surgery." I lifted up one, "This is for extracting bullets," I held up another, "This is a bone saw, for bones." He laughed, "But what will really save you are the meds, see." I opened a cabinet, "I labeled the lids by wound type, in case I was to kick the bucket. But I tell you what, I will give you the introductory textbook for you to study, how does that sound?"

"What if my parents get mad that you gave it to me?"

"Just say you found it and asked me if you could borrow it," I winked at him. "Now go try and get some sleep." He went off and I sat down and cleaned.

-o0o-

The next day I slyly gave Carl the book and went about my daily business, offering to help everyone but getting continuously shut down by them all, except for Hershel who gave a few things to do, and Carl who smiled at me whenever his mom wasn't looking. Eventually I ended up on the roof, like I always do, minding my own business deep in a book when I wasn't scanning the horizon.

"Annie, can we have a word with you?" I looked down and saw Rick, Daryl, Hershel, Glen and T-Dog standing together. I hurried down.

"Is something wrong?"

"Daryl brought it to my attention that there's a hostile camp nearby."

"Not near, but not as far as I'd like it, yeah."

"We plan on going to check it out, when would be a good time to do that?"

"I can just do it." They all looked at me for a second. "It's just, Hershel you have to stay here. And really you all should. Plus, I know the woods around here."

"If you want to come that's fine, but we're going." Daryl spoke up this time. It was weird the change he made from when it was just the two of us to now, but everyone in the group seemed to think it was normal. Maybe it was best we just acted like nothing ever occurred; no friendship, no kiss, no nothing.

"Not all of you. A couple should stay back at least. The more people that go the harder it will be to remain under the radar. Might want to use the rule of three, I'll let you sort it out for yourselves." I walked back into the house.

"What's going on?" Carl asked.

The two women looked at me with question in their eyes as well, "There's a hostile camp a ways away from here. They want to do a recon mission, or at least they should. It's better to know what we're up against."

Later that day at the household dinner Rick informed every one of the situation, and that himself, Daryl, and me were going to head out tomorrow. There was upheaval and arguments but I remained silent. After all, no one was arguing over me. Once it settled the other two went to plan as everyone went their own ways for the evening. I lingered back to help with the dishes. They barely spoke to me, but once I knew we were alone I broke the silence. "I'll make sure they come back, you know."

"Excuse me?" Lori tilted her head.

"I just mean, if things get hairy, which I doubt they will, I will make sure they come back."

"How?" Carol leaned against the wall.

"Don't you worry about how, just rest easy."

-o0o-

All the plans were made, and the gear was prepared when the signs of morning first showed. I put on my stealthier items (dark clothes, my hair up in a beanie, quiet hiking boots), put my canteen in a camouflage backpack, and began placing the holsters, guns, and blades in their designated spaces, spare bandana in my back pocket. The glow in the dark compass necklace was the last thing to go on me. When I made my way downstairs everyone was gathered already, saying goodbyes. I walked past them and at a few power bars and an apple. I'd need my strength with the hiking we were going to be doing. When we walked down to the fence only Carol, Lori and Carl were with us. I opened the gate as they hugged, and did whatever loved ones do in this situation. Once that was done the two started out the gate, and I followed.

I felt arms around me. "Carl! Get back here." I looked down to see the boy in the sheriff's hat. I couldn't help but hug him back. Our odd fellowship was my favorite thing since these people showed up. It might have been the only thing keeping me from kicking them out, or running away. The more time we spent the more I discovered exactly how much like my brother he was. It was because of this that I felt this connection, and all I could think was that I was glad cared about me right back.

"Can you do me a favor?" He stepped back from me, and I took the necklace of keys off and put it over his head, "Watch after this place when I'm gone." He hugged me again and this time I took the opportunity to whisper in his ear, "You're my best friend."


	11. 11: Southern Hostility

**Enjoy and let me know how you like it, or hate it, or anything! (I personally dig this chapter)**

11: Southern Hostility

It was nightfall when Daryl started noticing footprints in the soil. Then we knew we were on the right track. We kept moving silently, but then again I was silent the whole day. Finally in the distance we heard a ruckus. Rick peered through the binoculars.

"Think this is it?" He handed them over to Daryl.

"It's definitely a main camp." He handed the binoculars to me. In the distance there were seven men around a fire. There were tents set up a distance away and a pile of supplies lying out. I handed them back to Rick.

Rick and Daryl started discussing something, but I was focused on the woods. They would have a guard or someone keeping watch wouldn't they? I can't imagine a group could last this long in the open without a guard or two.

Then I saw him. A man was fifty or so yards away, pistol pointed at my current companions. "Get down," I whispered loudly while moving over to shield them. A short rang out. My shoulder burnt so bad. I raised my pistol and took my shot at him. Dead. The camp began to scatter for their weapons. I shot at the various scrambling men as they began to shoot back, "Just go and keep running. I'll catch up to you." I kept shooting when I felt a pain in my thigh. Just focus. Just keep shooting and it will all be okay. I took a brief second to look back and make sure they were leaving, but there they were. Rick had the strangest look on his face, and Daryl kept trying to pull him away. I turned back and pulled out my blade before running in.

In five minutes they were all dead. I double-checked each of them; bullets to foreheads, stabs into skulls. "They won't be coming back," my voice was more worn than I thought it would be. To my surprise someone answered.

"Why did you do that?" Rick was standing feet away. How had I not heard him approach?

"I had no choice, they would have killed me." I stood up and went to wipe the sweat off my face. "Shit." My shoulder was killing me. I touched it, and winced. I looked down and all I could see was the blood and the bullet hole.

"You've been shot," I felt Ricks hand on my back starting to guide me.

"Hershel can fix it, right?" Daryl began helping me as well, but I shrugged them off.

"He can try. Let's just get her back." I hated it when people talked like I wasn't even there. I looked at the compass for reference and began stumbling quickly towards home. When we got into the town I had recently pillaged Rick found a car and they shoved me into the back seat.

"Cars are the best," I said in an airy voice. As much pressure as I applied to the wound, the blood was still flowing causing me to become more and more light headed as the trees whizzed by outside.

"We're almost there," Daryl looked back at me.

"I'm gonna need," I took another breath, "A bottle of vodka when we get there."

"I think we all could," laughed Rick. I coughed out a few laughs as well.

"Not just for that." I shook my head to focus, "It'll kill the bacteria." I sat up straight, "Carl will know what else to get me, I told him before." I started carefully feeling around my body for other injuries. There was a graze on my leg and another on my side. "I just need to not pass out." They were saying stuff, but I couldn't make anything out anymore. I just focused on putting the pressure on it and running through the procedure in my head. Then there was honking, I opened my eyes. "Good, we're here." I started readying myself to exit the car. Once the gate was open we sped up towards the house. I hopped out, not hearing anything anyone was saying. I just walked to the porch and leaned against the wall. "Vodka, a mirror, and some weed." They stared at me for a second, so I went inside to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle, then a mirror. I looked at the stairs, "Shit." There was no way I was getting up those things. I walked into the garage door, forgetting it was locked. "God damn it." I sighed before making my way onto the porch again. I began taking off the weapons, and backpack, and clothes so I could work. I heard yelling so I looked toward it. There was Carl, Rick, and Daryl having words with the others.

"We have to help her." Was all I could make out before I saw Carl run into the house. I opened the bottle and began to pour it onto my wounds, wincing all the way. I was going to pass out if I didn't find a way to numb the pain. When I looked up Rick was there.

"What do you need?"

"Carl knows, but it wont do much good if I pass out." I was trying to focus. "The pain is only gonna get worse." I took another deep breath and poured more on, "That's why weed."

"Where is it?"

"My room." I gasped again, "Carl's got the keys." He was off, and I took a moment to calm myself. The group was staring at me from a small distance. Not moving to help, just standing there while Daryl was saying something. I looked down. I was a bloody mess in my next-to-nothings, I couldn't help but let out a laugh. Then Carl showed up with the stuff.

"What's so funny?"

"Everything." I looked at the stuff, "Good job getting the right stuff."

"What do you want me to do?" I motioned him over and grabbed a towel he brought down.

"Is this a through and through?" I pointed to my shoulder. He shook his head, "Alright, now if you can just hold this here and apply pressure so I can work on my leg." The brave little guy did as I asked and I grabbed a suture kit and went to work. Rick showed up with my drug paraphernalia. "Is there any way you could pack me a bowl while I do this?" He nodded and went to work. "Alright Carl, when I smoke you gotta hold your breath okay?"

I got through both my leg and my side before the smoke really started to kick in. Then it was time for the bullet wound. I grabbed to tongs and steadied myself. "You don't have to stick around for this." I said softly, since my lungs were too tired to work all the way. Carl just patted my head and sat there. Rick was already off, the group had gone inside thankfully. I smiled at him as best as I could, "I'm glad you're here. Your group totally hates me."

"I don't. You're brave and nice, and you're funny, too."

"So are you, buddy." Readying the tong in front of the wound, I kept an eye on the mirror. Then I went in, trying to kept calm was almost impossible. "Desmond has a barrow in the market place, Molly is a singer in a band. Desmond says to Molly, 'Girl I like your face," and Molly sings this as she takes him by the hand." I found it and began to slowly pull it out, "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, life goes on, brahh. La la how the life goes on." It was all the way out and I just looked at it for a second.

"You did it!" Carl smiled.

"Almost done." I sewed the hole a few times. "Could you get me some clean water, buddy?" Without hesitation he ran into the house and came back moments later with water and a armful of clothes. I went over the various sutures with the vodka once more and then wet a clean rag to clean off the blood before teaching Carl how to dress the wounds. "Do you think you can get someone to clean these for me?" I pointed to the pile of bloody instruments and rags.

"I'll do it." He handed me some clothes, "My mom said to give these to you." He picked up the tray that held the bloody mess and went inside. I carefully took off the remainder of bloody clothes I had on and changed into the new set slowly. I'd need to eat something, then rest for a few days or I could still die. I picked up the pill bottle Carl had left and made my way into the house.

When I stepped through the door I found the sofas filled with almost everyone. I raised my hand in acknowledgement and went into the kitchen. Carol was pouring a glass of water and Lori was setting a plate of food on the table. "We figured you would need something to eat."

"You didn't need to do that."

"We wanted to," Carol interjected.

I sat down, "Thank you. It smells great." I began to eat, feeling better with each bite. I let out a few 'mmmms' to let them know I was enjoying the food and they went into the other room only to be replaced by Rick. He sat down across from me at the table.

"You saved our lives out there. Now I cant thank you enough, but I still can't figure out why you did it." I looked at him for a second. "Why did you save us like that?"

"Does there have to be a reason?" He sat for a while and just stared at me feebly shoveling food into my mouth. "To tell you the truth I didn't really think about it, but thinking about it I guess it's just because it's the right thing to do." I finished the rest of my meal and then went upstairs to my room, my keys were set on the bed, so I put them on and went to sleep after taking a dose of the antibiotic. I was too drained to dream.


	12. 12: Healing

**Thank you for reading. And thank you to everyone who reviewed, it seriously makes my day (not to mention it makes me want to write more). ENJOY!**

12: Healing

The next morning, after a good long day's rest, I woke up to a knock on my door. I rolled out of bed, sorer than I had ever been in my life, and opened it. It was Daryl, surely here to get the keys to the gate. I took them off and handed them to him before shutting the door. I debated curling back up, hiding away from everyone and pretending I was dead just for one more day. But I knew I needed to eat for my body to fight off infection and heal, I needed to get moving again. First thing was first though; I lit the pipe up to help with the pain. Grabbing the bottle of pills I made my way down the stairs slowly. When I made it into the kitchen Lori and Carl were eating breakfast.

When she looked up at me she smiled, "How are you feeling?"

I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and smile, "Better than I look." I let out a little laugh and Carl giggled too.

She stood up, "Here, let me make you something."

I held my hand up, "No, I got it. I miss cooking." I grabbed a bit of whatever meat was in the freezer and threw it onto a skillet while munching on an apple.

"Rick told us what you did." I rose my eyebrow at her "How you took a bullet for them, made sure they got home."

I nodded and flipped the meat over, "I said I would."

"We didn't realize you meant… It just means a lot."

"It was the right thing to do."

"Carl here told me about you teaching him medicine."

I interrupted her, "If I was out of line, I'm sorry."

"No, I'm glad you did. Would you mind teaching me some stuff too?"

"Of course not." Once it was cooked I sat down to eat with them. "It will be nice to be of some use again."

I spent the next few days hanging out with whoever was around the house, or up on my perch. I taught Lori and Carl together, and even though seeing them together made me miss my own mother I was happy to get to hang around them. It only took a little over a month for me to be healed up and good as new again, and all of that time I felt the group let me in more and more. There were moments when I even felt like I belonged, but they passed quickly still. Once I was healed I was back to chopping down trees and keeping watch. Lori had gotten into the habit of letting Carl hang out with me while she did her chores, and I enjoyed the company and the help. The best days were when Carl and I would be sitting on the roof on watch, just telling stories and laughing, just like I used to do with my brother. We were joking the day away, doing occasional sweeps with our binoculars when Carl said the strangest thing.

"You like Daryl, don't you?"

I looked over at him and smiled, "I like all of you guys."

"You look at him different though, I noticed."

"You are one smart and observant kid." I laughed, "Don't tell anyone though." I pointed the knife I was using at him in a fake-but menacing way.

"I won't." We sat in silence for a while, "What was your life like before all of this?"

I sighed, "It was nice. I was happy."

"You aren't happy any more, are you?"

I looked over at him, "I am sometimes." I lied, or now it felt more like a half-lie. To be honest the best I could do emotionally was be okay at this point, even if there were moments of gladness. "What about you?"

"I don't know. I don't think this is what happiness feels like."

"Happiness is a warm gun," I laughed to myself.

"I don't get it."

"Beatles."

"Beetles? Bugs?"

"No, it's a band, my brother's favorite. They were extremely popular. Tonight after dinner I'll play you some of their stuff. I bet your mama's heard of them, too."

"That will be fun." We whittled some more, "What are you gonna do about Daryl?"

"I wasn't planning on doing anything. Why? Do you think I should?"

"If you really like him you should."

"Do you have any ideas?"

"You should try going hunting with him. I know that you don't like hunting, but he always goes alone now. It's your chance."

"I'll think about it."

And I did. I thought about how to ask, or if I should even ask, or if I should just not try. I put it off for a few days, but then I saw something interesting. It was a late afternoon and in the corner of the yard Daryl and Carol were talking, or arguing from the looks of it. Tomorrow was the day, I decided as I went about my activities. That night I even washed myself with the special anti-scent soap I got from the gun shop, then I went to the garage to get my hunting bow ready.

"You going hunting in the morning?" I looked up and saw Carol.

"I thought I might like a try, yeah." She sat down in the other chair and stared at me for a few minutes in silence as I continued to get things ready. "Did you want to talk?"

"It's no wonder that he likes you," was all she said before getting up and leaving the garage. I sat there for a second trying to figure out what she meant. Was she talking about Daryl? Or my little buddy Carl? Or my newfound friendship with any of the other male members of the group? Finally I gave up and went to my room. I decided to sleep in my clothes for tomorrow so I would be ready to go in the morning, just some form fitting jeans and an old tank. I wanted to look good, but I didn't want him to know that I was trying. Oh, the joys of being a single girl during the apocalypse. Regardless of how I felt about him it would be nice enough just to get a change of pace.

I woke up a bit early and took the opportunity to brush my teeth, do my make-up a bit, put on my shoes, put on my weapons, and relax in bed for a while until I heard the familiar knock. I got up and opened the door. "Can I go hunting with you today?" I couldn't read his face as his eyes scanned me.

"Just don't go getting yourself shot again." I followed after him, a slight skip in my step.


	13. 13: Mended Bridge

**Thank you to my super-awesome reviewers! I haven't smiled so much in forever, so thank you. Keep them coming, and I will keep on writing. :) And thank you for reading. ENJOY! PS: I am now totally worried I am going to write shit haha.**

13: Mended Bridge

What I liked most about hunting was the quiet communication. It made everything simple: stop, go ahead, look over there, it was all so easy to understand. It was interesting to see Daryl examine the ground as though there was something written there. When I looked down I just saw dirt and leaves. I'd have to ask him to teach me next time.

After an hour our pace quickened, and it became apparent that we were onto something. I readied my bow and silently followed until his hand rose. I scanned the forest and saw it almost immediately. A buck was standing a ways away, chewing on something. I couldn't help but notice the similarities to the way the other looked on that day, the last time I went hunting. I aimed quickly and said an internal prayer, "God forgive me for I am about to sin. Make this deer's death swift and as painless as possible.' I released the arrow and the buck dropped. I couldn't tell if Daryl was angry or not while I followed him to the body.

"You got the fucker right in the eye." I looked down at the poor thing. That would have been painless and instant, but deep down I still felt like a monster.

"We should get him back before something else smells it." I pulled the arrow out and wiped it on some nearby leaves. I grabbed the front portion and he grabbed the back as we slowly made our way towards home.

"Where'd you learn to shoot like that?"

"I didn't." We walked in silence for a long time before he spoke again.

"I always see you and the kid together."

I laughed, "Yeah, we're buddies." We set the carcass down and too a break. "He's just like my brother." He leaned against a tree and I sat on the ground, "Did I do something to offend you?"

"No."

"Could have fooled me, man."

"What's that s'posed to mean?"

"It means ever since you came back you… you're different." His face grew angry so I began to ramble, "It's not bad! It's just that before you were debatably nice, and now you act like I have the plague or something. Not this plague, obviously, but still. I didn't think anything changed, but something must have because now you hate me, or whatever…"

"Who said I hate you?"

"You did indirectly." We stood there for a while more, "We should get going." I grabbed my side.

"I don't." He grabbed his side.

"You don't what?" We started walking.

"I don't hate you."

"Then stop avoiding me."

When we got back he taught me how to properly butcher the deer. In a strange way it reminded me of my old biology classes, but I couldn't help but feel like killing the animal was wrong.

-o0o-

Hunting became part of my morning routine, which was great because that's when Lori 'homeschooled' Carl, so once I got back, after any butchering, we would hang out on the roof. That was short lived though. As the days went on Rick decided it was time to teach Carl shoot properly, so I was back to being alone on the roof. Being alone gave me time to study more. I hate to admit it, but my mind often drifted to the morning's hunting trip during my reading so I didn't cover as much as I used to. When I wasn't studying I was keeping busy and productive with some project of mine, this made my days full. I even got to help cook dinner now, and at these dinners I was included in conversations, but after all that social time I would withdraw and crawl back up to the roof. Most of the time I would just sit there, headphones on, pretending I was in my apartment back in Louisiana. Some days, normally ones when I killed something while hunting or ones where I was particularly missing my old friends and family, I would take it as a chance to smoke and forget. Up here I don't need the brave façade. Up here it is just me, the air, and the stars.

I sat there, occasionally holding the pipe to my lips and breathing the sweet air, listening to The Wall and looking at the stars. It felt so much like happiness, or was it peace? I can't remember, all I know is that my hollowness wasn't so hollow when I looked up. When 'Comfortably Numb' came on I softly sung it to myself. The child has grown, the dream is gone. There was a tap on my shoulder and I jerked up and took off my headphones.

"Oh, it's just you." He sat beside me, "What's up?"

"They called it a night." He picked up the pipe.

"That's cool," I said as I turned off my iPod and set my headphones aside. "You're not tired?"

"Yeah, tired of sleeping on the couch." I giggled a bit. "Can I ask you somethin'?"

"You just did," I laughed for a while before I calmed myself down. I took the pipe from him and filled it again, "Shoot." I took a long hit.

"Why'd you kiss me when I left?" I immediately started to cough. Shit. Shit Shit Shit. We have skated over the subject for how long, and he chooses now to ask?

"I'm sorry about that," I rasped when I stifled my cough. I paused for a second, trying to think of a good way to answer it. I had just wanted to kiss you for weeks, and couldn't stand it any longer. I was delirious. I had a brief crack in my sanity. It's lonely out here in the apocalypse for a young girl. "Honestly?" I sifted through more answers before I decided on the most non-committal one. "There are lot's of reasons I did that."

"That's a bullshit answer."

I smiled sheepishly, "I was hoping you wouldn't notice that." I took another hit, "I think the main reason was because I had wanted to for a while, and seeing as I didn't know if I'd see you again I decided to just do it." I looked over to him, "I was never like that before."

"What do you mean?"

"Before this all, I would have never done that."

"I figured I wasn't your type." He laughed.

"That's not it. And why wouldn't you be?" I hit his arm, "And you're unavailable, which makes you perfect in my book." I laughed and stood up before throwing him the keys, "Take my room for tonight, I'll take the couch."

My night's sleep was oddly comfortable.


	14. 14: Truth-Telling

**New chapter! Be sure to review, it helps me keep motivated. Thank you for reading and ENJOY!**

14: Truth-Telling

When I woke up the next day sun was pouring through the living room window. I must have slept in late; I rolled over and walked upstairs to my room. There was no sign that anyone slept there last night. I changed into my work clothes and began to make my way down to the gate to clear another tree before I realized Daryl still had my keys. Instead I went over to see if Hershel needed help with anything.

"How's the field working out?"

"It's been hard getting used to it, but it's better than just sitting around, so I can't complain." I nodded. "You don't happen to have any tarps to cover the ground with when winter comes, do you?"

"I think I have some in the shed, actually I know I do. Tarps are too useful to not grab. Do you think maybe that would be a good time to throw the compost on?"

"I was thinking that, give the soil the whole winter to get enriched." I nodded and helped him with a few things before I made my way back into the house.

"You didn't go hunting today?" Carl asked from his book.

"Slept in too late. Let that be a lesson to you." I smiled at him as he looked up.

"I think that's enough for today, why don't you spend some time with Annie this afternoon? I have to talk to Dad." Lori got up and patted me on the shoulder with a smile before leaving the room.

"Well, Bud, what would you like to do today?"

"Do we need more firewood?"

"Yeah, but I don't have the keys just yet. When Daryl gets back we can do that."

"You gave him your keys? You never give anyone your keys."

"I gave _you_ my keys." I poked him.

"That's different." I tousled his hair when he stood up beside me. Then we made our way to the roof for watch duty. We sat for a long time in silence as he practiced stitching on a pillow. When I first told him and Lori to do this he said sewing was for girls. I quickly corrected him by showing him one of the scars I had and saying how stitching skin is different, and the only way to practice for that was with fabric; he would thank me later. He was getting good at it, too. "Why are we friends?" I looked over at him, surprised and conflicted with the question.

"Why wouldn't we be?"

"You know what I mean. The other's treat me different. And you're the bravest of all them, it doesn't make sense."

"Why thank you." I smiled at him. "You remember when you all first got here, how no one would talk to me. It was like they were scared of me or something. But you weren't. And then you helped save my life when no one else would. That's grounds enough for friendship." I could tell he wasn't satisfied with the answer, "But the truth is you remind me a lot of my brother."

"Was he young, too?"

"Only four years younger than me, but I try to remember him from when he was your age."

"What happened to him?"

"Oh look, Daryl's back. We can get to work." I hopped up and made my way downstairs, followed by a complaining Carl. Daryl was lugging a big doe up to the house on his own. I reached at it, "Here let me help you."

"I don't need your damn help." He dropped the keys on the ground.

Carl picked them up and handed them to me. Well, that pleasantness was short-lived. Gamble lost. I shrugged it off and we went and got the axes and wheelbarrows and made our way out of the gate. Once we reached the stumps we picked one and began chopping away.

"What happened with you and him? I thought things were good, you were hanging out a lot more." The tree crashed to the ground.

"Back in school, did you ever tell anyone you like-liked them?" I wiped the sweat from my forehead.

"In kindergarten." He leaned on the butt of his ax.

"And what happened?"

"She said I had cooties and ran away." I laughed and he joined me.

We started to cut the trunk into smaller portions, "I think that's what just happened." He stopped and started to laugh again. Not like before, this was a totally different laugh, the likes of which I hadn't heard since before the civilized world went up in flames and the dead began to walk the earth feasting on the living. It was what joy sounded like. "Yes, laugh at my pain."

He calmed himself after a minute, "It's just, how can that happen? You're grown ups."

"You give age too much credit." I hacked once, "I think you'll find that as you get older nothing really changes. People are still the same immature kids they were on the playground."

"But you changed? And I have, too." He chopped a few times.

"What do you mean I've changed?"

"Whenever you tell me stories about before everything, you make yourself sound so shy, and scared."

"And?" I took a few more swings.

"You aren't anymore. And I'm not either." I took a few breaths; the work was starting to get to me.

"I know you aren't." We worked for an hour more in the quite. Had I really changed? I still felt the same. More weighed down by the things I have done. I still had the same thoughts. They were a bit different, everything was a bit different, but I was still the same girl from Louisiana who secretly hated herself. Once we had dismantled the tree we loaded up all the lumber we could and walked back to the house. "I miss marshmallows."

"What?"

"Shelf life of 3ish months, and even then they were stale. One of the first to go." I opened up the gate, "During winter at home we would roast them over the fire, did you ever do that?"

"A couple times."

"I'm glad. There is nothing quite like a slightly charred 'mallow." We dropped off the logs and went back to get the rest. By that time it was getting closer to dinner. "You want to help us make dinner?" I walked into the kitchen after him.

"Okay." And we went to work. Once he got bored Lori had him set the table. Then before you knew it the whole group was sprinkling in and taking their seats, all except for Daryl who came in, grabbed a plate, and then went back outside.

To my surprise Carol sat right beside me. "He'll be like that for a while, but he will warm up eventually," she said softly as she leaned towards my ear. I looked at her, and upon seeing my confused face she let out a little laugh, "Oh come now, I've seen how you two look at each other."

"But you guys…"

"Don't worry about that." More people started sitting down so she started eating, "We'll talk more after dinner." And she wasn't lying. That night she joined me on my perch and we had our first real conversation. She told me about her family, and her daughter. "I think that's why he was with me, because he thought he owed me something. So I told him that the only thing he owed me was being happy, and that I saw how you two were and I wanted that for him."

"Why?" Did she think he looked happy around me? I didn't think so, I thought he looked more annoyed than happy. She knows him better, I guess.

"I had my shot at a family, and even though my husband and I had our differences he was still the man I loved. Besides, I just liked having him around because it was better than being alone." She smiled over at me, "I'd tell you to be good to him, but I know you will."

"You really think he will stop being mad at me?"

"I do. You just gotta keep trying, alright?" She looked at her hands, "Not just for him, for me, too."

"Alright." I looked up at the sky for a while, "Why are you being so nice to me about this?"

I heard her shift in her seat. "You seem understanding enough, so I better just tell you. When you came back that night you got shot. Well, Hershel wanted to help you, but I stopped him. I just thought it would be easier if we didn't have an outsider. And a part of me was jealous with the way Daryl was talking about you."

"Oh."

"But I want to fix it. I think I wanted to fix it then, too. Even when I was just watching you, pale and bloody, stitching yourself up like a ripped shirt and telling Carl jokes and singing. I've never seen anyone like that, so brave. You were so good at hiding your pain; it was like you were more worried about how he was feeling than yourself." There was quiet again, "I wish I was like you."

"You shouldn't." I turned towards her. The truth is most of the time I didn't even want to be me. What was I now? Carl was right, I had changed. I had become an occasional monster. Evil enough to spawn healthy doses of self-loathing, but just nice enough to keep me from pulling the trigger. Did my good really outweigh my bad? And now all of these connections. "I think I'm going to go get some sleep. It was nice talking to you though." I crouched inside, "And don't worry about telling Hershel not to help me, I don't blame you."

That night I barely slept; the ghosts of my misdeeds loomed too closely. There was a comforting thought though, something I clung to desperately, only the people who deserve it, and as painlessly as possible for my prey.


	15. 15: Concussion

** THANK YOU FOR READING! Crazy episode last night! Sorry about the wait, busy busy weekend! I will also be having a busy week, so heads up! I will try to get at least a few chapters out though, because you are the best readers ever. So, just to clarify, this is obviously going to be set before they go to the prison. Feel free to review, it makes my day. And lastly, ENJOY!**

15: Concussion

I woke up early the next day and got ready. It was all I could do to stop the incessant buzzing of my thoughts, and when the daily knock came I was relieved. Relieved to just go out and hunt. Simple and easy.

I locked the gate, "Back here at noon-ish." He gave a nod and we went our separate ways. I wandered around for a while; picking off the occasional squirrel, almost snagging a bird of some sort but it got spooked and flew off. Then I saw some tracks. They looked human, but I wasn't entirely sure how fresh they were. I wasn't even sure if they weren't mine until I stepped down beside them to check. Then I noticed there were more than one set, potentially. I wasn't the best at tracking yet. I took off at a soft jog to follow them, arrow poised and ready to be released. When I heard rustling and grunting I picked up my pace.

Walkers. Five of them standing, plus three that had been dealt with on the ground. I shot one, then another. That's when I saw Daryl being accosted by the other three. Once I had a clear shot I let the arrow fly, running up after with my knife drawn. I pulled one off, while kicking the other away. Knife to face. He took care of the other one. "You okay?" I hunched over to catch my breath.

"I thought I said I didn't need your help." I could tell he was trying to be angry, but something was off.

"Psh, and let you have all the fun?" I looked him over from a couple yards away. "You're bleeding. Were you bit?" His hand went to the back of his head. I walked over cautiously to check, "Shit, what did you hit this on?" I looked towards where the scrape happened and saw a bloody rock on the ground. "No worries, I can patch that up when we get back." I paused, expecting a resistant comment, but none came. I gathered the arrows and we walked back. I dropped the squirrels off in the kitchen, grabbed some water and then took him to the garage. "Sit down." He did. "First I gotta clean this up. It will sting." I began to work. The gash was deeper than I had originally thought, but not fatal. "Now for some stitches." I went to work and after a few minutes the wound was looking better. I put a bandage on it, grabbing the small flashlight from the counter. I passed the beam in front of his eyes a few times. "You have a concussion, so you'll have to take it easy for a few days." I walked over to the fridge, "Can you throw me that towel?" He did. Concussed Daryl was so obedient. I took some ice from the freezer and put it in the towel. "You'll want to keep this on there for about a half hour." Gently, I placed the ice over the bandaged area.

"Do I have to stay awake?"

"You probably should for a little while, just in case."

He nodded, and the noise from inside the house picked up. He held his head. "Where's quiet?"

"Probably my room or the roof would be quietest. At least for now."

"The roof." He didn't get mad when I helped him up the stairs and through the window.

"Holler if you need anything." I crouched down to get back inside.

"You're not staying?"

I looked over at him, and for a second I wasn't entirely sure if he had actually said that or if it was just my imagination. "I can stay." I grabbed the binoculars from the table just inside the window and sat beside him.

"I saw you and Carol talking last night."

"Yep, she said some interesting things." Out of the corner of my eye I saw his eyebrows raise in question, "Just stuff about that night I got shot, how she didn't want Hershel to help me." I rubbed the now healed wound.

"I tried to tell 'em."

"I know," I patted his knee. "Thanks." Silence crept around us, except for the now soft murmur inside the house. "What did you say, by the way?"

"I don't know, I was just trying to tell them you'd be useful to have around."

"I guess it all worked out in the end," I laughed.

He nodded, "You really showed them." The rest of the afternoon we were silent, except for the occasional bit of small talk or the songs I hummed from time to time. I decided to enjoy it all I could; by this time tomorrow the head trauma would wear off and he would be back to his abrasiveness.


	16. 16: Small Herds

**Here we go again! I'm glad I got another one out for you guys today. :) Feel more than welcomed (debatably encouraged) to review with your good/bad/ugly comments and criticisms. Thank you for reading, it makes me happy to get to story-tell! ENJOY!**

16: Small Herds

I was right about Daryl; over time he slowly got more and more… grumpy? That seems as accurate a way to put it as any other. Whatever relatively heartfelt talks we had the day before were in the past, and I couldn't help but think I should've enjoyed them more. The next day I made him stay at the house while I went hunting, since he still needed to rest even though he didn't want to. On my way to the gate I spotted Lori hunched over. "Annie, is that you?"

"Are you alright?" I took a few steps towards her but her hand shot up to stop me.

"I'll be fine. Could you take Carl hunting with you today?" She turned her face in my direction, "I'd have him stay with Rick, but he's taking T-Dog and Glen to get a few things."

"Of course. I'll make sure he's safe." Like clockwork Rick walked up and asked to be let out. I obliged. Once they were gone I found Carl and we got on our way.

-o0o-

I felt a pull on my shirt and turned around. Carl pointed towards the East. I looked. A small herd of walkers was meandering through the woods. Two groups in such a short time? I didn't like that. When I looked back at Carl he had pulled out his gun. I shook my head and grabbed the ax I was carrying, handing it to him before pulling out my knife.

"You think we can take them?" I smiled at him and gave him the thumbs up. As I trotted towards the undead I couldn't help but remember those lazy afternoons playing Left 4 Dead with my brother. In some ways this was like it, in some horribly disturbing ways. Once we reached them I took out the first two, Carl followed along taking out another three, and then with three more jabs we were done. There was a small look of fear in his eyes.

"Were you scared?"

"Only a little." I patted the hat down over his eyes and started walking again.

"By the time you guys leave you'll be totally fine." I smiled at him for a second but the look on his face was confusion. Time for a nice change of subject. "What's up with your mom, buddy?"

"She's having a baby."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "How do you feel about that? Having a little brother or sister?"

"I haven't really thought about it." We talked about it for a while before I saw something I had never seen in these woods yet. My own turkey. I pulled an arrow out, and aimed. Plunk. My own dead turkey. "Nice one!" He ran over and grabbed it. "What did you mean by the time we leave?"

"Well, you aren't going to stay here forever, you know."

"Why wouldn't we?"

"Well," we heading towards home. "Sometime soon one of you will want to go, and then it will be most of you."

"Do you want us to?"

"Only if y'all want to." There were several strides of silence.

"I won't ever want to go." I kept quiet. "And if we leave then you're coming with us."

"That would be nice."

-o0o-

The three others were waiting for us outside the gate when we arrived. The rest of the day was spent productively. After dinner was done, the dishes were cleaned and the leftovers were stored, I went through my nightly ritual of going onto the roof. When I got up there I found I wasn't alone.

"How's your head feeling?" He just kind of nodded with incoherent words that assured me he was still in pain. "I've got something for that!" I slid back inside and grabbed my pipe and stash from my room. "I must say I appreciate that they are keeping these plants alive." There was a slight laugh from him as I packed the bowl and handed it to him. "Doctor's orders."

He took it from me, "You ain't no doctor." He started to smoke. Not a doctor. Never will be. All that work for nothing. He handed it back to me.

I inhaled and exhaled with a sigh. "You know, you don't have to be mean to me." I inhaled again and held it. "So," exhale, "How did you sleep last night?"

"Didn't."

I looked over at him and handed him the pipe, "Well, make sure to sleep tonight. It'll help you get better." As silence fell I looked at the sky for a while, "You still on the couch?" He nodded and continued to smoke, "There's your problem. Stay with me tonight."

"Why?"

"Because that way I can make sure you get some rest. Can't go having you still healing when winter hits."

"Alright."

I raised my eyebrow and looked back over to him, "Really? Just like that? No fighting?"

He stood up slowly and hit my shoulder, beginning to crawl through the window, "Don't go getting used to it." I gathered everything and followed him in. Everyone was still huddled around the TV, but I followed him to my room. I unlocked the door, entered behind him, and locked it again. Quickly I changed into comfy shorts and a tank before clicking the lights off and sliding under the covers. He followed.

"If you're having any problems sleeping just wake me up, okay?"

"Sure."

I curled up on my side, facing the wall, "Goodnight."

"Night."

I stayed awake for a while, my mind too aware of the body next to me. Relatively happy, thankful for that brave rock out there in the wilderness that made this moment possible, fighting off those feminine feelings I occasionally got late at night. Eventually dreams took me, though.


	17. 17: Count Your Blessings

**Hey! Just a few things before I let you at it. **_1) I am looking for a Beta reader! Simply because four eyes are better than two. 2) I am currently going back and fixing the Hershel's leg plot-hole. Truth is this new season has been a total game changer, but it's also provided a bit of a fun direction that'll be coming up soon, so you have that to look forward to. :) 3) My awesome consistent reviewers (you know who you are) are seriously amazing. Super helpful in both motivation, catching issues, and in making me do revisions before publishing. _ **Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to shoot a review/critique my way. ENJOY!**

17: Count Your Blessings

The brief peace I normally felt when I first woke up was spectacularly different in the morning haze. Arms? Arms around me? Not grasping arms of the dead, but ones that were alive: not quite holding me, but not quite limp. It took a few seconds to process exactly whom these arms belonged to, but when I did I couldn't fight the upturn of the corners of my mouth. I didn't even debate moving, I just stayed still and made mental notes. These mental notes were not dissimilar to the ones I made the first time he had slept beside me, but at the same time they were vastly different. Once I had sensed a pattern to his breathing I carefully placed my hand over his, just to try it, just to say I did. A stirring caused my abrupt stillness, and the subtle pattern quickened before the hands pulled away. I rolled onto my back, trying to act as though I had just woken up and smiled over at him.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Alright," he sat at the side of the bed, his tone had hints of annoyance in it.

"How do you feel?" I got up and started to change into my work clothes. When I looked over he was just glaring at me. "Still bad, eh?" I turned away and changed into a fresh bra and shirt. "Well, you're welcome to smoke if that helped you at all last night, maybe putting some ice on it for a while would help too." I walked over and checked the bandage, disregarding how he moved away as I approached. "I should check that first, though." I fluttered downstairs, an added spring to my step, and opened the garage. He joined me after a few minutes.

After I cleaned the wound, which was healing rather nicely, I redressed it and went about my day. First a solo hunt which produced only a few squirrels, then a 'lumberjack' session with Carl and T-Dog. Theodore hadn't spent a whole lot of time with me, so I was glad to get to bond over something. He was by far more useful at logging than Carl and me combined, but he didn't go rubbing it in our faces. By dusk it was just Carl, T-Dog, and me cracking jokes, telling stories, and laughing up a storm. Once we had put the new wood away it was time for dinner.

"We need to prepare for winter." Rick said aloud as everyone ate their meals. "That means stocking up on food. More firewood. And Hershel has a plan for the field."

"Once we harvest the rest of what's out there now we can start to make the necessary preparations." The rest of the meal Rick devised a plan, and made the job assignments. It was nice when I heard my name on the docket. It was nice to be included.

I decided that night I would try to get to sleep early since the next few weeks were going to be brutal. More sleep meant more energy meant more stuff done which meant more sleep. I walked upstairs to my room and stripped out of my sweaty clothes, sliding into a loose t-shirt and some boy-shorts before flopping onto the bed with a sigh. Sleep. Glorious sleep in this glorious bed. I thought back to my month in that beat-up car on my way to this place. Rolled up in the driver's seat, hoping I wouldn't be woken up by someone eating my leg, or stealing my supplies. Compared to this that was hell, then again compared to most things that was hell. Beds, the mark of a civilized society. Beds, the worldly embodiment of my Lord and Savior. There was a tapping on my door. Probably just more specific instructions for tomorrow. When I needed to be up to unlock the gate or shed or whatever they needed first. I rolled up and unlocked the door, "Yes?" I swung the door open. It was Daryl. "What's up?" I stepped out of the way and let him in.

"Tired." He took off his shoes and shirt, and then got into bed.

I was confused for exactly one second before I remembered the most important rule of life; count your blessings. I turned off the light and joined him. I can't tell you why I did what I did next, it must have been some subconscious desire that forced its way to my muscles and commanded that I snuggled against him. But by the time I had realized what my body had done one of his arms snaked around my waist. No scooting away? Count your blessings, Annie. Just be glad and enjoy this. This sort of thing doesn't last forever. A small victory here at the end of all existence. "Good night."

"Night."


	18. 18: Safe Place

**Enjoy! And thank you for reading, it makes me smile! (PS: Still in search of the elusive Beta-Reader for this thing.)**

18: Safe Place

When I woke up there were no arms around me, just the cold air from where the comforter had slipped from my frame. I quickly got ready and began to head out the door to do a bit of hunting.

"Wait up!" I turned to see Theodore lumbering down the hallway, "Can I go with you today?"

"Sure, man." I went into the garage and grabbed him a hunting rifle, then off we went. "It was nice to finally spend some time with you yesterday." We started down to the gate.

"It seemed about time."

"If you don't mind my asking," I readied the bow, "what's with the wait?"

He laughed for a little while before answering, "You're scary as shit, Anne."

"Me? Seriously?" I unlocked the gate and we started down the road. "You could break me in two, easily."

"I wouldn't bet on that."

"I don't know, I reckon even Carl could take me down." I laughed, "But I guess I am a bit more deadly than I give myself credit for."

He just laughed as we continued our walk, cutting into the forest. "So how do you like the group?"

"Honestly?" I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and saw him nod, "It's fine as groups go, I'd imagine. Frankly I did just fine by myself, but it's nice to have," I paused. I was friends the right word? Acquaintances? People who weren't dead? "It's nice to have you guys around." There was silence for a long time. Just the soft sound of steps on the dirt, debatably serene. "I don't think I belong though."

"Rick's just wants to protect us."

"No, I understand that. Hell, I even respect that. Papa would've been the same way." I could sense that he wanted to ask me about my father, but the soft steps persisted. "I don't see a thing on the ground." I examined carefully for any sign or track I might have missed.

"There's always tomorrow." We took off towards home.

Once we reached the gate we went our separate ways, "Hey, thanks for not asking about my dad."

He shot me a smile, "Thanks for not asking about mine."

The rest of the day I spend helping Hershel and his daughters harvest what we could. And after dinner I stole away to my perch. I was alone for a while up there, just listening. I could hear the hum of the generator and the noise of the TV downstairs; the occasional bellow of laughter found its way to the roof, causing a smile to cross my face. I felt happy. Happy because I had people who I almost even cared about, at least two that I know I did. I was still an outsider, but I was close enough to feel the connection. Maybe connections aren't bad?

"Mind if I sit out here, Annie?" I looked back waved Rick onto the shingles. "I figured I should tell you as soon as we decided." I raised a brow, but remained focused on the stars. "We couldn't be more grateful for your hospitality, I need you to know that, but…"

"But after winter you'll be on your way." Of course, never feel safe.

"We just think that's what's best."

I couldn't help but feel the bite of sadness in my stomach and behind my eyes. Those I would allow, but the lump in my throat I willed away. "Thanks for giving me the heads-up," my voice had an almost cheery tone to it.

"I'd ask if you'd go with us... I know Carl is fond of you, but I told him that this is your home. We can't expect you to leave it."

That was the most bullshit thing I have ever heard. He didn't want me to go. That's what he really meant. And if they didn't want me to then why would I want to? "Don't worry about it. I'll be staying here." He said something then, a thanks, or something kind, but I didn't want to hear it. What I wanted was for the winter to be over and for these people to be gone. I stayed up on the roof until I heard the TV click off and everyone say their goodnights. Once I was sure they were all neatly tucked in their beds, in my beds, I let myself feel it. The promise of abandonment, the soon-to-be loss of Carl, and the future loss of Daryl: they were all crisscrossing my mind and reeking havoc on me. A cold breeze crossed over the field and I tucked my knees to my chest. Then the tears came. The silence of the night was broken every few beats by my quiet sobs.

"Are you gonna unlock the door, or what?"

I quickly turned towards the open window and wiped my face, "Sorry, I forgot." I scurried over and through the window. Daryl followed me down the hallway and through the door.

"Rick told you then?"

"Yeah," I didn't look at him. All I could do was change into more comfortable clothes and turn off the light. I slid under the covers and faced the wall. Moments later there was an arm around me. "What's the point?"

"Fine." The bed creaked as he moved away.

What was the point? The point was that I will be alone again, and really soon. The point was that right now I wasn't alone. I shouldn't waste this. I sighed and rolled over, resting my head on his chest, "I'm just being stupid." I heard a bit of a laugh before an arm wrapped around me. "Goodnight."


	19. 19: Silence Before the Storm

**Okay! So, barely any dialogue in this chapter (as hinted by the title), so just a heads up. Feel free to keep on reviewing, it is such a giant help, you have no idea (especially Guest: Megan! You're awesome!). And stick around for the audience participation question. :D**

**ENJOY!**

19: Silence Before the Storm

In the morning, after a few tests with the flashlight, I declared Daryl fit for hunting again. This didn't stop me from going with him to make sure I made the right call, not that I wouldn't have gone anyway. Thankfully nothing strange happened in the woods, there were no freak zombie attacks or anything like that. He managed to nab a few turkeys and I managed to avoid conversation. What was there to talk about? It was better to just not for now. Walk in the silence of the trees trying not to think too hard about anything. Why? Because in a few months I would be working the field alone again, and hunting will be a thing of the past. People would be a thing of the past. I've done it before. I've done it before. I was alone and I was fine before.

When we entered the gate T-Dog and Rick were headed out to cut firewood. Theodore didn't say a word to me, but I could tell he knew. He gave me that look, and I could just tell. He knew that I knew that this was all just a last chapter. I walked through the house and into the kitchen, hoping that Lori would let Carl hang out with me, but no such luck. She sent me out, saying Hershel needed me. The decision was final, and it didn't just mean an empty house. It meant I was the obvious outsider once more. It meant sever all ties with Annie. It meant everything I wished it wouldn't mean.

With that loss I went and helped Hershel with preparing the field for winter. He followed me to the shed that housed the tarps. "I know Rick told you we are gonna be leaving soon."

"Everyone knows, don't they?" He nodded, his long face followed me as I pulled the tarps from their spot. "You don't need to help me with the field, you know? By the time it can be worked again you'll all be long gone."

"It's the least we can do. You let us into your home. I know that isn't easy."

"Nothing seems to be these days. I think easy is just a thing of the past." I smiled at him. "I appreciate the help, though. It will make spring go smoothly. At least smoother." After we started work on tarping the field it was almost time for dinner. I was happy when I got inside; Lori and Carol gave me a few tasks. I peeled the potatoes and set the table, before grabbing myself a plate and heading up to the roof. What was the use of sitting around a table with them now? At best I'd get a few knowing looks, and I worst someone would try to talk to me. I needed to get used to this again.

-o0o-

My days continued like that for those weeks before winter came. First I'd hunt with Daryl, then help Hershel, then dinner that I ate alone on the roof. Finally, after the long days, I spent the nights in the garage, cleaning weapons and trying to figure out what I could part with when the time came. It was just going to be me now, and I didn't need all of this stuff. All it would be is a nagging reminder that for a time I wasn't as alone as I would be. Once the time came, usually when everyone else had already shut their doors, Daryl would ask if I was going to unlock the door for him, then we'd go to bed. Each night I told myself that the next night I would make my move, but I kept finding excuses. Not just yet. Too soon and it would be awkward. Too soon and I would mess it up. When snow started to fall. That would be the day.

-o0o-

I didn't get to talk to Carl anymore. I guess I didn't realize exactly how much I'd grown to love that kid, I didn't want to say goodbye yet. At this rate I probably wouldn't even get to. I don't think I could bear not saying goodbye again. Not again. When I cleaned the guns I ran over what I would say. You can always come back? I love you buddy? Good luck out there? I could tell him how much having him around meant? Or how I thought he was the toughest guy I'd ever met, and the world had better watch out? Maybe I'd say we'd hang out again, that time would be kind and in less than a year we'd be laughing together again? Nothing felt right. No variation or combination seemed like it would be good enough. I decided that maybe a gift would be better. Maybe it could say what I couldn't seem to. I pulled a backpack out of a shed and filled it with things I thought might be useful. Compass, map, bandages, sheathed knife, general antibiotics, anything I thought might help out there. Some nights I would switch out things, or add one thing or another. Once I had the bulk of the pack filled I set out to find the perfect book for him. This was a harder task than I had imagined, but a part of me wouldn't let it rest. It was the crux. It needed to be just right. These would be my parting words; it would be what I leave him with. Every time I thought I found the right one I changed my mind. There was a flaw and this gift couldn't have flaws. But I had all winter.

Sometimes, when I was helping with dinner he'd say something funny to Lori, or Carol, or whoever was around, and I'd know it was meant for me. Inside jokes told in secret. Or occasionally he'd be writing in one of the journals Lori had made him keep, and he'd look up and I would mime that I cut myself peeling the potatoes or chopping something, I'd pretend I was dying silently behind the others' turned backs and he would stifle a giggle. That made up for the separation. Well, as much as anything could. The truth of the matter was that, in some sick way, he'd become my brother in my mind. He wasn't just some random kid whose group showed up one day, he was my own flesh and blood. He was my forever-best friend. And I'd have to lose him all over again.

**Audience participation time! What book would you give to Carl if you were Annie? I'm interested to hear your responses. :)**


	20. 20: Snow Falls

**Jury is still out on which book Annie gives Carl! :) Anyways, thank you so much for reading! Feel free to let me know what you liked or hated in the chapter, it's extremely helpful and very much appreciated. (Awkward chapter coming up, at least for me as a writer, haha) Also, still looking for a beta-reader! Desperately! So if you're interested just let me know. **

**ENJOY!**

20: Snow Falls

Every day that passed brought mixed emotions. Ever since Rick broke the news to me I had become two different people; the one that didn't need anybody and the one that wanted someone to care about so bad. During the day I only let the strong me show, but that is how I've been since I was young. Don't let them see you want them around. If they see that then they have something to hold over you.

Night was different though. The stars would come out and I would cling to my sleeping partner, I don't think he noticed my desperation though. Or if he did he didn't bug me about it when we talked.

"Why don't you come with us?"

I didn't answer until I felt his hand in my hair, "I don't belong with you guys." I waited for a response, but all I felt was the hand raking though my hair. "Plus, you guys don't want me to, and if I didn't respect those wishes what kind of host would I be?"

"I can try to convince Rick again."

"Again?" I looked up at him.

"I wasn't the only one. Lori and Carl tried, too. And I think I saw T-Dog talking to him a few days after."

I tightened my hold, "What did you say?"

"That it'd be safer for everyone having you around." I nestled my head back into his chest. "Lori said you could help deliver the baby. And Carl was begging him to let you go with us."

"Well then, there's no use trying any more. His mind's made up."

-o0o-

As December approached there was a constant ball of nerves in my stomach jostling around when I moved. I'd look outside half wanting and half fearing the appearance of snow. Snow, the marker that winter was here and would be gone soon. Snow, the green light after months of traffic jams. Every day that passed without it I would let out a sigh or relief, but as January neared the sighs turned to frustrated harrumphs. Didn't Mother Nature know that time was of the essence? Weren't we on the same team? Didn't she know that I might never get the chance to be with anyone again for the rest of my life?

In my frustration I had become obsessed with finding the right book for Carl. Should it be a medical textbook? Should it be a novel? Or an essay? Or a book of poems? I had several piles going, each I had been narrowing down, and each was still a foot or two high.

"How's your morning going, Annie?" I looked up to see the ever-growing Lori.

"As good as mornings go," I smiled at her, happy that she was finally talking to me.

"What are you doing with those books?"

"Just trying to find the right one."

"For what?" She carefully sat down beside me. I hesitated, not wanting to upset her. I looked around to the door, "Don't worry. The others are sharing stories by the fire in the den."

I picked up the backpack, "I've been putting together a gift for Carl. I hope that's not bad." She extended her arm, and I handed the pack over to her. "I just, I want to put a book in there. I don't know how to say goodbye, so I thought some author could do it for me." I gestured to the books.

She opened the bag and searched through it, "He'll love this."

"You think so?"

"I know it." She zipped it back up and handed it to me, "What books were you thinking?"

"Well, I know I should give him a medical textbook. It'll be useful. But…"

"It's not a goodbye."

"Exactly." I lifted up a few of the books, "So I thought novel, or poetry? But I can't decide on anything. Nothing's perfect."

"You two really care about each other."

"He's so much like my brother, it's hard not to care about him."

"What happened to him?"

"Joey?" She nodded. I took a few seconds to figure out how to say it, "Joey. He died." I felt her hand on my shoulder, "And I didn't get to say a real goodbye."

"That's why this one needs to be just right."

"Yeah." She sat with me for a little while longer.

"You'll figure it out in time." She hobbled up and gave me a small smile.

"Thanks." She stepped back into the house and I resumed my deductions. It was an hour before I picked up the book of Robert Frost's poems. I flipped through it and found the one I had been searching for. Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening. I carefully pulled the page out and grabbed a pen. 'I already miss you infinitely. –Annie' Then I went to the counter and went over it with clear tape as a substitute for lamination. I set the page in the bag and stopped my search for the day.

When I stepped inside and locked the garage I went to check on everyone in the den. I loved the way the fireplace lit the room. It felt like Christmas. I stood in the corner for a bit and listened to their stories, my eyes shutting every now and then at the drowsiness the scene seemed to emit.

"Dad look!" Beth pointed out the window. "It's snowing!"

And with those words all drowsiness had faded from my body and utter panic stormed in to take its place. I tried to appear nonchalant as I left the room, but once I was in the hallway I began to scurry to the bathroom. I needed to prepare for this. During some point in his months here Hershel had found the switch that allowed for the apparent well water to run through our pipes, and we had all been extra grateful. Warm water. Something I had spent over a year without was now a regular occurrence, and I could never thank Hershel enough for it. I turned on the faucet and fished a razor from the cupboard. Snow fell. Snow fell. I have to keep my nerve; I have to keep my promise. Future Annie will hate me if I don't. I began scrubbing and then lathering, before finally shaving. It was funny to think of how I had performed this very ritual in the past, for boys who I thought I couldn't live without, all probably long gone. I was still scared now as I had been those years ago, but somehow it seemed far more important today, not to mention more terrifying. Life was funny like that, especially now. Here I was, about to be completely alone again, fighting off swarms of undead flesh-eaters and evil bandits by the bucket-full, but still vastly afraid of physical intimacy. It was more the insecurities that came with it that frightened me. What if I was bad? I had been told I was good in the past, but what if the years of dormancy had sapped me of my mojo? What if I accidently said the word mojo aloud, thus killing all potential moods?

Once I had gotten to shampooing my fears morphed once more. What if I get rejected? What if I put myself out there, and the resounding 'no' hits me? What if the desires I have are not mutual? Maybe this wasn't worth it. Humiliation would be unbearable. I rinsed my hair and stepped onto the bathmat. Drying myself off I looked into the mirror, a quick glance at my tattoo. "I've got promises to keep." I thought on that for a minute as I combed my hair. Yes, embarrassment is a horrific thing. I had been embarrassed enough times in my life to know that to be true. But there is something worse; not trying.

I could deal with being humiliated, in fact I was rather good at that. But I don't think I could ever live with myself if I didn't go for what I wanted, and God damn it I wanted Daryl. I wrapped the towel around myself and, gathering my things, made my way up to my room to continue my ritual.

**Audience Participation Time! What do you think will happen next? Horrible awkwardness or ra-ra-ra-romance? And should Annie talk to Rick about possibly leaving with them? I want to know what you guys think!**


	21. 21: Annie The Risk Taker

**Hello! I just wanted to say thank you for reading, you are seriously the best bunch of readers and more than I could ever ask for. I tried my hardest to do a good job on this chapter, even if it is just a bit out of my comfort zone (don't worry, I'll get there with practice like this). Because of this please please please let me know how I did. What worked and what didn't? Anywho, now that that's all out of the way, ENJOY!**

21: Annie, the Risk Taker

I pulled the headphones over my ears and scrolled through the songs until I settled on something that would calm me. Bob Dylan. That would ease the chatter in my mind. The next step in the preparation was clothing. The one constant problem and pleasure of women the world over, and my potential downfall. I sifted through the drawers three times before I finally decided on something. "You can do this. You've been sexy before." I lifted the dark purple lace from its home amongst the underwear, "And don't they say bravery is always rewarded?" I slid on the thong and searched for the matching bra. Once the bra was clasped I stared into the mirror, examining myself from various angles. I was so much more thin now, and whatever bulk there was had muscle behind it. The sheerness of the fabric scared me. I would have never worn something like this before all of this. But I should be confident; in any other situation I would have been, but this was different. This was Daryl. This was me going all in with a decent hand, but no clue what the other guy's tells were. Risk. But high-risk means high reward, I rationalized. I threw on grey yoga pants and a cute red sweater before stepping in front of the mirror again. I examined myself once more. "Not bad, old girl." My hair had been kind today, producing its usual waves just as I had hoped it would. I then took a seat in front of the reflection and began with my makeup regimen. Subtle. I needed subtle. But I also needed beautiful. Was I beautiful? Could I be? Or was I just so used to my reflection that I began to love what I saw out of familiarity? My mom used to say I was the prettiest thing she's ever seen, but that was probably just because she was my mother. They were supposed to say those things.

When I had deemed myself as good as it got I went on to tidy the room up, occasionally switching songs or humming a tune. This was what it was like before. Cleaning my room up on chore day, music blaring, trying to mix work and fun. I really miss those days.

Body groomed, clothes on, makeup applied, room clean. The ritual was almost finished. I took a peak outside to see how much daylight I had left; just about none. I did a few quick stretches and went back downstairs to join the group for dinner. When it had gotten too cold to retreat to the rooftop I had decided to resume my place in the corner seat. Head down. Polite but silent. This was the way it had to be. Arms length. Keep your distance. I am already making it difficult enough by getting closer to Daryl. He was the exception that I just had to make. I nibbled on my bread and listened to the various conversations that were happening around me. I tried to take it all in so I could remember when the time came. Table filled with people, smiles scribbled on their faces. The movement of hands and voices and other things that meant life. I wished then for a camera. Just one photo of them, like this, and maybe it would be enough company when the time comes. A mental note would have to do. The whole time I couldn't bring myself to look at Daryl. I was far too nervous, and I worried that if we made eye contact I might just melt into a pile of goo. It was much safer to keep my head down. When the meal was finished I helped clear the table, one of the few jobs of the winter months. They all went to huddle around the TV, but I returned to the den with my pipe and a good book. I needed to relax, and there was no better way that reading by the fire.

-o0o-

When I heard the click of the TV as it turned off all efforts to calm myself seemed to be of no use. The harder I tried to focus on the words on the page the more I seemed unable to do so. I heard someone sit on the couch, but I kept my eyes on the page. They flicked through the lines, not absorbing the words but giving me something to do. After a minute of that I sat up, picking up the pipe and looking towards the couch. There he was, reclined, looking at the ceiling or something, I couldn't figure out what. He did look rather good today. Then again, he looked good almost every day. Now I couldn't keep myself from looking at him. I could feel my heart begin to pound. Can't have that. I have to keep my head. I held the pipe to my lips and cleared the bowl. Packing one more bowl, my eyes fluttered up every few seconds to check that he was still there. I can do this. I can do this. I can totally do this. Annie, you're amazing. Who wouldn't want to be the object of your affections? I began working on the new bowl. You can do this, Annie. I looked over at him and smiled, releasing a large plume of smoke. I let out a laugh accidently.

"What's so funny?"

When those eyes met mine I immediately began to cough. Shit. Shit. I can't do this. My cough subsided. Why was he still looking at me? Oh, yeah, he asked me something. What did he say? "Just something in the book." I stared at the page once more. I saw him sit up from the corner of my eye, so I turned to face him.

"You gonna unlock the door?" I nodded, knowing if I tried to speak I would give myself away.

I stood up and took a breath, tossing the keys to him, "I'll be up in a minute." He disappeared upstairs. I made sure the fire would be safe overnight, taking many calming breaths in order to get my nerve up. I want this. In fact, if I could only have one thing in the world, right now, this would be it. This wasn't even just desperation talking, I actually really enjoyed his company. Even when he was grouchy he was nice to have around. I made my way upstairs, shutting and locking the door behind me with a sigh. When I turned around he was sitting on the edge of the bed, and then it all clicked.

There was heat inside me. It started in my stomach and first spread south. I want this. He looked up at me, and I realized it must have been strange to see me just standing there staring at him. I really want this. I squirmed slightly under his gaze, but somehow my strength prevailed. The heat had spread to my chest and through my arms and legs and I knew. I knew I was ready.

"What's wrong?" I could tell he was trying to read my expression, but how could he? He had never seen me like this. Hell, no one alive had ever seen me like this.

"Nothing." I slid my pants off as gracefully as I could and took the few steps to him. Standing there in-between his legs I pulled my sweater over my head. I couldn't help my smile at the look on his face when the fabric was tossed towards the dresser. I could hear my heart beating as I leaned down and grabbed the bottom of his shirt and began to pull it up. I held my breath in fear that he would stop me, but off came the shirt. I threw it to the side, keeping my focus on him. I placed a hand on the back of his neck and sat down. I want him. I leaned down and kissed him softly. When he didn't pull away I felt my confidence grow as I began to suck his bottom lip. I couldn't really remember the taste from the last time I had kissed him, but I don't think it would have mattered. It was the sweetest thing to touch my lips ever since. I felt a hand on my back, then another in my hair. It sent shivers through me, and the next thing I knew I felt his tongue on my lips. I hadn't felt this good. Not ever. And with that pleasure came the realization that it had been three years since I had been with anyone. Three long years, and here was someone. Here was someone and I needed them now.

I pushed him back on the bed and we continued, only this time my hand began to wander. His skin felt so warm, so soft, I needed this now. I reached the waistband and started to slip inside.

"Hey!" He had grabbed my wrist.

I sat up, still on top of him, "Why not?" I looked at him; was that not lust in his eyes, too?

"Not tonight." He started to roll me off of him, but I didn't budge.

"Why not?" He sat up on his elbows and smirked at me, "Do you not want to? I'd totally understand…"

"No, I want to," he laughed.

"Then why not?" I rolled off of him and scooted to my side of the bed.

"Do you want to?" he stood up and turned off the light before taking his place beside me.

"Yes, badly." He leaned back and I rested my head on his chest.

"Then we will."

I quickly sat up, "Tonight?"

He laughed for a second, "No." I sighed and nestled beside him again. "But soon."

"Good, cause time's running out."

"I know." His hand ran through my hair a few times, "Goodnight."

I looked up at him, "Kiss?" He smiled and his hand came up to pull my face towards his. A soft peck. "Goodnight." I wrapped my arm around him and smiled, the steady thuds of his heartbeat ushering me to sleep.

**Audience Feedback/Participation Time! What did you think!? Inquiring minds want to know!**** Honesty is more than welcomed. **


	22. 22: Adoptive Brother

**Hey there amazing readers! First, thank you for reading. I hope you like this chapter, but please please keep on giving me the feedback (it helps me write better chapters in the future).** **And I have to thank the uber-loyal readers, you guys blow my mind and make me immensely happy, and we all know a happy writer writes more. (and I do promise there will be action soon, ;) both kinds of action) ENJOY!**

22: Adoptive Brother

I woke up to a cold bed, just like every other day the past few months. I shouldn't be surprised by this. My confidence was no where to be found, and my insecurities had taken their post once more. Had I imagined it all? No, if I had things would have gone differently. I pushed the thoughts away as I pulled some new clothes on and made my way downstairs for breakfast.

The floorboards creaked as I walked down the hallway to the stairs. I glanced towards the stark white walls. The old me would never have been able to call this home. I lived in bright colors before. Now it was just white and bare and cold. But some part of me thought this was home. This is as close to home as I had now. There was no one in the living room as I passed through to the kitchen. "Where is everyone?"

"They all went into town for supplies." Carl was already putting some food on a plate for me.

"And they left you here alone?"

"Well, you're here." He smiled, "So I'm not really alone, now am I?"

"Touché, smarty pants." I sat down. He put the plate in front of me. "Thank you." I took a few bites as he joined me. "I didn't think we needed supplies."

"No, I think they are deciding when we are going to leave."

"Oh." I couldn't help but feel a sting in my chest, but I tried to just be happy to talk to my buddy.

"That's why I had to stay behind. Dad said I'd just complicate things."

"Why's that?"

"I don't think we should go." I had seen the look on his face before. It was the same look my brother gave me when I was leaving for college.

"Neither do I," I reached over the table and ruffled his hair. "I don't understand why your dad is so adamant about it."

"He has a bunch of reasons. But I don't think any of them are good enough."

"Do you think you'd stay if I left?" I raised my eyebrow, but focused on my plate.

"I don't think so."

I nodded a few times before looking up at him. This isn't how I wanted to spend this time. Who knows if we would get to hang out before they leave? Smiling I spoke, "How've you been?"

"Alright I guess. I hate that we don't get to hang out anymore."

"Me too, but it will make it easier for when you leave."

"Do you think so?"

I stood up and started to clean the plate, "Maybe. I mean, I know it's gonna be hard for me either way. But Rick knows what he's doing." Once I finished I leaned against the counter, "Why did they need to go all the way to town to talk about when they're leaving? They could have done that here."

He smiled, "I wasn't supposed to tell you that."

"What were you supposed to say?"

"Supply run."

I laughed, "With everyone?"

He started laughing with me, "They probably wont even come back with anything."

"I know, right!" We laughed a while longer, "So what do you want to do 'til they get back?"

"I have no idea."

"Have you ever played chess?" He shook his head, "Well, I know for a fact there's a chess board around here someplace, and it's a game everyone should learn."

"Is it hard?"

"Well, that depends on who you're playing with." I winked at him and went to find the chess set.

-o0o-

"You're getting good at this, buddy." I looked down at the pieces, completely stumped as to which move I should make next.

"You're going easy on me," he laughed.

"Maybe last game, but this one I was really trying," I laughed before moving my bishop.

"You shouldn't have done that," he slid his queen into check. I countered, but he outsmarted me. "Checkmate."

"I'll be damned." I began to set up the pieces once more.

"Do we have to play again?"

I looked across the table at him, "Not if you don't want to."

"I was kinda hoping we could talk."

"Sure," I wiped the pieces into their box, "About what?"

"I'm worried about when we leave." I looked up at him, and I could tell he wasn't lying.

"Why?"

"What if we don't find another safe place before the baby gets here?"

"You will," I smiled.

"You can't know that."

"Have I ever lied to you before?"

He was quiet for a few seconds, "What if we don't get to say goodbye?"

"I'll figure something out."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Anything else worrying you?"

He looked down for a while, "What if we don't come back? And we don't get to hang out ever again?"

"Don't worry about that, bud."

"I don't want that to happen though."

"Neither do I." I didn't want that to happen, no. But I knew it most likely would, "I'll tell you what… If I don't hear from you after a few years I'll come find you. How's that?"

"Years?"

"Is that too long?"

"How about one year. Not this spring, but the next. If we haven't seen each other, then you come find me. Or I'll have to come find you."

I sighed, knowing there was no way I could say no to him. "You've got yourself a deal, partner." I held out my hand and he shook it. "Feel better?"

"Yeah." We got up, and I put away the game before joining him on the couch by the fire. "Aren't you worried about anything?"

"Who me?" I smiled cheekily his way for a second. Then my smile left, "I am."

"What about?"

"It's stupid and embarrassing," the smile returned.

"I told you! It's only fair." He punched my arm lightly.

I held up my hands, "Fine. Fine. I just, I am worried you'll leave and never be able to forgive me."

"Why would you need forgiving?"

"I'm supposed to protect you, and if you leave. Well, I can't exactly protect you then, now could I?"

"I can take care of myself."

"I know, but still." He opened his mouth to speak, but we heard the front door open. And just like that our time together was over.

**Audience Participation (I dig these things, it helps tons and makes it so I can reward you guys easily): So, Annie's time with the group is drawing to a close, just as things with Daryl are heating up. Thoughts? Will they/wont they? Is it just a survival sort of thing, or is it something more? I know what I have planned, but what do you want to see happen?**


	23. 23: A Slipping Mask

**Sorry for the wait, but a big thank you to my helpers (you're the best readers ever). Let me know your thoughts, questions, musings, they are all greatly appreciated. ENJOY!**

23: A Slipping Mask

My mind was busy for the next few days, and the cold weather meant I couldn't get out. I couldn't get away from it all. Should I talk to Rick? Should I ask them to stay? What should I do? I knew I didn't want to leave. I had made a home here. I don't want to leave my home, not again. I'd been out there, I know what it's like. This is as safe as it gets. But I didn't really want to be alone again either, if I was being perfectly honest. I became so used to having people around so quickly; I can hardly remember what it was like before. I don't think I could stand the quiet again. On top of that Daryl had become an almost constant presence beside me, including me in conversation, the occasionally arm around my shoulder. I enjoyed it. It was helping with all of this. What would I do without that? Then there was the added pressure of their departure. I should ask him when they were planning to leave, but it scared me. Time was still this frightening entity, looming over my world. Annie, undone by the calendar.

On the plus side, with all of my pensive days I did find the right book for Carl. It was strange how it came to me. I was sitting with Daryl on the couch, resting my head on his shoulder as had become the custom, and then it clicked. _The House at Pooh Corner._ The book that I used to come back to every now and then, when I was missing the good old days. My mom used to read it to my brother and me when we were too young to truly understand it. On the surface it was entertaining and sweet but, the way I saw it, of all the books I have ever read it had the best ending. The kind of ending all friendships have, now that I think of it. I got up and found the copy I still had and went to the garage.

"What's that?" I looked to see Daryl had joined me.

"Just a little something for Carl." I slid the laminated poem in-between the crisp pages of the last chapter, then stuffed it into the bag.

He walked over and opened the bag, "You really care about that little son of a bitch."

I nodded, sitting down on the floor, "I figured I wouldn't be able to protect him out there when you leave, so this'll have to do." I pulled my knees to my chest, keeping the sorrow out the best I could. I hated to think they were leaving. I hated to think I would lose my brother again.

"March." He sat beside me, his arm going immediately to its new home around my shoulders. "We're leaving first thing in March."

"Oh." I thought about leaning towards him, but I just couldn't. "That's soon."

"You don't want to go with us?"

"It's safe here." I avoided answering. Pulling my knees closer to me I thought of my brother. His laugh. His face. His attitude. Everything about him I had lumped over to Carl, who was so similar in so many ways. The arm went away and I felt him stand up.

"You're so damn stubborn, Anne. We both know you want to come with us, and you aren't even gonna try. You're just being stupid," he slammed the door on the way out of the garage.

He was right.

He was so right.

He saw right through me.

I stood up and wiped my eyes, "I'm being stupid." I walked out into the living room where Daryl had joined everyone gathered around the TV. "Rick." He looked up, "May I have a word with you, please?" He followed me into the garage. "I think it's about time that I told you some things." I motioned for him to take a seat. Once he sat I began, "I had a family once, too, ya know? And they aren't alive anymore like yours is. They're all dead. My world, gone in one day. So I hope you can forgive me when I say this… Just what the hell do you think you're doing leaving here?"

"Excuse me?"

"I don't know if you know this, man, but this is as good as it gets. I know. I spent months out there on my own, barely surviving until I stumbled upon this gold mine. And here you are, same place, safe place, and you tell me that you need to leave. What are you so afraid of?" I looked at him, but his face was stoic. "Not fear, no. That's not noble enough now is it… Pride. Too proud to stay."

"You don't know anything about me."

"Don't I?" I laughed, "You're a good man with a good heart, otherwise you wouldn't have a kid like that. Now I don't know what tough times have come between with you and Lori, and I don't care to, but you are still together. I can respect that. But this is me telling you not to go. Stay here and be safe. Please." I could feel tears flowing, but I didn't try to hide them. "Keep your family alive. You shouldn't have to go through this; Jo-Carl can't go through this." He stood up and stood for a moment, I wished he would say something but he just stood there for a few seconds before leaving me alone in the garage.


	24. 24: Family

**Hey! Here's just a little something. Enjoy!**

24: Family

"So what'd you say to Rick?"

I slid under the covers and rested my head on Daryl's chest. "I told him to stay."

"What else?" I felt his hand run through my hair, and I couldn't help but smile.

"That was it, basically."

"Then why's he so pissed at you?"

I laughed and sat up, "I might have called him prideful."

"Why'd you do that? It'll just make things worse."

"It's true. This is his family we are talking about… He shouldn't put them at risk just because he wants to do it all on his own." I leaned on my elbow, "I don't think he understands, ya know? He still has his family." I expected him to say something, but he just pulled me close.

"Goodnight."

"Kiss?" I looked up at him, and he obliged. This was the routine. I was beginning to love this routine. "Goodnight." I nestled in and fell asleep.

-o0o-

"Hey, do you need any help in here?" Lori turned away from the cutting board. She had been getting bigger by the day, which was strange to see. The whole concept of childbearing freaked me out ever since I saw a video about it in school. Ever since then it reminded me of the movie Alien. I guess I'll never have to deal with that.

"I can always use a few extra hands," she smiled at me, "besides Carol is helping Carl with something."

I rolled up my sleeves, "What can I do?"

"If you can lift that pot up here and fill it with water that'd be great."

"Of course," I did as she asked.

"So you talked to Rick."

"Yep," she handed me the knife and motioned to the cutting board.

"Honey, you aren't gonna change his mind. I wish there was a way, but he's a stubborn man." I nodded, "So did you and your Mama used to cook?"

"No, actually I didn't really learn until everything happened," I started to chop, "I figured I had time, but…"

"I worry about that," she held her stomach.

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," she smiled at me. "Here, let me show you a few of my tricks." I had wanted this. I had always wanted this. I know it wasn't my real mother, I know that it wasn't perfect. But it was something. This wasn't the first nice thing Lori had done for me, by any means. I would miss her too.

Once everything was cooking I leaned against the counter, "Thank you for doing that."

She put her hand on my shoulder, "You shouldn't think you don't have fam-people who care about you." I stared back at her for a second before reaching up and setting my hand on hers. "I hope she's like you," she touched her stomach.

"How do you know it's a girl?"

"A mother always knows," she smiled slyly. "I'm thinking about naming her after you, seeing as…"

I couldn't think of anything to say. What can you say to that? So I just stood there in silence, waiting for something to come to me, "What's it like? Having a kid?"

"Well, it's a lot more difficult than I remember," she sat down. "It's like you're giving a part of yourself to create this life. And it's a part of you, all of you. And it's exhausting. But it'll be worth it, just like it was worth it with Carl. Just like it was worth it for your mom."

I nodded, "Sounds like."

"You'll find out for your own one day." No, I wouldn't. When Carol walked in I decided to take my leave. I walked up to my room.

Family. That wasn't in the cards anymore. Even though Lori and Carl considered me somewhat-a part of-close, they'd be gone in two months. Then there was Daryl, but that was a whole other can of worms.

This is why I stayed alone before. This is why I should have stayed alone for good. What happens? You get close to people and they leave. Then what are you left with? Nothing but pain. I pulled out my pipe, deciding it was best to forget about all of this, at least for now.

**Thank you for reading, you guys are seriously the most amazing readers. And a big thanks to my helpers for saving my mental life! Make sure to let me know your thoughts!**


	25. 25: Fighting

**Hey! Thank you for reading, I stand by what I've said before... You guys are the best readers ever. And thanks for my helpers, it really makes a difference. ENJOY!**

25: Fighting

"Wake up," I felt something hit my face. I sat up slowly, "We're going hunting."

I fell back onto the pillow, "But it's cold." Something else fell on me. I just wanted to stay in bed for a few more minutes, or hours. Heck, let's just make a day of it.

"You still have a few things you need to learn." Damn. He had a point.

I sat up once more, finally noticing the pile of clothes on me. "Fine, just give me a second." I got out of bed and started putting everything on. "Will there even be anything out there worth hunting?"

"Only one way to find out," I looked over to find him putting on his shoes, I couldn't help but smile.

-o0o-

It isn't that I don't enjoy cold weather. Cold weather is fine. Without cold weather, coziness would be impossible. But here's the thing, cold weather is only good when you're inside. I walked a few strides behind Daryl, keeping a look out for animals, but only noticing the scenery. The ground had a slight covering of snow. Against the dark bark of the trees it was beautiful. I hadn't seen much snow growing up, but this stuff looked like heaven. If only it wasn't so fucking cold.

"I'm not seeing anything, are you?" the cold constricted my voice.

"Not a thing," he turned around. The cold had made his face pink and brought a childish look to him that I hadn't seen before. A laugh burst out accidentally from my mouth. "What's funny?"

"So glad we did this. Totally worth it," I laughed more. I could feel my side beginning to hurt, so I leaned against a nearby tree. "You look like a child."

"No I don't," he started walking back.

Then an idea struck me.

I reached towards the ground, slinging the bow around my shoulder so I could pick up some snow. Pack, pack, throw. The snowball hit him in the back of the head. "Direct hit, ten points," I chuckled.

When he turned around I expected retaliation, "Let's just get back."

"Why?" I bent down once more. Pack, pack, throw. This one hit him in the chest, "Afraid?"

He started to laugh, "Like you could beat me, little girl."

I threw another, harder this time, "You really shouldn't have said that." He reached down, but I was faster. The white ball flew. "Right in the face, too." I laughed, hunching over once again. He threw one at me, but it missed by a hair. Then it was war. Snowballs went flying every which way, and I couldn't stop the giggles that bubbled up as I ran around, dodging enemy fire. Occasionally I wasn't fast enough, but he wasn't so lucky. After a few minutes I decided there was only one way to stop this and win once and for all. I ran at him and tackled him to the ground.

"Ouch," he whined.

I sat on top of him, "Victory is mine!"

"You cheated."

I shook my head, "I'd never dream of cheating." I set my bow on the ground beside us; the adrenaline was coursing through my veins as the cold air pumped in and out of my lungs.

"We should get back," he patted my leg as if to as me to get off.

"Yeah," I was still panting, "We should, huh?" I sent him my most mischievous smile. "Or…" I leaned over and kissed his neck, "We could stay here for a little bit." I moved over to his lips, getting the distinct feeling of a smile there as I began to kiss them. My heart was still pumping at full capacity as our lips began to move, and I couldn't help but wish this could last. I took off my gloves and ran my fingers into his hair where heat was radiating off of him, I could feel his arms pulling me closer, our mouths remaining connected the whole while. I can't remember ever feeling like this. I was legitimately happy. Elated in every sense of the word. Yes, I wished things were different, like the world hadn't ended, less death, or there were less clothes involved in this moment, but I couldn't care less about those things. I could deal with all that, I would handle all of that, just as long as I had this. As long as I had him. I wanted this moment, and several more like this, for as long as humanly possible. His lips trailed to my neck, where he pulled down my scarf so he could reach the skin, and I took it as a chance to catch my breath. Regaining a level head was impossible though. I think… I might even be sure about it… I was in… Annie, you can't feel that. He's leaving soon, you know this. His lips persisted against my skin. Wait, who cares? Who cares what I should do? Who cares what's safe? I sure as hell don't. I knew how I felt. I wouldn't let fucked up circumstances stop me from feeling this. Finally something good. Love.

The crack of twigs mixed with a gargling noise broke our embrace. In an instant the bow was in my hand once more, arrow poised to shoot. In the corner of my eye I saw Daryl, still flat on his back under me, pointing his crossbow as well. Click, dling. Our arrows flew and hit the wandering walker simultaneously. I sighed and slid my gloves back on, "I guess we should head out." We stood up, brushing the snow from our clothes, and I started towards the corpse to collect the arrows, but he stopped me. Our lips were together once more, but only briefly. I loved him.

"You're something else, Annie."

I walked over, pulled out the arrows, and wiped them on the dead guy's clothes before handing Daryl his back. "So are you," I smiled at him, "Now, let's get going."

**Let me know what you all think! (Helps keep me motivated) :)**


	26. 26: Nightmares and Dreamscapes

**Hey! Thank you for reading. And I hope you ENJOY!**

26: Nightmares and Dreamscapes

_It was dark, and everything seemed so fuzzy through the rain, but I knew what was in front of me. A horde. Hissing and biting at me as I kicked them off, praying for someone to save me, praying for more bullets, praying for anything. My heart was beating so fast, so strong that its frantic drumming rang through the air. This cant be happening. I don't want to die, not like this. Not alone. I tried to fend them off the best I could, but my arms and legs got heavier with each shove. I was done for. This was the end. "Please."_

_And just like that they had vanished. The sun was out, just past noon by the look of it. There were birds somewhere, singing away like nothing happened. There was a distinct smell coming from somewhere in the breeze, honey. Honey like on those Sunday mornings. I must be close to home. The grass I was standing on was such a bright shade of green; I even had to squint just to be able to see. I began to wander towards a familiar looking house. Was this home? It had to be, I'd remember that door anywhere. _

_"Annie!" I turned immediately and saw Carl running towards me, he looked scared. Why was there blood all over him? "Annie, hurry! We need your help," I moved to run, but I was already steps behind him. What had happened? Was everyone okay? Where's Rick? Or Lori? Or Daryl? Or anyone? I followed him through the brush; its twists and turns making my head spin slightly. It was dark green everywhere, and stray branches began to cut at me with every step. Limbs heavy once more I slowed to a stop. Ominous chain linked fencing. Guard towers. This place is a prison. "There's no time, we need your help." We began to run once more, my legs nearly falling off as I drug them behind myself. What was wrong? I needed to save them, help them, protect them. _

_The light changed in an instant. Darkness once more, but it was different than before. It was a room; I knew this room. This was my brother's old room. "What do I need to do?" I looked to Carl, but he was gone. In his place was the one person I had hoped to see, my brother. My Joey. _

_"You killed me, Annie." I shook my head. No, no I didn't meant to, I tried to speak but no sound escaped my lips. "You killed me… Just like you killed Mama. Just like you killed Papa. Did you even care? Did you even care that you left us?" Of course I care. Of course I care. I would give anything to have not had to do that. I kept trying to speak, but it was like someone somewhere with a remote control turned me onto mute. "No wonder everyone wants to leave you, Annie. Who could stand being around someone like you?" I finally let out a scream, but still silence. I reached out to him. I needed him to know the truth. I needed him to know I still cared. He didn't resist as I pulled him into a hug, squeezing him as tight as my arms could manage. I love you. I love you, Joey. Please know that. "Murderer," he let loose a bone chilling snarl before he bit into my arm. _

"Annie! Annie, wake up!" I felt a hand shake up, and I snapped up from the bed. "You okay?" I looked over at Daryl and sighed. It was just a dream; I looked down at my arm where Joey had bitten me. Just a horrible dream. Just a horrible, incredibly realistic dream.

I looked back to Daryl, "I don't think so." I wasn't going to lie anymore. Not to him. "Can I talk to you about it?" His only answer was pulling me back down to bed. I rested my head on his chest and came clean. "I'm a killer. I killed my family. I killed those people in the woods. I've killed who knows how many walkers. They were people, too."

"You did what you had to."

"Did I?" I listen to his steady heartbeat for a while. I could have found some other way; I didn't have to be so ruthless. And what would happen when they leave? How much more of myself would I lose? "It's not just that, you know. You guys are leaving soon. I don't know if I can handle it. I'm already a monster, what will happen… It's just, when you all leave what will keep me from losing the rest of myself?" He pulled me closer. "I've just changed so much already. I don't want to change anymore."

"Then don't."

"Cause it's that easy." I sighed.

"What were you like before?"

"Before all of this or before you showed up?" I let out a shallow laugh.

"All of this."

"I was tough, but not like now. You kind of have to be with all the dissecting. And I was so focused on school to the point that I only really had one friend at the university. See, I had social anxiety. Not with my family, though. They couldn't get me to shut up. But Amanda, my school friend, totally got me; she was an art major who liked the same music I liked, the same TV shows. We met during this American Literature class, and that was it. Best friends. I got my tattoo on a dare from her. Finals were over and we were bullshitting about everything. She told me that if I were a poem, I'd be _Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening_. When I asked her why she said it was because, even if I occasionally got sidetracked, I never gave up on anything. Then she dared me to get it tattooed, and I have never been one to back down from a dare, especially when Amanda was doing the daring. She made me better that way, I would've had the most boring college life without her there egging me on." I smiled to myself. "I must've been a decent person back then, if she'd hang out with me."

"Did you try to find her?"

"No. I was too scared. What if I found her and she had turned? Or she had died? It's better like this. She's still alive, and by now she could be anywhere."

"I wonder if Merle's alive."

"Your brother?" I looked up towards his face in time to see a nod, "Well, if he's anything like you then he definitely is. Even if he's only got one hand."

"Ya think?"

"I know," I nestled in once more, "Maybe you'll find him when you guys head out."

"Maybe."

It was strange how easy it was for Daryl to calm me down. "Thank you. For listening and everything."

"Feel better?"

"I do."

"Then let's get some sleep."

**Audience Participation Time: Time is running out fast for Annie and the gang, but the story isn't even half way through! What are your thoughts about all this? :) **


	27. 27: A Purpose Driven Life

**Hey! Hope you like the newest installment of Annie Get Your Gun. Thank you for reading, you wonderful readers! Also a big thanks to my helpers, I can't even explain how thankful I am for you guys. Anyways, ENJOY!**

27: A Purpose Driven Life

March was just looming there. Two weeks away. I thought that after the world was over months would mean less. Guess I was wrong about that. It'd funny when I think about it now, before all this time had such a small significance to me. Of course there were due dates and deadlines in school, but other than that the months didn't matter. Now it was important. Months meant time slipping away, and so little to show for it. What had I done since I left home? Stayed alive. Tried to find safety. Found relative safety. That's it. I was one of the last people in the world presumably and I wasn't even really living. All I did was take up space, use resources. I needed to do something to give my life purpose, or what was the point. To top off my general feelings of restless uselessness, Daryl's 'promise of soon' as I had begun to refer to it had yet to be fulfilled. Two weeks. That was all that was left. I couldn't be the only one who knew this, right? I mean, where's the haste? In two weeks I will be nothing but a memory to these people, and at this rate none of those memories would involve Daryl and me and sex. I am sure the others noticed my new grouchy demeanor. The stomping strides, the heavy sighs, the constant need to be doing something with my hands. These were all telltale signs of my disdain, and the way they ignored them only made it worse. Maybe I was too good at hiding. Maybe I had gotten so good at pretending to be cheery that they couldn't see.

"You think you'll be able to manage the field alright when we leave?" I was sitting across from Hershel at lunch, finishing the last scraps of my meal.

"I'll try not to fuck it up too much, but I'll probably have to cut back on everything. I don't think I can manage all the stuff I added for you guys." I picked at my food, and the table cleared slowly but surely. I just stared down at the plate shifting the leftovers around, until the silence told me I was alone.

"I wasn't aware you had added crops for us," I looked up, surprised he was still sitting there. There was something different about him. Hershel's eyes were kind; in fact they were my favorite part about him besides his occasional wise gem. In that moment there was something else there. Sadness? Confusion? I couldn't be sure, but those eyes were altered.

"It was nothing." I moved the fork around on the plate, the tinging of the metal against the ceramic only emphasized the pause in my speech, "You guys will find someplace safe soon. You should take some seeds for when you do, I have a bunch extra."

"That would be kind of you. We'll make sure to put 'em to good use, that is once we get to wherever were going." I smiled at him before getting up and taking my plate into the kitchen, my idleness making me uneasy once more.

Two weeks. Time is running out. I needed to do something, something productive. After I cleaned my plate and put it away I went into the garage and threw some seeds in one of the bags I was going to let them take. I wonder if I forgot anything? I scanned through all of them,, double checking a few times; I'd thought of everything already. Damn my being thorough. I decided it wouldn't hurt to look through Carl's bag, too. I'd thought of everything again; book picked, goodbye written, goods packed. I needed to do something, and there was nothing really left for me to do here. I went and grabbed some of my textbooks, opening each up as it to study. I've already been through this one too many times. And this one. And this one, too. I threw them back in their pile. Things to do… Supplies were sorted. Carl's gift was complete. The books were read. There was only one thing let to do, and I'd been putting it off for a while now. Half because I was scared, and half because I hadn't wanted to have to make the move. Why did I have to? Why couldn't he? My stubborn nature gave way. I had two weeks, and I sure as hell wasn't going to waste them. In fact, I was done wasting time altogether. What does it matter that live as it had once been was over? This is life now, and as long as my heart was still beating I would be damned if I didn't do something worth while. But first things first…

I went to the bathroom and began with the ritual, still ferociously set on a purpose-filled life. I couldn't help but be thankful for the water heater as the downpour seared my skin. The baptismal heat cleaned my thoughts of any of the leftover worry and stagnation that had been plaguing them lately. Showers always seem to have that effect; they clean everything up. I shampooed my hair thoroughly, taking my time to make sure no part of my scalp went untouched, nor any part of the length. My hair used to be a thing of pride for me, the only thing that I thought was even remotely beautiful about myself. I tried to cling to that, but the truth was that now it was nothing more than a luxury. Hair is nothing but dead weight. Once they leave I'll have to address that. I had much too much to do now to have something weighing me down. Then I moved to scrubbing my skin, it used to take me a good hour to get rid of all the grime, but ever since the plumbing became functional it took seconds. I wonder if I'll stay here? It is safe, but maybe safe was a bad word now. Maybe I needed danger? I mean, I might not be a certified doctor but I know enough to help people. What's a better purpose than helping people? I turned my attention back rinsing before I picked up the razor. A part of me, the deeply masochistic part, missed the days of scrubbing in the river. In the winter, when the water was almost frozen, it was invigorating to toss the bucket of water onto myself. I might be back to that soon. I'd have to enjoy this luxury as much as possible while I still had it.

The steam stifled the coldness of the air in the bathroom when I stepped out. I wiped off the mirror before toweling myself off. Job well done. I was well on my way to conquering the final issue that had been bothering me. Staring into my reflection I noticed my eyes. They weren't dull, not anymore. My reignited drive almost radiated off of me as I continued with the final preparations. The insecurities were forgotten, the fears were scorched, and the only remaining feeling was excitement. Excitement for my fresh mission. Excitement for climbing out of the rut. But most importantly, excitement for tonight.

Here I am: Annie exhilarated, Annie driven, Annie utterly irresistible.

**Audience Participation Time! How do you like Annie's new mindset/life goal? I mean, who hasn't gotten to a point in their lives when you think 'Screw stagnation! I want to do something!' :) Also, how do y'all feel about the imminent sexy times? Stoked? Angry? Worried? **

**And thanks again for reading! :) **


	28. 28: Struggle, Vagueness, and Optimism

**Hey! Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think!**

28: Struggle, Vagueness, and a Little Thing Called Optimism

I hadn't really slept since it all happened. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have been able to even if I was still at home in my own bed right now. The guilt was starting to set in, and not just for my family. How many zombies had I killed? It has to be over a hundred by now; at least ten a day. I closed my eyes but I just couldn't stop the wheels from turning. Two weeks. Two weeks on the road. Two weeks fighting to just stay alive. Two weeks since it happened. Two weeks since I lost everything I'd ever cared about. I'd have thought my lack of living relatives would mean a weakened connection to everything. I thought it would mean easy detachment. I was wrong. At this very moment I felt tethered to the world, tethered to them still. I was so closely tied to them that I felt myself tearing as they drifted further and further away from me. To heaven or just to death, but I hoped for the former. I was currently barricaded in a small room in some abandoned house in the tenth or eleventh town I'd been through. The walls were this sickly yellow color, I hated them. I hated it all. I hated the pink comforter I was sleeping under. I hated the posters on the walls. I hated the aches in my muscles. I hated how my head felt like it was going to explode. I hated the low moan of those things outside. But mostly I hated that they were gone. They were gone and I sent them away.

The gears grinded still as I rolled onto my side, hoping that a change in position would prove more successful.

What was I going to do? Where to next? Did I need more gas? Did I drink enough water today? Are those actually zombies, or are they something else? Should I switch cars? Is the car safe? What if I get bit? Should I have just let my brother kill me? Will I ever stop hurting? What about Amanda? Is she okay? Is anyone left? Please, there has to be someone left. Or am I it? Is it just those things and me?

-o0o-

Once my vision started to get blurry, and I stopped being sure that I was driving in a straight line I decided it was time. I was still an hour away from the next town, but I couldn't keep going like this. The last thing in the world that I needed was a car wreck. I pulled to the side of the road and behind some brush. I'd feel safer if there was some sort of camouflage, some sort of stealth involved. I couldn't just be out in the open. Out in the open isn't safe. Once I was satisfied that no one could see me from the road I cut the engine.

"What the fuck am I gonna do?" I asked the empty car. I was wishing for a response, for God or someone to come down and tell me there's hope; everyone is okay and there is hope. Or maybe just that my family was up there, and they were fine now, safe and sound. The quiet endured. I reclined the seat of my borrowed suburban and caught a brief whiff of myself. "Aww," I grimaced at the scent. Almost three weeks of sweat and guts mixed with dying hints of perfume that I'd used a couple days ago, praying it would combat the aroma but it only seemed to make it worse. I couldn't help but feel glad that I was alone. No one was here to suffer this stench but me. I rubbed my eyes a couple of times, "Where am I gonna go?" I flipped that thought over in my head a few times and came up with just about nothing. Zilch. The best I could do was give an indefinite answer, "I'll know it when I see it." Cop out. Vague. Vague enough to work.

I'll know it when I see it.

I'll know what to do when it happens.

I'll know.

I guess there was no one left to trust but myself. I'd made it this far, and I could probably make it at least a bit further. Why not put a little trust in me? My vision started growing tighter, I could barely see a thing anymore as I repeated the words to myself, "I'll know. I'll know." Then finally black.

Before long it was morning, and I had actually gotten a few hours of sleep. It wasn't particularly restful, but it was a start. I'd have no problem making it through the next town before I got tired again. The sun was bright as I stepped out of the car to stretch my legs a bit. I breathed the fresh air in, and it still had remnants of morning dew in it. Out here, in the middle of nowhere, it was almost like nothing had happened. There were no flesh eaters, no other cars, just the sun, the trees, and myself. I loved this kind of quiet, nothing like in the city. Quiet in the city, which was a rarity, felt superficial. It was forced and there was still this lingering noise, and that made it horribly uncomfortable. Out here it was different. The silence was alive. There was the movement of the leaves, and that sun. That sun held a bit of warmth, but it wasn't unbearable just yet. "I'll know." I rummaged through a bag in the backseat and pulled out my toothbrush and some toothpaste. I wish all mornings could be like this; I mean if I have to be alone I'd at least like it to be peaceful.

I rolled the window down on the ride to the next town, hoping that it would air out some of the stench, plus the fresh air was so sweet that I couldn't resist. After a little less than an hour I was getting close. You can always tell; the moans and the smell tended to get louder the closer to civilization that you got. I wasn't afraid though. I had done this before. It was a habit now, down to a science. I snaked my car around the various stranded vehicles until I got to the local sports store.

Cut the engine.

Baseball bat, check.

Scarf around my face, check.

Thick jacket, check.

Step out of car.

Lock door.

Clip keys to belt loop.

Biter comes at me, bat to the head.

Two more, boom boom.

Pop into the store.

Knife section first.

Grab the coolest looking knife in the bunch.

Proceed to stab every walker in the building in the head.

Some through the eye.

Others from up under the jaw.

Blood everywhere.

Swift kills.

Store cleared.

Loot all goods that might come in handy.

Weapons.

Fishing gear, why not?

Any food they have by the register.

Nicest bike they have.

Anti-puncture tubes.

Bike repair kits.

Camping gear.

Backpacks.

Towels.

Anti-scent hunting soap.

Anything and everything that might keep me alive.

Finally I go after the clothing.

Warm weather items.

Boots.

Socks.

Sports bras.

Anything.

Pack everything that I can into the backpacks.

First run out to the car.

Second.

Third.

Now for the stuff that didn't fit into the bags.

Now to put the bike on my bike rack.

Zombies.

Bat to face, bat to face.

Quickly attach the bike and hop into the car.

Onto the next store.

That town, whatever its name was, filled up the rest of my car. I even siphoned enough gas to fill the tank and a few gallons for later. Overall it was a successful day. The road was clear again as the sun started to set, and the only sound was the purr of the engine and the crunch of the chips I was eating. This was life. This was what I'd have to do until… Until I don't know when. But I will. One day something will happen, and I'll know it's time. But for now, this was my life.

I parked off the road a ways when I had started to get tired, and for the second night in a row I managed to get some sleep. Before I had nodded off I prayed that I'd find what I was looking for soon, and that my family was okay.

**Audience Participation Time! Now we know a bit more about Annie's past, not to mention have something to look forward to in the next chapter ( ;) if you get my meaning). If Annie heads back on the now completely changed road do you think she'll be able to make it? And, let's not forget that she's got her groove back. :)**


	29. 29: Tick Tock

**Hey! Super long chapter for you lovely readers today. Not to mention some risky business, if you know what I mean ;). Anyways, thank you for reading and giving this story a chance (and your time). Please please please review. I hope I wrote well, but I was a bit outside my comfort zone, so I have no idea. ****ENJOY GIANT SUPER CHAPTER!**

29: Tick Tock

No one noticed the spring in my step; I liked that. I had a secret. I actually had several secrets, and all of them both protected and empowered me. One of the positives to being on my own, or having that in my future, meant that I was a wildcard. And being the wildcard, unpredictable and unattached, meant I could do whatever I felt like. The group, minus Carl, was starting to plan their exodus when I entered the dining room, and any other day this might have hurt me. New Annie didn't have time for that. New Annie wasn't even bothered by it in the least. I knew what was happening, and I'd come to terms like a real grown adult. I sat down right by Daryl, leaning my head on his shoulder with a calm smile on my face only to have his arm wrap around me in reflex. No one protested my presence; after all I was keeping to myself. I just sat there listening to everyone.

"We should go north," Rick was rationalizing. It was almost funny how he tried to be so in control. The world now, especially when you were traveling, didn't allow for that. I knew that better than anyone, and he surely figured that out by now. Life was even more unpredictable than it was before all of this. Throwing specific plans, like he was beginning to do right now, just made things messy. It allowed for disappointment, it allowed for chaos. I sat with them for a while. They had one of my maps out and were pointing at various things, but all I could focus on for the longest time was Daryl. I had liked having him around. Hell, I had even admitted to myself that I loved the guy. I wondered what it would've been like if we had met before all of this; he probably wouldn't have noticed me, but I'd have noticed him. I am glad for now, even if I wasn't entirely sure how he felt. Whatever this was, I only got two more weeks of it. I took a few mental pictures and decided it was about time to see what Carl was up to. I stood up and went looking for him. Not in the kitchen. Not in the living room.

"There you are," I sat down beside him on the couch in the den, the fire warmed my feet.

"Hi, Annie," he smiled at me.

"Hey buddy, how've you been?" I rocked my head back-and-forth to whatever beat was running through my head at the time.

"Alright I guess."

"You guess?" He nodded and I noticed the sullen look on his face. "What's got you down?"

"It's almost March."

"That's true." I looked over at the fire; the heat hit my face as I leaned back into the worn leather of the couch.

"I don't think I'm ready."

"Why do you say that?" I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, before turning back to the blaze.

"Remember when you said that by the time I left here I would be able to make it on my own?"

"I do."

"I don't think I can."

"You're crazy then," I pulled my knee to my chest and faced him, "If anyone can make it out there, no matter who they were with, even alone, it'd be you." He shook his head, "Hey. You'll survive. You just gotta be tough, like me." I smiled at him.

"What if I can't?"

"What if dinosaurs come back and kill us all!" I laughed, "What if's won't do you any good, but I'll tell you what can," I continued to smile, "Just follow these three rules. Save yourself. Save anyone else you can. And follow your gut. That's the big one. Trust your gut, or your conscience, or your heart. However you want to put it, just trust yourself. Really, as long as you do that you'll be fine."

"I'll still see you in a year?"

"Like I'd forget about you." He still seemed worried, "I know something that will cheer you up," I paused; flashing the most mischievous smile I could muster.

"What?"

"I put together a little gift for you, for when y'all leave."

"Really," he laughed.

"I wasn't gonna let you leave empty handed, now was I?" He kept laughing, "What's so funny, bud?"

"It's just," he kept on laughing. I tried to remember this sound. Hysterical laughter. Happiness.

"What?"

"It's just, I made you a gift too."

-o0o-

Though my conversation with Carl was short, it did add another thing to look forward to in the weeks ahead so I couldn't be that mad. When the time came I helped Lori and Carol with dinner, they even let me cook the main part of the meal. I was glad to get to try my hand at it again; I mean, I was going to have to do it all by myself again really soon, so why not? They were fun to cook with, especially today. With Carol's jokes and Lori's snarky remarks about being pregnant it would have been hard not to have a good time. Occasionally I'd give them a direction, and they'd question me. My response was always, 'if it doesn't taste good, then just blame me.' That seemed to suffice, as by the time the meal was done it was just as I'd pictured it. My new cheery mood sustained as the table filled and people began to eat.

"You ladies really outdid yourselves tonight," T-Dog said as he shoveled the food into him mouth. I smiled in-between bites at the praise.

"Annie did most of the cooking tonight, so thank her," Lori winked at me from her seat next to Rick.

"Well, shit girl. Why haven't you been cooking this entire time?" I laughed with him, and everyone joined in. "How many months of first class cooking did we miss out on? Five? Six?" It was almost odd to be laughing with everyone, even Rick. This really was turning into the best day I've had since… Since I don't even know when. I'd have to remember this.

"A doctor and a chef all in one," I think those were the first words Glen had ever said to me that weren't a direction of some kind. "Damn Daryl, of all the girls left you get her. Lucky son of a bitch."

"Watch your mouth, Chinaman," Daryl pointed his knife at him jokingly.

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm Korean," Glen sighed, and I noticed Maggie's hand on his shoulder.

"And she can work a field, too. You did hit the jackpot with her," Maggie smiled at me, and I felt myself blush. For one I wasn't sure if anyone knew about us. I mean, yeah we were around each other quite a bit, but that didn't really mean anything. It wasn't like we kissed in front of everyone like how Glen and Maggie did. Besides, I didn't think they thought so highly of me.

"You're telling me," I felt his arm wrap around my waist, and I couldn't stop the ridiculous smile that was forming on my face. It was like my mouth couldn't stop itself from turning up at the corners, it was just a puppet on some string. I had never really felt like I had a place with them, but now. This is what belonging felt like, right? This is what it felt like to have people like me.

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Daryl?" I could tell by the look on Rick's face that somehow I'd done something wrong, but I for the life of me couldn't care less. I did, however, feel a bit uneasy when Daryl got up and followed Rick out of the dining room. This couldn't be good. I had been flying too close to the sun all day; maybe karma was going to push me down a few rungs.

"So where'd you learn to cook?" Beth asked from across the table.

"Here actually. Mostly by myself, but Lori was kind enough to teach me a few things," I smiled and took another bite.

"If I'd have known you were this good, I'd have had ya teach me a thing or two instead," Lori laughed. I shook my head at Lori. She had made good meals; I really didn't know what all the hubbub was about.

"Do you think you could teach me a few things before we leave?"

"Of course, that'll be fun." Through the house came muffled, yet noticeably raised voices. They must be arguing. But they never argue?

"So Annie," Lori spoke obviously to cover up the noise, "You came all this way from Louisiana, right?" I nodded, "You must've met some interesting people on your way up here."

"Nope. I actually didn't know anyone else was alive until Daryl showed up," I laughed.

"So you were alone this whole time and you still survived?" Glen looked shocked.

"I guess I've been playing things a lot more close to the chest than I thought I was," I scooped the last bite into my mouth. "Yeah, I've been alone."

"I can't imagine…"

"It was hard at first, but it got easy quick." I smiled, "I'll admit, most of the time it was useful, at least before I found this place. I'm sure you all know how difficult it is to stay clean on the road, and it was better no one was around to smell me. It was disgusting," I laughed.

When Rick and Daryl came back into the dining room they both had an air of anger about them. Neither of them said a word as they sat down in their respective places and finished their food. Hershel started talking to Glen about something mundane, and the good mood the table had been experiencing had vanished.

Daryl was the first to get up and put his plate in the kitchen. When he returned he just said, "If anyone needs me, I'll be sleeping."

Wait. Already? The sun had only just set half of an hour ago. I got up and quickly went to wash my plate, still remembering the last thing on my 'To Do' list. There was no way I was letting this slide again. I swiftly made my way up the stairs and to my room. "Hey," he was already lying down, "Are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"It just sounded like you two were arguing," I sat on my side of the bed.

"So?" he rolled over to face me.

"I don't know," I almost asked him if he wanted to talk about it, but I already knew the answer. A resounding no. "So, are you really tired, or were you just saying that?"

"Why?" His smirk was more than enough to set me off.

"Because," I slinked down and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. When I moved my attention to his neck I was a bulldozer; a force to be reckoned with. My lips moved feverishly between the occasional bites. I couldn't wait anymore, and I was sure he knew it too.

"What do you think you're doing?" his hand pushed me away.

"Tick tock, tick tock." I took the opportunity to pull my shirt off, "Two more weeks. And I'm sorry, but I'm done waiting." I leaned towards him, but he scooted back. There was something in his eyes, he wanted this too, I could tell, but something was holding him back. No. No. This is happening tonight. I leaned in once more, and he pulled back again. "At least let me kiss you."

"What's the point? I'll be gone soon anyway."

I sighed, or more pouted, for a few moments while I sat up staring at the white wall. My brain was working overtime to find a way through this. "That's got to be the most bullshit excuse I'd ever heard," I looked back over to him. "And you know it." I slipped out of my pants, "Just because something's going to end doesn't mean you shouldn't even… I mean, if that's true why do anything?" I stared at him: no answer. Tick tock. I searched myself and found my confidence quickly. "I want you," I rolled over so I was sitting on top of him. I reached back and with a quick movement I had unclasped my bra, "Do you want me?" The straps slipped down my arms, causing slight Goosebumps from the contact, and I discarded the lace. His face, those beautiful eyes, said it all. He didn't need to nod then; I already knew. He looked so perfect in that moment; I didn't even restrain my smile. I don't think I could have if I tried. I felt a surge of energy run up my legs. All I could do now was lean down, run my fingers through his hair and start to kiss him. Soft at first then more and more ferocious as the moments passed. Tick tock. My heart was pounding away, too wound up to settle down, and I loved every second of it. Our lips moved in synch, as if they had it all planned out. The occasional bite only made my drive stronger. Tick tock. My skin was electrified by his fingertips. Man, he knew how to use his hands. The current seemed to spread everywhere, but it focused between my legs. I needed this.

I rolled him over so that I could lie down. It was his turn to take charge. I reached down and tugged the bottom of his shirt, and he took the hint. Then it was skin. Skin and warmth and lips and the thuds of our hearts. I could practically feel the blood rush south. I needed this, and I needed it now. When his lips found my neck my hands left their place on his back for just a moment, speedily removing the remaining lace, but when they returned they were no longer satisfied with just pulling him closer. They needed more. I needed more. I needed more and I needed it now. Tick tock. Instead my fingers pulled at his waistband. "Off," I breathed, and he obeyed.

Then it was more skin. Legs interlocking. His lips over my skin. Goosebumps, tingling, and the hammering of my heart. Then more kissing yes more kissing. There could never be enough kissing. Tick tock. I wrapped my arms and legs around him. Now. It had to be now. Now or I'd explode. "Please," I whispered in his ear.

I wasn't ready for it. But I was. I was so ready for it. The initial sting, then utter pleasure. The moving together. The way his skin tasted under my lips; salt and something else I couldn't place. His quiet grunts. My quiet moans. The softness of his hair between my fingers. The warmth inside of me, the insane satisfaction. More kissing, further muffling our noises. My skin wasn't electric, it was on fire. Sizzling slowly, but surely and I couldn't have been more happy about it. The best part was how he looked at me. It might have been love, but I didn't really care about that. That look was on another level; I had never felt more beautiful. As minutes flew by, the bliss only intensified. I couldn't tell if I was being consumed or I was doing the consuming, all I knew what that I felt amazing. I felt like a whole new me. I felt invincible. More minutes passed, slowly and yet way too fast, and then our pace quickened. Faster and faster until… Complete ecstasy.

We lied there for a while, panting, kissing, panting some more. Our hearts were beating so loudly; it was the only other thing I could hear besides the breathing. "You're," pant, "You're," pant, "Just wow," I broke the silence. He laughed before rolling over to just beside me and taking a deep breath. I did the same thing; breathe in deep and exhale. I closed my eyes, trying to calm the beating down. I felt his arm snake behind my head before pulling me towards him. It was strange to be back in my normal spot after all that. It felt oddly different. I was still cuddled against his chest, but now it was something totally new. I loved him. I loved him a lot more than I had let myself admit before, and this all just sealed it. "Daryl?"

"Yeah?"

I don't know why I was going to say what I was going to say; still riding the post-sex high, or the confidence of the day hadn't worn off, or temporary insanity. But I felt like I had to say it right then and there. I stared intently at the wall, so as to not lose my nerve, "Don't take this the wrong way, and ignore what I'm about to tell you, but I just have to say this," I squinted my eyes and braced myself for impact, "I am pretty sure I love you." Band-Aid ripped off successfully.

He pulled my chin up to face him, "I know," he smiled, but there was something morose his eyes that I could just make out in the dim light. "Goodnight," he kissed my forehead.

"Goodnight," I lightly brushed my lips over his and reclaimed my place nestled into his chest.

**Dun Dun Dun Dun! Finally, right! Well, let me know how you liked the chapter, and your thoughts on the story! How do you think it will develop, what would you like to see happen before the gang leaves old Annie behind?**

**PS: Please tell me someone got the Star Wars reference! (Giant nerd moment for me, but it totally worked with the whole thing so yay!)**


	30. 30: To Always Be Looking Forward

**Hey! New chapter! So I'll do my best to get some writing done these next two weeks, but it's finals so my brain is begging to be murdered. I hope you all like the chapter, but feel free to give your opinions and criticisms in the reviews (it helps me improve, therefore better story for you). ENJOY!**

30: To Always Be Looking Forward.

_I was slipping, slipping and falling fast. Everything was so grey and covered in dirt. Or was it mud? It must've been mud because it was covering me as I continued my decent. The surface was toothed, and I could feel myself being consumed. I tried to cling to the rocky surface, slow myself, grab onto something, but I couldn't grip anything. The jagged rocks just tore at my hands and then came the blood. Blood and mud encasing me and I kept going. It was just oozing as my sliding turned into a free fall. I flew through the grey air, and the blood still flowed only now I could feel it from my back and hands and wrists and anything else that had tried to cling to the surface. Just falling. Falling into nothingness. Falling through the ash filled air. Grey. Suffocating. Soon my fall was stopped. I was caught in a web? No rope. The course rope wrapped around me, splintering into the open skin. I could feel them slowly constricting around me, and I could feel them run against the wounds on my back. I needed to escape. I needed to get out. I needed to be free. The ropes continued to coil and uncoil, writhing like snakes in the darkness. I needed to get out. I needed to breathe. Finally the contractions stopped, and there was just one. Just one lone and harmless rope hanging there in front of me. I sucked the cold air in, smelling nothing but blood and dirt. Then came the groans. They were coming. I couldn't stay here. I needed to get out. I grabbed onto the rope and started to climb. Up, up, up. With ease at first, but then the darkness grew closer. Tighter. It wrapped around me and it took all my strength to keep pulling. I couldn't see anymore, I couldn't breathe anymore; all I could do was try to climb out. I needed to climb out of the darkness so I could breathe. _

_As I struggled the darkness shifted. It molded and grew until it wasn't darkness, but thick dirt. It encased me, and I couldn't find where the rope had gone. I couldn't even remember if the rope had been there in the first place. I needed to get out. I needed air. So I clawed. I dug my fingers into the soft earth and pulled myself towards the surface. I kept dragging myself, and the soil grew less compact until finally… I broke the surface. Bright sun. Morning grass that soothed my wounds as I pulled myself out of the ground. I crawled forward on my hands and knees as I took deep breaths. Free. Safe. _

_"Hello Annie. You look terrible."_

_Joey? I looked up to see my brother, leaning against something. What was that? A tombstone? What the hell? I looked around as the sun's rays were blocked by a cloud, causing the colors to drain. I was, I was in a cemetery. I looked back at Joey._

_He nodded at the stone and stepped away, "Can't say you didn't deserve it, what with all the people you've killed." There. Annabelle Lee: 1987-2012 'Gone but not missed.'_

_"You'd have done the same."_

_"Oh really?" He stared at me, but not with his eyes. These eyes were dead. _

_"Want to know something, Joey?" I got to my feet and made a sad attempt at brushing off the dirt, before looking back up at his face. Smug, and expectant. His favorite expression. "When I found you, do you know what you were doing little brother?"_

_"What was I doing?"_

_"You were face deep in Papa's intestines." I could tell he was having problems registering what I'd said, "You were a monster. You had already killed Mama, and you were chowing down on Dad."_

_"No, I wasn't…"_

_"Yes you were. You weren't yourself, and when they came back they weren't themselves either. So don't tell me I deserve to die. You don't know the first thing about who I am now. And yeah, I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry you all didn't live, and we could've beat this thing together," I walked over to him and put my hand around his neck before setting my forehead on his. "We could've you know? Beaten this thing." _

_His dead eyes cleared for a moment, "That would've been something to see, huh Sis?" I could feel the water rain from my eyes. It burned my skin as it raced down my face. _

_"Please forgive me. Please. If there had been any other way, I would've done it. I love you, I love you guys and I feel like a piece of shit for what I did. I really do, but I'm gonna need you to work with me here and just forgive me. Or I won't stand a chance when I go back out there."_

_I kept looking into his eyes, they were his now but I could see it waning, "Of course I can, Annie." I could feel the heat of the sun on my back, pure redemption. "The real question is can you forgive me?" In that second his eyes turned dead once more, his skin decayed and he resembled the monsters I now had to fight. Then the pain of teeth into the flesh of my arm…_

I sat up immediately in bed. For whatever reason tonight's nightmare was different. Joey forgave me. I couldn't help but feel relieved. I know it was a dream, but it had meant so much to me.

I looked down to see Daryl still asleep. Last night still burned across my skin, and for the first time I felt the peace of my modern life. The world was over, I knew that. My family was dead, and I missed them dearly. But I finally understood. In that moment I was back in that classroom with the aging teacher and the students and my friend. Then it all made sense. I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I had always seen those words as flowery or overly optimistic, but they rang true. In fact they were nothing but the truth. The world, my family, my friend, and these people I'd grown to care for, who were going to leave me in less than a fortnight. It was all going to stay with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. I let out a laugh, but quickly clasped my hand over my lips to quiet the noise. So simple. I had been struggling for so long over something so simple. I looked back down. Sleeping peacefully. I smiled and silently got out of bed, slipping on a few layers of clothes, and then my work boots. There were still things I needed to do, first was to go for a little solo hunting trip. I'd be back before anyone woke up, but just in case I pulled a pad of paper and a pen and scribbled, 'Gone hunting. Be back soon. Don't you go leaving.' Then I set the paper on my pillow, grabbed my weapons, and headed downstairs.

"You two goin' huntin?" I jumped slightly before I saw Rick on the couch.

"Just me," I gave a small smile.

"Mind if I come with? It's been a while since I've gotten out of the house."

"The more the merrier." I waited as he disappeared upstairs for a few minutes, emerging minutes later in the appropriate attire. "Shall we?" I opened the door and waited for him to walk out ahead of me. Then it was the silent walk down to the gate in the dark. The snow was gone now. There was just this bitter cold that hung inside my ears.

"So, do you think you have tracking down now?"

Small talk? Alright, then, "I'm not as good as he is, but I'll be able to make it work."

"Good." We passed through the gate.

There was a long silence as we walked the forest surrounding my home. I could hear an owl in the distance, and the wind in the trees, even the light stomps of our boots. "I hope you know I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I stopped and looked at him, "Acting like some victim of fate or something. Like my hurt is worse than yours. I know it's not, I was just being a child."

"You'll be fine here, right? I mean, after we head out." I nodded. "I hope you know we aren't leaving just to be cruel."

"I know. You want your own life," I smiled at him.

"And you're okay with that?"

"I wasn't at first, but I get it now. Besides, I have my own things to take care of."

"How do you mean?" This was the first time since I got shot that he seemed genuinely interested in me.

"I mean I'm wasting away here. No help to anyone but myself. That's not the life I wanted for myself before all of this, and I'm tired of letting the apocalypse get in the way of the life I want."

"So you're going to leave soon too?"

"I'll wait a bit, but that's the plan."

"I don't understand, though. You have this place? You have safety? Why would you give that up?"

I kicked the ground a bit; "I knew I wanted to be a doctor since I was 10. And I wanted to be a doctor because I wanted to get to save people's lives. You were a cop, I'm sure you can understand that." He nodded, "I'll never get to be a doctor, not really, and I can accept that, but I can still save people. I can go out there and try to save some people." We walked more, and I kept my eyes to the ground, but there was nothing around. No fresh tracks, no nothing. "I'm sorry, I'm not seeing anything, we should head back."

"S'alright. It was nice to get some fresh air."

"Good," we walked back in silence, but it wasn't like before. I understood him, and he understood me and I think there was respect there. Mutual respect. Just in time for them to go.


	31. 31: Annie The Superhero

**Sorry for the hold-up! I am so close to being done with this semester, and then I'll write like the wind (hopefully)! THANK YOU FOR READING, it's so amazing to see that so many people keep coming back to read this thing. I encourage you to review or PM me with your comments, criticisms, musings, nitpicks, and any old thing you feel like saying. Reviews are like sugar cookies to me (and the more sugar cookies I have, the more ideas I get, the more I write, and so it goes on and on). A special thank you to my helpers, you have no idea how much I appreciate what you do. And another thank you to the followers and favoriters :) . ENJOY!**

31: Annie, the Superhero.

"Finals are done," I set the first glass on the coffee table. "My first internship is done," I set the other one down. "I think it's time to get hammered and watch some good old fashion blood and guts."

"You mean, like we do every month?" Amanda laughed slightly and she kicked her feet up on the couch.

I laughed too as I poured vodka to the one third point in the cups, then topped them both off with orange juice, "No, this time we don't have responsibility looming over our heads." For that I was thankful. Christmas was just a week away. Life was good. School was done for a month. I could finally breathe again.

"I'll drink to that," she held up her glass. Something was off about her today. Probably the lack of sleep from studying, nothing to worry about.

"So what are we feeling like? Monsters or zombies?" I asked knowing full well the answer.

"You really have to ask?" she downed her first glass and poured herself another one.

"Zombies it is." I lipped through the DVDS and held up _Dawn of the Dead_. "Dawn?"

"That sounds perfect."

The carnage had barely begun when I saw that Amanda was crying. Crying? She never cried. I picked up the remote and pressed pause, "What aren't you telling me?"

She wiped her face off, "Oh nothing. It's just the stress." She reached for the remote but I held it out of her reach.

"You honestly think you can lie to me?" Something about her expression hinted that whatever it was, it wasn't just bad. It was beyond that. "Maybe I can help?"

"It's my grandma."

"Is she okay?"

Amanda shook her head.

"What happened?" Amanda barely talked about her family, but when she did it was always about her Grandma Chi-Chi.

"Something called Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma." I subconsciously winced at the words, unfortunately she noticed. Cancer was always bad, but cancer of the blood? That was worse. "Is it that bad?"

I didn't say anything for a minute until I remembered an article I read about it a while ago, "Bone marrow transplant." Her face gloomed, "Are your parents matches? Or anyone? It doesn't have to be family."

"They aren't. And I'm too scared to take the test myself. They said it's painful."

"They give you anesthetic."

"Still, what if… What if I'm not a match?"

"It might get you a few more years with her though."

"That's easy for you to say," she finished her next drink, "You aren't the one being poked with giant needles."

I laughed, "If it makes you feel better I can get it done, too?"

"You'd do that?"

"Only if you do. Besides, what if one of us can help her? It would be more than worth it." I knew the chances weren't all that great, but I have never been one to care for odds.

She snatched the remote from my hand and pushed play, "So, when a zombie outbreak does occur do you think they'll be stupid and slow, are genius rage monsters like in _28 Days Later_?"

I laughed. She was always dead set on the end of the world. I mean, I enjoyed a good zombie flick, or twenty, but I wouldn't want that to actually happen. I didn't have that killer instinct which meant I had like, zero chance of survival. Besides, I knew too much of science to think that the dead could really reanimate. Amanda, she was a firm believer. "I hope it would be the slow ones. Then I might stand a chance."

She laughed, "You'd stand a chance either way. You're smart, and you're going to be a doctor. Useful."

"Well, I'm not stupid enough to use the mall as a fortress," I motioned to the TV, "Worst idea ever."

"Where would you go?"

"Home, I guess. Or be a nomad or hideout in the woods or something. Low key, you know how I am."

"Annie on the road… I can picture that."

"What about you?"

She thought about it for a minute, "I'd go home first, get the family, and then probably head to some island somewhere. Or a military base? I don't really know, just someplace safe." She finished her next drink. The girl was a total fish tonight, and I couldn't find it in myself to blame her. She turned the volume up a few notches, "One things for sure, I'd want you on my team."

-o0o-

"What if I'm not a match?" Amanda had been continuously wringing her hands since I had picked her up form her apartment.

"Then at least you tried. It's not like you can control it, ya know?" I had to admit, I was nervous, too. I had been nervous since we had gotten the aspiration and biopsy before we went home for break. That knot in my gut had been there when I opened up presents. It was there when Joey and I attempted to make a snowman. And today it had tightened to the point that I could barely breathe. I couldn't even imagine what Amanda was going through right now.

A familiar looking nurse came up to us, "Annie, I thought your internship was done?"

"Oh it is. I'm just here to get some test results."

"Well, it's good to see you. You better come back if another position opens up. I know the nurses miss having you around."

"I miss you all too." She waved at me as she walked over to some man. Something about the way he was sitting stood out as overly arrogant, and when I heard him utter a racial slur towards the nurse my nose cringed. Bigots, though becoming rare, seemed ever-present in the hospital. I had a theory about it. People are normally in the hospital when they're sick, and when people are sick their true colors come out. Hence the swarms of ass-holes.

"What a dick," I whispered to Amanda.

"You're the one who wants to help people like that," she smiled for a split second.

I shook my head, "I want to help the people who need it." I poked her side, "Anyways, we both know I think just about everyone is an asshole… Except us, of course."

"Annabelle Lee and Amanda Wakahisa?" I snapped my head up to the doctor and then back to my friend.

I saw the fear in her eyes as she looked up at the bald man in the lab coat, "That's us," I stood up and held out my hand. Thankfully he shook it. Most doctors refuse to handshake these days, or maybe it was just me.

"Hey, don't you work here?"

"I was an intern."

"Oh, well follow me." Amanda stood up and we followed baldy through the snaking the pale hallways until we were finally taken into his office, "Have a seat."

"Am I a match?" Her voice was almost a whisper, but he must have heard it because he began to flip through some papers.

"Ms. Wakahisa… Yes, it appears you are a match for your grandmother Mrs. Chitose Matsushita."

We both breathed a huge sigh of relief, "That's great news."

"So what do I do now? How do I donate?" Excited urgency flooded her voice.

"In good time, Ms. Wakahisa. I need to talk to Annabelle for a moment. If you can wait out—"

"She can stay." I needed her to stay. I might have still been new to the whole medical field, still studying, still an undergraduate, but I knew enough to know that when a doctor needs to speak to you alone it is almost never a good thing.

"Alright then. Ms. Lee, there were a few anomalies in your biopsy."

Amanda's hand flew to mine in an instant. I squeezed it back, "What kind of anomalies?" My minds usual murmurings went silent.

"We don't think it's anything serious, but we would like to do some blood work on you. Get a DNA swab. Run a few tests. Nothing to worry about."

"What kind of anomalies?"

"It's very hard to explain."

"Try me…" There was no time for nicety. Not now. This was my marrow we were talking about. Abnormalities usually meant cancer in these case.

"Well, from what we've seen so far, the white blood cells that your marrow would produce are significantly stronger than say, the ones we would find in your friend here."

"What does that mean?"

"How often do you get sick?"

"Once every few years."

"And do you know how long you're sick for? A week, a day?"

"A day or two."

"As expected. Your immune system is, well it's what we'd all like to have."

"Alright. Then why do more tests?"

"Just precautions. We think there might be more to the picture. And frankly, it's better to be safe than sorry."

I just nodded.

"Now back to Ms. Wakahisa." He went over what she was going to have to do, but honestly it was all just noise. Anomalies. Me. I had anomalies. I was some freak of nature, or something. And what was my super power? The ability to fight off the sniffles in record time. Whoop-dee-freaking-doo.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Don't forget to review/PM with your comments/criticisms/rants/anything else you might feel like writing! And thank you again for reading. :)**


	32. 32: The Dying Fire

**New chapter fresh off the press (and by press I mean my laptop)! _Please please please give me some feedback, and that means anything from harsh but constructive criticism to your thoughts on plot/character/the show itself/any old thing you can think of._ More reviews means more incentive for me to put more time into this bad boy. If you want me to respond to you, just let me know because once Thursday's over (last day of finals) I'll have loads of time on my hands. THANK YOU for reading, and a big thanks to my helpers! You are the best readers ever, and I'm not just saying that. ENJOY!**

32: The Dying Fire.

There wasn't enough time in my days to do everything I wanted. I don't think that will ever change. Life will always equal not enough time, and there's really nothing to do but be fine with it. Being under the gun did help me prioritize. Every minute was spent wisely, and for most of those I was with Daryl, Carl, or Lori. Their soon-to-be absence was never spoken aloud, and I was grateful for that.

"What are you doin' up here?" T-Dog came was standing in the doorway when I looked up, "You're making an awful ruckus."

"Just trying to pack up some of my stuff."

He sat down on the bed, "You think Rick'll let you come with?"

"Oh no," I laughed, "I'm thinking of taking my own little trip a few weeks after you all."

"Annie leaving her hideout? Now I know you've lost your mind."

I shook my head, "No, more like finally regained my sanity." I fumbled around with a few things before picking up a gun, "Truth is I've totally forgot what I'll need out there."

"Weapons and food."

"And first aid stuff, and meds, and who knows what else!" I threw up my hands in defeat and looked over at him. I could see it in his face, he didn't understand why I was leaving. I picked up one of the cans of food I had stashed in the corner, "I can't save anyone with just a gun and a can of beans, now can I?"

"So you're on a mission to save the world?"

"Not the whole world," I sat down beside him.

"Not the whole world," he repeated with a headshake. "Is this all part of your Hippocratic Oath?"

"Never got to make that," I looked down at the gun and can for a second, "But I figure, I wanted to help people before all of this, when things weren't so bad. Now people actually need my help. I can do some good. At least until I turn into one of those things."

"Like you'd get bit," he threw his head back with a laugh.

"Hey, I won't if you won't." I held out my hand and we shook on it.

He stood up, "Well, I gotta see Hershel about something. I'll see you down at dinner."

I nodded at him as he left, then went back to my packing. My usual weapons were a no-brainer. Sturdy clothes. Bedroll. I would need food, but I couldn't go wandering around the wasteland with a bunch of cans. I could use those MREs that I had been saving, I mean it's not like I'll was coming back here. Then just fill the rest up with medical supplies? The whole thing frustrated me, and I could feel my feet get cold. Maybe it was a bad idea? But I couldn't stay here wasting away my days. Not anymore.

-o0o-

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I didn't have a soul to talk to about it. I'd made it a point to keep things light, that's what I always tried to do, but it was eating at me. Should I stay or should I go? What if I can't make it out there by myself? What if it was all luck that got me here in the first place, and I end up dying a week in? I stirred the fire for a while, debating, speculating, and finding nothing helpful.

"What's been with you today?"

I shook myself from my thoughts, "Me?"

"Who else would I be talking to?" I looked around and noticed that everyone else had left the den while I was lost in my mind. It was just Daryl and I.

"Just been a lot on my mind," I walked over and sat down on the other end of the couch.

"Us leaving?"

"No. Well, I guess that too. But mostly I'm worried about getting back on the road."

"You're going on the road?" I had completely forgot that we hadn't talked about my change of plans until I saw the look on his face.

"Yeah, I don't really want to stay here anymore."

"But you're safe here?" he looked at me like I was the biggest idiot in all of creation.

"I know." I smiled at him for a second before returning to my gloom, "I'm just tired of being safe. And I can do some good out there. I'm not a doctor, but I might be able to save a few people. I'm just worried I won't be able to make it out there on the road. It's been a while since I've been on my own. And maybe last time was a fluke, and this time I'll die in a week."

"You're not gonna die."

"Everyone dies eventually," I laughed.

"Well, then you won't die for a long time," he nodded his head back, signaling me to move closer.

I slid next to him and tucked my feet up on the worn leather, "You don't know that."

"The hell I don't." The second his arm wrapped my shoulders I rested my head on his chest, breathing in deeply and trying to catalog the smell for the months to come, "So, do you know where you're gonna go?"

"I hadn't really thought about it too much. I figured I'd just get on the road and go, ya know?" My hands made their now natural trip around his waist as I nestled in, "Maybe I'll try to find Amanda, or something."

"That your friend from school?"

I nodded, "I'll keep an eye out for Merle, too. I mean, I don't know what he looks like but how many one-handed guys are out there, right?" My chuckle brought on a long silence.

"D'ya think you'll run into us again?" Was that a hopeful tone in his voice? I hadn't really thought he would want to see me after they left. Was I wrong?

"I promised Carl I'd come find you guys in a year," His thumb began to rub my shoulder, sending subtle shivers down my arm.

"He said something about that. I figured you were just trying to make him feel better or something."

"Honestly, at first I was. But I'm guessing a year from now; if I make it through I'd be nice to see a few familiar faces. Plus, I'd like to see that baby." I was looking forward to that. The potential reunion in the future. Everyone would be older. Time would have changed them, but they would still be the same people I grew to care about while I was here. I'd be different, too. I was really most interested in seeing who Carl would be. How his time away would mold him. If only I can survive long enough to make it to there.

"You think the kid'll make it that long?"

"With you guys looking after it and keeping it safe, yeah." I couldn't think of a safer place than with the group. Here was fine for shelter, but the group was safety personified. They'd make it; there was no doubt in my mind. "Besides, Lori is dead set on that baby grow up good. If it was anyone else, I'd be skeptical. But this is Lori we're talking about. She'd die for that thing."

Another silence fell over the den. It wasn't uncomfortable. I don't think any time with Daryl could be uncomfortable. Not anymore. It was a kind of warm quiet, where nothing needed to be said and time just sort of passed by. It took a good ten minutes before he broke it. "At least we'll see ya again."

I thought about saying something. Yeah, I'll get to see you if I can manage to not be killed or eaten for a year. Yeah, we'll see each other and time will have changed us to the point where you'll probably hate me, or at least we'd have lost whatever this is. I didn't want to say those things. Not out loud. Those were the kinds of thoughts that were best locked away. Instead I just sat there with him, enjoying the few shards of happiness I still had in my life and watching the fire as it slowly died out.

**Author's Endnote: Okay, so just a heads up: the story might get a tad-bit slow (Why must they make us wait until February?! WHY!?),_ but I'm going to try my damnedest to keep it interesting and have it not be slow_! Because of this feedback is a necessity as I don't want to do the lazy thing and go on hiatus (especially since I've got all this free time). Anything you feel like throwing at me, go for it, I'll keep an open mind. There might even be spoiler rewards involved, I'm not sure yet. And again, thank you for reading Annie Get Your Gun!**


	33. 33: Watch Annie Crumble

**New Chapter! Finals are over, winter inter-session has begun, and all I want to do is write something fun! This chapter, not so fun... But good times to come (or am I lying to you? Mwahaha evil laughter whahaha). Anyways. Thank you for reading, and thanks to my beta-readers! Seriously, you all make the time I put into this thing worth it. :) ENJOY!**

33: Watch Annie Crumble.

March came on a sunny day. Birds were chirping ironically somewhere in the distance that morning as I stood on the porch and watched the group pack everything into the bus. I was dead set on not crying though. Not yet. I'd cry after they were down the hill and out of sight, but for now I just leaned against the railing with a small smile on my face, taking everything in one last time.

"Thank you for your hospitality these last few months," Rick held out his hand and I took it and gave it a few shakes.

"No problem. It was a pleasure to have you all as company." Most of the goodbyes were shared last night, and I couldn't have been more thankful. I don't think I could've held it together otherwise. As they trickled out of the house I received various knowing looks and pats on the shoulder from my… friends? Sure. After all this I'd consider them friends. I tightened my grip on Carl's bag as he and Lori came to join Rick beside me.

"Everyone's ready except for Daryl, he said he's got a few more things to get from the house." The former police officer nodded to me and started off towards the bus.

"This is for you," I smiled and extended the bag toward Carl. Before he could reach for the zipper I held up my hand to stop him, "Wait to open it 'til you get down the hill."

He nodded, and gave me a quick hug, "Your present is in your room."

"You stay safe out there, buddy," I scruffled his hair, "And I'll see you soon."

"You too," I could see the uneasiness in his eyes. I felt uneasy too. Like when you had to go away for a long trip. Like how I used to feel going off to college for the semester. I gave him a shove and he ran to join Lori by the bus.

I observed them all piling into the bus, bags flying, various orders being barked, and I felt a small yet strong stab at my heart that sent water to my eyes, but I sighed it away. I heard a thud by the door. "I think they're waiting for you," I smirked at him. I hated that our time together was over, at least the time I knew I'd get, out here that was the only time that really mattered. The string of heavenly nights we had in preparation of this day somehow only made all this more difficult. I really didn't want to have to part ways.

"So?" he leaned against the doorway, out of view of the packed bus. I scurried over to give him a hug, but I just couldn't stop myself. I was still starving, and this was the last meal. Mouths, lips, tongues. One last bit of good. Just a little something for the road. A solid minute, maybe two, I sure as hell was too busy to be counting. "Alright. I gotta get going," he pushed me away. I couldn't hide the my inner petulant child from taking over my expressions, which caused one last laugh out of him. I'd miss that laugh. Soon his hands found my face, "Don't die, okay?" I nodded. No way I was dying. I needed to make it to next spring. He gave me one last kiss before he picked up his things from the floor, "And you better keep your promise to the kid and come find us, or we'll come looking."

"I will," he stepped off the porch and I followed forking towards the gate as he branched towards the bus, "Hey!" I waited for him to look back, "I love you." He nodded and I turned and jogged to the gate. Just have to hold it together for a few more seconds. Then I'll let go. I unlocked the gate and pulled it open just in time for the bus to pass through. Don't think about it. Don't think about them leaving just yet. I gave a wave with glazed eyes, too weak to actually look at my friends as they passed.

And then it was back to the way it was before. Annie alone.

I locked the gate; I had to just make it to the house. The locks fumbled in my hands, but eventually I got through it. Now, just the short walk. Just one foot in front of the other and you'll be there in no time. Just get to the house. The empty house. My empty house. Then came the flood. I ran the last hundred feet unable to see a thing, but I didn't need to. Not here. Here was familiar. Here was safe. I slammed the door behind me in time to crumble to the floor. Alone. Again. They're gone. I cared about them. I actually cared and I didn't even fight to stay with them. Not hard enough. I shouldn't have taken no for an answer. I should have begged. The snot began to fill my nose, and I resorted to breathing from my mouth.

"Please!" I yelled to the empty house. I should have pleaded with Rick, not to abandon me. I can't be alone again. Not again. I can't do this.

I can't do this.

Not again.

I can't go through this again.

I continued for hours. Lying there, wailing, beating the dark wood with my fists. I yelled until I was hoarse. I cried until I was a mess of saltwater and snot. I kicked until I was exhausted. And then I hit the ground some more. Hours. Hours of the pain and rage I'd been holding in for months. Hours of letting the wall crumble and allowing for vulnerability.

By the time the sun set I had tired out. The weeping had ceased a while ago, and now there was just the tears. Eventually I picked myself up. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a loaf of bread. Then I went to the pantry and pulled out the Belvedere. Drink. I needed a stiff drink. I needed several stiff drinks. I needed several stiff drinks and a lobotomy. I made my way to the living room in stubby steps, trying not to look around, trying not to remember that less than a day ago there were other people here, but thinking of them was all I could do. I set the bottle and bread on the coffee table and made my way to the DVDs. "Something good." I ran my finger along the titles, "Something funny… No romance…" I re-scanned before deciding on Hot Fuzz. I popped it in and went about trying to treat the symptom. Pain? Alcohol is a great pain reliever. Sad? Funny movies can fix that. Weak? Eat something. All the things you need to combat the ominous loneliness, and at such a convenient distance.

And so I spent my night, drinking and laughing my pain into oblivion. Sure, I'll deal with everything. I'll deal with the loneliness. I'll deal with the loss. I'll deal with my new life. But not today. Not today, and certainly not tonight.

**So there it is. The gang is gone. :( Poor little Annie. Make sure to review with your thoughts, concerns, criticisms! The more reviews, the more time I devote to the story (that's just fanfiction science right there), so let me know how you like the story/chapter/Annie/anything! And THANKYOU THANKYOU!**


	34. 34: Just More Time

**Hello! Consider this update my holiday gift to you (I might post a new chapter before X-Mas, but I might not). Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for reading! Please remember to review, it helps me loads by both giving me feedback and motivation to keep trucking. ENJOY!**

34: Just More Time.

I woke up on the couch with a splitting headache, and for a few wondrous seconds that was the worst of my problems. Then I remembered that this wasn't the aftermath of a drunken night with Amanda. This was the end. And I was alone.

"Well, there's only one sure way to get rid of this," I rubbed my forehead and rolled off the couch and onto my feet with a stretch. I made my way slowly upstairs wobbling with every step, clinging to the walls to keep myself from falling. When I opened the door to my room the first thing I noticed was the notebook on my bed. I immediately remembered what Carl had said, "His gift." I took a few steps towards it, tempted to look, but thankfully my headache flared up. First things first. I went to the nightstand and pulled out my pipe and the remainder of the weed I had saved, which looked to be around half of an ounce, far more than I normally had at this time of year. I guess I didn't have much need for it with them around. I pulled my iPod from the charger and slid the headphones into my ears. Now a nice big coat. Cozy. Cozy is good. I took everything, including my hunting rifle and the gift, and went onto the roof. My old perch, how long had it been? A few months since I've sat up here? I didn't need to take care of the crops anymore, besides I wouldn't be staying anyways. I did a scan: clear. "Alright then." I scrolled through the artists. Then I scrolled through them again. Then finally I just gave up and hit shuffle. Now time to numb the pain. Pick apart the nug. Let the sweet smell fill my senses. Pack the bowl. Light up. Repeat until desired effect.

After three cycles I figured it was time to stop and face what I was afraid of. The gift. I picked up the notebook and opened to the first page.

_Annie,_

_I hope you're safe and I hope you know I miss you. We all miss you. I put this together so you'd have something to remember us all by. Please don't forget us. We won't forget you._

_-Carl_

Just the first page and I was already blubbering away like a little girl. Did I dare turn the page? "No. Not yet." I set the notebook down and did another scan. Nothing. I wasn't going to miss this place. Not really. The scenery had lost its initial beauty before they even showed up. I remember when I first got here. The forest was lush and green and still full of life. I used to look at it and feel like I was just on some camping trip, or I had just moved out to the outskirts for some other reason. The world could have been the same beyond my view, with the exception of the occasional walker. That beauty and peace had faded. All of it. Now it seemed morbid. I'm sure there were still a few critters out there, but it just wasn't the same. The trees weren't as green, the forest had lost something over the months. On the other hand, the homestead itself had never been much to look at. The house was meant to be a bright white, but time had dimmed the façade before I ever got the chance to look at it. There was supposed to be a field of grass inside the gate, but I could only tell that by the residual patches strewn across the expanse. Everything about this place sickened me now. Inside these gates might be safe, but there was too much here that I couldn't stand any longer. And as scared as I was to go out into the world again, on my own, alone, I hated this place more.

When I went inside for the night I put the notebook into my go bag, hesitating with the thought that I should just read one more page, but it passed. There. Everything was ready for my departure. Everything was ready to go. Except me. I still felt the need to do more here. I needed to say goodbye to this place the right way. It had saved me after all.

The next two days I spent fortifying the house. The spare lumber I had hoarded went to boarding up the windows and strengthening the doors. I reorganized the garage, and moved whatever provisions and supplies that hadn't been used or taken with the group back into the bedrooms. If I was going to leave, I'd at least get this place ready for the next poor sap that comes across it. I'd make it so they'd come up that hill and be able to come inside and kick up their heels immediately. The windows were boarded well. I had a full stock of water ready. I had every plate cleaned. The cupboards were stocked with canned foods, all organized. I even had a fire all set up and ready for the match. It was all for closure. It was all to help the next guy. It was all to pay it forward. It was all to keep myself busy until I got the guts to leave. When I wasn't hammering something down or carrying a box upstairs I was smoking up the remainder of my stash. It all kept me numb. It all kept me from reading that notebook.

I barely slept. For nine days I barely slept. Maybe an hour or two a night, but I'd normally sit up and think of something else that needed to get done. I had so many things to do. I had to get ready. I had to be occupied. I had to not think.

-o0o-

The tenth day I had resorted to chopping down a few trees for firewood for the future 'owners.'

"You're gonna hurt yourself if you don't get some rest." I dropped the ax and looked to the tree line.

"Joey?" My heart, which had already been working hard, quickened its thumping. I could hear it. I could hear the fast beats as clear as day as I looked at my brother. My brother. My dead brother.

"Who else would it be, dummy."

"But you're…"

"Dead, I know."

"Then how…" I was losing it. All the sleep deprivation was finally getting to me.

"Doesn't really matter, Annie. What matters is that you need to get some sleep."

"I can't."

"Of course you can."

"No, too much needs to be done." The 'To Do' list ran through my head again.

"Oh, right. You need to chop up some firewood for people who might not even come here."

"Well, I need to do something!" My voice echoes through the trees. "I need to stay busy or I'll lose it, you know that."

"Right, because _this_ is keeping it together," he laughed gesturing to the two trees I had cut down that day. "What you need is sleep."

"I told you, I can't," I picked the ax up again, and started swinging again.

"People come and go. That's life. You know that." It was strange how real he felt, standing there beside me.

"I just can't think about it yet," I huffed in between swings.

He shook his head and sat on a stump next to me, "Tsk tsk. That's a slippery slope. And it only leads one place, and you know it." I got in a few more chops, "If you don't take a fucking second and rest like you're supposed to you'll end up dead like me."

"I'll deal with it!" I screamed as the tree fell.

"When?"

"Soon, I just need some time."

I reached down to take a swig from my canteen. "Sorry, but time's up." When I looked up he was gone. But he wasn't really ever there in the first place. Just a hallucination. A bad day dream. I went back to work, and by the time the sun had fallen I had accomplished the day's goal; the firewood was chopped and stacked.

Real or not, he was right. I needed sleep. I needed a nice long sleep. I removed my sweaty clothes and put on a fresh pair of underwear and a clean white t-shirt before crawling into bed. Reaching over to turn off the light I remembered I forgot to move the dresser, "Rookie mistake," I yawned as I got up and lazily shoved the piece of furniture in front of the door. A weak barricade, but a barricade nevertheless. The second my head hit the pillow I was out.


	35. 35: Falling Into the Darkness

**New Chapter! Big chapter, so prepare yourself! ENJOY!**

35: Falling Into the Darkness

_"I could've been a professional one day, coach always used to tell me that, you know," Joey threw the baseball towards me and I caught it in the mitt._

_"I know. And I would've gotten to go to all your major league games for free," I tossed it back, and for a while it was just us in the sun throwing the ball around like we used to. It felt like we were talking, but all I could really focus on was the warmth and how good it was to see him happy again. In the distance I could see my parents, sitting on a park bench, smiling at us and waving every time I looked over. We were so much younger, but I didn't mind. I was happy. I was complete. Life was easy and good and just the way it was supposed to be. _

_"See, aren't you glad you got some sleep?" He smiled at me after I caught a fast one._

_"You were right. I needed this." I was winding up to throw another one when it all stopped. _The sun was gone, Joey was gone. I was alone again.

The diffused light was pouring through my window. How long had I slept? Must've been for most of the day by the look of it. And what was that thudding noise? I started to sit up when the door burst open, the dresser screeching across the floor. The snarls and dead hands meant only one thing. Walkers. But how? I grabbed the pistol on the nightstand and shot. The monster fell back, only to be replaced with two more. I shot. And shot. I kept shooting until the clip was emptied, but they just kept coming. I grabbed the nearest weapons; a pair of hunting knives, there was no time to be picky.

I was a whirl of headshots and kicks, and whatever fatigue was left in my muscles had been overcome by the newfound adrenaline coursing through my veins. With all my fury my mind couldn't figure out just how the hell did they get in here? I battled my way down the stairs. There were so many of them. How did they get through the fence? I finally broke through the throng and made it outside, leaving a trail of bodies behind me.

The gate.

I hadn't locked the gate.

I always lock the Goddamn gate. Always. But there it was in the distance, swinging as the onslaught continued to come up the hill. Where were they coming from? And why were there so many of them? I kept stabbing, kept fighting, it was all I could do. If I could just get to the car, I just needed to get to the car and then I'd be able to make it. I just needed to get out of here away from this place. The blood kept spewing out from the wounds I was inflicting, and the rank smell filled my lungs. If I had anything in my stomach it would have come up, but I just kept hacking away. Just keep fighting Annie. Just get to the car.

Wait.

My bag.

The notebook. I never read it. I can't just leave it, or my supplies.

"Shit," I sighed between kills. I'd have to go back. I couldn't leave without my things. I changed directions and began my move back to the house.

One second of a blind spot. One second of weakness. That was all it took. And in that second I felt the teeth. I felt the teeth ripping through my arm and I let out a guttural sound that was meant to be a scream, but it wasn't. It was more than a scream. It was all of my hope leaving my body.

In a fluid motion my right hand slammed down with full force on the corpse gnawing at my arm. I had been bitten. The end of the line. In a few hours I would be just like these bastards. In a few hours I wouldn't be myself anymore. I kicked the nearest walkers back as hard as I could and ran to the house, praying for a second wind. I needed something to get me through these last minutes. I needed to do something with my last hours. I shut the front door behind me, took out the biter nearest me, my panting grew more desperate. I clasped my arm and ran to the garage door. Weapons. That's what I needed. Automatic weapons. My blood-drenched hand slid over the knob as I panicked, trying to open the door. Please just open. Please just open. I pulled my shirt over my hand and tried the door again. Perfect. I'm in. I shut the door and did a quick run to the medical supplies. I grabbed some gauze and speedily wrapped it around the wound, not paying attention to the technique, just trying to get the thing covered so I can kill the rest of these bitches. Once it was wrapped up I grabbed the nearest roll of tape, duct tape? What was duct tape doing by the medical supplies? Who cares? I fumbled with getting the edge up, but only for a second before I got it.

I began to wrap the duct tape around the gauze manically as the pounding began. My heart, the dead men beating against the door, everything was throbbing as I wrapped the silver tape around my arm. "Just get this done already, Annie!" When I was sure the bandage wasn't going anywhere I ripped the tape with my teeth and ran to the guns.

I loaded as many clips as I could into the various guns. I remember once having the lazing thought that I wanted to get a chance to shoot all these things a few months ago. How stupid was I to tempt fate like that? Guess I would get to shoot them now. I walked to the garage door and took a deep breath. Now wasn't the time for that, I needed to focus. I'd have to beat myself up about it when I'm dead, until then I had zombies to kill and lots of them. I jerked the door up and sent a spray of bullets out. I kept shooting, and they kept falling. Once a clip was emptied I'd switch to a different weapon. Then repeat. Suddenly the months of brain numbing safety were gone, and I was the killing machine I had been when I first went on the road. The pounding of my heart had become a steady beat, my own personal funeral drum, and all of my pains and worries were gone. It was just the bullets and my heart beat. Just the bullets and me blazing through the horde.

The walkers in the house made it through the door after a few minutes, but they didn't make it even a foot into the garage. I was ready. Annie was back on her game. After the bulk of the horde lay slain I made a walk through the field and house, killing off any stragglers. Once I was sure they were all double dead I went and made sure the gate was locked. I wasn't sure if it was going to be keeping walkers out, or keeping zombie me in, but I felt better once the locks were in place. When I finally got back inside I was disgusted by the bodies. Their stench, the way they reminded me of what I was going to be in a few hours, I needed them out. I started dragging them out. I was too tired to take them much farther than the porch, but it felt better once the rotting smell was out of the house.

There were only a few precious minutes left before I'd turn. And there was only one thing to really do. I walked upstairs and pulled out the notebook. I brought it down into the garage with me. I opened up to the second page and began to cut the tape off of my arm.

A long letter from Carl.

I smiled as I read the words. I was so happy when he came here, he was my little brother. Once the tape was off I scrubbed the bite. I'd be dead by morning because of this. One damn bite. I redressed the wound as I read the letter. I didn't cry. Not then. I was too happy. Carl felt like I was his sister, too. He said we were family. I still had family out there. Once the bandages were neatly placed and perfectly taped I took the notebook with me to the kitchen. I needed a drink. A large drink. I wonder if it will hurt to die? Or will it be like falling asleep? Will I be there when I turn? Will I still be in here, somewhere deep underneath? I grabbed a bottle of vodka and walked upstairs. I slid off my gut covered shirt and underwear and replaced them with a new set of each before climbing into my bed and turning to the next page.

Lori.

Then Carol.

And Theodore.

Everyone, even Rick had written something for me. I kept it together for the most part as I took large swigs from the bottle. That is until I got to what Daryl had written me. It wasn't much. Just a simple thank you. Just a thank you and the words 'Don't die.'

Don't die.

Don't die.

The one thing he asked me to do, and I couldn't even do it. I didn't even get through two weeks. I re-read everything over and over. Eventually my swollen eyelids got heavy and my head began to ache. It wouldn't be long now. I set the notebook down on the nightstand and rolled over onto my side.

I was scared. I was scared to fall asleep. If I fell asleep then I wouldn't wake up. As hard as I willed it not to happen, my fatigue got the best of me and fell into darkness.

**Dun Dun Dun! So, Annie has been bit. Life is hopeless. Love isn't real. And all that other stuff that no one wants to hear. Review! For God's sake review! For Annie's sake review! Or PM me if you don't feel like reviewing. Either way, let me know your thoughts! PS: The story isn't over yet.**


	36. 36: Turning Into Myself

**Hello! First off, a giant thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed. I am overjoyed by the response this story has gotten, so thank you! Here's the new chapter. You keep reading and reviewing and I'll keep writing, deal? **

**ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY!**

36: Turning Into Myself

I didn't feel different when I opened my eyes. Maybe it had all just been a bad dream? Maybe this was heaven and in seconds I'd be reunited with my family? Maybe this was hell and I'd have to pay forever for all the people I've killed since Z-Day? I sat up and looked down at my arm. The bandage was still there, so not a dream. How? How am I not dead? I swung by legs off the bed and stood up. Was I really okay or was this all just a dream? I looked out the window. The sun was high in the sky over the field covered in rotting bodies; I must've slept in, but how? How was I not one of them? I should be roaming around looking for raw meat to chow on, but I wasn't. A bolt of pain shot through my head, and I groaned. I was still the same Annie I had been last night, wasn't I? I still missed my family and friends. I still felt alone in this big horror show of a world. I still had that impossible to satisfy hankering for pancakes. I slid on my comfiest pair of pants and went down to the garage, carefully navigating the remaining carnage from the day before. I was still alive and functioning, for now. I guess I might as well put on a fresh bandage.

"Maybe the incubation period changed," my words rung through the room. I really didn't want to get my hopes up. I might not have turned yet, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to. Any second now I could drop dead and pop back up a cannibal corpse. I took off the bandage and was surprised to see the bite healing nicely. Flickers of hope flooded my heart, but I tried to calm myself. Could just be a fluke. Could just be a dream. Could just be a delayed reaction to the virus. I cleaned the wound again, debating if it needed stitches or not, but the new skin was already forming, so I decided against it. Too much hope. That's what this was. Too much hope and I was not lucky enough to warrant it. I replaced the bandage to the tune of my rumbling stomach. Did I eat anything yesterday? I don't think I did. No wonder my head hurts. Stupid Annie, too busy dying to eat something. On my walk to the kitchen the blood spatters became more apparent, "I'll need to clean up after breakfast." I pulled out a carton of old cereal and poured it into a bowl. "This can't be a dream, or I'd have milk." I grabbed a spoon from the drawer and shoveled the dry food into my mouth. How was I not dead? I should be dead. I should be gross and drooling and eating the things on the front lawn. If I hadn't felt so utterly shitty I would have been freaking out, I guess that it's good I'm so damn tired. And sore. And mentally fried. I poured a second bowl and looked down the hall. I really do need to clean.

-o0o-

Hunched over, scrubbing and spraying various harsh chemicals, constantly wondering why I hadn't turned yet, the windows and doors wide open to help with the smell; my day was spent like that. Every once in a while I'd get a snack to make up for yesterday, or I'd look at the bandage for a minute to make sure it wasn't just some weird afterlife thing. I spent a solid eight hours like that, and somewhere in it everything made sense for a second. Everything leading up to today, and my inevitable demise once the virus kicked it. It all made sense, and I think in that moment I was happy even. But it slipped away into my weariness. When I finished the cleanse and put the cleaning supplies in their proper places I felt a weight off of my shoulders. At least the house was clean. I laughed, "Mama would be proud as a peach." A clean house and an exhausted Annie.

Day one: done.

I woke up bright and early the next day, again wondering if it had all been some bizarre dream only to look down and see the bandage. "This doesn't make any sense." I lazily made my way downstairs. I shouldn't be alive. Definitely. I can understand yesterday. Yesterday being alive was completely reasonable. But today, today I should be dead. I opened the garage door and cleaned the wound. Then breakfast. I shouldn't be having breakfast. I should be doing something else, something zombie-ish. As I finished off the box of cereal I decided to do some real investigating. I needed scientific proof or at least some sort of solid information or it'll drive me insane. I needed to know the real reason why I hadn't become an undead freak yet. The first step into the query was a trip to the further shed. There, sitting in its spot on the shelf, was a rather nice microscope, case and all, that I'd swiped from some hospital for no particular reason. That thought from yesterday returned; everything I have done so far has brought me exactly here. Exactly where I needed to be. I shook my head, "You're losing it." I lugged the case into the house and set it up on the kitchen table. The next step was a trip to the garage where I grabbed two of the smallest syringes I had. No use wasting the larger ones. Third, I walked outside and got a blood sample, or more icky blood-like sludge sample, from one of the walkers I had killed just two days ago. While I was kneeling down I saw his wallet was falling out of his back pocket. I set down my things and pulled out the scrap of leather carefully before opening it. I carefully wiggled out the driver's license. Alabama. Robert Wilkinson. DOB 08/05/1978. 180lbs. Organ donor. The picture was fading, but in it he looked happy. Just a happy man from Alabama. I flipped through the rest of the wallet's contents until I found a picture. Him and his family. Smiling. Happy. They were people, just like me. Robert Wilkinson was a person just like me. He probably got bit and turned into one of these things. That should have happened to me too. Why? Why did I get to live? I don't even really have anyone, Robert had people. It just wasn't fair. I took the wallet inside with me, and set it beside the microscope as I went to work. Finally, when everything else was ready, I took my own blood sample from the vein nearest the bite.

I stared in through the lens at the two slides with the blood samples, turning the knobs to get a better focus. What was I even looking for? I had never had an interest in being a hematologist, so I had no real clue as to what it all meant besides the basics. The samples looked drastically different, that's got to be significant. One was infested with virus structures, and the other had only an eighth as many of the structures, and it seemed like every time I focused on one they'd disappear into a Leukocyte. "What the fuck?" I increased the magnification to its highest setting and watched as the white blood cells ate at the viruses, "They're fighting it." I pushed my seat back, smiling for the first time since the bite. "I'm fighting it." I looked back into the scope to double check before standing up. "And I'm winning!" I didn't push the hope away this time. It was real. I might make it. There was evidence that I could make it. Hell, I would make it. I could survive the bite and stay human. I didn't have to turn into one of them. I wasn't going to be one of them. I was going to stay just the way I am. A day ago I was a wreck with the ominous threat of my destruction, but today everything changed. Today I breathed easy. "This is cause for celebration." That night I made myself a legitimate feast of a dinner and finished a whole bottle of wine on my own. Afterwards I cranked up some music and danced around, joyful and proud. Proud to be me for the first time in my whole life. With a cheerful heart and a fuzzy head I climbed into bed, re-read the notebook, and went to sleep.

After all this time being scared, here I am: Annie, immune.

**PS: Let me know what you think of the new chapter, because I was kind of worried as I wrote it (didn't want to let you guys down), so comments and criticisms as ultr-welcome. Also, I totally got the first compendium of the comics! So stoked. They don't have Daryl (sadface) but hopefully I can add some fun references in the upcoming chapters as we get through the mid-season lull. :) MAKE SURE TO REVIEW!**


	37. 37: Honesty and Remorse

**Happy New Year! New chapter. Thank you again for reading! Make sure to share your thoughts after you're finished. :) ENJOY!**

37: Honesty and Remorse

When the sun came up I threw on my work clothes and took a long look in the mirror. There I was, still the same besides the layer of blood, dirt, and sweat that covered my skin. I'd have to get a shower in tonight. As I looked at that reflection I felt the self-hatred return. So what if my body was fighting the infection. That's what bodies do. That's just the way we were designed. I wasn't special. I wasn't immune. I was just a freak with too many white blood cells. On my walk down the creaky wooden steps I felt completely alone. Where the last two days I was obsessed with why I wasn't dead yet, today the excitement was gone. I wasn't hungry. When I poured the newly opened cereal into the bowl I nearly gagged. Something about it disgusted me. "I can't over eat anymore," I returned the contents back to the box, thinking of the feast I had last night. I had been happy in those moments, and I can't remember why. If I wasn't going to die, then what would happen to me? I'd be alone, and anyone who I met wouldn't understand. They'd see the wound, how obvious it was there on my arm, and they'd think I had the cure. That's what I would think if I saw a bite victim still alive. That would complicate things. I took another sample of my blood to observe throughout the day. At first glance I could already tell the sample looked different from yesterday, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "I'll look at it more closely tonight," I reassured myself before heading out for my real task. My real task, piling up the walkers. I pulled out the wheelbarrow and went about my work, searching the bodies for wallets, or other identifying items, anything that might of meant something to them. Before I leave this place I'll give them a proper apology. I'd put the personal items in a bag I carried with me, then the body would go in the pile. It was a long process, but it seemed important. They seemed more important now; it was strange how that changed. Here I was, so close to being just like them, but I'm not. For whatever reason I was spared. I was alive, able to continue with my plans to go on the road and save people. Able to continue my idealistic quest to even the score, to make a difference.

I had a few hours of daylight left after I had finished, and I decided it might be nice to do a small hunting run. Get out of the fence for a while. I grabbed my bow and keys and practically ran to the forest, the idea of freedom bringing a bit of yesterday's happiness back. Once I was under the cover of the trees I focused in on the sounds. No noise from the generator, no streams, just silence. At first it was nice, but then my mind wandered. As I quietly paced the soft ground, looking for tracks or anything moving in the distance, I tried my hardest not to think of him. Trying but failing. I mean we weren't even really that close, now that I thought of it. I knew almost nothing about him, and not for want of trying. He had been there for me, though. More than most people would have been. So there was something there, for me at least, and isn't that what matters? I stopped and took a sip from my canteen; I missed them. More than I should. The more I walked the more I missed them. When I leave the house I should try to at least figure out where they are, maybe keep an eye on them. Maybe keep tabs on them so when next spring comes I can pop in easy. At least I want to check and make sure they're safe. I wonder how they'll react when they see I've been bitten?

Then I smelt it.

The most heavenly aroma in the entire world.

I could feel my mouth starting to water. "What is that smell?" I whispered to myself as I followed my nose, arrow in place. The smell got stronger as I moved, which only caused my feet to move quicker. Maybe there's a nearby camp cooking dinner? Maybe it's the old group? I kept my pace until the smell became so intoxicating that my stomach growled at me. I had to be close. I had to be close by now. I kept a lookout for nearby fires, but saw nothing. Nothing. No sign of life. Not until I caught a glimpse of a black bear to the east.

Shit.

Shit.

Survive all this time, even a fucking bite, just to be mauled by a bear.

I stood still, wanting to retreat to safety, but I couldn't. It might have been fear, or that scent, but either way I couldn't move. I needed to find whatever it was that smelled so good. As if on cue a soft breeze traveled through the trees from the direction of the beast. The wind carried the delicious fragrance. "That can't be where the scent was coming from," I whispered. That couldn't be it. Bears don't smell like that, do they? Animals don't smell like that. They smell like fur and earth. A stronger gust came through, and with it my doubts flew.

It was the bear.

It was the fucking bear, and it smelled like the most amazing meal ever was just waiting for me. I can't though. I can't take down that thing, regardless of its fragrance. I lowered my bow, putting the arrow back in the quiver with a sigh. I could take the beast down, easy. I could but I couldn't. Firstly, there was no way I could haul it to the house. Not by myself. Second, something about all of this felt wrong. The appetizing odor coming from the creature made me feel uncomfortable. A sudden turn of my stomach brought a heave from my gut. "I need to get back," I turned and began the short trek to the gate, this time making sure to lock it.


	38. 38: Freedom

**Hello! Woo hoo! Big chapter, both story-wise and length-wise! Thank you for reading! If you can please please please review with your thoughts/comments/complaints/criticisms/ideas/hopes/theories, that would be lovely. Again, more reviews equals more story. Anywho, ENJOYYY!**

38: Freedom

I felt sick when I got into the house. The way my boots sounded against the hardwood, the way that delicious smell lingered in my nose. It just felt off. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. I made my way into the kitchen and turned on the microscope. Looking through the eyepiece only confirmed it all.

"Shit."

Things on the slide had changed drastically since I had looked this morning. It was all so different, and yet the same. There were still very few viruses, but they now looked nothing like what had been in the walker sample. They weren't being killed by the lymphocytes anymore, but they also weren't damaging the red blood cells. The fact was simple, it was mutating. The virus was mutating, and it was doing so at an alarming rate. Not just that, but I was the host. Whatever new and horrible side effects would be unpredictable and I would be the one feeling them. I wondered if this is how the mice felt. After being trapped in cages and jabbed with needles, did they feel scared too? Did they worry about what they'd become? Did they worry they'd turn into monsters?

"Shit, shit, shit," what was I thinking? Mice don't have the mental capacity for those feelings. Do they? Even if they did it didn't really matter, because now I was the rat. I was the unintentional experiment with the undetermined fate. I was the giant question mark. And what made it worse was that with all of this I was more alone than ever. I pushed myself away from the table and decided it was time to make dinner. Put my mind on other things. Nothing looked good. Nothing. All I could think about was that bear out there, delicious, just a big sack of fresh meat waiting to be eaten. What did that say about me? What did that say about my future? I shook the thoughts from my head. "No," I pulled out one of the cans and started to prepare myself something. Something that humans eat. It smelled disgusting, but I didn't care. I was proving a point. I am still human. Once I had finished the preparations, gagging for the duration, I just sat there, staring at the microscope, shoveling the gruel into my mouth, mentally repeating the phrase, 'I am still Annie.' I had no idea what was happening, but I knew I had to fight it. I had to stay me. I had to stay me so I could stay alive and save people.

Eating the slop proved difficult. Every bite brought a turn of my stomach, but I kept it all down. And once the food was consumed I got too take that long shower I had been needing. Showers help clear things up. Showers always help clear things up. The warm water felt so good on my skin, and as the grime washed away so did my worries. I'm still human. I can get through this. I've made it this far; I will make it out of this, too. I just need to calm myself down and keep it together.

After my shower and rebandaging I resorted to smoking and yoga, just to keep me calm. Besides, stress wasn't going to make things any easier. Though my mind didn't remain completely clear, it couldn't focus on any one thing for long and that was good enough. Somewhere between asanas I made a decision. I'd give myself one more day here. One more day to enjoy the easy life. One more day with electricity and running water. One more day of this life.

And boy, did I make the most of that day.

It started with a leisurely morning of sleeping in. When I did get to rolling out of bed I immediately put on my headphones and set about finishing the rest of my stash. After a few bowls I danced my way downstairs for breakfast singing loudly to the music. This was what I did in my apartment back when I was at school; on the weekends I'd just relax all day and enjoy life. Today was going to be just like those days. I grabbed a can of jam and a few rolls of bread that I had made last week. Time for breakfast. It didn't make me as queasy as last night's meal, but a part of me thought that was just the munchies at work. Even then I did still have to practically choke it down. The next thing on my list was a leisurely bath followed by a manicure and pedicure. No thinking. No thinking, just singing along. I continued the grooming theme, seeing as how I wouldn't have much time for it on the road. Besides it kept my mind and hands busy. Too busy to care about what was happening to me. Too busy to care that tomorrow I'd be back on the road. Too busy to care that I was alone.

One lunch rolled around I smoked some more to prepare myself for another meal. Oatmeal was a bland enough choice, and I only gagged a few times. Afterwards I went upstairs and put on the fanciest dress I had stolen: some monstrosity of gold and sequins that I'd never have worn in a million years. Then it was time to unwind with a movie marathon. I even popped myself some popcorn, which would've gone over better if I had butter but I made due. It wasn't like I'd enjoy it anyway.

I managed to keep my mind from the future most of the time, and whenever it did sneak in I'd simply say, "I can only do my best, and I've already readied myself as best as I could." It was true. The car was packed, my on-foot supplies were already together in case I had to ditch the thing, my clothes were laid out, and I'd even brought out a few bottles of lighter fluid for when I leave here. Everything was ready, and the only thing left to do was watch as Edward Norton finally realized that he'd been Tyler Durden the whole time. The second my eyes got tired was the second the movie had finished. I flicked the TV off for the last time; I'd never watch a television again, in all likelihood. I walked up the stairs for the last time not caring to make any mental notes, but instead I softly sung. "With your feet in the air and your head on the ground, try this trick, spin it, yeah…" I opened up my door and collapsed on the bed. This I'd miss. No matter how comfily I outfitted the car, this would always be better. I pulled the covers over my head and had a moment of weakness. I wish he were here, just for a bit. I rolled over and smoked my last bowl. My last ever. I tried to enjoy it, but fear kept creeping up on me. The future. I hated this fear, so useless. There was nothing I could do, so unproductive to worry. But it stayed with me until I drifted off to sleep.

-o0o-

_I looked out onto the long highway. I could see the road for miles. "So you're scared?" _

_"Wouldn't you be?" I laughed as I sat on the hood of the car alongside my brother._

_"I guess you're right." I looked over at him; he couldn't have been a day over ten. That was a good year for us. "You'll be fine though."_

_I shrugged, "I don't know about that."_

_"Don't be a dumb dumb."_

_"I'm turning into something else, Joe. I don't know what that's going to mean for me."_

_"You don't think I know that, Annie?" when he stood up he was older, as old as he was when he died._

_"What do you mean you know?"_

_He squatted down and began digging at the ground, "I'm a part of you, aren't I? I know what's happening to you."_

_"Then you know I won't be alright if it keeps up."_

_He turned his attention back to me and laughed, "That's where you're wrong," he smiled at me and I smiled back in reflex. I missed that smile so much, probably my favorite thing about him. "Come here and help me."_

_I jumped off the hood and crouched beside him, digging with him, "What are we digging for?"_

_"You'll see in a second. We're almost there."_

_"Whatever you say boss," my voice had a lightness to it that it hasn't had in over a year. I think that's what made him stop. _

_"Sister," he stopped my digging as well._

_"Yeah, buddy?"_

_"You probably won't see me much anymore," his eyes had such sorrow in them, and it spread to mine. _

_"Don't say that," I could feel the tears welling up._

_"You don't understand. You won't need me anymore after this."_

_I shook my head, "Don't be ridiculous, I'll always need you."_

_"But you'll need something else more. Something real, something still alive."_

_"I don't want you to go though," the tears fell onto the loose soil we had just been clawing at._

_"I know you don't, but I think I have to," he stood up._

_I stood up to join him, "Why are you telling me this?"_

_He shrugged, "I had to say goodbye this time."_

_We stood in silence for a moment, and suddenly I became aware of the sun. High in a bright blue sky. Not a cloud in sight. "Are you sure?" I looked over at him and he nodded, he nodded with that smile. "Promise to come back once I'm past all this though, whenever you feel like, alright?"_

_"I promise," I stepped over to him and gave him the best hug I could. "Remember when Dad took us hunting?"_

_I broke in to a crying laugh, "How could I forget? It was the worst day ever." _

_"That night you told me that you felt horrible for it, remember?" I nodded, "Just remember that. You know, when the smell get's too intense and you get too hungry. Remember how it felt. It will help." I nodded as knelt on the ground again, joining him immediately. "Annie?"_

_"Yes?" _

_His hands hovered over the hole, and he motioned for mine to join them, "You're the best sister anyone could have."_

_"You're the best brother anyone could have."_

_He grabbed my hands for only a second, "I love you, sister."_

_"I love you too, brother." He nodded and we reached our hands into the soothing dirt. I felt around, not knowing what I was reaching for. Then I felt it. A hand. I grabbed it and pulled just as Joey was doing only it was different. Joey was sinking as he pulled. He was leaving me. He was leaving me and someone else was taking his place._

I woke up to the sun in my eyes from a small crack between the boards, still half in the dream world. When I sat up I felt a bit better than days past. I wasn't even scared anymore, not after what Joey said. I swung my legs off the bed and savored the moment. The aftermath of a good rest. I felt a smile creep over my lips as I stood up. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." I threw the last things into my backpack and slid on my sturdy clothes. They were comfortable enough and rugged enough to serve their new purpose. My shoes were already broken in. Everything was just as it was supposed to be. I walked over to the mirror and applied makeup for the last time. Sure, I had thrown some in the car for whatever reason I had thought of those days ago, but this was going to be the last time I'd really get to enjoy this. The simple joy of painting my face for no good reason. Sheer and pointless fun. Once that was finished I put on the various holsters and garters that would house my weapons. I put on the bag that strapped onto my leg that housed my first aid supplies, then slung the large canteen across my body, and finally swung the large hiking backpack, with the ammo bag and bedroll attached to the bottom over my shoulder. It was heavy, but not uncomfortably so. It wouldn't be too hard to haul around if the car broke down and I couldn't find another one. There were just a few things left to do. I'd have some breakfast, lock the place up, and get out of here. Then I'd be on with my new life.

I choked down the breakfast, accepting that this was just the way things were going to be from now on. No use in complaining about facts. Then I went around and made sure to lock everything down. Once that was all done I threw my bag into the black '66 Chevelle four door. It looked a lot less cool with the bike rack on the back, but it was built well. Joey had always had a thing for old American muscle. I think that's why I picked it from the other cars in town. "I guess you'll be sticking with me after all, buddy," I patted the top of the car after I closed the door. Now there was just one thing to do. I grabbed the lighter and lighter fluid from the front porch and made my way to the pile. I emptied the bottles onto the bodies before I looked down at the bag that contained all the mementos. Kneeling down I began to go through everything. Giving each item some time. Thanking them for their sacrifice. Thanking God for saving me. Praying for their families. Apologizing for what I did to them. Once I'd finished I put everything back into the bag and pulled out the lighter.

"I'm so sorry," I flicked the lighter open and threw it onto the nearest body. In seconds the whole thing went up in flames and then all I could do was stare. Stare at my eventual fate. Stare and be grateful that I was still alive, even if I was changing. Stare and be happy to still be Annie. After a few minutes I turned and went to open the gate. This gate had protected me for over a year. This gate had been my safety net, and I didn't need it anymore. I went back to the car and pulled it through carefully, hopping out only to lock it back up and hang the necklace of keys on one of the locks. I hesitated then, for longer than I'd like to admit, looking up at the house. It wasn't as plain as it had been when I'd arrived. Then it was just a structure in the woods, but now it was more. It had been my home. It had been my haven. It had been the place where I fell in love and found family again. It had been so much to me, but it was time. Time to leave and start the next chapter, the next adventure.

I was giving up safety to find true purpose.

I was giving up safety and I couldn't be happier about it.

**Sigh/pant, that was a long one, and I hadn't even meant to update until tomorrow! You know what that means, review the crap out of it... :) **


	39. 39: Blowing Off Steam

**NEW CHAPTER! A nice long chapter for you guys. I personally like this one, and I hope you will too. THANK YOU THANK YOU for reading this thing. You all are seriously the best readers in the world. Please Please Please review. More reviews equal more story. And if you have any suggestions PM me, because I'd love to hear 'em.**_ **ENJOYYY!**_

39: Blowing Off Steam

Life on the open road was easy to get used to again, just like riding a bike which had also became a part of my routine. Whatever atrophy had built up during my stint at the safe house was righted almost immediately by the feel of the steering wheel and the smell of the open road. The wind gusting through the car with hints of that asphalt scent, the way the motor purred as I pushed down on the accelerator, the sound of the stereo blaring, it was all that I'd hoped it would be after being cooped up for so long. Freedom. Real freedom. Finally. I didn't even mind not showering. I didn't even mind barely sleeping. I didn't mind any of it.

The first week flew by so quickly with my new day-to-day activities. Every morning I'd travel into whatever town I happened to be close to, scavenge for breakfast and force it down my gullet, kill off any and all walkers I saw, check if there were any signs survivors nearby, check for any clue that the old group had been through, and by then it was time to find myself some dinner. Once I choked down whatever I could find I'd refill the gas tank, search for any supplies I might need, and get on my way. It was simple with the size of the towns I'd been passing through. Most of them only had about 1,000 people to start with. The way I saw the math was like this, of that thousand 250-500 people turned, and whoever didn't became dinner, and then you have to take into account that that dinner probably had a gun, so say 100 or so of those turned were dead because of that, then there's the fact that it'd been over a year so most of the undead had probably wandered off. That left me with around 150-200 walkers to deal with in each town. That was easy. It was easy. Clearing those towns was the easiest thing I'd ever done since taking Introduction to Drawing freshman year. It was simple. It was effortless. It was lonely.

I was smack in the middle of my fourth week when I came across a raccoon on one of my trips into town. Again, the smell had led me running to it just like that black bear and again it nearly drove me insane to just leave the thing. I wanted to rip it apart. I wanted to have myself a good meal for once. But I didn't. All I could do was think of what Joey had said, think of my first hunting trip. "Only if I need to," I'd repeat until I got back to the car. Only if I need to. That was my code. Only if I need to. That's how I'd deal with anything other than walkers. And frankly, even if I needed to kill anything I don't think I would have eaten it. Eating meat would be giving into the temptation. Giving into the hunger. I didn't want to find out where that led.

The fifth week brought both good and bad. In keeping with tradition, bad news first; I hadn't found any sign of the old gang. With this I began to worry that I went in the wrong direction from the start. I'd went North and they'd went South. "One more week. No sign after one week and I'll turn around," I promised myself as I siphoned the last drops of gas from a green Honda Accord. As squirrel ran across the street and into a nearby tree I didn't even flinch. The heavenly aroma filling my lungs and my stomach growing queasier by the second, but I didn't falter. I just stood up and moved to the next car. That was part of the good news. I might not know what had happened to me when I was bitten, but I was getting a grip on the hunger. Hunger was easy. I just had to not give in, and the more I resisted the more I understood it all. That was the best I could hope for at the time being. I started on siphoning the next car's gas when a walker slowly moved down the street, not even noticing me. That's the second part of the good news. The zombies no longer gave a shit if I was around, part of my curse. A new trait of mine that made me question my own humanity, albeit a useful one. I pulled the knife from its sheath and calmly walked over to the straggler, plunging the knife into his skull and walking back to the car. The more they ignored me, the more I found it necessary to kill them. Something about proving I wasn't one of them, and it worked like a charm.

-o0o-

Six weeks, almost forty towns, and nothing to show for it but a bit of self-control. As I sat in my car, looking at the barren town before me, the sun just coming out and showing the remains of some poor saps who didn't make it. That could have been the group. That could've been Carl. I couldn't help but beat myself up after the thought. I should have turned around the second I didn't find anything. I should have known better. I was supposed to be the Annie that made sense of this world, but I made the same shortsighted mistakes as everyone else. I pulled the map out of the glove compartment and ran my finger over the line I had drawn to show myself the path I'd taken, each town had little notes as well as the roads. Brief description, the number of undead killed, any useful supplies I'd left behind. "Shit," I shoved the map back in the glove compartment. I stepped out of the car, throwing a tarp over it as a precaution, and checking that all my weapons were in place. "This is the last town," I promised myself. I'll clear this place and then head back. Then I'll find them. I unhooked the bike from the rack and took my seat. This is what I always did, park on the outskirts of town and then bike in the rest of the way. It was quiet. It was safe. It was necessary.

The outer streets were crawling with walkers as I pedaled down Main Street, only to find it had been blocked off by a large riot-proof stage. Lining the edges just behind the barricade there was a row of speakers, and in the center a microphone on a stand just beside a table with a few overturned chairs and what had to be a generator. A banner tied up from the roofs of the opposing buildings and hanging just above it read 'Don't Panic.' Something about the sight made me laugh softly, thinking back to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Don't panic. The best advice anyone can give at a time like this. I looked at the corpses that littered the area by the stage, "I guess they panicked." I laughed to myself as I biked up to the door of the adjacent gun shop. There were three deadheads in there, and with three swift jabs with my knife they were done for. I looked over the supplies. The smaller guns were always the first things to be looted, and this case was no different. Now all that was left were the bigger models. "Of course," I looked through the ammo they had and found a few things that looked promising, setting them out on the counter.

Then I had a thought.

Just a little musing that crept in as I spotted the stage through the window and eyed the monstrous weaponry.

"I could wipe 'em all out in just a few minutes," I whispered to myself as I carefully slid out the door and made my way across the street. I examined the stage, carefully moving a part of the blockade to let myself through. The speaker system seemed intact, and the generator still had gas left in it. "Promising," I smirked to myself before heading back into the shop. Large guns. Hilariously large guns, with enormous bullets. The most useless things in the world during the apocalypse. I went through everything, loading them up and placing them into a large gun bag. As I put the shells into a shotgun I couldn't help but get a ridiculous smile on my face. I needed this. My time on the road had been all work and no play, and Jack was becoming such a dull boy. I kept at it, growing more excited by the second as I shoved round after round into the various chambers. Once I was done I had two large bags full of big guns just waiting to mow down some zombies. I did a scan of the shop and noticed a small towel hanging off the back counter.

A towel. I thought back to the large 'Don't Panic' sign and grabbed the rag, tucking it into my back pocket and quoting with a laugh, "A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have." I lugged the bags off the ground and made my way out as the straps dug into my shoulders. It was difficult maneuvering up the steps to the stage, but I managed. Setting the bags onto the table and taking out the firearms I felt that something was missing. You know that nagging feeling, like when you've forgotten to turn off the oven, or you can't remember if you locked your car or not? That's the one. I pulled the chairs to just in front the microphone stand and slid the table behind it. It looked perfect, each weapon ready to fire, ready to be picked up at a moment's notice. But still the feeling persisted. It wasn't right. Something wasn't right. I scanned the buildings. Convenience store. Liquor store. A Radio Shack. A record store. Some crappy clothing store. Wait. I turned my head back to the Radio Shack. "That's it." I ran down and entered the store, knife drawn. Nothing. No walkers, no bodies, just the precious precious electronics. I walked over to the stereos. I didn't need anything special. I just needed something that would run to the speakers. Once I found the right one I made my way out and popped into the record store. Scanning the CDs, smiling as I remembered doing this exact same thing with Amanda. Prowling the stacks to find something good, laughing at all the shitty bands we used to like. "What would she pick?" I thought about it for a second before something caught my eyes. "Bowie." I grabbed the single for Golden Years and made my way back to the stage to set everything up.

It only took me a few minutes due to the fact that the whole system was relatively basic. Any more complicated and I wouldn't have been able to. Once everything was set I turned on the generator, flicked on the microphone, and hit power on the stereo.

I tapped the mic and the feedback rang through the streets, "Testing. Testing." Tap, tap, tap, "Testing." A lone walker about a football field down the street turn around at the noise and started limping in my direction. "Perfect," I smiled as I continued to speak, "All you undead bastards come take a number and I'll see you in a moment." I grabbed the nearest and smallest of the guns and cocked it, the sound reverberated through the street. I could see them coming from the adjacent streets, "And don't worry, I'll make sure to get to all of you before the day is out." I pushed play on the music player and hit the repeat button.

The second the music started blasting I couldn't help but smile. The street was starting to fill and I put my mouth over the mic, "Golden years, gold, whop whop whop." As they grew closer I shot a few of them, "Don't let me hear you say, life's taking you nowhere, angel. Come get up my baby." I continued humming along as I emptied the gun into various heads. "There's my baby, lost that's all. Once I'm begging you to save her little soul." There was something to this. The makeshift crowd of, well they were people once right, all surrounding the stage as I sang. This is what rock stars must feel like. On top of the world. I pulled up my next gun, dancing as I did it. Singing, dancing, shooting. It was the most fun I'd had in so long, the most fun I'd had on my own that's for sure. As the bullets flew and the bodies fell I began to pick up on a scent. It must've been a bigger animal, the smell was so strong. "Focus," I continued to shoot. I tried my best to keep my mind occupied by singing louder, as if it would counteract the smell. Counteract the hunger. I could swear it was getting worse. I could barely see straight as I switched to one of the largest guns. I unloaded the thing, leaving only a few left. The pile of bodies was much more massive than I had originally expected. I'd have to carry my bike out a bit once I was through, "Run for the shadows. Run for the shadows. Run for the shadows in these golden years." Final gun. I quickly tore through the remaining walkers just as the scent hit me full on.

I keeled over, breakfast spilling out of me. When the breakfast was gone the heaving didn't stop. MY stomach kept contracting. I kept spewing up bile. I was so hungry. I just wanted a decent meal, just one. Remember what Joey said. Remember hunting. Only if I need to. Only if I need to. Don't give in. "Shit," I whispered as my stomach continued to churn. I grabbed the towel from my back pocket and covered my nose, relieving the hunger slightly.

"What's wrong with you? Eat some spoiled food?" I looked up from the vomit-covered stage and saw a tall woman decked out in camouflage click off the stereo. "Quite a show you put on, I gotta admit." She moved closer and lazily held out her hand. I just stared at it for a second. "You gonna get up or what?" I took her hand and she pulled me up. Everything in me wanted to rip her to pieces. Only if I need to. I stood away from her once I got to my feet, "Shy one, eh?" She looked over the used guns, "I wouldn't have come by, but I love Bowie." I weakly smiled under the towel. "You got a name?"

"Annie," I choked out, trying my best not to breathe.

"Annie," she raised her eyebrows in what looked like approval. "Well, you sure can handle yourself. Bit more flair than I like, but what are you gonna do?" She shrugged her shoulders. Then her eyes fell onto my bite wound. It had healed over the weeks, but it was still visible. "You bit?"

"Before all this," I lied.

"Do I smell or something?" she gestured to the rag. I hesitated at first, then slowly lowered the towel back to its home in my back pocket. Only if I need to. Only if I need to. "Well aren't you just adorable," she did something with her mouth then, I think it was the way she smiled. So I smiled back. Only if I need to. Only if I need to. "Name's Riley," she held out her hand once more and we shook. There was something in the way she stood, like she didn't give a rats ass that I was there, at least not really. Her short hair suited her, and if anything it just made her all the more terrifying and all the more beautiful. Here I was, easy pickings. She could have easily taken one of the many knives she was carrying and lodged it into my eye socket, but she didn't. Something stopped her. Maybe she had her own code, her own mantra that kept her human. As she stood there, towering over me, scanning the street to look at my handiwork, I felt truly vulnerable for the first time.

I didn't know it at the time or I'd probably relaxed a bit more, but she'd later become my salvation.

**Yay! New character! The lovely Riley (wonderful addition to the story) was created by one of my beloved beta-readers, LivinJgrl123, so all credit for that gem of an OC goes to her! :)**


	40. 40: Hungry Like The Wolf

40: Hungry Like The Wolf

"Nice car," Riley patted the hood. Working with her that day would have been easy if I didn't want to turn her into a meal the whole time. We barely spoke, and a part of me liked that. What was there to really say? 'Hey, the world sucks now, doesn't it?' 'Yeah, totally blows.' Would have been pointless. Instead we just cleared the buildings of anything needed, ate a lunch where I tried my best to hide my disgust, and filled up the Chevelle with gas and our new supplies. Occasionally I'd catch her studying me, but I didn't mind in the least. Hell, I was doing the same. That was the nature of things now, and all it meant was that she knew what she was doing. Every single move she made told me the same thing; she understood this new world.

"Thanks," I put the bike back on its rack and threw the tarp inside. "Room for one more, if you're interested?"

Riley stood outside for a very long time then, looking at the town, and down at her small bag of goods that had been stuffed to the brim. For a minute I thought she would say no and we'd part ways, but she didn't. She just opened the door and took her seat with a nod. When I turned the key and the motor purred I thought I saw a bit of that smile on her face. When I turned on the stereo there was no doubt it was there. She nodded once more as I flipped a U-turn and headed back the way I came. It was time to find the old group, and now I had a bit of help.

-o0o-

My weeks with Riley had this weird way about them.

Moments, mainly the ones when I was hungry, dragged on for what felt like lifetimes. On the eighth day we were together we had stopped in a town I'd looked over on my initial route. At first I was excited to see something new for a change, but that didn't last long. We'd only just got there when a swarm accosted us, making us duck into a nearby house. I don't know exactly what happened, but she must've cut herself on some glass or something because suddenly all I could smell was her. Just a hunk of delicious meat, waiting to be devoured. I remember distinctly that I dug my fingernails into my hand, attempting to distract me. When that didn't work I turned to her, sloppily wrapping her hand in a bit of cloth, and forced out a few words, "Bandages in car. Go fix yourself up. I can handle them." Again she studied me, but only for a second before nodding and heading out the back of the house.

Other times it felt like everything swept by in a fast-forward. We'd be focused on the task at hand. We kept to basic conversation. Turn here. Go here. Stop here. Look over there. Nothing superfluous, just what was necessary to survive. Whenever I took the lead she'd look at me for a long time before deciding whether or not to do what I said, so most of the time I'd let her take the lead. It was easier that way. I was in no position to be the leader anyway. The hunger that I experienced when she was around had been made me weak. Weak, but human. I was thankful though; the small amount of communication made for short hours.

"What are you looking for?" she looked at me as I surveyed a convenience store. That had to have been the longest sentence she'd spoken aloud since I'd met her.

"Whadya mean?" I grabbed a Hershey's bar from the counter and choked down a bite.

"Everywhere we go," she grabbed a candy bar of her own, not taking her eyes off of me, "you do that same scan."

I took another bite, "Just looking for supplies."

She walked past me and started rummaging, "Bullshit." I cocked my head to the side as she looked back at me, still studying, "Three fucking weeks, just say it."

"I don't know what you…"

She grabbed one of her knives and held it to the skin on her forearm, "Say it or I'll have to test that self control of yours."

"I have no idea wh…" I stopped as the blade pierced the skin. The smell. It was too much. I fell against the counter as my stomach turned over. "Please," I pulled the towel from my back pocket and held it against my nose.

"I'm not heading into whatever ambush you have planned," she grabbed the towel from my hand.

"Please, no," I desperately reached for it just as the chocolate bar made a reappearance.

"I've seen the map, don't deny it."

I shook my head, "It's not what you think," I spit up more bile. Only if I need to. Only if I need to. "I'm trying to find old friends."

"To ambush me?"

I shook my head again, trying to calm myself. Only if I need to. Only if I need to, "No."

"Why?" When I didn't answer she squeezed a few drops of her blood on me.

"Please don't," I whimpered before finally spitting out my answer, "I just miss them." She stepped away and covered her wound with my towel. I took a deep breath, fighting the hunger, "I just want to see them again, make sure they're okay." I straightened myself up, regaining control.

"How many?"

"Ten last time I saw them, might be eleven now." She gave me a look that I figured was confusion, "One of the women was pregnant." She was quiet for a few minutes, "I made a promise to Carl, a little boy, that I'd track them down."

Something hit her then, "You're Annie?"

I let out a weakened laugh, "Yeah, we've gone over that already?"

"But you're THE Annie." There was no way she didn't catch the look of hope on my face. "Do they know about your problem?"

I shook my head, "Happened just after they left."

"I might be able to point you in the right direction." Did she know something? Something about the group? Did she know where they were? I looked over at her, trying to read her. Trying to catch a glimpse of what she was thinking. "I'll tell you what I know," she pointed to the vomit, "But we have to address this first."

"I'll find a mop," I stepped over the mess before her hand stopped me.

"No, I mean your problem."

I'd made it a point to never stare into her eyes. But that was before. That was when I was keeping my secret. When I looked into them there was so much I didn't understand, "You're going to try to help me?" She nodded, turning back to the shelves. "Why?"

She shrugged, "Why not?"

**Hope you liked this one! Again, mad props to LivinJgrl123 for creating Riley! A big thank you for reading. Please review with your thoughts/etc. As you all know the more reviews I get, and the lengthier the reviews, the more I write. :) So keep 'em coming and I'll keep on typing. Hope you all enjoyed this one!**


	41. 41: Hunting

41: Hunting

The music clicked off once we were a few miles into our journey, "Tell me how it started." Riley looked at me from the corner of her eye as I sat in the passenger seat. She hadn't said a word about my problem since what happened this morning, and I'd hoped that she'd just leave it. She normally just left things, but I guess this was different. This was big. This was important. And she was my chance to get a better handle on it.

I needed to just be honest with her. She had every opportunity to kill me and she let me live. I owed her, "I had a safe house. Group came and left. Couldn't deal, couldn't sleep, so I kept myself as busy as I could. Messed up. Horde came. Got bit."

"And you didn't," she mimed a gun to her head and a pull of the imaginary trigger.

"I was out of it at the time." I thought it over. That had always been the plan. Got bit? Shot to the head. Honorable death considering the alternative. "It didn't even cross my mind." I hollowly laughed, "Guess that's a good thing."

She laughed a bit then. She had a knack for that, laughing at the most morbid of things. "When did you get hungry?"

"A couple days after I thought I was immune. Figured I'd check the woods, see if I could get some fresh meat for my last meal at the house. After a while I smelled something good, followed my nose. Saw the bear. They aren't supposed to smell like that, smelled so good I could barely keep myself from shooting the thing and digging in right then and there. Didn't smell as good as you though, or I wouldn't have been able to stop. That's when I knew something was wrong with me. Went back home and choked down some oatmeal or something."

"Just like that? Just walked away?"

I shook my head, "It was hard to do. I almost went back like, ten times. But that's not how I do things. Only if I need to." She turned her face slightly, showing her confusion. "It's my one rule. I won't kill anyone or anything unless I need to."

"Then dinner."

I shook my head again, "I've thought about it, more than I'd like to admit, but I can't risk it."

"Smart girl." She focused on the road for a while before she spoke again, "How many humans have you had to deal with since?"

"Just you."

She nodded, reaching down into her bag and pulling out a pack of cigarettes. "I grabbed these back in town, they'll help," she threw them at me, "Mom said she couldn't smell or taste a thing at the end."

"I'm not going to start smoking."

"Yes, you are."

"I was pre-med, going to be a doctor, no way in hell I'm ever smoking cigarettes."

The car screeched to a halt, "Do you want me to help you or not?" The look in her eyes told me she was not in the mood to argue, so I just nodded. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out a lighter, "Just one a day for now."

I accepted the Bic and pulled one of the cancer sticks out, "So this is your plan? Smoking?"

"Part of it," she began down the street again.

I lit the end and took a small puff, coughing a few times before calming my lungs down, "And the other part?"

"We're going hunting." There was something off about the way she said it, something in her voice that put me on edge.

"Then we'd better rest up before morning," I tried to diffuse my worries.

She laughed sarcastically, "No, we're going tonight."

"I'm already exhausted. We should just—"

"I need you exhausted." She turned down a dirt road, "The weaker you are, the more you'll want to feed, the harder it will be for you to resist." It made sense. It made sense, and that scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to give in. I didn't want to cross that line.

"But we wont be able to see a thing."

She tapped her nose, "Won't need to with you around." I opened my mouth to spout out some other reason, but she stopped me, "We're hunting tonight. End of story." There was something about the way she sat, the way she spoke so clearly to me, and air of wisdom. I trusted her entirely. I hadn't felt this weak and this safe at the same time, but I couldn't let her know. Trust is best kept secret out here. She'd understand.

Eventually she stopped the car and turned off the engine. The way she stared ahead of her I knew she recognized the place. I looked over at her, "What is it?"

She pulled out a flashlight and pulled her scarf down a bit before shining the light to her neck, "See this?" There was a large chunk of her skin missing, must've just healed by the look of it. The longer I examined it the more I wondered how the hell she was still alive. "I was up through here, see that mark on the tree," she shined the light out and sure enough there was a diagonal cut through the bark on a nearby trunk. "There was a small group that found me. I didn't want to join them, and they didn't take kindly to that. So they did this to me and left me for dead, not before taking all of my supplies with them."

"How'd you make it out alive?"

"Two things. First is I'm hard to kill." She looked down and rummaged through her bag, pulling out a scarf. From the moment it left the confines of the leather a surge of saliva filled my mouth, "Second's this." She threw it onto my lap and a leaned away from it as best as I could, "Don't be afraid of it. It's just a scarf."

"The smell," I barely got out before she reached into the back for a gun.

"Only if you need to, or only if they deserve it?"

I let out my now common nervous laugh as I tried to hold my breath, "Before it was if they deserved it, but now—"

"You want to be like you were before, right?" I nodded. "These men deserve it." She pulled another gun out and handed it to me, "Do you have your towel?" I pulled it out of my pocket and waved it at her, "Hand it over."

She reached for it, but I held it out of her reach, "Why?"

She snatched it from me this time, "You wont need it, tonight you'll be wearing my scarf."

I looked at the bloodstained garment in my lap, "I can't wear that thing, it'll, you know…"

"That's the point." She opened the door and stepped out of the car, tucking the gun and towel into her waistband and checking her various knives. I grabbed another gun and joined her outside of the car, hoping she wouldn't notice that I left the scarf on the front seat. She knew me better though. Riley knew everything. She didn't even have to look at me, "Wear it or I'll shoot you."

My hands were timid as they picked up the fabric and wrapped it around my neck, my mind went hazy at the aroma, "I don't think I can—"

"Stop," she was in front of me then. "That group of yours… think of them," the moon was peaking out and in that second I could see her eyes. They weren't warm. They weren't motherly. They were strictly business. "Remember that this is the only way you'll get to them."

I nodded, "What if I can't smell what we're looking for?"

She turned to the car and locked the doors; taking her time to answer, "Don't worry about things before they happen. It just makes you look stupid."

-o0o-

I was getting used to the smell of the scarf, but just barely. I was more thankful that Riley couldn't notice the steady stream of drool pouring from my mouth as we paced the forest floor, her following just a few feet behind me. I remember doing this before, with Daryl, only time hadn't done its damage yet. Back then I stood strong, confident, almost arrogant, but now things had changed so drastically. Back then there would be a smile on my face, and a different hunger in my bones. Back then I didn't need anyone to lead or protect me. If he saw me now he probably wouldn't even recognize me. The steps I too were slightly smaller, the way I walked on the outside of the tips of my toes as if there were landmines everywhere I went, my muscles were always tense like I was about to be hit, my shoulders curved in a way that screamed self-preservation. I was just a ghost of my former self. I was just some feedback that was stuck in the speakers. I was just the leftover hunger. I was just barely still Annie.

A breeze made its way through the trees and I stopped in my tracks. She whispered up to my position, "Smell 'em?" I nodded; there was no doubt in my mind that this wasn't some bear. It was human, and from the strength of the scent there were more than one. The spit filled my mouth almost instantly, and the drool flowed more steadily. I quickly prepared my guns, wanting to get this done, looking back at her only briefly to make sure she was ready. "I'll take right." I nodded and took a step in the direction of our prey. I heard her order clearly as she followed me, "Kill them all."

I began to follow my nose, my pace quicker than before, and my strides larger. I was back for a moment, confident, a predator not a victim. I wasn't thinking about controlling myself, I was just thinking about tracking them down. The smell kept getting stronger and followed Riley's command. I thought of the group. I thought of Lori holding her new baby, Carl and Rick beside her. A happy family. A happy family I wanted the chance to meet. I thought of T-Dog, telling some story that I hadn't heard yet, getting to laugh again, really laugh. I could tell we were getting closer; the smell was making everything unclear and yet it focused me. I could even hear noise in the distance. I stopped for a second, "We're close." I looked back at Riley; I could barely make her out through the darkness and hunger, except her eyes. They, too, had hunger in them. She wanted them dead. "When they get into range confirm it's them," I snarled as I pointed to her binoculars, "Then we'll take them out."

"Roger," she nodded, and on we went. Our steps were silent, but had that urgency in them. That need for blood. That need to satisfy something deep within ourselves. The smell continuously intensified, and I could feel my humanity slipping. The group. That dead buck. Family. The noises of men talking grew louder until we caught a glimpse of firelight. I took cover behind a tree, and she followed suit before peering through the specs. "It's them," she whispered, "There's five. How do you want to play this?"

I thought on it for a second, "Feign helplessness, yell help 'til I reach 'em. They'll be focused on me, you get behind 'em."

She motioned to my shirt, "Undo a few more of those buttons." I stuffed the guns into my back pockets, careful not to touch the triggers since I'd turned the safeties off, then I clumsily undid the buttons past my bra. You're human. You're still human. "Perfect. Signal is hungry." She checked her gun, "Say hungry, then will shoot 'em up." I nodded as she held her hand up.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

I cut to the left first before I started yelling, then I ran towards that heavenly smell as fast as my tired legs could carry me. "Help!" I could see them starting to scramble as the smell filled my lungs, "Help! Please!" When I got close to them I collapsed onto a tree, I'm still human. "Please. They got my sister," I hunched over just enough to not show the guns I was hiding. They deserve it. I didn't look at them, not directly. I was starving. I couldn't look at them. "They got her so I ran," I wiped my forehead, tears falling from my eyes. Annie, just stay human. "I've been running almost all day, trying to find someone."

"You're safe now, pretty little thing." I found it in myself to look at them. The five men were standing almost in a straight line, idiots. Easy pickings. The one that was talking to me took a few steps forward and I had to resist lunging at him and taking a bite. The smell was overwhelming. Annie, you're human. Think of the group. Those blue eyes. A different king of hunger. Happiness. The way his skin felt. I did my best to act frightened, focus on the task at hand. "Don't worry. We won't hurt you, see?" just as I expected he set his gun down, "Gun's down, boys. Poor girl's just scared." The men all relaxed their stance. Idiots. Men are so easy. The leader took a more steps, his face coming into the firelight. I saw his eyes then, darting from my face to my chest, hungry.

Hungry, just like me. "I… I don't suppose you have any water? Or s-spare food?" One of the figures in the back reached for a bottle and threw it to the leader, who handed it to me. I took a sip, moving one of my hands to my back pocket to grip the first gun, "Th-thank you." I scanned behind the leader and saw a flicker of Riley's visage. She was only a few feet behind the man furthest back, gun pointed directly at his head. I straightened myself up a bit, putting the cap on the water, "I'm just so hungry."

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

**Hope you enjoyed today's installment of Annie Get Your Gun. Be sure to tip your writer with some of those precious reviews, and have a good rest of your flight. **

**Haha. Seriously though, I hope you liked this chapter. Please review with all of your thoughts and comments, I love to hear what you all think, and where you want things to go. Don't lose heart, she's getting closer to getting back to the group (thank goodness). Again, many thanks to LivinJgrl123 for creating the lovely Riley. And thank you to all of you who read these things. **

**A Question To The Readers: What do you like/hate about our Annie? I'm ultra-curious. :)**


	42. 42: Becoming A Monster

42: Becoming A Monster

"Strip down, put your weapons by the fire, and take a seat" Riley pointed to an old log lying beside the fire. I wasn't going to argue with her, not with the smell. It was everywhere, just gushing out of the men's bodies. Think of the task at hand; I set my weaponry in a neat pile by the fire, hesitating just a moment before continuing to take my clothes off. The air had a nasty bite to it, even without the scent. "Your bra too, but keep those on," she pointed to my underwear. At least I had something shielding me. Some small scrap keeping the scent away. As I stood there I couldn't help but feel defenseless, and from that bred a new kind of worry. I had no idea what Riley had wanted to do, but if I knew her at all it wasn't going to be pleasant. Think of the group. If I can't get past this I'll never be able to trust myself around them, and if I can't trust myself then I'd be better off getting as far away from them as possible. I sat down, rigid, and stared at the fire while Riley moved around from body to body. She was filling some sort of bucket, I couldn't make it out in the dim light. I was sure of one thing in that light, she had some sick kind of smile on her face. The worry churned my already sick stomach. At least I hadn't barfed yet. That's a good goal; no barfing. The only way I was going to make it through this was to think of the group. Just think about them, don't think about her, and definitely don't think about the five-course meal around you. "This'll be painful, but it has to be done." My muscles contracted to keep me from pouncing on any of the happy meals around me, but the cold was getting to my bones causing me to shake in an unnatural way. My jaw had been clenched so tightly, even if I had wanted to say something I wouldn't have been able to, instead I just nodded. She was standing over me now, "Ready?" I gave her another nod, squeezing my eyes shut to brace myself for whatever came next.

Then I felt it.

The still warm chunks of flesh fell onto my cold skin, and it felt wonderful. The aroma was so intoxicating I could hardly contain myself; I was utterly lost in it. I was swimming in a sea of fine dining. Then I remembered.

Annie, you're a human. Annie, this should disgust you. Annie, stop drooling.

I could sense Riley crouch down in front of me before her hand even touched my face. She was smearing the meat on me. "Holding up?" She was careful not to get any on my lips, but I wished she would. Just one little taste, and that's it. That's all I need. One taste. I could feel my body begin to shake against itself more violently. Just one taste. Just one. "Your group," I opened my eyes to see hers. They were still cold, still mechanic. In those eyes I was nothing more than an experiment. "Tell me about them."

I loosened my jaw only slightly and spoke through gritted teeth, "What do you want to know?"

"Anything, just talk. We have more to do here," she disappeared from my vision and I was again looking into the flames. The way they flickered and danced calmed me only slightly, but it was more than I could ask for at the moment.

"There was a fireplace at the house," I thought back, "They'd tell stories around it. Sometimes I'd listen in." I looked down at my trembling hands for a second; some of the chunks were resting there now. I could easily just take one little bite, she didn't have to know.

"Don't think, talk."

I shook my head, trying to shake the idea from my skull, "They didn't really like me at first, except the kid. Carl liked me." I felt her rub more guts against my skin. Keep talking. "He reminded me so much of my little brother. It was like he was back almost. But still, the rest of them, even Daryl, it was like I had the plague." I gave a weak sort of giggle, "How ironic is it that now I actually have the plague?" I could hear her soft laughter as I continued, "I had to save their damn lives just for them to speak to me."

She looked my way, "And you want to go back to these people?"

My gaze joined hers, "We spent months together. They warmed up." I looked back to the fire as she went on with her business; "I was a lot different back then, easier to get along with."

She appeared before me again with another glob of meat to put on, she had that morbid smile about her, "Not so hungry."

Something about the way she said it, hunched over with a handful of dead guy, the subtle up curve of her lips mixed with the playful glint in her eye, it was too much. It was too much for naked nervous me to handle. I let out a loud cackle that echoed through the trees and transformed into a real laugh. The kind of relaxed laugh I'd enjoyed with my brother a thousand times before. The kind of laugh I didn't think I'd ever get to have again. "No," I calmed myself, being careful not to touch my mouth, "Not so hungry." She gave me a hint of smile before leaving me once more. "Back then I was unstoppable. I might have even been happy for a while there, too."

"Like when I first saw you, mowing down deadies?" I heard her from the corner of the camp.

"Kind of, I guess. We didn't see much action like that at the house, not when they were there. I was happy like when kids go to camp. Sad to not be home, but glad to have new friends. That sounds stupid."

"Why'd they leave?"

I scooted closer to the fire; the warmth of the entrails was fading quickly in the night's chill. "Wanted a place of their own, I guess."

She plopped the bucket at my feet, "Cover yourself in it." I quickly went to it, a part of me wanted to. I wanted the smell all over me. I wanted to roll around in it, and sleep in it, and bathe in it. "Don't go eating it or I'll have to put you down," she tapped her gun. I nodded, reminded once more that I was human. I was still a human, just teetering on the edge of it. Just relax. Focus. No barfing. You can do this. "They didn't take you with them."

"I intimidated their leader a bit," I continued to coat myself in the sludge, "But most of them wanted me to go."

"Did you want to?" She grabbed my pile of clothes and went off again.

"Honestly?" I looked over to her and caught her nod, "I did. I wanted to get to stay with them. I wanted to get to be with my brother and my friends. I wanted to get to stay with Daryl."

"You didn't fight to though."

"Who says I didn't." Even I felt the hollowness in my words. I was about to tell her that I'd wanted to. I was about to tell her that I wanted to fight for it, to fight for my slice of happiness. She beat me though.

"If you'd have fought you'd be with them now," she dropped the now blood-drenched clothes in front of me, "Put them on."

I quickly did as I was told, repeating to myself that I was still human. This was all a means to an end. This was all to get back to them. The people I could've been with right now if I'd just stood up and fought. "No need to rub it in," I scoffed.

She thumped down next to me and handed me a newly opened can of beans and spoon, "Eat." I apprehensively accepted them and began my usual choke-fest of a meal. This time it was different. This time I had all the decadent smells around me to torture me as I shoveled to vile slop into my mouth. "I was paying you a compliment," she said between her own bites.

"How was that a compliment?"

She took a few more bites before she spoke to me again, "I've been watching you. I know who you are."

"Then you know I am weak," I spat at her, the fatigue and foul food were sinking in. I saw her look at me from her tin can, expecting me to explain. "You say you've been watching me. Then you have seen me walking around like a dog that's been kicked one too many times. You've seen me unable to defend myself, and that was just the day you met me."

"True," she continued her meal.

I forced another bite down, my eyes now becoming more aware of the dead fella to my right. What I wouldn't give to ditch the canned food for fresher meat. "You see what I'm becoming. I'm becoming a monster."

"Want to know my favorite book?" her voice had the strangest perk to it in that moment. We'd never had any sort of conversation where we'd divulged anything but hard facts. She'd never once had that tone to her voice. "_Fight Club._ I read it whenever I could at boot camp." She took a few more bites until finally throwing the can into the fire and reaching over to take mine, "Losing all hope is freedom, Annie."

"So I'm free to eat the bodies of bad men?" I nudged the corpse with my foot.

She shook her head, "No."

"Then what?"

She looked up at me and swallowed hard, pointing her spoon at me, "So you're a monster. So what. We're all monsters. At least you know it." She tilted the can back to finish the rest, "Now you can evolve."

"You think I can really 'evolve' to the point that it would be safe for me to see them?" my voice revealed the true desperation in my heart. I hadn't meant for that to happen. I hadn't meant to let her know. Suddenly I felt pathetic.

"Look at yourself," I looked down at my blood-soaked clothes, there were bits of flesh stuck to the fabric, "What do you see?"

"I see a mess." I touched my cheek, feeling the drying blood, "I see a savage."

"No." I could hear the annoyance in her voice, "try harder or I'll shoot you." I thought about it. I tried to think of what she wanted me to say, but I had no clue. She tapped her watch, "Tick tock."

"I'm trying—"

She cut me off, tossing the can into the flames with the other one, "Exactly."

**Woo New Chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. BE SURE TO REVIEW! REVIEWS ARE LIKE CANDY AND I AM HUNGRY NOM NOM NOM! Whoosh, sorry about that, don't know what got into me. Also, again I must give massive credit to LivinJgrl123 for creating the stern but lovable Riley. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!**


	43. 43: Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

43: Parting I Such Sweet Sorrow.

I spent two weeks soaked in blood and guts. Two long weeks caked in death and that smell. Two weeks with red skin and red clothes, red everything. Two weeks struggling through my own hell. But I wasn't completely alone. I had Riley. She wasn't talkative, she wasn't much other than another obstacle, but that's what I needed. Riley had kept a large Ziploc of the bits of the dead guys to freshen me up every now and then. At some point it stopped being appetizing to me, it wasn't nearly fresh enough, so we took out a few nearby squirrels and I got a brand new coat of deliciousness. I was a walking candy store, only I was the only one around who liked sweets. The first few days it was difficult to concentrate. I'd be so busy focusing on the group, focusing on what I wanted to get to that I'd forget what I was doing. Riley picked up my slack though, but only slightly. She had this way of looking at me, into my soul almost, and I'd always feel like I had to impress her. I'd found ways to think of the group and get shit done. It was all going smooth. Then I didn't need to think of them so much. I'd go hours without the nagging feeling of wanting to let myself off the handle. And at the end of the week I could stay on task even with a fresh layer. Sometimes, and I hated it when she did this, but Riley'd reopen her cut and hold it in front of me like she was begging me to take a bite. I never did though. I just rolled my eyes at her and thought of something else.

At some point my daily cigarette break that Riley had been enforcing became something I looked forward to. A break from the smell. A break from work. A break from everything. I'd given up my objections on the healthiness of the matter since she'd met each one with the same line from her book, "On a large enough timeline, the survival rate of everyone will drop to zero." The more I thought about it the more it made sense, the more I didn't mind the cigarettes.

At the end of those two weeks everything changed. The smell that I'd been drenched in, the smell that I'd once loved, now sickened me in a new way. I hated it. My salivation slowed and stopped and I had no idea why. She'd hold up her arm, a bit of blood would drop onto my shoe, and I'd just cringe my nose. My stomach didn't wretch. I didn't tremble. Nothing happened. The paint that covered me was now something different. It transformed from a test to a minor inconvenience. It was not different than being covered in feces. I didn't say anything about the change in mindset at first. I was afraid it was a fluke. I was afraid that by saying it aloud things would magically go back to the way they were and the hunger would be back. I'd wait a week, just to be sure.

The week came and went, and I never once felt hungry. At least, not for raw meat.

"I don't feel hungry," I looked over at Riley as I swallowed the last of my meal, "The smell, its not affecting me the same way." I reached over to the bag of fresh meat Riley had gathered that morning while I slept in the car and stuck my face into it. "It's too good now or I'm used to it or something," I pulled my blood stained towel to my nose as well, still nothing, "It's like that second piece of cake. Or your third day in a row of eating pizza."

She just nodded, like she knew this would happen, like she always nodded. I debated speaking then, but I figured I'd just wait until she decided to tell me what she thought of what I had to say. "I had a thing for donuts," she set down her makeshift plate and looked at me with a slight smile in her eyes, "After my last tour I got a job at this really small record store, and there was a bakery next door. At first it was great, the smell of donuts all the time, like I was in heaven," she pointed at me, "Like you must've felt before." I nodded at her words. It had felt like heaven on some level. It had been everything I could want and everything I didn't want at the same time. "But after a while I couldn't stand the smell. Every time I got home my clothes would reek, and I hated it."

"Too much of a good thing," I continued to nod.

"Too much of a good thing," she repeated.

We made our way back to the car primarily in silence, as we normally did. I followed her lead, keeping a few paces behind, scanning our surroundings just in case. Then she stopped suddenly and turned her head to a nearby building. I quickly drew my gun and took aim, "I didn't smell anyone?"

She looked over at me and shook her head, "Read the sign." She started towards the store without me.

I looked up at the top of the structure, "Irma's Fancy Boutique?" Riley gave a nod and motioned for me to come after her. Once in the store I questioned her, "If you need new clothes we'd have better luck at the sporting goods store down the street." She was walking through the racks, throwing various items into a pile on the floor, "I mean look at the stuff here," I poked a mannequin, "Irma wasn't lying about it being fancy." She gave a weak laugh and continued adding to the pile. "I didn't take you for a girly girl," I reached down to the pile and held up what looked like a wedding dress, glimpsing the price tag. It was the same price as a month's worth of rent and food back in the day.

She threw one more item down on the pile before she spoke, "Pick one."

"Excuse me?"

"You can't go to your group looking like that. If they have any sense they'll shoot you on sight. Just pick one."

"If I need new clothes I'll get 'em at the sporting goods store." She glared at me, "I mean look at these things. They don't offer any protection, I'll get bit or scratched in a day."

"Stop acting like I'm stupid and just pick something already. We have more to do before we can leave town."

"I'll get bit—"

"Those things don't notice you're around even with your new look," she motioned to my dirty red skin, "So don't give me that shit. And I've seen you looking into other stores like this ever since we met. So pick out the most expensive things you can find and then we'll clean you off." She searched behind the counter for a minute while I examined the dresses. A fabric shopping bag plopped in front of me, "Put whatever in there and we'll head out." She pulled a ridiculous fur coat from a hanger and slid it on while glancing at the price tag, "The police station is a few streets over, and probably has a generator. Maybe we can get a nice shower or at least some extra guns to give to your people."

I shoved the nicest things I could find into the bag and stood up, "You sure I'm ready to be out of these?" I gestured to the clothes.

She started out of the shop, "You'll live."

-o0o-

I had to admit it felt good to wash the smell off of me. Free at last. It felt good to have the warm water flow over my skin and through my hair. Clean at last. It felt good to scrub the blood from my skin. Me at last. The world righted itself for that hour. Whatever horrors there were in the world didn't matter. Nothing mattered by the steam and the heat. Even Riley seemed to be happy, which was saying something.

After I'd toweled off I stared at my skin for a while. I'd gotten used to the red tone, the hints of dirt everywhere. Now I was as white as ever. I fished a brush out of one of the lockers and combed my hair in the mirror. Blonde again, clean again. It had gotten so long, I wondered if I should cut it.

"Mop's getting too long," Riley said almost to herself as she stood over the sink with scissors and began to hack away at her hair. She pulled off the pixie cut, but I didn't have her face. I needed my hair. "Some good boots in the lockers back there, should check and see if any of them'll fit ya." Her voice was different. It was like she'd changed into someone else. I liked her like this, chipper. I think given more showers Riley might have actually become a friendly human being. Maybe she had been warm before all this? Maybe she'd just changed to survive?

"I look so weird now," I examined my face in the mirror. It was abnormal to see myself without a heap of guts on me, or a smear of blood. I'd forgotten what I looked like, but now here I was. I felt prettier than I'd ever felt. Borderline beautiful compared to the mutant-looking creature I'd been for the last few weeks.

She looked at me for a second, and that odd smile of hers came and went, "Should get out of here soon." She put the scissors into her front pocket, "I'll go see what they got in the armory."

When she left I turned to the bag. It would be nice to wear something that wasn't pants and long sleeves for a change. It would be nice to wear something that didn't smell repulsively sweet. I looked at the things I'd grabbed. I didn't know what I was thinking with some of them, must've been the price tags. Finally, I pulled out a well-crafted deep red strapless dress with tread embellishments and a small slit up the right leg. "Won't see any blood stains," I slipped it on and looked in the mirror once more. Looked nice enough. Fit like a glove, too. I swung my arms around, and did a few kicks and squats, "Range of motion is good." I figured it would work as slid on some socks before I searched the lockers for boots that fit. I felt a bit like Cinderella when the third pair wrapped around my toes. It was like the things were made for me. The way they sat under my feet made me sturdier than the last pair I'd been wearing. I wouldn't find anything better, so I finished getting ready to head out. I snapped on the various holsters and sheaths, then looked in the mirror one last time. There's the Annie I know. There's the Annie that could make it on her own. I grabbed the rest of my things and caught up with Riley.

When I joined her beside the racks of guns she looked at me for a split-second and gave a small nod, "There was a nice looking truck with a near full tank of gas on the edge of town that I spotted when we came in," she picked up a bag on the floor that had a few barrels sticking out of it, "I've already filled it with some stuff while you were taking care of the walkers, I'll just need to get my things."

"You're leaving?" The moment I said the words I knew that she was. I had known she would, hadn't I? But there was this feeling in me; I didn't want her to go.

"I already marked where you need to go on the map over there," she nodded to the table and I picked up the paper. "There's a town nearby, Woodbury, don't go there." I noted the 'X' she'd marked over it.

"Why not?"

"When I was over there I watched them from afar, the town. There's something wrong with it, I can't tell you what, but I just know." I trusted her. I trusted her more than I'd trusted anyone in my life. If she was saying to stay away, I'd stay away.

I loaded up the remaining weapons and ammunition into two other bags and we made our way back to the car. I dropped the bags in the passenger seat that was going to now be vacant and she grabbed her things. "You sure you don't want to come with me?"

"There's a reason I was alone when I found you," she stuffed the last of her things into the bag, but left the scarf she'd tortured me with lying in the backseat next to a worn out copy of her book.

"What if I—"

"You'll be fine." She stepped away from the car, and I went to stand in front of her. It's strange how tall she looked then, I felt like a kid next to her. I'd always be a kid next to her. The sun was into its final fall behind the trees and I didn't want her to go.

"Thank you," I kicked the ground with my new boot a few times before I got the courage to look her in the face, "Thanks for saving me."

She punched my shoulder hard with her free hand, and there was no mistaking the smile on her face. "Let's not get all mushy about it," she started off towards her car, opening it and shoving the bag in. She looked back at me then, and in that stare there was an understanding. Chance brought her to me, and she pulled me out of the darkness. She didn't have to. She could've put me down that first day. But somehow she'd deemed me useful and I got to spend several weeks at her side. We'd rarely talked, but there was always that understanding; I'm useful enough not to kill. Then she saved me. She single-handedly saved my hopeless life when she had no business doing so. I wanted to say more to her, tell her how much it had all meant, but she just gave a quick nod, "Stay golden, Pony Boy!" She disappeared into the driver's seat before I could do anything. Then in seconds the car was down the street, and Riley was out of my life.

I couldn't help but let the total emptiness of being alone sink in then. Yes, I was going to hopefully be with people again soon. People I knew a bit even, people I loved a bit even. But they'd never know me like Riley did. No one ever would. I never had to say a word to her and she always knew. I'd never in a million years find someone who understood me like she had. I reached into the back seat and pulled up her scarf and book. I took a sniff of the bloody fabric. It still smelled like her. This scarf had saved her life, and then it saved mine. I looked down and opened the book, _Fight Club_. I couldn't keep the sides of my mouth from curving up slightly. I flipped through the pages; they were covered in underlines and notes. These were my totems, the marks of my savior. Two small reminders that for a few months I'd been worthy of living. I'd been useful enough to earn a place beside someone who didn't really need me. That meant more than anything she could've ever said.

There was no way in hell that I would fail.

**And so Riley leaves Annie. :( I hope you liked this chapter! Please please review with your thoughts (she'll finally be getting to the group, hopefully!). A huge thanks to you guys for reading this thing. And a major tip-of-the-hat to LivinJgrl123 for creating Riley! Also, Sportyreffy (guest) to be honest with you "Don't worry about things before they happen. It makes you look stupid." is my own, learned through my life experiences and anxiety problems, but it makes me glad to hear you like it. It is good advice though, a phrase I live by. **

**Review! Oh, and I'm curious... How do you think the group (Daryl especially) will react when Annie shows up?**


	44. 44: Reunion

44: Reunion.

I knew it would take me a couple days to get to the place Riley had marked on the map, but I didn't mind all that much. The more that I thought about it the less of a rush I was in. I had been so focused on getting better, and getting back to the group that I hadn't thought about what they'd think. How they'd react to seeing me. Even Carl wasn't expecting to see me so soon; maybe they'd understand. Maybe they'll want me back. "Don't worry about stuff that hasn't happened yet," I repeated the words. Don't worry. If you feel like worrying be proactive instead. The first day I traded in my bloody mess of a car for a Suburban. Less blood, more space, win win. Then I scavenged. I filled the thing up with supplies and as many tanks of gasoline as I could squeeze into the thing. It had something to do with wanting to remain valuable. I couldn't go see the group empty-handed. I couldn't even go to them toting a few dozen guns. I needed a dowry, a decent sized bargaining chip. I needed to make up for not being there for them for the past few months.

Whenever the nerves became too much I'd just roll the window down and let the fresh air in. I could smell the asphalt and the pines and the squirrels in the trees, and the hunger stayed away. Now that the hunger had gone I was left with a hyper-awareness. Every smell, every movement, I noticed them all. It made me feel strong again. It left me with a shadow of happiness, and for those days that was enough to get me through for the most part. Between my looting and massacring I'd take a few minutes to read Riley's book. The scribbles kept me from feeling alone, or it lessened it in such a way that being alone didn't hurt all that much.

On the third day I reached the place marked on the map. It was little more than a gas-n-sip and at first I thought I wasn't in the right place. Then I looked closer. Certain supplies were gone. The whole candy section had been raided, and all that remained of the liquor and food were he crappiest things. I jumped behind the counter and stuffed the remaining cigarette packs, cartons, and lighters into my duffle as I had been doing for the last few stops. Then I saw it. Small enough to go unnoticed by anyone else who came by, there was a notepad on the counter that read, 'Annie North –C.' Must've been Carl, smart Carl. I tore the paper out and went back to the car. North.

Then something occurred to me. If I saw anyone barreling down the road in a big black SUV there's only one thing I'd do. Shoot. I stopped on a dirt road to give me a bit of cover, then I pulled out a can of spray paint. 'ANNIE.' I looked at it for a second, wondering if it would be enough. Nodding a few times, I got into the car and kept on my way.

I didn't know what I was looking for as I drove. I just drove north. I just drove north and tried to think like Rick. "Someplace safe," I repeated as I scanned the sides of the highway. "Someplace to raise a family," then I saw it.

Grant County Prison: 40 miles.

Walls and fences and gates and beds. Easily defendable due to the watchtowers. That would be where they went. I pulled to the side of the road and pulled the sledgehammer from the back. After a minute of plugging away I took down the sign. Anyone who was travelling down the road would've thought the same. Could be a good place to lay roots. Could be a place to stay safe. From what I'd learned about people, how they'd changed when the world ended, how cruel they became, it was best that no one else ventured to that prison.

Each sign I came across I'd take the hammer to. And even when I reached the turnoff I kept going. I kept going until the signs stopped listing the prison. Then I knocked them all down. Even if they didn't let me stay I'd feel better knowing they were off the grid. When I came back to the turnoff I pulled over and took the cigarette break I so desperately needed. The tobacco was sweet in my lungs and just as soon as I'd started I was flicking the butt out of the window. Don't worry. They'll be happy to see you. I looked over myself. The dress I'd nabbed was still clean. I was still clean. I reached into the glove box and pulled out my makeup case, taking a long time as I applied, and wiped off, only to reapply it all once more. I knew I was stalling. I knew that feeling in my stomach, right in the pit of it, genuine anxiety. I kept fussing. I kept fussing until I caught a glimpse of the scarf.

"Annie, stop being a bitch about it and grow a pair already," I mimicked Riley's voice before turning the key and starting down the road. It only took a few minutes, but I found myself easing off the gas and darting my eyes to the bite wound. It'd healed, but it was still obvious what happened. They'd all seen my arms before; they'd all know that it had happened since they left. I rolled down the window and there was no mistaking I was on the right track. I could smell them as clear as day, but not just them. There were critters in the forest surrounding the road, there was still that scent of morning in the air, though it was fading fast in the afternoon sun. Don't worry, Annie. If Riley didn't kill you they sure as hell won't.

When I reached the gates the car crawled to a halt. I couldn't see anyone, but I knew they were there. I could smell them distinctly in the air. I stepped out of the car with my hands to the sky, "Hello?" There was no answer. I'd been right to worry; they didn't want to see me. Whatever friendships I had made back at the safe house would stay there. Or more likely the friendships I had made back at the safe house were just in my head. I looked around at the groups of walkers lining the fence and pulled out my knives. Stab, stab, stab. Plop, plop, plop. I went through them all with ease, knowing they wouldn't fight back, knowing they wouldn't even know I was there. Once I'd finished the last of them I reached into the car and debated just driving away. They don't want me? Fine, I don't want them. I even sat in the drivers seat with my fingers around the ignition. I couldn't do it though. I turned to look at the haul; I gathered all of this crap for them. I didn't really need it, I didn't need any of it. What was I going to do with a bunch of baby formula? I threw the scarf and book into my go bag and slid out, throwing it onto my shoulders before walking up to the fence, "There are supplies in the car, formula and gas and stuff," I yelled to the empty fields, "I'm just going to clear the deadies around the perimeter, then I'll be out of your hair." I stood still for a moment, wondering what else I could say. They were close, had to have all been outside, listening to me ramble on. They could all hear me, or at least a few of them could. What do you say to people who don't want you? Thanks? Fuck you? I hope you all die? I didn't hope that though. I wanted them to be okay, even if that was without me, "Stay safe!"

I'd only taken a few steps when I heard a quieted voice from inside the fencing, "No." I looked to see a small boy appear from behind a wall, the sheriff's hat he worn flew off as he ran through the field. Of course it was Carl. It would have to be Carl. Carl was the only one who wanted me there, and that would be enough. "Annie! Wait!" he yelled as he opened the first gate. It was weird to smell him, I squirmed with my discomfort but the hunger stayed away. "Don't leave!" I calmly walked back to the main gate as the others slowly piled out of their hiding places. There were a few faces missing, but I guess they couldn't all be outside. I wished T-Dog and Lori were out here to see me. She'd probably be with the baby now. The closer he got the more my face relaxed. He was alright. He was safe. By the time he'd reached me I was smiling so wide, I couldn't control it.

He fumbled with the last lock, "Hey, buddy."

"Did you get my note? Telling you to go North?" I nodded as I examined him. "I knew I'd have to hide it, I was worried you would miss it," he didn't look the same as before. Something about the way he stood, the way his eyes looked at me, I knew he wasn't the same kid that left a few months ago. When the gate slid open it took milliseconds before he hugged me. I didn't flinch at the contact. My stomach didn't turn, my mouth didn't water, I just wrapped my arms around his little frame and smiled. My eyes started to sting, but I forced away the tears. Don't show them how much you care.

"How'd you find us?" I looked up to see Rick now standing at the fence, most of the group behind him and three new faces. When my eyes caught Daryl he didn't look happy. He looked inconvenienced, he looked angry. He looked like a different person. None of them looked even slightly glad to see me except maybe Maggie, Glen, and Beth.

Carl's arms squeezed tighter, and I looked down and chuckled to myself, "I just have a nose for these things, I guess." There was a concerned look on everyone's face except for the kid in my arms, "But if I hadn't been looking for you, I wouldn't have found you." I patted Carl on the back, "I took the liberty to knock down a few signs that said there was a prison here. Figured it would be safer if no one knew this place was here."

"Better get you inside before the walkers notice what's happening," Rick motioned for one of the new men to get the car.

"You'll like it here, Annie," Carl grabbed my hand and began to lead me through the gates. I didn't even make it two steps before someone noticed my arm.

"Carl, get away from her," Daryl's words were stern as he raised his crossbow and pointed it at my head. "She's been bit."

Rick grabbed Carl away from me in a flash, and the guns were pulled. I raised my hands, showing that I wasn't a threat, but the weapons still trained on me. The new woman with the sword moved closer to me, looking closely at my arm, "It's healed." The confusion spread over their faces, and I knew it was my only chance to tell them.

"I got bit about a week after you all left, horde came and overran the house. Blind spot, and this happened. I thought I was a goner, but I didn't turn," I couldn't decipher their gazes. "I must be immune or something," I lied. They didn't need to know about my hunger. They didn't need to know about what I went through. It would just give them another reason to not want me there.

"See Dad, she's fine," Carl stood beside me again.

"You're immune?" Rick lowered his gun slightly.

"Obviously or I wouldn't be here, would I?" I looked around as the tension lessened.

"Let's get inside, the walkers are noticing us," Glen went and motioned for the car to be brought in.

-o0o-

As Carl had led me through the snaking hallways I could barely stand the way the rest of their eyes followed me. Even when Riley studied me she'd at least be decent about it. She never made me feel like a freak. I'd hoped they'd stopped once we reached the cellblock they'd been calling home, but they didn't. They kept watching and I kept pretending not to notice as Carl showed me around.

"And this is my baby sister, Judith!" Carol emerged from a cell holding a small bundle of blankets, "Carol, show Annie my sister!" I was surprised when Carol calmly stood beside me, allowing me to look at the baby.

It made me uncomfortable, seeing the little thing, so clean and new in such a horrible place. It smelled good, but I didn't feel like having infant for dinner. She was just fresh, new to the world, new to everything. It was all so strange. But then those little eyes looked up at me and I was sold, "She's beautiful." I carefully reached my finger over as the eyes watched on. Judith immediately latched onto it and gave a giggle.

"She likes you," Carol's voice was soft, soon the others will tell her about the bite and that softness will go.

I turned back to Carl. I wanted to see someone else who might still like me, "Alright, now when can I congratulate your mama." The look on his face said it all. There had been a reason Lori hadn't greeted me at the gate. My voice weakened when I put two and two together, "T-Dog?" He looked at his feet as he shook his head, "When?"

"A month ago," Rick picked up, "There were walkers everywhere, couldn't contain them." I couldn't keep the guilt from entering my heart. I should have been here. I should have protected them. If I hadn't become a monster I'd have been here, and they'd all be alive. "Here, I'll show you where you can sleep."

He led me up the stairs and into the cell in the farthest corner of the block and left me there. I couldn't tell why. Maybe it was to give me space, or to keep the others safe. Whatever the reason for keeping me tucked away in the corner I didn't mind. It was better that I was away from them. It was better that I had air. It was better to not have to see the faces of the people who would've let me brave this world on my own. I set my things down on the top bunk, rummaged through to find Riley's scarf and book, and sat on the bed below. I wrapped the fabric around my hand and turned to the page I was on. I wish she'd have come with me. I wish she were here right now. She would say something, something that made this feeling go away. Or she'd look at me and then I'd know.

I clutched the scarf as I read the day away, reminding myself that I proved my worth already. If I could just remember that, then they couldn't touch me.

**So Annie finally makes it to the gang, or at least what's left of them. Not the warm welcome she'd hoped for to say the least. Now that the initial shock has passed, how do you think the group will adjust to her being back in their lives? Also, do you think the new members (Axel, Oscar, and Michonne) will like Annie? Review with your answers, because I'd love to hear your thoughts! And a big thank you thank you for reading. :)**


	45. 45: Family: Redefined

45: Family Redefined.

Carl came to get me when it was time for dinner, his face still happy to see me. I was still happy to see him. I stood up and followed him out. I figured the less I had on me, the less they had to fear me, so I had taken off all of my weapons except the large hunting knife that sat in the sheath around my thigh that I kept my towel tucked into. I might want them to relax, but I wasn't going to leave myself defenseless.

"Thanks for the gift," I ruffled his hair as we made our way to the stairs.

"Did you like it?"

"Of course." I let him walk down before me, "I loved it."

"I'm sorry that you got bit," I couldn't help but appreciate the honesty in his voice. He was a good kid. He was a good person.

"Don't worry, it all worked out in the end." We were still just out of earshot of the tables so I took the opportunity to say something I'd wanted to all day, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to save them."

"I don't blame _you_."

I didn't ask him what he meant by that. There was no need to, he would tell me when he was ready. Instead I just followed him to a table where Beth and Maggie were sitting with Judith. There was complete quiet as I took my seat across from Maggie and the baby. I hated it. They were acting like I was going to turn right then and there and go on a cannibalistic rampage. If I'd wanted to do that I would've already. Now I just wanted to get to hang out with the only person there who I cared about, who cared about me. Carl set a plate of food in front of me before sitting down to his own. Upon noticing me the small thing reached out in my direction and made a gurgling sound, "I've been coddling her all week and all you have to do is walk in and she's immediately in love with you."

"She just recognizes our big sister," Carl reached over and rubbed the top of the baby's head.

I nudged him, "Who are you calling big?" It was nice to know that things with us hadn't changed. He was still my little brother. We were still family in his eyes. I took a small bite from the plate as I waved at the child, "Hey, little ass-kicker."

For some reason my word choice caused a burst of snickers from a few of the people around me. I shrugged it off. "Can Annie hold her, Rick?" Maggie looked behind her, "She'll just keep fussing, and my arms are getting tired."

When he looked at me I gave a weak smile. I didn't want to overstep any boundaries with the man, now I was a guest in his house. And just because Carl and Lori had considered me a part of their family didn't mean that kindness extended from him as well. I tried to read his face. He assessed the danger, that was clear, but there was something else. Sadness. "Sure, just be careful with her." The others at his table seemed a bit shocked about his decision, especially Daryl. He'd trusted me before, what changed?

"I will," I chimed as Maggie stood up and handed her over to me. The happiest noises came out of that child at that moment, and I couldn't feel bad anymore. I couldn't feel unloved, or unwanted, because it wasn't true. Those tiny eyes loved me, and that tiny smile wanted me there. "You're amazing," I said to Judith as various other conversations picked up. This was what I'd wanted, not all of it, but this part, this baby, was exactly what I hoped to find when I found them. I made it through my plate with her still in my arms. Carl would sometimes try to include me in whatever he was talking to Beth about, but I couldn't keep my eyes off the miniature human in my arms. The way she looked up at me was hypnotizing. Her eyes followed my every move, and every now and then something I did would amuse her to the point of laughter. This was worth it. This was all worth it. Whatever had happened out there, however difficult it had been to get through, the look on that child's face made it all feel like a distant memory.

"Carl, can you hold Judith for a minute? I have to have a talk with Annie." I carefully passed her over and joined Rick just inside one of the cells. This couldn't be good. Rick talking to me was never good. What would it be this time? Leave? I'm sorry, but we'll have to kill you?

"What's up?" I tried to sound as nonchalant as I could, regardless of my inner dialogue.

"You brought a lot of good supplies in that car," meaningless words. Pointless conversation. It must've been my extended time with Riley, but now polite chit-chat bothered me.

"Knew it would make me showing up a bit easier to stomach."

He nodded a few times, and stared at the wall. He had something to say, I didn't doubt that, but he took forever searching for the words. I wouldn't rush him though. "If I had just let you come with us," his voice was shaky.

When I realized what he meant I put my hand on his shoulder. He blamed himself for what happened. I tightened my grip slightly, "I wish I could've been her to protect…" I trailed off. The way he stood told me enough. He knew that if I had been with them, they'd be alive. The hunch of his shoulders, it must've been eating at him all weak. There was nothing I could say to make it better, but I still tried, "Can't do anything about it now." I heard a sigh escape him, "I'm sticking with those two from now on, though. I won't let anything happen to them, you can count on that."

He was silent again for a while. "Carl always talks about you like you're family. Lori did too, when she was…" I took my hand off of his shoulder with a pat and leaned against the bed frame. He turned to face me, and any weakness that he'd shown before was gone, but softness remained in his face, "As far as I'm concerned, you're a Grimes." I couldn't help the smile from parting my mouth and showing my teeth. A full-blown smile. I was one of them. I was part of the family, even to him. His hand clasped on my shoulder, "You keep those two safe, no matter what happens, you hear me?"

"Loud and clear, Pops."

-o0o-

I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't shut up, even when I tried to count sheep. I didn't like being caged up. I guess it was the animal in me, but being in that cell set me on edge. Like I was on display at the zoo or something, or I'd done something wrong and was now being punished. It would take some time to get used to, that's for sure. I rolled out of bed and sat on the floor, catching a bit of the moon and stars from the windows across the way. That helped. It helped to see the sky.

I heard footsteps coming down the walk, and soon a shadow covered me. "Couldn't sleep my first night here either."

The new woman in the group leaned against the wall just inside my cell; I gave a low chuckle, "Just when I'd thought I'd never be confined again." She stood there for a moment before my manners returned to me. I reached out my hand, "I'm Annie."

She gave it a quick shake, "Michonne."

"It's nice to meet you."

She nodded a few times, "So you made it out there on your own."

"Yeah, for the most part." I didn't want to get into what had happened with Riley. I didn't even know if I'd tell anyone about her, at least not for a long time. Riley was my own personal Jesus. I wasn't going to share her.

"The walkers don't notice you."

I held up my arm, "Guess it's a side effect."

"Would make things easier on the road, wouldn't even need to put anything down. Just walk right past 'em." There was a slight upturn to her last word. This was a test. She was testing me.

"I kill ever walker I see," my tone was sterner than I'd hoped it would be. I overcompensated with a smile, "Another side effect."

I think I saw a hint of a smile on her face then. I'd passed, and with flying colors no less. "Sleep," she turned and stepped out onto the walkway. I climbed back onto the mattress and went straight to sleep then. Part of me thinks it's because she told me to.

-o0o-

The next morning at breakfast Michonne joined Carl, Rick, and me at our table. Today I noticed how the others looked at her. It was not far off from how they were still looking at me (with the exception of my family), and considering her show of kindness I decided to try to do her the same.

"So, do you three want to hear how it happened?" I noticed several other ears perk up at my words, but chose to ignore them. Rick, Carl, and Michonne. They were the three who would get to hear the story. Carl nodded eagerly from his bite, and I got a small nod from the woman in front of me while my surrogate father kept on eating. "Well, so I had a nice safe place and these lovely people stayed with me for a bit. But they had to leave," I looked to Carl, "I'd gotten pretty attached so once they left I went a bit… I kept myself real busy." Michonne laughed at that for some reason and I felt myself loosen up, "So I wasn't sleeping or anything, just trying like mad to prepare the place for whenever I got the guts to leave. Then one day, I was so out of it I forgot to close the fence."

"You always close the fence," it had been the first words Daryl had spoken directly to me. I turned to look at him for a moment and then focused back on my table.

"I always close the fence. But that day I'd lost it. I was chopping away at a tree and started seeing things. Saw my dead brother," I laughed a bit, remembering the exchange I had with the ghost. "He told me to sleep, so I did. Slept like a baby that night, but when I woke up the place was over run." I pulled the towel from its place tucked into the sheath. It was still drenched in the blood of those men, so I held it up to my face to remind myself. I am human. I am fine. I made it out. The smell didn't even bother me; none of the smells bothered me. It was just proof that I wasn't alone anymore. I picked back up on the tale, "My last count was 236 of them. But I fought my way downstairs, needed to get to the car. Only problem was that I'd forgotten my things in the house so I had to go back."

"Could've gotten new things," he spoke again, only this time I didn't look at him. His voice didn't even sound like it used to.

I did my best to ignore what he'd said and carried on, "There were a few things that I couldn't have replaced, like your gift, little brother. So I went back. There was just one small blind spot. And that's when it got me. I was bleeding all over the place, but I made it to the garage to patch myself up a bit. Then," I held my fingers to mimic a gun, "Got to use all of my fancy guns. It would've been fun if I hadn't thought I was dying. Went quickly, too. Then, when the 236th soul had returned to the underworld," I got a bit of a laugh out of Rick, "I got a little drunk, and finally got around to reading Carl's notebook." The smile slipped from my face a bit, "Figured I was dying, it would be nice to not feel like I was alone at the end."

"You were willing to come back as one of those things?" Michonne took another bite, an air of false apathy around her.

"Bullet in the head had been the plan since all of this started, but on the day I didn't even… thought never crossed my mind. I just locked myself up and waited for the end."

"And you didn't die," she looked up at me.

"Nope, guess it's a good thing I didn't go killing myself," I laughed weakly, "I still thought I would the first day, I cleaned the house and everything, waited for the change, but nothing happened. Then I took a blood sample," I knew it would be unwise to share the whole truth, "I was fighting off the infection." Rick stood up from the table and took his empty plate with him. I took a lazy bite from my plate, gripping the cloth a bit tighter when I thought of what happened in the months that followed, "I knew I had to find my buddy here." Smiling, I poked Carl in the side before I continued in a straight face, "Near life experiences have a way of putting all the ducks in a row."

One of the other new faces took Rick's spot, "What's with the towel?"

My smile returned as I quoted Douglas Adams once more, "Any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with."

Michonne's smile was obvious then as the man looked at me in confusion, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means she knows where her towel is," she grabbed her now empty plate and walked away.

She must've read that book, too. I smiled to myself as I took another bite. She said I knew where my towel was. It was a small validation, but it gave me something else to cling to. I extended my hand to the new man, "I don't believe we've met yet."

"Axel," he shook my hand and I noted the prison uniform. He was obviously still alive here when they'd arrived.

"Annie."

"Pleasure to meet you." I nodded and went about finishing my meal.

I didn't even make it to lunch before I felt the strong need to get out of there. I wanted fresh air. I wanted trees. I wanted less grey. I needed to do something. Something else to prove my worth. Something else to make this transition easier. I checked on Carl and Judith, then went off to look for Rick, finding him outside talking to Daryl about something. Focus Annie. Whatever might have happened back at the house was just a freak accident. Things only happened because you were there, no feelings. If there were feelings he'd have been happy to see you. I approached the two, but spoke only to Rick.

"I'm going hunting this afternoon, going to check if Michonne will go with me in case I get something big, if that's alright with you?"

Rick had opened his mouth to speak, but Daryl beat him, "There ain't nothing in those woods except walkers and squirrels."

I shrugged and waited for Rick's response. The way he looked at me now was nothing like when we'd first met. He'd meant what he said. We were family. "Only if she goes with you, and be back before sundown." The way he spoke to me was fatherly, and I couldn't restrain my delight of that fact.

"Thanks, I'll go get her and we'll head out," I hurried back to the cellblock. It was easy to get her to agree to join me. She felt cooped up, too. She wanted to be out of the fences, back into the wild. She followed me as I walked, bow drawn, through the forest. Following my nose. Yes, there were lots of squirrels out here, but I could smell something better. Coyote? Maybe a deer? The walkers around us didn't notice our presence until there was a katana in their face. I didn't even have to tell her to do it; she just followed and picked off whatever dead-head she could get close to. No need for superfluous phrases. She, too, knew where her towel was.

An hour in, when I saw the buck, I held up my hand to her to stop and keep quiet, then I re-aimed and let go. Clean shot. We walked over to the behemoth. "Right in the eye," she said in admiration as she looked down at it.

"We can either both carry it, and get back quick," I removed the arrow and wiped it off on my towel, "Or I can carry it and you can take care of the walkers, and we get back safe."

"Safe," I nodded and handed her my bow and quiver. She slid them on just as I pulled the beast onto my shoulders.

"All those squats are finally coming in handy," I chuckled at her as she unsheathed her sword, I could just make out her shoulders trying to conceal a laugh.

**New Chapter out, and in record time if I do say so myself. :) Thank you for reading and reviewing and everything! I can't even express how motivated you all keep me, and I hope you're all liking this fanfic. A big thanks to my beta-reader for putting up with my quick updates! **

**So, question time: Annie found a new partner in Michonne, do you think it's because she reminds her so much of Riley? The baby loves Annie, which is great for her, but how do you think the other women will react to the child's obvious preference? Now that Annie is a part of the group officially (in Rick's eyes) what role do you think she'll be playing? Can't wait to hear what you all think! (I love my readers!)**


	46. 46: Truths Revealed

46: Truths Revealed

Rick and Daryl met us at the gate a few hours before sundown. For a second I thought they were both smiling when they saw us, but when I looked again Daryl had a scowl on his face. We must have been a sight to see then. Michonne walking in front of me a ways, loping off the heads of all the walkers nearby, and me, still in my nice dress, lugging a 190-pound deer on my shoulders.

"I don't know about you two," I smiled at the men from beneath the carcass, "But this has got to be the biggest damn squirrel I've ever seen." Rick's smile coupled with Daryl's look of utter displeasure were perfect. I took a few steps forward before Rick helped me, "I saw a table up there, hopefully I can get it butchered before I lose the light." I looked to Michonne, "I'll need some water to clean it," she nodded and headed off into the prison.

"I'll be in the tower," Daryl huffed off.

I couldn't keep from smiling. With how he had treated me since I'd arrived I wanted to make him angry. I wanted to not be the only one hurting. Once he was out of earshot, and we'd gotten up the field a bit Rick spoke, "Didn't have to rub it in, you know?"

I smirked at him for a second, "I couldn't resist."

"Guess he taught you well though."

"Oh, this one was all me," I adjusted the body slightly, "I picked up a few things on my own while I was out there," we didn't speak again until we dropped the body on the table.

"Is that what you've been doing since we left? Hunting?" I didn't want to lie to him, I couldn't. So I just smiled back and pulled my knife to start skinning the thing. Once Michonne joined me Rick took his leave.

-o0o-

During dinner, when everyone was chowing down on my kill of the day I sat with Judith to keep anyone from asking questions. I wasn't going to partake in that meal, and that would confuse them. I'd never tell them why meat was no longer on my menu. Instead I just sat next to Carl and played with the baby. Michonne was forced to recount how the hunt went without my help, and during the whole story I watched as Daryl squirmed and stabbed irately at his helping of food. It must really irk him knowing that now I'm a better hunter than he ever could be. The student becomes the master. Didn't he know that was how the world worked? Eventually he left to go outside. I was glad he was mad, and his childish way of handling it just made it sweeter. I was mad at him. I was irritated that he'd forgotten me, or that things weren't real, but I didn't go throwing fits. I had told the guy I loved him, and he didn't even miss me. He didn't even want me there now. He left no breadcrumbs for me to follow after I left the house, Carl had. That's who I would focus on. Carl. Carl and Judith. Them and Rick and Michonne. The only people who'd gone out of their way to be nice to me.

"Annie, do you think you can cover the second watch for me?" Rick looked over to me.

Judith's hand had found my mouth and she'd been grabbing my lips and laughing as she pulled at them for the last few minutes, "Sure. Time?"

"Head over there at 12:30."

"Will do," I looked down at the little face in my arms, "I'm going to go read to her a bit, that okay?"

"Can I come too?" Carl and I both looked to Rick for an answer.

"Of course," Carl jumped up and went to clean his plate. Rick patted the top of Judith's head, "You don't need to ask me anymore."

"You sure?"

He just nodded at me, and I went up to my cell. I picked up my only book, Riley's book, with my free hand and wondered if that was the right thing to be reading my little sister. Thankfully Carl brought up something else, "When I asked Michonne what you two were talking about yesterday, with the towels, she went to the library and got me this."

I looked at the cover, it was _Hitchhiker's Guide_, "You want me to read this to you guys?"

He nodded, "She said it was good."

"It is." I attempted to hold the book open in one hand, but I was struggling.

"I'll hold her," Carl took her from me.

"Well, let's start this thing." I scooted to the far corner of the bed to give Carl and Judith more space to relax, "_The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_, by Douglas Adams, For Jonny Brock and Clare Gorst. And all other Arlingtonians. For tea, sympathy, and a sofa. Far out in the uncharted backwaters…"

Occasionally Carl would ask me what a word meant, or make some comment on whatever zany event was happening at the time, or he'd laugh which would cause Judith to laugh, which would cause me to laugh. At some point I realized that I'd never actually read aloud to anyone, save for a few traumatic childhood classroom experiences. Reading to them, my non-biological, but still just as important siblings, was new. It was a new family activity. Out here, what felt like lifetimes after the death of my mother and father, eons after the death of Joey, I'd never expected to have something like this happen. Death and chaos were all around, even my soul seemed to be in constant battle with itself. But as I spoke in a hushed voice in my cell I knew otherwise. Together nothing could touch us.

"She asleep?" I looked at the pair and Carl nodded, "You better get to sleep, too. It's late." I looked down at my watch, it was already past eleven.

Carl carefully stood up, "Goodnight Annie."

"Goodnight," I smiled at the two as they disappeared into the walkway. I only had an hour and a half before I was to go on guard duty, and that isn't nearly long enough to take a nap. I couldn't just sit there though, I needed to be proactive. I stood up and started organizing my things. This was home now. I kept my go-bag still mainly in tact, but I'd gotten my secondary bags out of the car earlier that day. I laid the sleeping bag out on the mattress first, then I organized the emergency medical supplies. Then I hid my large duffle filled with cigarettes under my bed. Just little things to make the space look less like a prison cell and more like a depressing summer camp bunk. Things that made the thing my own. Once that was done I decided it was time to ditch the dress for a while. After all, I did carry a big dead deer a few miles that day, and then gutted it. I searched for my clothes, debating if I should go back to the fully-covered wannabe-commando look I'd adopted with Riley. Then I saw them, my comfy clothes. I'd been uncomfortably stuck in this thing for almost a week, and before that I'd been covered in blood and flesh. It's safe to say I needed some Goddamn comfort. I changed into the yoga shorts, sports bra, and loose fitting t-shirt. I even put on a fresh pair of socks, and I swear it felt like heaven. These were the sorts of moments that always felt good. These were the sorts of moments that made my life bearable.

I threw a few things in my smallest bag to take up there. Book, cigarettes, ammo, a can of whatever slop I'd chosen to eat for dinner earlier then looked at my watch again, 12:20. "Might as well just get out there," I pulled on my hunting knife, tucked in my towel, and slung my rifle over my shoulder. I slid on my boots and started outside.

"I'm sorry," Carol's small form bumped into me just as I exited the main building, "Oh, Annie, it's you."

"The one and only," I smiled at her as I breathed in the fresh air. "Beautiful night, isn't it?" I tried to be nice, be friendly. That's what people are supposed to do when they live together, right? Talk about the weather, and other stupid stuff?

"Yeah," her voice was unsure at first, then suddenly it changed as she continued, "Rick won't say anything, neither will anyone else, but someone's got to." There was a tinge of hostility there, "You need to stay away from that baby, it's just not safe to have you around her. Lori would have wanted her safe."

I could only hope that the lack of light hid the look on my face. I wore a combination of oh-no-she-didn't and fuck-off-before-I-punch-your-face-in, and anyone in their right mind would have run from me if they saw it. She must not have caught it though, because she stayed put. I forced a smile, thinking to myself WWRD. What would Riley do? She'd probably just shoot her and go on her way. But I couldn't do that, no matter how much I wanted to. I wanted to strangle her for her accusation. I wanted to take my knife and plunge it into her face for bringing Lori into it. Instead I just smiled and forced an airy tone, "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

"Good," she took a step towards the door. There was a pull in my stomach, and I knew I couldn't just leave it. Not after she mentioned Lori.

"Hey Carol, who is the third grave for?" I motioned to the area where the three graves stood. I'd already asked Michonne about it that day. I knew it was for her, but I wanted to hear her say it. She didn't though. She just looked at me with a frown that attempted to hide her guilt. I shrugged, "I've killed over a thousand walkers on my own. I made it out there alone for months. I fought it all to get back to those kids and no one ever dug a grave for me," I raised my eyebrows, smile still strong, "Looks like she'd be pretty fucking safe with me around, and if anyone is to tell me otherwise it'll be Rick or Carl." I didn't look at her as I took a few steps towards the guard tower, "You have a nice night now."

I felt a mix of pride and anger as I made my way across the field. Even if the hunger came back I wouldn't misplace a single hair on that child's head. She was my sister just as much as Carl was my brother. Whatever opposing force the world decided to through our way they would be safe. They had nothing to fear anymore because they were under my protection. How dare she think I am unsafe? I put myself through hell to get to a place where I was harmless to be around. Besides, she's the one who can't protect herself. I put her right in her place though. I pushed it from my mind as I looked up at the sky, looking for any familiar constellations. Orion was hanging just above me, and a cold wind blew across the yard. It was nice to be outside, out of the cage. No one was outside, so there were only faint smells in the air. As I looked up I felt so small and insignificant; I needed this. I'd have to tell Rick to put me on more of these night watches; it's not like I sleep all that much anyway. I started up the steps; I loved the way my feet sounded as they climbed up. It was all quiet expect for the soft thuds of my feet.

When I entered the small room Daryl was sitting in one of the seats. He didn't look over to me, so I didn't say a word. Why talk to someone who doesn't want you there? I set my things down, pulled out my book and pack of cigarettes, and sat in an empty chair.

"Since when do you smoke cigarettes?" his voice was still different than how I'd remembered it. It was almost as if he was accusing me of something.

I just shrugged at him and lit the end of it, before holding the pack to him. My version of a peace offering. He accepted with hesitation and I lit it for him. Truth was I wanted to ask him why he'd changed. I wanted to ask him if whatever had happened between us was all in my head, and I had been completely insane for saying 'I love you.' The courage just wasn't there, though. So I settled on something simpler, "I didn't die." He stood up and headed for the door. Seriously? Not even a word? "That's what you told me to do, isn't it?" I spit out when he opened the door. He didn't pause. He just kept on walking. I took another breath of the tobacco, and stared back up at the sky. There was no use in being upset about it anymore. He could act like nothing had ever happened. He could forget that he'd told me to stay alive. He could act like a petulant child about my being back. Had I really expected anything different? Was this not exactly how I could've predicted? A few sour apples shouldn't spoil a whole fruit basket.

My time in the tower went faster than I would have hoped, but I was able to both finish and restart my book, eat dinner, get angry, relax, get angry once more, rationalize, re-rationalize, decide to fix things with Daryl, change my mind on the subject, and do a few sun salutations.

When the sun came up Glenn appeared in the doorway, "Hey Annie, shift change."

I nodded and gathered my things as he took a seat. I tried to study how he was looking at me, but I was too tired to read him. I figured it wouldn't hurt just to be straightforward, "Can I ask you something, Glenn?"

"Sure," he perked up and turned to me.

"Does you all think I'm dangerous?"

"What? No." He leaned out of his chair a bit.

"You can tell me, I won't be mad."

He shook his head, "I think it's just hard to see you with everything that happened."

"Are you sure? Because Carol said something—"

"She said something to you?"

"She told me to stay away from Judith because I'm not safe." I saw his eyes dart to the wound on my arm, "I'm safe. If I wasn't I wouldn't have come here. I wouldn't have risked it with you guys."

"We know that." I took a moment to examine him, try to figure out if he was lying or not. From what I could see, he was telling the truth.

"Then you should all try to not look so scared of me," I smiled and put my hand on the doorknob.

"What did you say to her when she said this to you?"

I turned back to him, "A few things."

"Like what?"

"Told her I'd killed over a thousand of those things by myself, survived out there on my own. That I'd done it all to get back to those kids and keep them safe." He nodded and I pulled the door open, "And I asked her who that third grave was for."

"Did she tell you?"

I shook my head, "But I know it's hers."

I took a step through the threshold before he spoke again, "It was a miracle that Daryl found her." I paused then, unable to move my feet for a second. It clicked then, why Carol had been outside last night, why Daryl didn't want me around. "I'm sorry," Glen got up from his chair and it looked like he was coming over to comfort me. "I thought you—"

I stopped him with a grin, "Don't be sorry, it's fine."

"I know you and Daryl were—"

I held up my hand, "Nothing to be sorry about, seriously. But I do have to go try to get some sleep, so I'll see ya." I didn't wait for his response; I just jogged down the stairs and didn't stop until I was inside the building. As I weaved through the hallways my eyes got heavier and heavier. I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted to have a few hours of nothing.

I wasn't so lucky though.

As soon as I entered the cellblock Rick motioned me over. I jogged over, noting the strained look on his face, "Annie, did you say something to Carol last night?"

"Yes," I looked at him with a straight face, "after she said a few things to me."

That second part was obviously news to him, "What did she say to you?"

I looked around. Hershel, Beth, Carl and Judith were nearby; Michonne, Axel, and Oscar were too close for comfort as well. "Let's talk in my cell."

He nodded and followed my up the stairs. Once we got to my cell he repeated, "What did she say to you?"

"I was heading to the tower for guard duty, ran into her. Tried to be friendly by saying it was a nice night. And then out of the blue she says, 'Rick won't say anything, neither will anyone else, but someone's got to. You need to stay away from that baby, it's just not safe to have you around her. Lori would have wanted her safe.' Her words, not mine."

I could see the rage in his eyes when I said Lori's name. It was the same look I'd gotten. "She said you threatened her?"

I shook my head, "I just asked her who the other grave was for. She deserved more than that for saying what she did."

There was a small smile on his face, a hint of pride that relaxed my shoulders, "I know Judith is safe with you." He stepped out of my cell, "If she says anything else tell me."

"Will do, Rick."

When he left I flopped down on the bed and curled up. The day had been long, too long. I needed a chance to shut down, just for a while. I pulled the sleeping bag over my head and was out in seconds.

**Bam, new chapter delivered! Thank you for reading it, and reading this little story of mine. :) I hope you enjoyed this installment. Also, thank you to everyone who's been reviewing, it helps a ton to hear what you guys think about everything. **

**Review Question Time: What do you think Carol's problem is? And how did Annie handle herself when she confronted her? Why's Daryl oh so mean to her? Finally, what do you think will happen in the coming chapters? :) Review or PM me with your answers! Can't wait to hear your thoughts. **


	47. 47: Annie The Struggling Empath

**Hello! First things first, I must address a review! **

**Meh (guest): I totally agree with you, my last chapter was verging on *fart noise. It was funny, because I had already written a rough version of this next chapter before you posted the review, and I had started to address the Rick situation (great minds think alike!). And there is a reason I'm dragging out the time in between Judith's birth and Woodbury. I had stayed pretty on par with the timeline thus far, but I needed just a bit of wiggle room to get through to the mid-season premiere (I have to see what happens first before I can continue with my plans). I'm sorry if it totally ruins the story, but it needed to be done. :/**

**And to all of you lovely lovely readers, ENJOY! **

47: Annie, The Struggling Empath

I woke up smack dab in the middle of the afternoon. I had my brief moment of bliss; I had my brief moment where I was just waking up in my apartment and life was still intact. I wasn't so let down when I opened my eyes though, not like before. Life was still something, I still had a family and that was something. I mean, Id thought my days of family were over that day when I left my childhood home. I thought that I would never again feel that connection. I thought that with their deaths so died my chances of ever feeling complete. But this afternoon I felt that I had something again. When I flung my feet off the bed I laughed a bit. I'd been so tired that I didn't take off my shoes. I hadn't even taken off my sheath. Understandably so, too. I came all this way and what was I faced with? Bullshit. High school 'he said she said.' At least there was some good to it all. I stood up and stretched with a groan before stepping out into the walkway and leaning on the railing.

"Annie!" Carl waved up at me. I thought I saw sadness in his face but when I'd blinked it was gone. I waved back before staring out the windows. I wanted to be out of here. I wanted to feel the sun on my skin again.

"Are we going hunting again today?" Michonne stepped out from her cell.

I shrugged, "Best wait until you all finish off the deer." I could see a slight disappointment in her face, the same disappointment I felt. She wanted out of the cage too. She wanted fresh air, just like me. "We can always just go out and get rid of a few walkers?"

"I'll get my sword," she stepped back into her cell as I went into mine. The hunting knife would work fine, but I wanted to mix it up. Getting too comfortable with any one weapon was a sin. Now I needed to stay sharp, stay lethal. I went through one of my bags and pulled out the pair of kukris I'd nabbed a while back, still in their shoulder holster. I slid it on, and turned to find Maggie standing in my doorway.

"Need any clothes washed?"

I nodded, "Just the dress, those socks, and this towel." I tossed the towel to her and she caught it with a smile.

"Not that scarf?" she nodded to Riley's bloody scarf.

I shook my head as I pulled a new towel out of a bag and tucked it into its spot on my leg, "No, not the scarf." I'll never wash that scarf. I will never do anything to that scarf but smell it every once in a while. Every time I put it to my nose and didn't salivate was a battle won. That scarf was constant proof that I was human. I was human and I was going to stay that way.

"Should have them back to you tomorrow," she gathered the small pile.

"Thank you for doing that, it'll be nice to not stink."

"It's nothing after that deer you caught," she smiled at me, "Venison's my favorite." She exited the room just before me.

"You ready?" Michonne was waiting for me, leaning against her cell door.

I gave her a thumb up, "Just got to check on the kids and check with Rick."

-o0o-

"Something up?" she wiped her blade on a newly re-deadened zombie.

"No," I lied, "Why?"

"Don't seem as focused today."

Crap. Just what I didn't want. Michonne was a different breed than the rest of them, she valued strength, not vulnerability. "I don't want to bother you with my problems," I walked on, "They aren't important."

"Won't bother me none." I stared at her for a second, and decided she was being truthful.

"Alright. It might be nice to say it out loud, I guess." I rotated the blade in my hand and avoided her gaze, "I'm still in love with Daryl."

"That redneck that's been giving you those dirty looks?"

"The very same," with a grunt I took out a one-armed walker nearby. "I mean, he knew I would come here eventually. Obviously didn't actually expect me to make it here alive." I wiped the guts off onto the decaying clothes, "But the thing that really pisses me off about the thing is that he told me not to die. Said it clear as day, 'Don't die.' He told me not to, but he really thought I would? Who does that?"

She said, hunched over her current victim, "A damn fool."

"Exactly," I continued walking.

She changed the subject, "That Rick hasn't been doing too well."

I looked over to her, "His wife did just die." I thought about it for a second. I hadn't even considered that it must have been hard on him; he must still be in that hell I only faintly remembered now. "I guess it's just gotten hard for me to empathize with," she looked over to me, "My family has been dead for such a long time, there came a time when I had to just face the facts. I think it was when I got bit that it all really clicked. Death comes for everyone, came for me, will even come for these bastards," I motioned to the walker on the ground, "That's just life, the rules of the universe. I guess I should try not to be so cold about it, but that is just the way I see things now. I forgot that other people, like Rick, still feel it." I cut down another walker, "He still has people to lose, I can see how it would be hard for him."

"I don't think he'd slept since it happened until last night," her voice was calm then. In these woods where the undead hissed at each other Michonne was the steadying force.

"Oh," I remembered him looking thankful when I'd agreed to take his shift last night. Maybe he got some sleep? He did look a bit more rested when he spoke to me in the morning. "I'll pick up his shifts from now on," she hacked into another corpse. "You think you can keep an eye on him?"

"Why me?" she yanked the blade out.

I stabbed into a walker of my own, "I've seen how you watch everything. You'll know if something's up."

"I'll keep an eye on him," she had a slight smile on her face when I looked back to her. "You didn't eat any of the meat."

"Nope," I tried to sound casual as my mind sped. Would she put two and two together? Please no.

"Vegetarian?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "Guess so."

"But you hunt?" she didn't sound horribly curious about it. Her question was primarily out of obligation, and I was thankful.

"I just can't eat meat, plain and simple."

"No one else noticed," she reassured me.

I slashed once more, "Let's hope it stays that way."

"What are you going to do about him?" I could tell she'd stopped walking.

"Who? Rick?"

"The redneck."

"Wasn't planning on doing anything." I stopped and turned around to face her, "Why? You have something in mind?"

"Rick's always running things by him," she sheathed her katana, "Probably make him mad if Rick started running things by you instead."

"How am I supposed to manage that?" I began to wipe my blades on the nearest body.

"Just keep doing what you're doing."

"Think so?" I stuck the kukris in their places.

"He should look to you anyway. You made it out there on your own, you know what you're doing." I took a few steps back the way we came, "You're the only one who got a smile out of him since, I mean, I didn't think he even could smile."

"Why are you helping me with this?"

"Someone's stupid enough to bet against girl Rambo shouldn't have any say in decisions that affect the safety of those people."

"You make a good point," I laughed with her. "He really hasn't smiled?"

"When I showed up, just before you," she nodded down to her leg, "He hit me on my wound, asked me a bunch of questions."

"How's that healing?" I could smell the old blood on her.

"Fine, fine." She caught up with me, "I lost my boyfriend at the start of all of this. Think the same as you, death's coming for everyone. But I still remember what he was like. Sometimes I pretend he's still around. I can't imagine what's going through his head now."

"Should I talk to him?" I tilted my head as I looked over to her.

"If you're careful about it."

I eyed the bodies that we passed and got an idea, "Maybe I should take him out here with me tomorrow, might be good to kill some deadies of his own? Some revenge."

"Be good just to get him out of that place for a while."

-o0o-

"Annie, sit here for a bit," Rick patted the seat beside him and I reluctantly sat down. He was sitting at a table with Glenn and Daryl, one of whom I had no desire to be around. "I wanted us to go through the prison. Just the basics, clear out the walkers, bring all the supplies to our building, that sort of thing." I nodded and took a bite from my plate as Judith slept on my shoulder, "I wanted to know what your thoughts were."

I saw Michonne smile from the corner of my eye, and couldn't help but do the same. This was part of her plan, and therefore a part of mine. "Best to take it one building at a time," I took another bite, "Go in, kill the deadies, then move the bodies out. Then we move the supplies over."

"How long would that take?"

"We can do one building a day, be really thorough about it, be done in a week."

"You two feel like killing some walkers?" Rick looked over to the two sitting with us.

I interjected as quickly as I could, "It's safer if I just do it."

"I'm not sending you into anything alone." There was a hint of concern in his voice that didn't go unnoticed by me.

"It'll take longer if I have to be looking after two people the whole time," I looked at him with a small smile, "Trust me on this."

"How about just one of them?" he persisted.

"What about you, pops? Would you want to be my backup?" I hoped he would. I hoped that he would say yes and I could keep an eye on him myself. Try to help him work through some of what he was feeling. He shook his head and took a violent bite into his food, "No worries. Either of you two good with a blade?"

"I've used the machete a few times," Glenn saved me. There was no way I'd want to look out for Daryl now. Not now that I knew he had no faith in me.

"Then you're my man." I scooped the last bite up and swallowed it down before looking back to Rick, "We'll need more than just the two of us to move everything though."

"We'll get a group together."

"When are we starting all this?"

"As soon as we can." I noticed something in him then, something I couldn't believe I hadn't caught before, the same thing Michonne had told me about. He was hurting. He was restless. I thought over the last two days. Had he been restless the whole time? Every time I saw him he was busy with something. Hauling something somewhere, killing the walkers at the fence, or organizing the supplies. Even now he was constantly moving. Slightly swaying back and forth, moving his food around on his plate. These were the signs of a broken man. How did I not notice this before? If I had just been here. If I had just made it here faster and saved Lori then he wouldn't have to feel like this. He could be happy. This, this man in front of me was my responsibility just as his children were. I needed to do something, but what? How could I help him?

I tried to just continue on with the conversation as my gears turned, "Day after tomorrow sound good?" He nodded.

"Annie," Carl stood beside me, "Can you read to us again tonight?"

I looked at Rick and waited for his nod, and then turned back, "I'm ready when you are."

"I'll get your plate," Carl took my plate before I could stop him and was off. I studied Carl next. He seemed slightly angry by the way he carried himself, and for good reason. He'd lost his mother. I tried to think back. He too was trying to keep busy. He too was struggling. I had been projecting my happiness onto them, projecting my joy, but projections were all they were. Only shadows of my own relief. I had to help them both.

"She's been sleeping so well since you got here," Rick rubbed a thumb on Judith's head, but only just barely.

"Well, that makes one of us," I let out a low chuckle as I patted her back softly.

"You seemed to be sleeping well this morning while we were all working," Daryl's eyes narrowed at me when I looked to him.

I shrugged it off. I didn't have time for that. I needed to think of how to help my foster family. "Yesterday was a long one, and I had a longer couple of months before it. Plus, it's easier for me to sleep during the day."

"It must've been hard to sleep on the road," Glenn looked up at me, trying to diffuse the tension. Good old Glenn.

"Can't really sleep on the road. That's the problem. Out there the best you can hope for is relaxing with your eyes closed," I smiled at him, "Glad that's over now." I looked back to Rick trying to show him how thankful I was on my face. I could see how he'd been worn down. I could see him so clearly now. I needed to help, give him a chance to sleep, "Speaking of, I can totally pick up the night watches. I won't be able to sleep anyway, and that'll let everyone else keep a regular sleep schedule."

"Are you sure?" I saw a flicker of relief in his eyes; even if it was slight it was something.

"Of course, you'd be doing me a favor."

"Can you be out there at 12:30 again tonight?" I nodded as the baby on my shoulder began to wake up, "That'll be good for the group." I knew what he really meant. He didn't mean the group, he meant himself. A step in the right direction.

I still felt the need to do more, "Hey," I leaned over to him, "Would you want to read to them with me?" I could see a subtle interest in his face, but he shot a small glance in Carl's direction. I hadn't seen him and Carl in the same room together besides meals. I hadn't seen them even talk to each other unless Carl was asking permission for something. That was it. If I needed to help them, then that would be the best thing to do. I needed to help this family be whole again. "My voice gets sore after a while, and I'm sure Judith would like to hear her Papa read to her." I could see the apprehension on his face as he looked at the child. She was sticking her fingers in my mouth once again, so I said with a smile and a drawl "She looks just like her Papa, don't she?" I faked eating her little fingers.

Rick smiled, but only slightly, "Sure, I'll be up there in a bit." I couldn't help but feel the victory go to my head.

He didn't need me to explain to him that everyone dies. He didn't need me to drum up some overly optimistic spiel about how the dead are still alive in our hearts, either. He needed time to read to his kids. It might help him relax. It might help him take a little vacation from his thoughts. But it would without a doubt give him time with his kids, his real kids. And that's what he needed more than anything right now.

**Review Question Time Thing: Annie is finally settled in (for the most part) and is starting to deal with the tattered family she'd been invited into; do you think her plans to help the Grimes men will work, or will she just make things worse? **


	48. 48: Family: Revisited

**Hello! Thank you for reading. :) I hope this chapter isn't as slow as the last one (I tried to make sure it wasn't). And thanks to my beta-reader for being her usual awesome self! ENJOY!**

48: Family Revisited.

"My Annabelle Lee, you are just a sight for sore eyes," my mother smiled as she opened our front door wider to let me through. There she was, beautiful and warm, just like I left her.

I stepped through the threshold, toting my small bag. All I'd brought for the weekend was textbooks and one change of clothes, that's all I'd need. I'm sure they'll be keeping me busy, "Hey Mama, how long before we have to be at the game?"

"Enough time to drop that bag of yours and give your old Mama a hug," I set the bag down and she immediately swallowed me up in her arms. I missed these hugs. One of the things school didn't have was these hugs. One of the things the world didn't have enough of was these hugs. I really need to make more trips over here. Once a month or something. I could do that. The drive isn't that bad.

"I missed you," I said into her shoulder. I had missed her so much. I didn't feel it all the time while I was away, but at the same time deep down I did. I always thought it was funny how you normally don't realize how much you miss something until it's right there in front of you. Then I started to wonder how I'd ever gone a day without these hugs, or the smell of her perfume, or the smile on her face. "How's everything been over here?"

"Can't complain," she released me and started walking into the living room. Nothing had moved since I'd visited a few months ago, "Some scouts came by and talked with us a couple weeks ago."

I took a few steps and leaned on the couch, "I remember you said something about that on the phone."

Pride filled her face, "Looks like Joey has a few options for next fall still." She brushed my cheek, "He'll be happy you're here for his last big game."

"I wouldn't have missed it for anything, you know that."

I heard my dad walking down the hallway before he called out, "Who are you stranger and what have you done with my daughter!"

"Who you calling a stranger, Dad?" I pushed off of the couch as he approached, "I've been calling as often as I can, this semester has just been a massive pain in the rear."

"Come here," he pulled me into a tight bear hug and didn't let go for a long time. I couldn't breath, but I didn't care. I was glad he didn't let me go. I was glad to be home again. "We need to be in the car, leaving, in twenty minutes," he spoke after releasing me and patting my shoulder.

"I better hurry up then," I picked up my bag and headed up the stairs to my old room. It was good to be back, even if it was just for a couple days. I could use the recharge of my personal batteries.

-o0o-

"Annie!" My sweaty brother picked me up in a hug for a second before plopping me back onto the ground, "I'm glad you made it."

I smiled back at him. He'd grown a foot since I'd last seen him, so that now he towered over me. "Me too, it was a good game."

He turned to our mom, "Hey Ma, the guys want to go out for a victory dinner tonight. Is it alright if I go?"

"Your sister came all the way home to see you, Joseph." I let out a laugh. She always used his full name when he was in trouble. He hated being called Joseph. He made this goofy and grossed out face whenever she called him Joesph.

"Oh, let him have his fun," I slapped his arm, "He'll be stuck with me all of tomorrow."

She still looked angry when she folded, "You get home at a decent time, none of this midnight sneaking in crap you've been pulling."

"I'll be back before 12:00, I promise."

-o0o-

"So have you met anyone this semester?" I hated it when she did this. She was always doing this whenever I came home, nagging me. You'd think my time was almost up with the way she pressured me into finding a man. I didn't want to have to find someone. I wanted to get into a good medical school. "Lots of cute boys over there I'm sure."

I sighed, "I'm focusing on school right now, Ma, I told you that."

"What ever happened to that boy, Johnny? Was that his name?" She always brought him up. She didn't even know him except for the one dinner he came to when he visited me that summer. If she knew anything about who he really was she wouldn't be bringing him up.

"That was over two years ago," and two years was not nearly long enough for me to get over the things he put me through.

She didn't let up, "He was such a nice boy, though."

"He just wasn't my type," I'd never tell her how mean he'd been to me, how cruel and controlling. I just wanted to forget about the jerk.

She got up from the couch in a spell, waving her hands around, "You're always doing this. When I met your daddy he wasn't my type either, but we're still happy."

"I'll try to be more friendly when I get back, alright?"

"Good," she moved to the armchair just as the door opened and Joey came in.

"You're home early," my papa said from his book. He was always nose deep in a book, especially when my mom would lay into about finding someone. Part of me thought he was warning me, because every time I'd see him pick up a book five minutes later there she would be. I loved her, but the badgering didn't help with anything.

I smiled as I looked up at the giant that was now my brother, "Missed your big sis that much?"

He laughed, "That must be it," he took a few steps towards the hallway. "Ma, can you come help me in the bathroom?"

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"This crazy guy bit me," she was out of the room at roadrunner speeds before he could continue, "It's not bad, but I need help with the Band-Aids."

When she returned my dad spoke up once more, "Someone bit him?"

"He'll be fine, don't you worry." She seemed to be saying it for herself, more than him. She picked up her knitting, "Just needs a bit of rest, that's all."

"That sounds nice," I stood up, and brushed my pants with my hands, "I'm going to sleep."

Papa looked at me over his glasses, "Not without saying goodnight, sweetie."

"I love you guys," I went to each of them and kissed their foreheads, "Goodnight." On my way to my room I stopped by Joey's, "Buddy?" He was sitting on his bed flipping through some book, "Whatcha reading?"

"Oh, just stuff for school," he set the book on the end table. "What's up, Sis?" He looked sicker than I'd ever seen him. It worried me more than I thought it would.

"You were awesome today," I sat at the edge of his bed.

"Am I not always?" and he was back. His trademarked cockiness that he'd adopted my first semester away, "How's being a paramedic?"

"Good," I nodded a few times. It was a hard job and it took me a little while to qualify, but they were flexible with my schedule and the pay was nice, so it worked out. "I think it will give me an edge on med-school applications, plus I get to see some cool stuff."

He smiled, but it was weaker than his usual grin, "And school?"

"Almost done," I gave him the thumbs up, "Been studying like mad for the M-CAT though."

"When do you take that?"

"A few weeks after the semester is over."

"You ready for it?"

I shrugged, "Not totally, but I will be."

"My sister, the genius." I missed talking to him like this. I know it was wrong to pick favorites, but I couldn't help it. He'd been my shadow for so many years that when he wasn't around it was like part of me was missing. We'd text each other, and I'd call him sometimes, but it was nothing like getting to just sit with him. Hopefully he'd pick a college close to mine and the deadly duo will be reunited more permanently. Until then I'll have to settle for these visits.

"My brother, the athlete." I patted his foot before standing up, "Feel better, brother."

He tried to hide a cough just before he spoke, "I'll try to."

"Love ya," I ruffled his hair.

"Love ya," he patted my arm before I left his side to get some sleep of my own.

-o0o-

"When are you heading back?"

"After lunch," I tired to hide my anger as I sat there in my Sunday's best. I'd wanted to get to spend some time with Joey this weekend, but he was stuck in bed sick all day yesterday. I went in to hang out with him, but he shooed me out saying he needed to sleep. I didn't know when I'd be back to visit again, so I just wanted a bit more time with him, just to tide me through finals and the M-CAT.

"I'm going to go check on Joey," my mother sounded resolute, "I don't care if he's still sick, he can go to church with us." She disappeared upstairs muttering what she'd planned to say to my brother.

"Your mom been bothering you about finding a man?" I nodded to him and he gave a low chuckle, "You take your time, ain't no rush. Let him find you." That had been the plan. He'll find you. Just focus on being ready for it when he did.

I cracked a smile, "Thanks, Pops."

I was about to say something when we heard a heart-shattering scream from upstairs.

"That can't be good," he smiled at me and gave a wink, "That brother of yours probably pulling one of his jokes. He better be careful, we're getting old. Might have a heart attack one of these days."

"You better not!" I called at him as he made his way to the stairs. I sat there for a few seconds, twirling my hair between my fingers and hoping that if Joey was joking then he'd be good enough to spend some time with me before I left.

Then I heard my father's voice. It was low and had this weird inflection that I'd never heard him use before. "What have you done?" It was a cross between… It couldn't be. Anguish and anger?

I got up from my seat and stood at the bottom of the staircase, "Is everything alright up there?" There was no answer at first, then there were a bunch of thuds and I could hear rustling. Were they putting me on? I took a few cautious steps up, "You guys?" No answer. I repeated myself a few times before a guttural growl responded. I cracked the door open.

That's when I saw them.

Dad was lying there, only his neck was bleeding and he wasn't moving. Mama was close by, lying there too, not moving. She was bloodier than Papa, and it looked like… "Oh my God!" Joey looked up from her stomach. He was, he was eating her. He was eating our mother. He started moving towards me. I looked around through the tears that were now draining from my eyes, spotting the baseball bat and taking a swing. I hit him right in the stomach and he stumbled back, "Joey, what did you do?!" He came for me again with that hissing, with the blood of our mom covering his face. His eyes, they weren't his anymore. They didn't look like his. I swung again, "Please, just stop." He kept coming for me and I just kept begging him to stop. He wouldn't. He kept biting at me and I knew what I had to do. I swung at his head and he fell, then I hit it again. And again. Until he stopped moving.

I crumbled then, "No."

I reached out to my brother's hand. It was covered in blood, but that didn't stop me from holding it to my face, "No." My shoulders shook as the cries came. I lost him. I lost my shadow. I lost my Joey. I held the hand against my face harder, so hard that it hurt. I didn't want him to be gone. I didn't want him to leave me. We were supposed to have these lives, these lives that were strung together. We were supposed to have families and Christmases and we were supposed to see each other old. We were supposed to be wrinkly and frail when we said goodbye.

I don't know how long I sat there with him. I couldn't tell you if it was hours or minutes, but I know it felt like a millennium. It felt like the world had stopped. Time had stopped. Everything had stopped. "Please," I wheezed through the mess of salt water and mucus. Please, let this not be happening. Please let this just stop, let me wake up, let this rewind. Please, don't let him be gone.

A gurgling broke my focus, and through the veil I saw my father get up and move towards me. "Papa, please." His eyes just as Joey's had been, his mouth biting at the air as he staggered. I picked the bat back up and did the one thing I didn't want to do. I smashed and cried out and it was all I could do. When he finally stopped moving I just stood there, heaving deep breaths, a pool of tears forming at my feet.

Then came the sounds from my mother. Those same dead eyes, the biting. I had to do it again. I had to do that to my mother. When I was done I sat against the wall and pulled my knees in. I held on to them as tight as I could, wishing that I could just squeeze myself into non-existence. I wanted them back. I wanted my dad to walk me down the isle at my wedding. I wanted my mom to see it when I finally found something. I wanted them there when I graduated. And when I got my MD. I wanted them here. I wanted them to stay with me and laugh with me and hug me. I wanted to feel their warm arms around me again. They couldn't leave me. I looked up and alll I could see when I looked up was the blurry outlines of the people I loved. The people who I spent my whole life loving. The people whose faces I'd just bashed in. "Please," I whimpered to the empty house. "Please," my voice grew louder as I kept repeating the word. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.

I prayed. I begged. I pleaded. But there was no answer.

It was nighttime before I'd calmed down enough to move. The moonlight shone across the bodies of my family, and the day was done. I crawled over to my brother, my best friend, and held his hand to my face once more. He was so cold now. I sat there for as long as I could, until my swollen eyelids started to fall. I didn't want to leave his side. I wanted to stay there until he got up and then we would laugh and it would have never happened. But I couldn't. I carefully set his hand at his side and took a seat on his bed. The last time I'd talked to him was here. The last time I saw him smile. I reached over and turned on the light. The book he was reading was sitting there, and there was a piece of paper shoved in it. I took the book and set it in my lap, examining the title. It was an anthology of WWII era poetry. I felt the sting of new tears briefly before opening to the page.

The paper had one word on it. 'Annie.' That was it, just Annie. I turned it over ten times, hoping to find some small note, anything that came from him. Nothing but Annie.

I looked at the page beneath it and a stray tear of mine fell to the page, leaving a small wet circle. I scanned the page. _Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep by Mary Elizabeth Frye._

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

The tears returned with new questions. Had he known he was leaving? Why didn't he say anything to me? Why didn't he leave anything for Mom and Dad? Why just me? Why did he leave me? Why was he gone? Couldn't God just bring him back, just this one time? Just for a few minutes? Just for a second? Can't I just have him back for a second? I'd do anything for that second, anything at all. I reread the page a few times, memorizing the words, memorizing Joey's last message to me before I set the book down and turned the light off.

I curled up at the end of the bed and looked up through the window at the sky. _I am the soft starlight at night._ When I looked up I almost thought I caught a glimpse of his smile. Just a tiny flash of it and then it was gone.

They were gone.

**As always I'd love to hear your thoughts. Now you know exactly what happened to Annie at the start of all this. Review you amazing people!**


	49. 49: Never Again

49: Never Again

"When I lost," I paused for a second and tried to think of how I should say it. When I lost my family? When I lost everyone I loved? When I lost the very people who made my life worth living? Too harsh; I needed to ease into this. I needed to get through this without making him shut down. "When all this started, I could barely sleep." There. That was a good start. Plain old fact. Sleeping problems are common ground that I can work from. I look over at him while still scanning the forest but I could tell he was listening to me. I continued, "It helped a bit, being foggy. It was like the longer I stayed awake the more chance there was that when I woke up it would all be a dream." I saw a slight nod from the corner of my eye. That was the place he was in, still hoping, still wishing that he'd wake up. I couldn't help but feel for him, "I never really talked about it to anyone, you know. By the time I saw another living person I, I had already put it away."

He didn't say anything for a few minutes. Instead he took a machete to a nearby deadie. I had begun to think I'd said something wrong when he'd wiped off the blade he turned to me, "How long did it take?"

If I were him I'd be asking the same thing. The pain of grief was a marathon, and who wouldn't want to see a finish line even if it was far. "I won't lie to you," I leaned against a tree, "Sometimes I still feel it." I knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear, but stuff like this I couldn't lie about. If I was going to talk to him about this I was going to be honest. "You get used to it in stages though, I think. It gets easier and easier to hide and manage." A walker came wandering by and he hacked at it for a while before I started up again. "First part is the worst, but I think you've passed that. It was just the first day for me. General mental mayhem, you know? For me it was tears, and lots of begging. It doesn't get easier for a while, it just hangs there. I think that's normal. Ignoring it is what I did. It's easier to push it off and focus on something else, anything else, just to get through it. It's like back then I wasn't thinking about it, but at the same time I was processing it. Can't do that forever though, but there's no use rushing it. Eventually, and you'll know when you're ready, I know I did, just had to face it and try to find whatever I could in it." Blunt sincerity. Nothing more, nothing less.

"What did you find?" he looked up at me from a few yards away.

I wanted to be reassuring. I wanted to say I found sunshine and bunnies. I wanted to say that I found completeness. But I just couldn't. "I found a lot; I find more every day." I pushed off the tree and lazily walked closer to him, my foster father, my broken friend, "I got over two decades with them, I spent my brother's whole lifetime knowing him, loving him." I had to stop for a second and think of them. The way Mama was always fussing, the way Papa gave that smile of his like he knew something no one else did, the way Joey, the way Joey just was. "I could say that they are still with me, but it wouldn't be the whole truth. Sometimes I feel them, or I remember something and I'm back there, but that's just scraps compared to the truth. The real truth." I stared at him for a few seconds. The real truth, what I really found at the end of it, that one thing I didn't tell anyone because admitting it might make me a freak. Maybe it would help if he knew I was a freak, "I can tell you, if you want me to."

"It won't help," his voice was empty as he stood up and brushed himself off.

"It's not supposed to." I pictured their faces in my mind, "All that time we got, all those moments… maybe all of it was enough."

-o0o-

The worst part of dinner that night was that Carol was holding Judith. The best part was that Judith hated it. No matter how much she coddled her or hummed to her the baby wouldn't stop squirming and trying to get free. I couldn't keep myself from smiling. I loved that child. There was something about something so new in a world that had stopped turning that I couldn't resist. And knowing was a bit of Lori, my lost friend, that made her even more special to me. I think that was why Judith wanted me to hold her and not Carol. Carol, having lost her own daughter, had this air about her almost as if she was trying to take over as her mother. I think it was all of the fussing; mothers love to fuss. I wasn't like that. I knew I'd never be Judith's mom and I really didn't want to be. What I wanted was to protect her, to be her friend and make her smile if I could.

Carl looked across the table at me, "Can you read to us again tonight?"

"I'm afraid not, buddy, I have some stuff I've gotta do," a gave a small smile to combat his disgruntled expression, "But I'm sure your dad will." I looked at Rick who was quietly eating his food; he had just finished talking to his group picks for helping haul supplies tomorrow. He nodded.

"What do you have to do?" I didn't really have to do anything, but I did have something I wanted to do. I wanted to have a chance to think. Plus, I wanted Rick to get some time alone with his kids. It made sense to back off a little now that things had mellowed.

I gulped down the nasty mush, "I just have to do some thinking, but I promise to read to you extra tomorrow, yeah?" He nodded, unable to hide his displeasure, but he would deal with it. Once I finished my food I cleaned my plate and went up to my cell to grab my things for the watch shift before heading outside. I liked the routine I was forming, but I didn't have to be up there for a few hours. I figured it would be nice to get some fresh air, get some time to sort through some of the chaos in my mind. I zipped up my hoodie as I exited the building and saw Michonne sitting on the table across the yard.

I jogged over and plopped down beside her, "Where did you come from before this?"

"I told you," I loved the sound of her voice. It was strong and had this calming affect. I wish my voice was like that. It might have been before the bite, but it seemed like ever since then I'd become a little less sure.

"I mean right before this," I clarified. It had been bugging me since I found out about her wound and it was time I found out. "Someone shot you, so you must've been somewhere."

"Woodbury." My heart stopped for a few beats as I thought of the map in my car. The map with a big X covering the town of Woodbury.

"I've heard about that place," I disguised my shock.

She shifted slightly, but didn't look at me. "What did you hear?" Riley and Michonne were almost completely dissimilar, except the fact that they were essentially the same person to me. Even the way they worded things was the same.

I quickly responded, "Not to go there." We sat for a while before my curiosity got the better of me, "What's wrong with it?"

"Fella who runs it is crazy," I could feel the rage emitting from her every fiber, "Calls himself the Governor."

"How many?" Simple question. Tactical question. From her body language it was a touchy subject, and I didn't want to offend her. Curiosity wasn't worth losing my confidant.

"Probably over a hundred? Maybe less." A hundred? A whole town untouched by this? That big of a group was unheard of.

I didn't hide the surprised inflection this time, "And you made it out alive?"

"Most of them can't defend themselves, just normal townspeople," I noticed her hold on her sword tighten, "Only a handful of fighters, and they aren't exactly soldiers."

The question still loomed, "And they shot you?"

"Wanted to leave," there was a slight laugh to her tone, "They didn't like that much, sent this one-handed hick after me."

One-handed hick? I looked up at the guard tower. Merle, Daryl's brother. A one-handed hick. I doubt there are a large number of those roaming around these days, or even before all of this. It was probably him. I couldn't fight the smile from crossing my lips. If we were still friendly I would have ran up and told him that very second, but we aren't, so I remained beside Michonne. He abandoned me; I owe him nothing. I looked back to her, "Think they are still looking for you?"

Still the laughing tone, "Not if they have any brains."

"Good," I tapped the rifle that slung from my right shoulder, "Cause if they came after you they wouldn't get far."

"Might if this thing doesn't heal," she rubbed her knee. I'd have to check on that the next chance I got. Maybe I could help. I mean, I've been shot and I'm fine now. Fine. Well, maybe fine wasn't the right word. Alive.

"They'd have to get through me first," I patted her shoulder.

In the moonlight I could see her smile, "Then I guess I have nothing to worry about." More silence followed and we just stared over the fields and up at the sky. "You aren't reading to those kids."

I shrugged, "Wanted to get some air, see the stars."

She turned to study me, just like Riley had done so many times, "Why do you look at them like that?"

"Like what?" She glared at me. I knew exactly what she meant. I knew that she could see it, but this was something just between Joey and me. He was the soft starlight. I wanted to keep that locked up. For Annie's eyes only. "I guess they just mean something to me," I looked back up, "It's like I feel so small and insignificant, but I don't feel so alone."

She might have understood me, but if she did she didn't push me about it. She just stood up and slid the katana over her head, "Best get myself some sleep."

I sat there for another half hour, just staring up and thinking, until the graves caught my eye. I hadn't been over there yet; I hadn't properly paid my respects. I guess now was as good a time as any. I took my time walking over there. Small steps and deep thoughts about the two people I should have been around to protect. The grave markers just stood there, reminding me that I'd let them down. Reminding me that I'd lost two friends.

"I have a story to tell you, Theodore." I crouched down, taking a seat beside the markers, "I think you'll like it." I pulled my knees up to my chest, "A couple days before I turned 21 my friend Amanda convinced me to drive all the way to Miami so we could properly celebrate. The drive was miserable, but when we got there it was worth it. Beautiful people, beautiful beaches, everything was over the top. We got this disgusting little motel room; it was all we could afford. We loved it regardless. I think we loved just being on vacation, but those things blur. The first day we went to the beach to go swimming, and I shit you not, once we got out into the water I saw a fin. It was all pointy and menacing looking. I don't know what you'd do if you saw a dorsal fin in the water you were swimming in, but I got the hell out of their and didn't stop until I was well away from the shoreline. Started yelling 'Shark' and everything, too. The lifeguard calmed everyone down and came over to me, and he said this exact phrase, 'Chill, it's just a dolphin.' It was so embarrassing, I wouldn't go back to the beach after that." I laughed for a bit, but it wasn't full. It was an echo of what would have been if I'd gotten to actually tell him, "I know we didn't know each other very well, but I wish you were still around."

"Lori," I looked at the other cross, "I'll teach Judith what you taught me back at the house. I'll keep her and Carl safe, and Rick, too. Even if it means the worst for me. I promise you that I'll keep them safe. I wish," I pulled my legs closer as the hints of tears invaded my vision, "I wish we could switch. I wish I was gone and you could still be with them. I wish for that every time I look at them. If I could go back I would make that happen, I swear." I caught a scent in the breeze and for a moment I felt hungry. No. Not now. Not anymore. I pushed it away, but the turn in my stomach brought a lightness to my head.

"So you're a pathetic martyr now?"

That voice. That snide voice. "What are you doing here, Johnny?" I looked up at him.

"Don't ask me, it's your imagination," he raised his hands, "You always were a bit unhinged."

I gave a sarcastic laugh, "That's rich coming from you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" the characteristic sneer in his voice. How did I ever fall for him?

"I mean you were insane," I sighed, "You constantly needed to control me, and when you weren't yelling at me about something you were manipulating me."

He shot me a smile, "So?"

"That's not exactly healthy."

He let out a loud cackle, "And talking to dead exes is?"

I shrugged. He did have a point. Wait, "Why are you even here?"

"I don't know," he stood in front of me, "Need to talk about something?"

I looked at him for a moment. He looked the same as when I'd last seen him; he was like a photograph. Just a two-dimensional image of someone who I'd stopped caring about a long time ago, "I guess so."

"Go for it."

"I think I know where Daryl's brother is."

"That fucker that you slept with?" his familiar fume was back, "That's what you need me here for? Talking about some other guy you love?" It was strange to see him pacing back and forth in the moonlight. He looked so real then. The jealousy, the rage, it just like when we were together. "You know he doesn't love you, right? I loved you."

I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes, "No you didn't."

"I told you all the time."

I shook my head at him. I remembered. When he said love it was just another way to control me. One more trick up his sleeve. I saw through his bullshit, "Saying it doesn't make it so."

"Whatever, then I guess I didn't love you. But he," he pointed up to the guard tower, "He doesn't either."

"I'm not arguing with you there." It was true. Whatever had or hadn't happened in the past was proof of that fact. Maybe he had cared, maybe. But that's all past tense now.

"Then what's the problem."

"I know where his brother might be, but I don't know if I should tell him."

"So, he can abandon you and you'll still talk to him, but when I cling a little too tight you cut me off?"

I waved him off, "You did more than cling too tight."

"Fine, but he still abandoned you," he sat down next to me, "I mean, he won't even talk to you."

"I knew what I was getting into, so it doesn't really matter to me. I'm more than fine," I repeated to him what I'd been repeating to myself since he'd left my old house.

"I'm part of your imagination, you can't lie to me."

I looked over to him, "I'm mad about it, happy?"

He smiled, "Then don't tell him."

"I'm not even sure it's Merle anyways."

He leaned back on his hands and looked at the sky with me, "Remember what you said to me when we broke up?" I nodded slightly. I remembered it still, even if it was hazy. I hadn't really thought of him for years. "Never again."

That's all he said, then he was gone. Disappeared into the scenery like the apparition he was. He was right, wasn't he? I had resolved to never let a man drag me down again, but here I was letting it happen all over again. Never again. I needed to make up for that. I needed to make up for the seconds I'd spent thinking of someone who didn't care. He didn't need to know about the one-handed man that shot Michonne. He didn't need any words from me. I stood up and made my way to the watchtower to take over. And just like that some of my worries were gone.

**Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts, so be sure to review! :)))**


	50. 50: A Time To Kill

50: A Time To Kill

A whole week passed by with nothing overly interesting happening, and I couldn't decide if I was happy about that or not. We had one primary task, and it wasn't that difficult to manage. Kill the zombies, clean out the bodies, and clear out the supplies. Moving the supplies to our part of the prison was simple, and no one got hurt, just like I expected. Michonne insisted that the success of my plans would make Rick realize that I was perfect to be his right hand, but I didn't really care about that anymore. My mind was now occupied with two separate, but equally important thoughts. First I was obsessed with keeping the group safe; our whole task was a bit risky and I wanted to make sure everyone came through the week alive. I think the obsession came from learning just how many people lived in Woodbury. It was so close on the map, and that big of a group was a threat even if they weren't fighters. Safety was key. We couldn't lose anyone. Everyone had to stay alive. I was never more relieved than when the last building was cleared. The job was done and it was a success, so I put my dress back on. It was like a symbol for me, my own personal super-suit. When I wore it I felt invincible.

The second item that was constantly plaguing me, and the only real problem, was that an edge of the hunger was back. This edge meant that I had to be extra careful around everyone. Riley's scarf had a new home around my neck, and that helped remind me of what I'd overcome. It kept me positive. It kept me from leaving for the woods whenever my mouth watered. It didn't just mean walking on eggshells; it also meant that I barely slept. My mind was always trying to fight off the urge. Most of the time I spent 'sleeping' I was just laying there with my eyes closed hoping no one would need me. Hoping that they'd stay away for a few more hours. Hoping that my appetite would go away.

One afternoon I woke from whatever sleep I was able to manage to unfamiliar voices.

"Drop your weapons of the lady here gets it," a man's voice, but not any of the men that were living in the prison. I opened my eyes and listened closer.

"Do what he says," a different guy. I sniffed at the air, smelling the invaders. When my mouth watered I ignored it. They were threatening the group. They were threatening me.

"Alright," I heard Rick's voice along with some shifting as I tried to get off of the bed without any creaking, "See, we dropped our weapons." I crawled out of my cell and peered over the edge, careful to not be seen. Three men, two with guns, looked like the other was holding something to Carol's throat; they weren't facing me so I couldn't be sure what it was. I crept back into my cell and slid on the holster that contained my silenced pistol then returned to the ledge, deciding not to put on my boots. I needed to keep quiet and heavy shoes would make too much noise. I leaned out so the group could see me, holding a finger to my lips to tell them to keep quiet.

"Not everyone has to die," I continued to assess the situation as one of the men spoke, "Some of you might be able to join us."

Hershel pleaded, "Don't do this, there are kids here." Good. Distract them. I slid under the railing and did a dead hang from the walkway for a second before quietly dropping to the floor. I looked over to the men to check if they'd noticed. Luck was on my side, they hadn't heard me.

"Then they can die first if it's such a problem," the one on the left laughed.

Carol began to squirm. She didn't know I was there; she was the one thing that could go wrong. Just keep still Carol, please. "Looks like Mama here don't like that."

They kept talking and I signaled to Michonne, asking if there were only these three or if there was more. Just the three. Perfect. I can manage that if I was quick enough.

I pulled the gun from its holster and silently readied it. I only had one chance at this, and I had to do it just right, no room for error. I looked at Carl, who was holding Judith, and motioned for him to cover her ears. Once her ears were covered I tiptoed behind the man holding Carol.

In one swoop I reached under his arm, putting my hand in between the blade and Carol's neck. At the same time I shot the man on the right. As the blade cut through my hand I tripped the man and shot the one of the left just like his friend. There was a pain in my leg and I looked down to find the last guy slicing at my calf. I pinned his arm down with my foot and reached down to grab the knife.

Rick took a step towards me and I straightened up and held up my hand, "Stay back and get Judith out of here." I pointed the gun at the intruder's head. He was squirming and freaking out, not paying any attention to me, "Are you alone?"

"You killed them!" he was looking at the bodies of his friends.

I shifted my weight onto the foot I had on his arm and nudged his head with the other one to get his attention, "Are you alone?"

His eyes widened when he saw the gun pointed at him, "Fuck you!"

I jiggled the knife in my hand, it slipped around in the blood from my gash, "Whoa, let's watch our words." I leaned forward and stabbed the man's hand as he screamed, barrel still pointed at his forehead, "Answer my question or you'll join them."

The fear in his eyes was all I could see, and all I could smell was the blood. That was all there was, fear and a good meal. The two men, his hand, it was all I could do not to crumble then. Focus Annie. When he didn't answer I wiggled the knife. That got him talking, "Don't kill me! I'll tell you! I'll tell you!"

I twisted the knife again for good measure, "Were there only the three of you, or are there more waiting to get the all clear?"

"We're alone," I turned the knife one more time. Third time's a charm right? "I swear, just please don't kill me. I can help you! I wont hurt any of you, I swear. It wasn't even my idea. It was George's." I removed the knife, and stared down at him, pointing the gun away. I could feel him relax beneath me, "Thank you, thank you."

I looked at the two other bodies. That smell. I needed to get out of here. I needed to wrap this up and get some fresh air. I looked back down to him, "For what?"

"Not killing me." I couldn't keep myself from laughing then. Did he really think I would just let him go? Did he really think he could come here, threaten to kill my brother and sister, and live to see another day? Did he really think I was that stupid?

"Can't kill something that's already dead," I shook my head as I pointed the gun back to him. His fear returned, "And you were dead the second you held the knife to her throat."

Bang.

I stood still for a second, the tip of the pistol still smoking. When I looked up my heart sunk. They had all seen. They could all see this side of me now, even Carl. I felt the sharp pinch of my broken skin against the hilt. "I'm sorry, but it had to be done," I don't know what I expected. To be scolded? To be forced to leave? They didn't thought. They might have even looked thankful if I hadn't been so focused on the smell. I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. Fresh air. I stepped off of the dead man and walked over to Carol who flinched slightly as I stopped in front of her. "Looks like it's just a nick," I smiled at her, "You'll just need a Band Aid, maybe disinfect it just in case." No one was moving. No one had moved since the last shot. All had barely even breathed, except Judith who was fussing and crying now. I guess she hadn't liked the loud noises. After holstering the pistol I took a closer look at my own wounded hand, "Carl, do you think you can try out some of your stitching?" He nodded when I looked up at him, "Okay, I'll just get the supplies and then we'll head outside."

**Short and sweet! I hope you all enjoyed!**


	51. 51: Kindness and Its Pitfalls

51: Kindness and Its Pitfalls

I set the medical supplies on the table just outside the prison and looked at Carl, Beth who was holding Judith, "Are you three okay?"

"Yeah," Carl eyed the tools apprehensively; "You got them before they could hurt us."

"Good," I unscrewed the top of the vodka bottle, "Have you been practicing your sewing?" He shook his head, at least he was being honest about it. I took a long swig from the bottle, "Don't worry, it's like riding a bike. The kit is sterilized, but let me get your hands," he held out his hands and I poured the liquor over them, "Perfect, now thread the needle and I'll clean out the first one." As he went to his task I carefully removed the towel I'd been clutching to stop some of the bleeding. The gash had been deep enough to nick a few tendons, but I could still move my hand for the most part. I double-checked my trigger finger; still got it. I poured the booze over the cut and sucked in a sharp breath. It burned and tingled and I wanted to scream, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't do that to Carl, I had to be strong. I smiled up at him and held out my hand on the table, "Go for it, buddy."

He leaned over and made the first prick; it was far too deep and I couldn't control my grunt. "Sorry," he stopped his movements. I reached over with my good hand and patted his arm in support.

"Don't be. Mistakes are how we learn." He started back up again, and I did better controlling myself, "You don't have to go so deep," he apologized again and continued, this time with a lighter hand. "There, that's right."

"Annie?" Beth's voice was quiet.

"Yep?" I looked up at her with a smile.

She moved Judith to rest on her shoulder, "Where did you learn to fight like that?"

I nodded to the forest, "Out there."

She looked around for a second, clearly hoping not to be overheard, "Can you, can you teach me?"

"If Hershel says yes." Her face fell for a second, but I think she knew that Hershel would give in eventually. I motioned to my hand, "I'll need to heal a bit first, though."

"I think Judith wants some food," she got up and headed back inside just as Carl tied the final stitch.

"Good job," I gave him a thumbs up with my newly patched hand. I swung my leg onto the bench and poured some of the vodka over it, "And now for the leg." He went to work immediately, this time with more confidence. While he was stitching I cleaned my hand once more before wrapping some fresh gauze around it. Every now and then I took a swig from the bottle, it helped keep my mind off of what was happening with my leg.

"Is it hard to kill people who are alive?" Carl looked up after he tied the last stitch.

The truth was that it wasn't necessarily hard to kill people, but the aftermath, the guilt, the unceasing questioning, that was the hardest thing imaginable. I decided to bend the truth, "Not when they threaten the people I care about."

"I wonder if I'll have to kill someone," he set the supplies on the table.

"No." His eyes questioned me when he looked over, but I didn't change my stern expression. Carl should never feel like this, like heaven might not be attainable. Carl shouldn't have to deal with the guilt. He had enough to deal with. I sanitized the would before wrapping the wound with gauze. When I was finished I stood up on it at looked down to my buddy, my best friend, my brother, "Promise you'll let me do the killing."

He nodded.

-o0o-

I looked around for Carol, but she wasn't inside. Finally Michonne pointed me toward the guard tower. I made my way up the stairs, as the faces of the three men flowed through my mind. When I opened the door I found Carol and Daryl sitting together. I couldn't tell if they had been talking or not, but I didn't really care about that.

"Carol, do you think I can talk to you?" I nodded towards the stairs. She took a few timid steps forwards and I noted the look of concern on Daryl's face. I wonder if he ever had that face because of me. I brushed off the thought and forced a smile, "I'll have her back in a minute or two, I swear."

I stepped past her and she followed me down the stairs, "What do you—"

"Here," I turned and handed her an old bar of chocolate that I had pulled from my secret stash.

She took it while eyeing me, "What's this for?"

"If I were you I'd be shaken up by all of that," I tried to sound as friendly as possible, "Figured you could use some chocolate." She just looked at me like she always did, even after saving her, like I was some sort of inconvenience. "Also, here," I handed her the knife and sheath that I took off the dead man, "You should have this."

"Why?" She just looked at my outstretched hand. Just keep being nice Annie.

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? At least that's what they say." She took the knife from my hand, "If you need any help figuring out how to use that thing I'd be more than happy to show you a few things."

She didn't let up, "I'll think about it."

"Well, that's it. See you at dinner." You know that thing they say about killing people with kindness, that was the new plan. When dealing with people who obviously still hated me regardless of any daring feats that saved their lives I would simple be sweet enough to dole out toothaches. All I had to do was resist my urge to kill her, and I'd already been doing that since I got here. I can do this. Michonne walked up to me as I made my way to the table.

"What did you talk to that woman about?"

I shrugged, "Trying to be nice."

"Why bother?" there was a hint of laughter to her voice. I couldn't agree with her more; Carol didn't deserve my kindness, but I had the long game to look at. And the long game required me to play nicely.

I looked up to the guard tower, "Figured I'd give it a try, see how it goes, ya know?"

"Whatever you say," I could tell from the way she said it that she knew what I was up to. Good old Michonne, nothing gets past her. "We cleaned up the bodies, tossed them out in a pile of walkers."

"Good." When I sat she sat. She didn't say anything, just sat there next to me. After my time on the road, after everything, this was the kind of companionship I preferred. The only problem was the lack of noise. Noise was a distraction, and now it was gone. Now all I had was the visions of the faces of the men I'd killed. How many had it even been? Ten? Twenty? When did I stop counting? Close to twenty, that was it. Twenty people dead, and not walkers, real people. People who were still themselves, albeit their worst selves. I didn't even realize I had spoken until the last word crossed my lips, "Do you think I'm going to hell?"

"What?"

She had been thinking of something else too. I repeated, "Do you think I'm going to hell?"

"Why would you ask that?" her calm, steady voice cut at me.

Time for a bit of confession, "I've killed more than a few people, actual living people. Around twenty."

The way she looked at me didn't change, it hadn't changed after what happened this morning, I don't think it would ever change. Her acceptance of me and all my flaws brought some level of comfort, "I'm sure they gave you a reason."

"But does that justify it?" I looked down at my hand, bandaged but I am still alive. I won't be alive forever, though. One day my heart will stop, and I will shuffle off this mortal coil. One day, soon probably, I will have to face the consequences for the evils I have committed. That's just how the world works. "Don't get me wrong, I'd do it all again the same way, I just wonder if I'll get to see my family when this is all done."

"I can't answer that," she stood up, "But I don't think there's an evil bone in your body, kid."

"Thanks," I looked up at her. She meant it; I could see it on her face. She thought I was good. But she didn't know the whole truth; no one knew the whole truth. No one could ever know. I killed people. I struggled daily with a desire to chow down on the other white meat. I am a monster, even if I can control it. Underneath I am no better than the men I had killed. I wonder if God could forgive that much? I wonder if anyone could forgive that much? I certainly couldn't. I buried my self-hatred, putting on a smile and following Michonne inside for dinner.

-o0o-

"Carol hates you," I looked up from my book to Daryl, wondering for a second if I'd just imagined him speaking. It wasn't abnormal for him to not leave right when I got there for my night shift, but he'd never really said anything to me since I let him have a cigarette the first night. He was looking at me, so he must've actually said that.

I looked back to my book, "I know," I flicked some ashes in the bowl I'd converted into an ashtray.

"Then why'd you save her?"

I shifted in my chair and looked over at him, "I save people who need saving, doesn't really matter if they don't like me, or they don't appreciate it." He'd seemed satisfied with the answer, but I continued, "I'd help you too, if you ever needed it." I took another long puff, "It's just what I do, I don't have to think about it."

"You killed them without thinking about it?" The tone of his wasn't something I had heard for months. It was the same tone he used to speak to me with, and for a moment I flew back to that place and time, those brief moments when I thought I had actually found something in him. It only lasted a moment though. The accusatory words, the distance between us, all of that leftover hostility hanging around in the air; whatever had been was long gone. Now all that I had was my family and my hunger and my guilt.

"I have the rest of my life to think about it," I stuffed the butt into the bowl. "Do you think I should've let them live?" I swiveled my chair slightly to face him as he walked towards the door.

"You did what you had to," and then he was gone. The borderline sweetness in his voice had disappeared as well. I had probably just imagined it in the first place, anyway. What use is sweetness out here anyway? Sure, being kind to the group was going to serve my purpose in getting to be second in command, but what did anyone else out here have to be sweet about? Nothing, that's what.

**Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter (I know it's short, but I wanted to get something out today). :)**

******QUESTION TIME! _(copied from Uncomfortably Numb author's note)_ As a writer I am always worried about my work (it's natural, don't blame me). So, if you have the time I'd love a critical examination of my work thus far (character composition, plot, portrayal of canon characters, general writing skills). :)) I'd love you forever, even if you have mean things to say. See, I would love to be a writer professionally, and this is what I'm doing to boost my chops, so all critique and such is appreciated. :)**


	52. 52: No Rest For The Wicked

52: No Rest For The Wicked

_"Hello, Annie," I couldn't see through the darkness to the person speaking, but I could him there as if he was all around me, as if he was the darkness. _

_"Who are you?" my voice was coarse but quiet._

_In an almost mocking tone the darkness responded, "Who do you think I am?"_

_"Beats me," I quipped. _

_"It doesn't matter anyways," the shadows let up slightly, giving me room to breathe, "You look like you need someone to talk to."_

_"I," I stared into the emptiness, "I killed some men yesterday."_

_"I know."_

_"I've killed people before that, too."_

_"I know." The gloom slowly morphed into grey fog, and I saw whom I was talking to. A man with slicked-back hair, tall and lanky, dressed in a suit darker than black. I couldn't make out his face before he spoke again, "What's really bothering you?"_

_On cue my stomach ripped inside of myself and the delicious scent brought spit to my once dry mouth, "I'm hungry."_

_"I know." His voice had a hint of sorrow to it, and in that moment I felt a speck of kinship between the well-dressed figure and me. _

_"I won't do it," I looked down at the bodies that had appeared at my feet; each seemed to be on their own platter, waiting to be consumed. I repeated, "I won't."_

_His hand clasped my shoulder, and even though it was freezing to the touch I could sense the sympathy. His voice dripped in empathy, "I know."_

_I looked into his shapeless face, into the abyss, "What do I do?"_

_He looked from me back out into the growing shadow, "Death is coming for you, Annie. Might not be soon, but I will be coming. Even if I'd rather not."_

_"I know." _

_The black flames of the darkness advanced. Just before they swallowed me I heard him speak one last phrase, "Maybe what you should do is start living."_

-o0o-

When I woke up in the afternoon I only had a few moments to collect my thoughts before Hershel greeted me.

He leaned deep into his crutches, "My Beth said that she asked you if you could teach her some self defense."

"I told her she'd have to ask you first." I stretched my arms before reaching down to put on my boots.

"I appreciate that," he looked out at the cellblock before turning back to me, "Do you think you could see if Maggie wants to learn, too. I'd rest a lot easier."

I smiled at him, half because he wanted me to be the one to teach his girls about self defense and half because it was just nice to see. A father looking out for his children the best he could, the love in his eyes brought a stab of envy that I quickly shook off, "Just let me get some breakfast in me and I'll talk to them."

-o0o-

When I found the sisters they were sitting at one of the tables outside. They didn't even seem to be talking, just sitting there looking out at the sky. I took a seat across from them, "So would you two like me to teach you a few things about how to fight?"

"Did Dad say yes?" Beth's face sparked up.

"He did," I smiled back at her. From the corner of my eye I saw Michonne walking out of the prison, "Hey Michonne, come over here." I leaned in to the girls, "She can teach you a thing or two as well." The soreness was really starting to stick in from yesterday's events. It was a good distraction from the hunger. Sore I can deal with. Sore is good. Sore means I'm alive. Michonne's shadow crossed over me, "These two might want to learn some self defense basics."

"Good."

I looked up to her, squinting slightly when a ray of light passed by her head and hit me dead in the eye, "Think you could help?"

"Everyone should learn to protect themselves." Carol had just emerged from the guard tower, and I saw Michonne's eyes follow her down the stairs, "Can't be expecting someone to save all the time, gotta do it yourself." The two girls followed her gaze just as I did to the ungrateful woman making her way across the field, and once they saw her they let out a laugh. At least I'm not the only one who thinks that way.

"Exactly," I tried to get us back on subject, "Just give me two days to heal and then we'll start with some of the easier stuff."

Maggie shifted in her seat to face me again, "Like what?"

What was I going to teach them? I mean, I had to learn everything on my own. What if I had been doing something wrong? What if I'm shit at teaching? I quickly pulled something out of the air, "How to properly hold a gun, for starters."

"How to prevent getting a knife held to your throat," Carol was just out of earshot, but she looked over when the four of us started to laugh. Maybe we were being mean, maybe we were being childish, but where I come from if someone saves your life you thank them. End of story.

"And how to get out of it without slicing up your hand," I managed after we'd simmered down, "What do you say? You two in?"

Beth, clearly the more eager of the two spoke first, "I'm in."

Maggie just smiled, "Me too."

-o0o-

"You look better today," I stood beside Rick, who was still inventorying the supplies we'd collected the week before.

When he looked up at me I could practically see the relief in his face, "I'm feeling better."

"Good."

"Do you think you can go hunting soon?" When I didn't respond right away he popped up to standing, "We could use some more fresh meat."

"I can go in a couple days," I looked down at my bandaged hand and gently brushed the place where I'd been sliced, "I'd go now, but my hand still needs another night's rest. And tomorrow Michonne and I are teaching Beth and Maggie a few pointers, to help them protect themselves and stuff."

"That's a good idea," he went back to moving things around.

"It was Beth's," I wanted him to know that I wasn't trying to overstep my place, not yet. He'll come to me. That was the plan right? I smiled at him, "Gotta appreciate her wanting to improve."

"Hershel said it was alright?"

"Yep," I leaned against the wall, "He even asked me to, so I figured it would be fine." I watched for a few moments as he piled more things. A breeze came through the window Axel had managed to open that morning while I slept, and on that breeze came the smell of the blood. Yesterday's kills hadn't been thoroughly cleaned. To combat my stomach turning I clutched my hand, only the pressure brought back the reminder of the gash. Pain. Pain would help.

"You alright?" My moment had not gone unnoticed by Rick.

"Oh yeah," I pushed off the wall and walked towards the door, "And I'll go hunting the day after tomorrow." Fresh air, I needed fresh air. And a cigarette. And the scarf. And no not be here.

-o0o-

The sun shown down on us that day, but the full Georgian heat hadn't come full swing just yet. "So, the best way to shoot a gun is like this," I planted both feet firmly on the ground and held the empty pistol with both hands, "You might not always get a chance to fire like this, but it will give you your best aim."

"Like this?" Maggie was standing almost exactly as I'd been just a second before.

"Almost, might want to put your leading foot out just a little," I walked over to her and slid her foot forward with mine, "There."

Beth's voice was more unsure, "How about me?"

"Perfect," I held up the gun, "Now even small pistols have a bit of a kickback to them. Recoil, as the professionals call it. And just a reminder, I am not a professional. But I have shot more than a few guns in my day, so I know more than your average bear. Now, we aren't going to be shooting today, but I want you to think about the kickback."

Michonne elaborated for me, "It's like someone pushes your hand real quick."

"Basically," I nodded to her, "What you need to do is follow through. So the mantra is stand firm, breathe in, exhale while pulling the trigger all the way down, then follow through. Repeat that."

They did as I said, "Stand firm, breathe in, exhale and pull the trigger, follow through."

Michonne nodded, "That's it."

"Now the next one is a bit more work," I looked around to make sure Carol wasn't listening, "How to avoid getting a knife to the throat."

"Best thing you can do is stay out of arms reach."

I could see the confusion on Maggie's face, "That sort of goes without saying, doesn't it?"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Michonne's sharp tongue had to be my favorite part about her. A little humor out here at the end of all existence really helped keep things light, and that was as good as a year's supply of food these days.

"Sometimes things get heated and people forget," I tried to be nice. "The best thing to do, at least in my opinion, is to just point a gun at the attacker."

Beth's voice was quiet, "What if you don't have a gun?"

"Then it get's more risky," I set the gun down on the table, "If you have no weapons then you just run."

"Isn't that cowardly?" Maggie was a strong woman, that much I knew. She'd been out at the fence, taking out walkers, getting her hands dirty, that was just the kind of person she was. But sometimes strength isn't everything.

I shook my head a few times and projected myself more than usual when I answered her, "If you learn one thing from today, let it be this: in life or death situations there is no such thing as cowardly."

Michonne stood beside me, "There's just living and dying."

"Exactly, Michonne."

"So you're saying if someone threatens me with a knife, I should run."

"Yes," I smiled at her, "And make it as hard as you possibly can for them to follow you. If you're a strong swimmer find yourself a lake, if you're a good climber run uphill. Any advantages you have use them."

Beth spoke once more, "What if they have a gun?"

"If someone pulls a gun on you, you're as good as dead." Michonne, the pessimistic realist.

"Well, yeah, most of the time. But there are options." I motioned for Michonne to help me demonstrate the options, "The good old zig-zag rush. Finding cover. Running in a horizontal line around them so they waste bullets trying to take you down. Rush them and try to take the hit in the arm or lower leg, something that most likely won't be fatal immediately."

"Chances are they'll get you though."

I nodded, "It's better to try to avoid those situations."

"And what if they get you with the knife?"

"If they have you like this," Michonne was there again, mimicking the hold the man had on Carol the other day. "Hand on wrist, fake a struggle without displaying your real strength. This will have them let their guard down, just a little, and that's all you need. Then hit them in any of the sensitive areas; head butt the nose, punch the groin, stomp on their foot. Make sure to get a firm grip on their wrist before though. When they react then you can slip out and take the knife. Then a few stabs to the head should do the rest."

"We need to kill people?" Beth looked horrified. Honestly, I couldn't picture either of them killing someone, anyone. Or anything for that matter.

"Only the people who hold knifes to your carotid artery, or an equivalent," I reassured them.

"I don't understand," Maggie looked at my hand, "If you knew all of this then why did your hand get cut up?"

"When it's someone else it's different," I shrugged, "I couldn't risk letting the knife get her, so I shielded her. It was the only option."

Beth crossed her arms, "I don't think I could ever do that."

"You'll be surprised what you can do when put under the right circumstances." I patted her shoulder, "I hope you never have to find out though, it hurt like a bitch. Still does, too."

"Are you healing alright?"

"Yes," I thought quickly of Beth, how Carl always seemed to be hovering around her if he wasn't with me. Time for some wingman work, Annie. "Carl can really stitch, though."

-o0o-

"Rick says you're going hunting tomorrow."

Why couldn't Daryl have just left when I showed up for watch like normal? I didn't want to talk to him, not in general, and definitely not after the long day I'd had. However fun helping the girls was I was still a bit more drained than usual. I figured it was best to keep it simple, "Yep."

"Said I'd go with you," I tried not to show how my heart sunk then; instead I forced a small grin as he continued, "in case you find another deer." He made his way to the door.

"Alright," I nodded, "I'll get you before I head out." When he left I cursed softly to myself. The hunting trip was something I'd actually been looking forward to. A break from the smell of humans. A break from people. A break from having to hold it all together. Now what did I have to look forward to? First I'd have to hide my new tracking method, then I'd have to resist the urge to kill the bastard, and if I could do all that then I'd still be stuck spending time with the one person I wanted to avoid, "Shit."

**There you have it, the newest installment. Thank you so so so so so much for reading, you have no idea how great it makes me feel. I'd love to hear your feedback (THE MORE DETAILED THE BETTER) on how everything is going in this story, particularly your thoughts on the upcoming hunting trip, but don't feel limited. :) HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!**


	53. 53: An Apology

53: An Apology.

_I think I was in a white room. Or was it grey? I looked down. The floor was pristine white, and it contrasted my skin and the red dress. My red dress. My superhero outfit. It looked brand new now, just like my skin. No bruises or scars or wounds. The bite on my arm was even gone. I could hear the soft tones of a piano nearby. Was it even a room? It felt too open to be a room, but I felt as thought I was wrapped in a warm blanket. A chilly hand grabbed mine, "So, Annie," I was twirled around on the white dance floor, then pulled back in, "How is life going?"_

_I looked into that empty face. The black-suited man was back. Was he a man? He dressed like one. He sounded like one. His hair was perfectly coiffed like a true gentleman even. But there was something off about him, and not just his lack of a face. He was there, I could feel his cold hands, but there was a vapor-like quality about him. He wasn't so solid as me, but at the same time he felt sturdy. "Things are alright I guess," I sighed as we began to move to the tones._

_He led me around the floor, and wherever we went the fog that surrounded us dissipated to let us through, "Don't sugarcoat it on my account, darling. I've heard everything." His voice sounded like that of an old British friend. It was completely pleasant, but I still felt a level of subservience. _

_My gaze followed the grey that surrounded us, "I guess I'm just a little annoyed." My words were nowhere near as eloquent as his had sounded. _

_He paused his movement for a second and pointed his vacant face down at me, only it didn't feel vacant. There were no characteristics, nothing at all, but as he looked down I could sense the slightest air of apprehension, "With me?"_

_"No, no," we resumed, back to our slow dance, "With people."_

_"But I thought you loved people," I was dipped. It felt strange being held up by someone who I wasn't completely sure had a corporeal form, but there was no give. His hands were solid, "My little medic."_

_I backtracked, "I do love people, don't get me wrong, it's just a lot of work." My stomach made a sharp turn to emphasize my point, "Hiding it."_

_"Have you considered telling anyone about it?" The way he said it you'd have thought that it was the simplest thing to do. Tell someone my secret. Tell someone about my strong desire to feast on flesh. It wasn't that easy._

_I suddenly became aware of his cold hands. Each was in their proper places, a respectable height on my waist and the other holding my hand. They were a cold winter's morning, but there was true sweetness in it, true beauty, "I can't."_

_"Why not?" his voice had a hum to it._

_"They'll think I'm a monster."_

_"Are you not?" he laughed, "Don't look at me like that, Ms. Lee. I'm a monster too, after all. And what was it that friend of yours said? Something about how we are all monsters? There has to be another reason, dear."_

_I spoke softly then, letting my true fear be known, "They'll kick me out."_

_He pulled me back for a second so he could stare down at me, "It's been weeks, do you really think they'll toss you out with the trash?" he spun me away and left me out there for a moment. A flicker of the fog passed between us._

_I looked directly into the abyss; "I wouldn't put it past them."_

_"Fair enough," his hand brought me back to him. He continued on in the most polite tone I'd ever heard, "Just something to consider. Might even help you sleep."_

_I gritted my teeth slightly, "I'm sleeping just fine, thanks."_

_"Really?" He pulled me closer, "Dancing with Death sounds like a good night's sleep to you?"_

_I shrugged, "At least I can talk to you," I smiled up into the void, "It isn't that bad."_

_"Well, I am more than a competent dance partner, if I do say myself," he jested. Although still featureless, his face suddenly gave me the impression of concern, "Oh, dear, don't you understand what this all means?" _

_"No," I copied the worried tone, "What does it mean?"_

_"It means, quiet simply, that you've been looking for a reason to pull the trigger." He laughed, "You've been dancing with Death. It is a rather crass metaphor, isn't it? Dancing with me isn't such a bad thing, is it?"_

_"I haven't danced like this in… I don't think I ever have actually. It's nice," I rested my head on the luxurious black fabric. There was more than truth in his words, not his joke but his explanation as to what we were really doing on this dance floor, there was understanding in it all. My voice came out in a whisper, "I can't do that to them. I can't abandon them." He tilted my face up so he could see me, "You know that."_

_"I do," we resumed our gentle sways, "But you've been thinking about it."_

_"They are just thoughts."_

_"Let's keep it that way." The sweetness was back, "Even I don't think you should, you know."_

_I laughed, "Really?" It was so bizarre to have death stand there and tell me he didn't want me to take the easy way out. _

_"In all honesty, that's how I prefer these things to work," he dipped me lower this time, his face to my ear, "I come for you, not the other way around."_

_When I was upright once more I asked him the only question I could think of, "So I should just, just keep going?"_

_"Of course." We sashayed a bit quicker now, "And hopefully you wont need me anymore."_

_Did I need him? Did I need that safety net? Did I need the back-up plan? "It's nice to need something."_

_"You need plenty of things, Annie. Food, oxygen, water, sleep, the protection of your little group." I felt a slight pinch from the hand on my waist, "Don't want to be getting too dependent now, do we? It would just be so out of character for you."_

_"It would help, though." I tried to explain my reasoning, I tried to explain why it was nice to see past the general requirements to something else, "Soft place to land."_

_His voice remained light, "You do have a bed, don't you?"_

_I rolled my eyes, "Oh, stop it. You know what I mean."_

_He let out an exaggerated sigh, "You're talking about that redneck of yours, aren't you?"_

_"No," I lied, "And he's not mine. Never was."_

_"Don't be that way, and don't think you can lie to me," he pulled me closer once more, letting my head rest on his chest, "If you really wanted him you'd stop being so stubborn and say you're sorry."_

_Me? What did I have to be sorry for? Sorry for surviving? Sorry for finding them? Sorry for not becoming one of those things when I was bitten? Sorry for breathing? I didn't hide the outrage in my voice, and it echoed throughout the fog, "Me? Why should I apologize for being alive?"_

_"That's what you think that's about? You making it out of there alive?" I could see him shake his head, "Tsk, tsk. I thought you were smart sweetie."_

_I brushed the soft fabric with my hand, "If that's not it, then what's really the problem?"_

_"I could tell you," he pulled me back to see his face for a moment. Then he brought me back in with another sway, "But where's the fun in that?"_

_"Fine." I'd have to try to find out when I got the chance. But how? I rubbed my thumb over the icy hand, "Any advice on what to do, then?"_

_The music stopped, the fog became thick as he disappeared leaving nothing but his voice, "Live."_

-o0o-

When my eyes opened I just stared at the top bunk for a while thinking of anything. Wondering who had this cell before me. Wondering if Riley was doing alright. Wondering if Amanda was out there somewhere, surviving. Wondering why prisons always chose grey. Wondering what Tyler Durden would do if he was me. He would burn the place down. He would burn it down and go to Woodbury and burn that down until nothing was left. I wondered if I'd still be in that house if Daryl had never showed up. I wondered if I'd just be, wait. What would I be doing now? I'd be on the roof, scanning the forest and reading one of those damn textbooks. I'd reread about how to perform a double bypass, or remove an appendix, or some other thing. I'd be listening to something good, not knowing that there was anyone alive out there. It would just be my island and me and I would be fine. Would I be fine? Would I feel alone? Would Joey visit me in my dreams, would he have forgiven me? Would I have gone insane from the lack of human contact? Or would I have found peace? I looked up at the top bunk and I didn't want to move. I didn't want to have to deal with anything today. I wanted to pull the covers over my head and pretend that it had all just been a bad dream, but when the dead walk the lands that isn't really a luxury anyone can afford. No days off during the apocalypse, which seemed more than ironic. I sighed deeply as I sat up and pulled myself out of bed. I did two long sun salutations in an attempt to calm myself, calm my hunger, kill time, get the day started the right way. Once I was properly stretched I slid on my boots and combed through my hair. Maybe I'll take a shower when we get back. That might be nice. For a long moment as I fought the tangles I missed life before all this. I missed lazing around. I missed cereal with milk, toast with butter, basically all dairy. I missed turning on the TV and watching whatever shows were on. I missed picking up my phone, texting Amanda to come over, and bullshitting with her about life. I missed rush hour traffic. I missed having to pinch pennies. I missed having to go to work or school or whatever other thing I was obligated with. I missed complaining about whatever bitch I'd come into contact with that day. I missed it all. Good, bad, it didn't matter. All of that was wonderful when compared to this.

I redressed the bandage on my hand and slid a glove over it to keep it clean out there. Who knows what I'd be getting into today, bears, people, dead people? I stood up and grabbed my bow and slid it so it was slung over my shoulder, the put on a pair of hunting knives. Time to just do this. Just get this done. Quick like a Band Aid, and a hundred times as painful. I debated wrapping Riley's scarf around my neck, but I figured it would be best to keep it here. It was dirty enough, and the more I wore it the less it smelled like her. I'd have to save it for when I really needed her from now. My dress was nowhere near as clean as it was in my dream. My dream. I shook the ideas out of my head and made my way down to get a quick bite to eat.

I didn't get far though.

"You ready?" Daryl was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for me. He didn't even look at me when he spoke.

I let out a small sigh; this is going to be a long day. I walked past him, "I just need to eat something first." To my dismay he followed me to the room we'd been keeping the food in. He stood there as I poured a bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and he sat across from me when I took a seat at the table to eat them. Of all the days to be my shadow, today? Really? Could I not get a minute to myself? I shoveled to food into my mouth as quickly as I could. The faster we got out there the faster we would be back. The faster we got back the sooner I could take a shower and just have some time alone.

I was halfway through when he spoke, "I thought you—"

I looked over at him, my eyes narrowed, "What?"

"Don't you like that cereal?" Standoffish already, and it was just a question about cereal. Today was going to be hell.

"What?" I looked down for a second. The cereal. The food. I had forgotten. I had forgotten to hide it. I had forgotten to mask my utter disgust. Time to cover up my tracks, "Oh, yeah. I just miss milk." He seemed satisfied with my answer because he didn't bother me for the rest of my meal. Good. Stay quiet. See how much I care. I'm only letting him go along with me so I don't rock the boat. I'm only going hunting in the first place because Rick asked me to. Me. Annie. Not him. Not the actual hunter. I went back to my meal, making sure to keep myself composed. Once it was all safely into my stomach I had a few swigs of water and put my bowl away. "Alright, let's go."

He didn't say a word while we made our way out of the fence and into the surrounding forest. Maybe this would be okay. Maybe this will be like it was before. No stress, just the hunt. I liked the quiet; I could almost forget he was there with me. It could have been Michonne or Carl or anyone there. As a range of scents came to my attention I calmed myself again. Okay, Annie, you have to hide the whole smelling thing. No more slip ups like with the cereal. Just keep your eyes on the ground, and act like you see something. Act like you're tracking something, and maybe he wont notice. Of course he won't notice; the guy doesn't notice anything I do. I took down a few dead-heads with one of my hunting knives as we walked, trying to keep the path clear and curb my annoyance. He didn't ever attempt to go after any of them, he just looked at the ground, searching for anything to go after. After the fifth walker fell I caught a stronger scent. Maybe a turkey? Maybe a small deer? Maybe a big deer that was a bit farther away. I was about to pick up my pace when he spoke.

"I think I got something," he pointed to the ground and started off in the direction of the tracks. Probably just a coyote by the smell of it, and the paw prints weren't very large.

I pointed in the direction of the smell, "No, this way."

He stepped over and looked at the ground, "The fuck are you looking at? The only tracks are right there."

Crap. How do I explain this? Come on, Annie. Think of a convincing lie. You can totally lie, right? I shook my head, "Those are old."

He started to follow his path, "Look fresh to me."

The group wouldn't want to eat a coyote. They didn't even smell that good to me, and I loved just about everything with a pulse. I wondered for a spilt-second if I should tell him; my dream had gotten to me. But before I could rationalize it the idea was gone. No. Of all the people he'd be the least likely to understand. I took a few steps in my direction, "Then go ahead, but I'm going this way."

I only got a few yards before I heard him, "What's your problem?"

I stopped immediately, but it took me a moment to register what he'd said. I turned slowly and glared at him, "My problem?" Was he serious? He practically breaks my heart, or he would have if I had been a lesser woman, and then gets all disappointed when I'm not dead and he says I am the one with the problem? Me, quite possibly the most well adjusted person out here, which wasn't saying much. Me, the biggest asset anyone could have out here. Me, the girl who had once even told him she loved him. I tilted my head, "_My_ problem?"

"Yeah, your problem." What right did he have to stand so aggressively? Who the hell did he think he was? "You've been a total bitch ever since you got here."

Did we really have to do this now? Couldn't we just keep ignoring it like we'd been doing for weeks? Fine. If we're going to do this, then we're going to do this. I rolled my eyes as blatantly as I could, "Yeah, only because you don't want me here." When his face showed confusion it just made me angrier. Do I really need to explain this? I shook my head slightly, no longer even attempting to hide my annoyance, "The day I got here, after all I'd been through to get to you guys, after all of the towns I cleared just trying to find any sign of you, and Carl was the only one who wanted me to stay. Not only that, but you pointed your fucking crossbow at me. Or did you forget that? Probably did since you sure seemed to forget everything that has to do with me even slightly."

There. I could see it. I hit a nerve. He huffed and turned back to his tracks, "Aren't we supposed to be hunting?"

I wanted to say something childish; he's the one that started it. I wanted to just leave him out there like he did me. But I didn't. I did the next best thing. "Fine, you want to hunt?" I turned and took off in the direction of the smell at a run, only stopping to take care of the occasional zombie and even then I was still at a run. I didn't need to look to see if he was still behind me, I could smell him. I could smell it all and I was so damn hungry, but I couldn't eat. When the smell of the animal got more intense I sheathed my knife mid-stride before sliding the bow over my head and readying it. I just had to get this done. I just had to prove my point, prove that I didn't need him. Prove that I was better than him. Prove that our time apart had only improved me. The very second the buck was in view I pulled back on the shooting string and released. Plop. The animal fell. Another shot right in the eye. Another perfect shot. Another reason why I was valuable. Another reason the group would have to keep me around. Another reason why I should be second in command. More proof that I was superior. When the body fell I didn't look back to Daryl, I just slid the bow back to its resting place across my chest and said, "There." He didn't say anything. Good. It was about time he kept his mouth shut. I walked over to the beast, breathing heavily, and retrieved my arrow. When I'd wiped it off on some nearby leaves I slid it back in the quiver. Then I reached down to the body, not even looking at him when I spoke, "If you aren't going to help then why did you even come?"

"Move," he stepped up to the deer and I moved to the side. He picked up the carcass and we made our way back to the prison in silence. I didn't even think; I didn't have to. I'd just kill any zombies that strolled to near, and he lugged the body close behind. I never looked back at him. I didn't need to see his face to know that I'd gotten to him.

When the gate came into view I decided maybe Death had been right. It might have been a dream, but he did have a point. I did owe him an apology, "Sorry I didn't die."

He didn't respond, and I couldn't care less. When we arrived Axel helped carry the buck to the table and I took my leave. After that run, after that day I needed a long shower. When I got inside I greeted Carl and Michonne and made a pit stop at my cell. I grabbed my comfortable clothes and made my way to the showers, ready to cool down.

**Woo Hoo! How about dem apples? First, thank you for reading. :) I can't stress that enough. I hope you like this one (I know I do), but I'd love to hear your thoughts. Seriously, any old thought you have I'd be more than happy to hear. HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!**


	54. 54: I Fight Like Hell To Hide

54: I Fight Like Hell To Hide That I've Given Up

It was nice to be clean again. Even if the water was cold, I didn't care. I just was glad to wash off the death and destruction of the last ninety hours. The dirt and dried blood pooled at my feet as I scrubbed. When I noticed it I felt a stab of guilt, that I immediately tried to rationalize away. I had to do it. I had to kill those men. They were going to kill the group. They were going to kill Carl and Judith. Eventually they would have found me too. There would have been no getting around it. It's not like any of the other's could have done anything, and better me than someone else. Better me to shoulder the blame and guilt. I was already going down that path, and that sort of burden shouldn't have to be shared. I could take it. Even if it meant I'd be going to Hell that didn't matter. I had so many happy days with my family and friends, and I was thankful for that. Wanting more was just greed talking. They'd all be up in heaven, and I'd be going downstairs. That's fine. You'll be fine Annie. Face it, the Devil himself wouldn't want to mess with you, not anymore. I scrubbed at the bloodstained skin on my leg for a while, trying to get the color back to white while running over the hunting trip. Had I said the right things? Should I have done something different? No. No. I did the right thing. I did well.

Once I was clean I ran my dress under the water and scrubbed it with the soap. There was a steady stream of red running from it as the water flowed, and after about ten minutes it turned clear so I decided that would have to do. At least it wouldn't be all grimy, and it will definitely smell better. I set the wet fabric on the bench and grabbed the towel to start to dry off. It was weird looking down at my body now. My new ultra-restricted diet meant that most of my fat had gone, and I didn't like it. I was too toned. I never thought I would ever miss my chubbiness, but now I wished I would've enjoyed it all more. I wish I'd gone in for seconds at every mealtime; I wish I would've gone all out. Enjoyed every treat the old world had to offer dozens of times. Now I'd be forever limited. I'd never get to have a steak again or anything even remotely like it. I'd never really get to have any of it again. It was over. Now there was just skin and bones and a soul destined for the pit. I did want things to be different, don't get me wrong, but there was something else there. All of it, every last gory detail, was fine with me. I was fine, and I'd be fine until Death finally did come for me. I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I was still me, just a trimmed down version. At least I still had some semblance of my old chest, the good I'd do me out here now. Once I was dry enough I re-bandaged my wounds and slid on my shorts and shirt. The run tugged at my muscles; I needed a nap. I needed a good long period of relaxation before dinner, before guard duty, before any of it. I needed some mental shutdown time. I wrung out the dress a few times and made my way back to my cell to hang it up to dry.

-o0o-

I'd only just set everything down when Carl appeared. "Hey Annie," he was holding Judith at his hip.

"Yes, bud?" I took the few steps and leaned against the bars. If it had been anyone else I'd have told them to go away, even Michonne, but I couldn't do that to him. I'd never do that to him. He never bothered me. I don't think he ever could.

"Would you hold Judith for a while?" he leaned her towards me a little. Her little hands reached over to me and I couldn't resist.

I took her from him. "For sure," I rested her head against my shoulder as she latched on, realizing just how exhausted I was, "We're just going to relax a bit." I turned and took a seat on my bed.

"Is everything okay?"

Nope. Not really. Things were lame at the moment. Things sucked. Things were exhausting and I was hungry and life was getting startlingly close to not being worth living. And the worst part was that I was totally okay with it. I'd accepted it. But I'd never tell him that, "Yeah, just a long day."

He stepped just inside of my cell and leaned back against the grey-painted brick, "You went hunting with Daryl." I nodded, wondering exactly where he was going with this. "Do you still like him?" So that's what he was getting at. I nodded, but I didn't try to look happy. I might've made an attempt if I hadn't been so drained, but I just didn't have it in me. Not today. He bounced against the wall a bit, confusion on his face, "Then isn't it a good thing you guys hung out?"

I shook my head, "I don't think he likes me anymore." The second I said it I realized how childish it all seemed. What? Was this high school? No. I was a full-fledged adult now. I was a strong woman. But I still felt like a grade-schooler. Maybe love just wasn't for me? It hadn't been before all this, so why would things change? I was fine alone anyway, better even.

He nodded a few times but didn't move. We stayed still and silent until he spoke up once more, "Can I read that book you're always reading?"

"This one?" I reached down with my free hand and picked up Riley's book. He nodded with a smile. I hesitated for a minute. Should I really let him read this? I guess it couldn't do much harm, he'd see a lot already. He'd seen people get their heads blown off, by me even. A few colorful phrases couldn't do much harm. I handed it over, "Sure, just don't let your Dad see you."

He held it, and flipped through the pages, "Is it bad?"

I shrugged only slightly to not disturb Judith who had begun to fall asleep, "No, it just has some questionable material."

He got a devilish smile then that reminded me so much of Joey that it hurt a bit, "He's on guard duty anyway." What a troublemaker. What a rebel. He'd like the book.

"Think you can be?" I asked as I slowly reclined onto the bed, keeping the baby in my arms as happy as I could.

His pitch heightened, "Huh?"

I pointed to the doorway; if you could even call it that, "Keep anyone from disturbing our nap?" He gave me the thumbs up and I saw him walk just outside of my cell and sit down with his legs dangling off under the railing. I called to him softly, "Thank you." I saw him nod and heard the book open. Finally some peace and quiet. Finally some time to unwind and recuperate. Judith stirred slightly on my chest, but then settled once more. It was nice having her with me. For whatever reason she didn't smell as strong as everyone else, probably because she was still so small. I shut my eyes, realizing that I wouldn't be able to sleep now that I was holding the baby, but I didn't mind. The quiet was enough; the tiny heartbeat against mine was enough. She was one of two reasons I was alive. Her and Carl. The two people I need to protect above all else. I loved how warm she was against me. The thick walls of the prison kept it relatively cool, and I'd just had a cold shower so her heat was nice. She was so petite resting there on me, so precious. I wonder if none of this had happened would I have ever had a child of my own? I couldn't really picture it. I could never picture being a mother. I rubbed her back lightly; I could be a sister though. I was always good at that. Judith would get a brother and a sister. I wish she could've gotten a Mama, too, but that was out of the cards. We'd just have to work extra hard making a good life for her, that's the best we could hope for now.

I heard someone coming up the stairs, and I froze, worried. Then I remembered I had my own personal bouncer to protect me from unwanted guests. Let's hope he's good at his job.

"Hey, man," it was Daryl, wonderful, "What ya reading?"

"Fight Club," Carl's voice had a hint of pride in it that made me feel just a bit better. I wonder if he was liking it so far?

I could hear it as he sat down. Damn. Couldn't he just go be moody or whatever else he did somewhere else? "Where'd you get that?"

"Stole it from Annie's cell," good cover. The kid was a natural at saving me from blame. I'd have to make it up to him. "She and Judith are sleeping. I'm just making sure no one wakes them up until dinner."

"Got a deer today." I wanted to speak up then and correct him. You mean I got a deer today. If it weren't for me they'd be eating a coyote.

"I saw you guys bring it up." I definitely owe Carl now. I wonder if Rick would let Michonne and me take Carl out with us next time? That could be fun. Or maybe Rick will want to go too? Probably not. He'd want to keep a watch on Judith while we were out.

"You two talk?" Did Carl and I talk? Of course we talk. He's family. He's my God damn brother. We're going to talk. "Did she say anything about what happened out there?" My stomach tensed, but not enough to disturb the sleeping baby. Why was he asking Carl that?

"No, but she looked pretty upset." Good job. As little information as possible, while still answering the question. "I thought you guys liked each other before?" Shit. He was doing so well. Don't go asking that Carl.

"We did." Did. Past tense. So we did, but not anymore. At least now I knew I hadn't been imagining it all back then. That was one in the win column. I was also right about him not liking me anymore; that victory was significantly shallower.

"And she's back now, so why aren't you two together again?" That was a good question. There was a long silence. The kind of silence that just sort of hung there in a rude way like when someone stood too close to you while you waited in a line; the kind of silence that I could hardly stand. I wanted the answer. I wanted the real answer, from him. I didn't want my guesses; I wanted the truth. I wanted to know what had changed between us. Carl pushed him, "Come on, I swear won't tell her." Of course you wont, Carl. You wouldn't need to because I can already hear everything you guys are saying.

There was another long silence, but it wasn't absolute. I think they were rough housing or something, because I could hear movement. I wouldn't dare look, though. Just pretend you're asleep. Just be asleep. Finally he spoke up, "Cause she got bit."

There it was. One bite and I was no longer likeable. One bite and I was to be romantically quarantined. Pull out the crime scene tape, ladies and gentlemen, because this area is off limits. "She didn't change into one of them though." God bless that kid for going to bat for me. He had a realistic point, too. I hadn't turned. I was still human for all intents and purposes. "She's still Annie." She's still Annie. She's still Annie. I'm still Annie. I haven't changed. Carl, who knew me better than anyone else here while they were at the house, even Daryl, still thought I was the same. He still thought I was the same Annie. All of the times I had told myself those words in desperation, praying that they were true, and it meant nothing to me. But hearing those words come from Carl somehow made them gospel. I am still Annie. It's official.

There was a brief pause, "It's not—It's complicated little man." It's complicated? That's the best he has? It's complicated? Bullshit. That was complete and utter bullshit.

"Why?" Carl's tone seemed a bit more irate than usual, which made me smile. He was angered by that sorry excuse for an answer just like I was. "She likes you. You like her. Just because she's immune doesn't make any difference." Did Carl just say he likes me, present tense and everything? Did I miss something?

"That's not it." That's not it? But he just said that was it?

"But you just said—" I almost laughed when Carl repeated my thought, but I caught myself. Joey and I were always doing that. We were so in sync back then. I'm glad I still had that with someone, "She's my sister, try to talk to her. She'll listen."

The next break in conversation was interrupted by a yell from the lower level, "Daryl, we need your help with something!"

I heard more rustling before he said one last thing to Carl, "Don't let your dad catch you reading that."

-o0o-

There was one distinct change at dinner, one that I couldn't completely figure out. My normal table, which had played host to Michonne, Carl, and myself since the third day I got there now had another inhabitant. Daryl. Daryl mad-you-didn't-die Dixon was now sitting right beside me as I held Judith in my arms. Carl didn't seem too surprised by the new addition, but Michonne sure was. At least there were two of us.

Michonne slyly smiled at me, her eyes darting to my left for just a split-second, "So how was the hunt?"

"The usual," I let Judith play with my fingers.

"I can take her if you want to eat," I looked over to see Carol standing just beside me. Her face said it all. She wasn't happy with the seat change, not one bit.

I smiled up at her with the sweetest smile I'd ever been able to produce, "Oh, no. I'm not that hungry just yet." I looked down at the baby, "Oh wait, I'm hungry for kisses!" The giggles she produced as I kissed her hands and face were high-pitched. Happiness displayed through sound if I'd ever heard it. It was funny how similar her laugh was to Carl's already. I could see Carol's sneer from the corner of my eye, but I didn't care. Judith was happy, that's what mattered. Judith was happy so I was happy. Nothing could touch that.

"I miss my kids." Michonne's voice had a new inflection to it.

I immediately stopped and looked up at her. She had kids? "I didn't know—"

There was coldness in her eyes, but it didn't seem to be directed at me, "My son-of-a-bitch ex took custody of them before all of this." I didn't know how to respond, but thankfully she changed the subject by motioning to the chunk of meat on her plate, "You took this one down too, right?"

I nodded, "How'd you know?" I felt the pride spread throughout my limbs and up to my face.

"Saw them walking it up. Shot in the eye," she pointed to her eye.

A voice came from beside me, "Should've seen her out there." The look she gave Daryl then was absolutely hilarious, and even more so when I realized it matched my own reaction. If only he'd been looking at her and not Carl, now that would've been a reaction I'd pay to see. There would have probably been a fight. "I ain't seen tracking like that before." A compliment? A honest-to-goodness compliment? No way. What the fuck? Wait, did he notice that I wasn't using tracks? Could he tell I was sniffing it out?

I tried to cover my ass as best as I could, "I've had lots of practice."

Carl spoke up, "Were there lots of walkers?"

"A few, but most of them are on the other side of the road." I looked up at Michonne. She would have known I was referring to Woodbury. That was the current plan; prevent our group from getting too close to Woodbury. That was the easiest way to prevent any sort of mishap. "Safest bet is to stick to hunting on the West side. Less walkers mean more wild life."

Daryl stood up, "I better get up to the tower." He was announcing his plans now? Today had to be the strangest day I'd had in a long time, and nowadays that really meant something.

"I'll come with ya," Carol popped up from her seat. I think I saw a hint of annoyance in his face, but I couldn't be sure. He always looked pretty annoyed.

Once they left Michonne leaned forward, "What was that about?"

I widened my eyes and shook my head. I still didn't understand what had just happened. Had I missed something in Carl's little conversation? I pointed over to Carl who was smiling, "Ask him."

Her eyes playfully narrowed, "What did you do little man?"

"Nothing, I swear."

-o0o-

When I stepped outside to head to my nightly stint in the guard tower something was different. Something big. I sniffed at the air a few times. Something in the forest, or more someone. A human. Shit. Today just kept getting weirder and weirder. I ran up the steps to the top of the tower and burst into the room. Daryl looked confused by my abrupt entrance, "Someone's out there."

He grabbed the binoculars and looked out into the darkness, "I don't see anything."

"I know." Shit. What do I do? I tried to think of what to say. I couldn't exactly say I smelled someone, but I couldn't say I saw someone either. Come on Annie. Think fast. "I heard them." Good. That totally made sense.

He grabbed his crossbow from the desk, "More than one?"

"Didn't sound like it." It only smelled like one, I'd be willing to bet on it even. I grabbed keys and the pistol on the desk and checked that it was loaded, "Go get Rick and whoever else is awake, Michonne if you can." I opened the door and hurried down the steps. He followed.

When I turned to head towards the main gate a hand grabbed my arm, "Where do you think you're going?"

My tone was obvious, "Find them before they find us." I moved to continue, but his hand tugged me back.

"No you ain't. Not on your own," Was that concern in his voice? Was that legitimate concern? What the fuck happened between our hunting trip and now that I missed? Nothing he'd said to Carl even hinted this. I brushed it off, along with his hand.

"I'll be fine," I took a few steps away, "Just hurry." I broke out in a light jog.

Once I slid through the gate I locked it behind me and I ran towards the smell. I needed to get there before anyone else could. It was safest it if was me. I could make the call. I could do this. The smell strengthened; they were close. I turned off the safety and readied the pistol as I closed the gap. There. I could see them. Just one person, and they were injured from the smell of it.

"Hold it right there," I pointed the gun directly at the man's head as the moon shone through the trees.

**Woo Hoo! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this tidbit as much as I do. Please review with your thoughts, because I love to hear them. :) And special thanks to FanFicGirl10 (I hope you're stoked for the next chapter like I am). **

**Question Time: First off, what the fug is up with Daryl? Now he's reasonably non-hostile? What do you think is really happening there? Second, who is this new person? Bad guy, good guy, happy guy, sad guy? What will it mean for the group? DUN DUN DUN! **

**Can't wait to hear your answers. And DON'T BE SHY! The more you review, the more it encourages me to write and the more of a feel I have for what you guys want/think. So it's like a win win win. :)**


	55. 55: Time To Pretend

**Hello! New chapter! ENJOY!**

55: Time To Pretend

My name is Annabelle Lee and you shouldn't like me. The world ended and, yes, I survived, and to some that might be commendable. To some I might be a hero. To some I might be a role model or a savior or any other noble thing you can think of. They are wrong though. They are wrong about me. I am not a good person; I probably never was. There was no honor in this life. There was no glory to be found out here. Just death and deceit, that's all there is. Death and lies and a million things that prove my point that I am not worthy of life. I am not a good person. My name is Annabelle Lee and you should hate me. Right now I'm pointing a gun at a wounded man's head, and if he makes even half a wrong move I'm going to shoot him dead. So, if you see me coming you should run the other way and you should never look back. You should shoot me dead right where I stand, and this is why.

-o0o-

Three months had passed like a day. I had closed my eyes and when I came to I was miles away from the home I once had. I think it was because of the lack of good sleep. I barely slept now, and I was oddly grateful for that. When I slept I'd just have nightmares. When I woke up the horrors were still there, living nightmares wandering streets and trying to make me their dinner. Couldn't escape it if I tried. There was no getting around it, no getting through it, there was just surviving and trying to make it to another sunrise. It's no way to live. This was no way to live. But it is all there is now.

The first time I saw another living person was on the third day of that third month in, and that seemed fitting for some reason. I'd been scouting a house near a river, just trying to find a place to just have a moment to think. All I needed was a day or two to not have to be battling, just a day where I didn't beat some undead bastard's brains in. A day where I didn't have to look at the baseball bat that I'd used to kill my family. I thought I found it in that house. It was a one-story cabin with the shutters drawn and a distinctly unfriendly atmosphere. I didn't care though. I hadn't seen any of those things for miles, so I pulled up and hopped out, bringing my main rucksack with me.

The door flew open before I could knock on the door, a rough voice spoke out, "Get off my property." I saw the twin-barrels peak out of the darkness.

"Please," I held up my hands, "I'm not infected, I just need a place to stay." I nodded back to the car, "I'll give you whatever supplies I can spare."

A man stepped out; he must've been in his seventies by the look of it. His face was relatively clean-shaven, and his hair was almost white, "Ain't been bit?"

"No." I kept my hands up, "I swear."

He nodded back into the cabin, "Come on in then." I took a few hesitant steps up into the house, taking in the rustic décor, and wondering if he was going to shoot me. "Make yourself at home," He set his gun down on the small dining table, and smiled over at me, "You hungry?" Kindness? Was he for real?

I shook my head, "On no, just getting to breathe easy is good enough for me."

He started fiddling around in the kitchen, I saw him put on a kettle, "How long have you been out there?"

I sat down on the couch and let out an involuntary sigh, "Three months."

"Been alone the whole time?" Something about him calmed me. He seemed so completely pleasant. I didn't think kindness would survive long after all that had happen. I thought kindness would be the first one to go, but here he was. Letting in a complete stranger and making tea by the looks of it.

I nodded, continuing the conversation, "How long have you been up here?"

"Since the first news report came in," when the pot began to hiss he took it off the burner and poured the steaming water into two mugs, then added the teabags, "Figured it would be better away from everything."

I remembered the terrors outside for a moment, "It's scary down there."

"Here," he handed me the cup and sat down in a chair adjacent to me, "Whenever we came up here my wife would always force me to drink this stuff. I've always been more of a coffee person myself, but it's been growing on me."

We talked until the night came. Not about anything really, but at the same time about everything. It was effortless with him. He told me about the war he'd been in, Vietnam. He told me about his wife a bit, but changed the subject quickly. He told me how he'd grown up nearby. He told me the entire story of his childhood. I returned the favor. He insisted I didn't hold anything back. He said that after everything that happened it might be helpful to just speak our minds; that had helped him the most when he got back from Nam, and speaking the truth was the best thing for troubling times. It was nice to speak so candidly with someone after all that time talking to myself. I think he felt the same, because he'd urge me to continue, or elaborate, or he'd go on his own tangent. I don't think I'd ever had a conversation like that with anyone, let alone a complete stranger. In fact, by the time we called it a night I'd say we were no longer strangers. By the time we went to sleep we were practically friends. A new friend after all that had happened; it seemed unreal. Unreal, but I was grateful.

-o0o-

The next day we ate well and continued our storytelling. It probably would've been too weird to consider before all of this, befriending someone who could have been my grandpa, but it felt so natural. Sometimes I think that friendships are predestined, like Amanda and me, and now Mitch and me. Sometimes two souls just find it easy to be around each other, or maybe it was just nice to be near someone who was still alive. Either way the conversation flowed and the weight that had been cast on me was lifted significantly.

After dinner I decided to ask him about the one topic he'd been avoiding: his wife. "Is that your wife there?" I pointed at a wedding picture of a young man and woman. Must've been from the early seventies by the look of the hairstyles.

"Yeah," he picked up the frame and looked at if for a while without a word. When he did speak I could hear the agony in his voice, "I lost her about a year ago. Heart attack."

"I'm sorry."

I saw the tears growing in his eyes, "It's been hard. Miss her so much."

"She's beautiful," I tilted my head to look at the picture. She was. She looked like an angel in that dress, and a happy one at that. I don't think I'd ever seen two people smile so wide in my life like they were doing in that photo.

"Most beautiful woman in the world," he rubbed the glass of the frame a bit, "I used to tell her to be one of those models, since she was so pretty." I caught him quickly wiping a tear away, before he resorted to the smile I'd grown used to since I'd arrived, "Want to hear how I met my Maryann?"

"Sure," I turned to face him, leaning against the armrest.

He took a sip from his tea, "Well, I had just gotten back from my tour in Nam. I'd seen so much over there, it took me a few years to sort myself out again. Then a few of my old buddies were going to this festival called Woodstock, so I tagged along. Figured it might be nice." He stared at the picture once more as he spoke, and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was back there, "It was the afternoon, and for some reason, I can't even remember, I needed to go to this little medical tent they had. That was when I saw her; John Sebastian was playing 'She's A Lady,' and she smiled at me and I knew that I was done for. She took care of me ever since." The way he looked at her was something else. I'd seen my parents look at each other lovingly, but not like this. Mitch and Maryann were in a league of their own.

I didn't even think before I said it, "So, it is real."

He slid out of his trance, "What?"

"True love," I felt so awkward saying it, so childish.

He leaned in a tad closer, "Didn't your Ma and Pa love each other?"

I shrugged, "Well, yeah, but they met in college. I think my mom was dating one of his friends, and then they started seeing each other. They never really told me for sure."

He shrugged too, "Different for everyone, I suppose." He set the frame down and picked up his mug, "I don't think I ever looked twice at a girl until I saw Maryann," he looked over at the photograph, "Then she was all I could see."

"She was lucky to have you." I might have felt jealousy then, but I was too preoccupied being amazed that a love like that even existed.

He let out a cackle, "No, it was definitely the other way around." He took another long sip, "It wasn't always easy, you know. Don't think I'm sayin' that. Some days were hard, we'd disagree about something, but it never lasted long. She used to always say that she could never stay mad at me."

I couldn't help but smile, "Good."

"We did fight though, twice." Together for almost forty years and they only really fought twice. My parents were always fighting, it seemed. Or at least, they did when they were still here.

"Do you remember what they were about? If that's not too personal of a question," I picked up my own mug.

"What did I tell ya? Nothing's too personal, not anymore. I mean, the rapture is coming, the time for keeping things private has passed." His eyes glazed over again, "To answer your question, I do remember the fights. The first was because she couldn't have children. I'd told her they had different treatments we could try, and there was adoption and we could find a way, but she wouldn't have it. She said if we were going to have a kid she's want it to be a little bit of her and a lot of me. There was never any convincing her, not when she'd made up her mind about something."

That explained why there were no pictures of kids around, it was just them, "How'd you guys get past that?"

"Simple," he shifted his legs so the other foot rested on the coffee table, "One day, after we'd had a big shouting match about it, she stayed the night with her parents, the first night we'd spent apart, the only night we ever spent apart. I remember that night so clearly. I couldn't sleep, I wasn't hungry, all I wanted was for her to come home and be next to me. So the next morning I showed up at her parents' with a bouquet of carnations, said I don't care about any of it as long as we were together."

"What did she say?"

His eyes got misty, but he didn't look away from me, "She just hugged me at first, and eventually she started to cry and say she was sorry she couldn't give me a family. Said she looked in to all the options already, but the doctors told her they wouldn't work. Not for her. I told her she was more than enough family for me, and we could be just as happy with just the two of us."

"That must have been so difficult," it felt stupid to say, but it was all I had and he didn't seem to mind.

"The second-most difficult experience we ever had together."

I had to ask, "What was the first?"

He sighed, "Five years ago she had a heart attack. I'd been out with some of my old war buddies, catching up, telling stories. When the hospital got a hold of me I rushed over there as fast as I could. I'd never been more angry in my life."

"You were mad at her for having a heart attack?" That didn't seem like him at all.

"No, but you wouldn't have known that by looking at me. I was so cross with her, but it wasn't because I was mad at her. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault that I hadn't been there. It was all mine. All I could think was that she had been scared and I wasn't there. I wasn't there to protect her, to be with her when she needed me most. I wasn't there and it still kills me. She'd survived it, but I never really forgave myself for not being by her side. Don't think I ever will. That's love I guess: needing to be there when things are bad. Needing to take care of the person who matters most. When you can't do that it kills ya." Tears came back to his eyes, more severe this time, "And now she's gone. I just want to be with her again. I mean, what if she's scared?"

I reached out and patted his knee, "I'm sure she's safe."

He grabbed my hand so quickly I jumped, "I want to be with her again." He squeezed my hand, looking right into my soul with those swollen eyes, "That's why I let you come in, let you stay here."

"I-I don't understand."

"My Maryann is in heaven, I just know it," his eyes darted to the old shotgun on the coffee table, "I'm tired of being apart from her."

"What are you saying, Mitch?" Was he asking me to…? No. No way.

"I'm saying that I can't get to her myself, you need to help me," his grip intensified, "It is the only way."

I tried to pull my hand away, but he didn't let up, "I can't."

"Please," his voice was filled with desperation, "Help an old man get back to his wife." I sat there and thought. It was true, he missed his wife more than anything, I could see it in his face. But did I have to do it? Did it have to be me? Could I just leave him here to wait for Death, knowing it could be a long time for him? Could I keep him from getting back to her? But could I really kill a person? A real living person? Even if they were asking me to? I can't explain why, but I looked at him and nodded. The second I did his hand released, "Tomorrow morning, I'll make us some breakfast and help you pack all of my supplies in your car, then I go and see her." He stood up and took a few steps to his room, picking up the lantern.

I looked over at him, "This is really what you want?"

"It is." There was no hesitation in his voice.

I pulled the blanket from the top of the couch over me, "Let's get some rest."

-o0o-

I woke up to the smell of bacon, and it took me a second before I remember where I was. I was in my new pal Mitch's cabin, the same man who wanted me to kill him today. The same man who I was considering killing today. I rolled off of the couch and looked into the kitchen; he was at the stove, pulling the last few things from the griddle. He'd made a feast already.

When he saw that I was up he smiled over at me, "Just in time for breakfast."

"You really went all out," I sat at the table and eyed the spread.

"You should never skimp on a last meal, Annabelle." All color drained from my face, and all that blood went to my heart, which had suddenly become weak. Last meal. I looked over at him as he spooned some scrambled eggs onto my plate. "Don't look at me like that; I'm the happiest I've been in a while."

I carefully picked up my fork, "So you're still wanting to do this?"

"I know it's a lot to ask," he sat across from me and began to put the various foods on his plate. Once he'd served himself he picked up his fork and looked at me, "I just, I can't do it, suicide is an unforgivable sin. Won't be able to get into heaven and that's where my baby is. I gotta get to her."

I nodded, looking back down to my plate, "I know, Mitch, I know."

He pulled an envelope from his pocket, "This is for you." I took it from him and went to open it, but he stopped me, "For after." I nodded, trying to put it from my mind, and went back to my food.

-o0o-

"Have you," I searched for the words as I stood beside Mitch's bed, looking down at him with the gun in my hand, "Made your peace?"

He smiled at me slightly, "Said my prayers and everything." He looked so small then, lying there in that bed clutching the wedding picture. I could feel the heat behind my eyes; the tears were coming. Could I really do this? Could I really do this to someone who had been so kind? Could I really do this to my friend?

My voice was shaky when I spoke, "A-and you're s-sure about this?"

He looked over at me with such conviction. Of course he was sure. He held up the picture and looked at it, "There's only one thing I've ever been sure about in my life, and that's Maryann. I need to get back to her." I'd never seen that. I'd never seen that kind of love. Not in movies, not anywhere. It was real. It was Mitch and Maryann and it was forever. If this is what he wanted, I couldn't keep him from her. I couldn't keep them apart. They belonged together.

"Okay," my tears were flowing now, a steady stream. I wiped the snot that had begun to impair my breathing on my sleeve. I looked down at him through the watery veil, "Ready?"

"Yes," he pulled the frame to his chest and clung to it.

I can't believe I'm really going to do this. I can't believe I am actually going to do this. I turned off the safety on my pistol and readied it, trying not to sob, trying not to disturb him, but I couldn't help myself. I was going to kill the one piece of niceness that was left in the world. I tried to hide my sorrow, but my voice betrayed me, "You j-just think about her okay. D-Don't think about this, think about h-her."

When I placed the barrel on his forehead he whispered, "I love you, Maryann." I closed my eyes, sending a wave of salt water down my face, and pulled the trigger.

Bang.

I felt the tingle in my hand from the shot, and I didn't move. I couldn't move. I just stood there, gun still in place, and I cried. It came in a succession, the pulsing of my shoulders in accordance with my sobs, the mucus clogging up my nasal passage, the emptiness in my chest. The first person I met since this all started, and I killed him. I killed someone who was still alive. I killed a good man.

I stood there weeping for as long as I could, not wanting to move, not wanting any of it to be real. Eventually my arm got tired, so I was forced to pull it in. I made the mistake of opening my eyes. There he was, the life was gone. I killed a good man. I killed a friend. My stomach quivered and in a moment I was puking up breakfast in the corner of the room. What had I done? What had I done? I turned back, only glimpsing his foot, and I knew I had to get out of here. I can't be here. I can't stay here any longer. I wiped off my face and walked back out into the main room, past everything and out to my car. I needed to get away. I needed to get away from this.

When I opened the car door the white envelope was sitting there. Harmless and deadly on the front seat. I picked it up and sat in its place, buckling in before opening it.

_Annabelle,_

_Thank you for your kindness, and for helping me get back to my Maryann. By the time you read this we'll both be looking down at you and smiling. Even with all the craziness of this new world I know you'll find someone to love you just like how I love Maryann. You deserve that kind of happiness for what you're doing for me. I'm glad we got to meet, even if the circumstances weren't ideal. You be good now, and know that your buddy Mitch is watching out for you up in heaven. I'll say 'Hi' to your family for you; let them know they should be proud. You're a true friend._

_Stay Safe,_

_Mitch_

-o0o-

My name is Annabelle Lee and you shouldn't like me. By any belief's standards I'm going to hell, or I'll be reborn as a piece of crap. There's no getting around it, that's just the way the chips fell. I'm not the good person I pretend to be. I killed a kind man, and several not-so-kind men after that. I've lied to the people I care about. I want to feast on human flesh for Christ's sake; I'm not a good person. I don't think I ever was.

A friend of mine, and the first person I ever killed, once said that the time for secrets had passed, and that speaking the truth would help ease the struggle during troubling times. And now, looking through the darkness at the injured man, mouth watering, trigger finger itching, I'm starting to think that maybe he was right.

**So, there you have it. Thank you for reading. :))) I hope you all enjoyed this one (and FanFicGirl10 I'm sorry for postponing, but I had to do this). I had so many feels writing this baby, and I hope someone gets what I was trying to do with this. :) Please review, it makes me a happy writer. **

**Question Time! What do you think about Annie's decision to stop hiding? Do you think she'll actually go through with it? Also, what do you think of Mitch's story? And do you hate Annie like she hates herself? Can't wait to hear your thoughts! **


	56. 56: Annie The Hound Dog

56: Annie The Hound Dog

"Hold it right there," I pointed the barrel of the gun directly at the silhouette's head. The moon shone through the trees and a low night's breeze crossed my path.

The man's voice was weak, and I could see him hold his arms up slightly to show he wasn't a threat, "Don't shoot!"

I took a step closer, finger still on the trigger, mouth watering, "Have you been bitten?"

He let out an exasperated laugh, I could tell he was in pain by the way he choked out the words, "No, just shot."

Time for to more important question, "Are you armed?"

"Yes. Here," the arms lowered and I heard a bag unzip. There were soft plunks in the darkness of items being tossed into the bag before the eventual thud of the bag near my feet.

I had to admire this guy's honesty. Most people these days wouldn't admit to having weapons, let alone throw them into a bag and give them to a complete stranger. But as much as I appreciated the gesture, I needed to be sure he wasn't just trying to pull something, "I'm going to pat you down real quick, and then I can help you. I was a paramedic."

I took the few steps to him, gun still pointed at his head, and patted him down with my free hand. I think a part of me expected to find something: a knife, a toothbrush turned shiv, a menacing paperclip, anything at all. But there was nothing. "Good?" How was his tone so light? I mean the guy smelled like a blood bag, how the hell was he in such a good mood?

"Good," I confirmed with him, picking up the bag and slinging it over my shoulder, "Think you can make it a little further?"

"Made it this far," he took a step forward and began to follow behind me at a slow pace.

A few walkers passed us, and I took them out with my knife. It was all I had on me that didn't make any noise, and the last thing I needed was to set off a gunshot. As we made our way through the forest there was nothing by the smell and the soft grunts of pain in the moonlight. It had been so long since I was out in the woods at night; it felt too quiet. It felt uncomfortably quiet. I turned my head slightly to make sure he was still there, "What's your name?"

I could see the whiteness of his teeth through the black of the night, "Aidan."

I nodded, "I'm Annie."

"Well, thanks for not killing me yet, Annie." I laughed to myself a bit. The last few people I 'met' I killed almost instantly. I had to admit I enjoyed that tonight deviated from that mold. Quite frankly, as much as I didn't mind protecting the group, I was tired of adding to my body count. It was wearing on me a bit more than usual lately. I was glad for the injured stranger though, someone to help. Someone to get my karma flowing the right way again.

It didn't take long to get to the gate, and that was a good thing too. Aidan had been slowing down substantially near the end, and I really didn't feel like carrying him. I only just unlocked the padlock when Daryl and Rick reached the gate. "He's injured and unarmed," I held my hand up as a flashlight blared in my face, "Checked him myself."

Daryl spoke first, "You brought him back here?"

I grabbed the flashlight from my pocket that I'd been avoiding using and pointed it at the wound, seeing for the first time how bad it really was. There was a large chunk missing from his right bicep, and the skin around it was covered in a familiar patina of blood and dirt. The same color that I wore during the bulk of my time with Riley. I looked closer, seeing that it was still bleeding, "He'll die if I don't do something."

"So?"

In the darkness no one could see me roll my eyes, and I was more than glad for that fact. Whatever repairs made to Daryl's and mine's friendship were probably fragile. I mean, he'd only started being remotely nice a few hours ago; I didn't want to spoil it already. Not tonight. I'll ruin things tomorrow, but tonight I'd enjoy the pleasantness. I looked over, "Rick, please." I pointed the light a bit below his face so I could read his expression. He seemed still half asleep, "Let me help him."

He just nodded, "I'll take over your watch."

"Thank you," I weakly smiled at him as I motioned for Aidan to follow me, "This way."

"Can I have some water?"

Rick handed me a full bottle as I walked past him and I handed it back to my new patient. "Here," he accepted it, "Drink it slowly though." I didn't look back to make sure he was doing what I'd said. I just kept walking up to the main building of the prison. He was still able to walk, and I wanted to take advantage of that for as long as we could, "We need to get you cleaned up before I can patch you up."

"Where you takin' him?" I jumped slightly when I realized Daryl had been walking with us.

"Showers," I could see his sour expression through the moonlight. I couldn't resist the opportunity to make him uncomfortable, "Unless you want me to give him a sponge bath?"

The voice behind us spoke up, "I'm all for that." I just chuckled and grabbed the lantern I'd left at the door into the building. The three of us slowly made our way through the maze of dark hallways until we made it to the shower room. I set the lantern in the middle of the room, allowing the light to give the room a slight glow before I pulled a bar of soap out of one of the storage cabinets and handed it to Aidan. It was nice to finally be able to put a face with the voice, but what really stood out was his height. He must've been over six feet.

"Here," I gave him a washcloth as well, "It'll hurt, but you have to scrub. It's the only way I'll know it we have to cut it off."

His voice squeaked slightly, "Cut what off?"

"Your arm," my tone was matter-of-fact, as it should be. Blood poisoning happens, infections happen, and sometimes amputation is the only way. I took a seat on the ground, resting my hand on my knee and leaning my chin on it. I don't think I was even tired anymore. Not now. An actual chance to save someone, like I'd wanted to be doing right now, and it just walked up out of nowhere. "I might not need to though. Make it snappy now," I pointed over at the faucets.

"I think your girlfriend likes me," Aidan's smile was bright considering his blood loss as he looked over at Daryl whose face was still scrunched with displeasure.

Daryl stood beside me and looked down, "You sure about bringing this guy in here?"

"I couldn't leave him out there to die," I shrugged, "We'll keep him away from the others for now."

He nodded, "I know a place where we can put him." I nodded back at him. Not that I'm complaining, by why was he still here? Shouldn't he be sleeping? I could handle this guy on my own, easy. He didn't have to babysit me. As Aidan cleaned himself off I rummaged through his bag. Knives and guns and not much else. Who the hell was this guy? At the bottom I found a relatively clean pair of flannel sweatpants as well as a pair of flip-flops. Flip-flops? Really? The man doesn't carry food, or medical supplies, but he's got his leisure footwear covered. I sighed; they'll have to do for now. I set everything but the pants and shoes back into the bag before zipping it back up.

He called over, the faucet screeched as he shut off the water, "All done." I threw a towel at him. The fatigue in his voice became more pronounced, "It feels good to be clean again."

I gave him a minute to dry himself before I threw the pants over to him, "Put these on." I waited for him to put them on before I grabbed the lantern and went to get a closer look of the wound, "Let me look at ya." It didn't look very fresh, maybe a couple of days old. The edges were healing slightly, but the deepest parts were still bleeding. It's a miracle this guy is still standing. It must have just barely missed the posterior circumflex humeral artery, and it looked like he'd kept it clean enough to prevent infection. No need to amputate if it kept this up, but I couldn't exactly stitch this up. There would just be a golf ball-sized chunk missing from his arm from now on. "Well, we won't need to cut it off as long as it stays like this, but I'll have to cauterize it to keep you from bleeding out. You'll have to take something to fight off the infection, too. That's probably the best we can do. Let's go."

I followed Daryl and Aidan followed me and an air of awkwardness fell over us. The clapping of the flip-flops was all that could be heard as we weaved through the darkness. Finally, and thankfully, Aidan spoke up, "Is it gonna hurt?"

I kept on walking as I answered, "I can knock you out if you'd prefer it."

"I can take it." The guy was probably several pints low on blood, but he had a cocky attitude?

I hope he can live up to the hype. It would make it easier. "Good." Once we got to the cellblock we'd be holding him in I turned to Daryl, "Do you think you can look after him while I grab some stuff from my cell?" He nodded and I pulled the small flashlight back out from my pocket and clicked it on. "I'll be keeping your things in my room for now, but I'll give them back to you soon, I promise," he nodded and I stepped towards the exit, "I'll right back," I opened the bars, looking back to my patient, "Don't die while I'm gone now."

It didn't take long for me to dump the bag in my cell, and stuff all the necessary items in one of my own. Food. Water. Basic antibiotic. Butane torch. Clean knife. The nasty bottle of Smirnoff I'd been avoiding. A clean towel. Gauze and tape. Perfect. I ran back to the room quietly, having to rely on my nose to not get lost in the seemingly endless twists and turns of the prison halls. When I showed up I set the bag down with a thud and started taking everything out. Daryl whispered at me, "What'd ya bring all that for?"

"He'll need to eat something if he'd going to fight the infection." The patient looked at me skeptically. He probably thought I had no idea what I was doing. I handed him the pill bottle, "Here, you'll take two of these after I'm done."

"Shouldn't I take them now?"

"Nope," he winced when I poured some of the vodka onto the wound, holding the towel beneath it to catch the runoff and mop everything up, "You'll just barf them up."

"Why the fuck would that happen?"

"Pain," I motioned for him to lie down, holding the towel on his arm to make sure that the wound stayed sanitized.

His playful tone was back when he smiled up from his new reclined position, "Pretty nice, huh?"

"What?"

"The guns," I rolled my eyes as I clicked on the torch and put the blade in the flame, "I mean, you should've seen 'em before that piece went missing."

"Whatever you say," I laughed. "Can you hold his arm down while I do this?" I looked over to Daryl who had just been leaning against the opening of the cell; he came over and held Aidan at this shoulder and the crook in his elbow. Once the knife was hot enough I looked over to him, "Alright, try not to move or it'll just be worse." He nodded and I clicked off the torch.

When I placed the knife on the mangled skin he screamed, "Jesus Fucking Christ!" This is taking it? I tried my best to not burn anything that didn't need it but he just kept moving, so I had to pull away. "Done?"

I shook my head catching a whiff of the seared flesh, "Half way." I clicked on the torch as he groaned, "Hey, you're the one who moved." Once the blade was hot enough I spoke in my most doctoral voice, "Okay, stay still." I went back in and this time he didn't squirm as much. Thank God, because as much as I was glad to be helping someone I also needed to conserve the torch. When I was finished I leaned back and admired my handiwork, "Done."

"Give me the pills!" he yelled as he reached for the bottle.

I calmly pulled two of the capsules out, "They aren't for pain, you know."

I could tell he was angry, "Then what the fuck are they for?"

"To fight off infection," I smiled slightly, "You said you could take it?"

He popped the pills back and took a swig of the water bottle he was still working on, "Yeah, yeah."

"Here," I handed him the MRE I brought with me, "Eat up, finish the water and rest." He nodded, and I gathered my things in the bag before taking a step out of the cell.

"Where you going, Annie?" He looked over at me from his hunched posture on the bed.

"Got stuff to do," I threw the bag over my shoulder as Daryl made his way past me, "We're going to lock you in here for now, just to be safe. I'm sure you can understand that."

"Whatever," he went back to his food.

"Rest," he nodded without looking at me. First patient: treated. I felt a bit of accomplishment as I walked towards the main lockup.

"Shouldn't I stay and make sure he doesn't try anything?"

I shrugged, "If you want to, but what can he really do with a couple plastic bottles and a plastic bag?" He followed me out and locked the cellblock door behind us; "You should probably keep anyone from going over there though." He nodded.

We walked in silence back to the main block, and I preferred it that way. As much as I was glad our hostilities were over for the time being it still felt strange. I'd grown so used to the animosity. Now that it wasn't there things were just weird. I didn't want to change that though, not today. I'd mess it up tomorrow when I tell the group about everything. Tomorrow I come clean to them all. But tonight I still had something to do. Promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep. I owed my family an explanation of their own. They should be the first to know. When we got to the block we all called home I set down my bag and went into Carl's cell, nudging his sleeping form slightly, "Carl?"

He quickly sat up, eyes wide, "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head, "No, I just need you to come with me really quick." He got his shoes on in a hurry and we started for the hallways.

"Where you two goin'?"

I looked back at Daryl and tried to sound as casual as possible, "Just to see Rick." He didn't press us anymore and we quickly left the cellblock. I could tell by how quiet Carl was that he was still waking up. Good. Maybe if he was still mostly asleep he won't be mad at me for keeping this from him.

He remained subdued until we got outside, "What's going on, Annie?"

I felt a knot in my stomach, and not from hunger. I was more worried than I'd ever been. But I needed to do this. I need to just do this. You can do this. You can totally do this. You'll feel so much better when this is over. I looked down at my brother, "I have to get something off my chest, and I want you and your dad to be the first to hear it."

"Is it bad?"

I shrugged, "I don't know."

His voice bore the same amount of worry, "Is something wrong?"

"No," I ruffled his hair as we made our way up the stairs and into the main room of the guard tower. Rick immediately stood when we entered, looking confused to see us.

"Annie said she needs to tell us something," Carl clarified.

I nodded, "You two should probably sit down."

Rick's brow furrowed, "This can't be good."

I shrugged and gave them both a chance to sit, "You know how I'm good at tracking now?"

"Yeah?"

Come on, Annie. You can do this. It will help. The time for secrets is over. Time to be honest. "This has to do with that. I wanted to tell you two first because, well, you're just about as close to family as I'll ever get again. I wish I could've told you sooner, but I was chicken. Plain and simple." Their faces didn't let up. They looked just as worried as I felt; "All I'm asking is for you to hear me out 'til the end, alright? It gets better at the end."

Carl gave a small, almost undetectable nod and Rick spoke, "We can do that."

I took in a deep breath.

Here goes everything.

I then proceeded to tell them every detail about my life since they'd left the house. The horde, the bite, the inevitable death that never came. They already knew that though, so it wasn't news. Then I told them about what I saw under the microscope. I told them about the smell in the forest, and how nasty food tasted to me now. I told them about my days resisting it, my days fighting it off, my days becoming a weak ghost of myself. Then I told them about Riley, how the book and the scarf were hers. I told them about how good she had smelled and how hard it was to fight off those urges. I told them how she called me out and we went on our first hunt, and I had an untraditional baptism. How she drenched me in the blood and guts of bad men and I wore it for weeks. I told them how she made me hunt, she tempted me with anything she could, but I never gave in. I told them how all I could think about was getting back to them, and how that gave me the strength to get through it. I told them about the first day the hunger broke, and how I made sure I was safe before I came their way. I told them how I'd wished I'd been stronger sooner, so I could have found them in time to save everyone. I explained to them that I hadn't eaten any of the meat from my kills, how I never would because I don't want to become that. I could never give into that. I told them about how sometimes the hunger came back, but I'd never act on it. I promised them that. I told them how Judith didn't smell as good, and how she was still safe with me. I told them they'd all still be safe with me, even if this changed things. I told them about talking to Death in my dreams, and how I'd thought about taking the shorter road, but I couldn't. I'd never leave them; I'd never stop doing my best to protect them. I told them that I had a debt that I needed to repay, and keeping them safe was the only way I could do that now. I told them that even if they kicked me out, like I feared they would, that I'd stay close by. I wouldn't leave them again. I told them about Mitch, how I'd lied and said they were the first people I'd seen, how he'd asked me to kill him and how I'd never make it into heaven. I told them that I was through with secrets. I told them everything.

"You should've told us," Ricks voice pierced the canvas of silence that had fallen for what felt like hours after my speech.

"I just," I continued to speak honestly, "I don't want to have to leave. I want to stay and help protect you guys."

Rick looked at me for a long time. I couldn't read his face. I couldn't read it and it scared the shit out of me. "I don't think you'd stick around if you couldn't handle it."

"I can handle it," I reassured him.

He ran his hand through his hair, still deep in thought, "And Judith is safe?"

"I promise." I stared at him directly in the eye, "I won't hurt any of you."

He leaned forward, "You said you wanted to tell us first?"

I nodded, "I care about the rest of the group too, but I care about what you two think more." From the corner of my eye I could see in the distance that the sky was starting to light up. It would be daytime in an hour.

Carl came over and stood beside me, soft words hitting me like a ton of bricks, "Is it hard to be around me?" That would be what he got out of all that.

"Of course not, buddy." I reached out to him, motioning him to come and give me a hug. Once he was in reach I squeezed him tightly, "You could never bother me. I promise."

Rick stood up as well, "When are you going to tell the others?"

I rubbed my eyes to signal my general sleepiness after Carl stepped back, "Tomorrow, after I wake up."

Rick nodded, "I want to be there to help."

"Me too," Carl smiled over at me.

"You don't have to do that."

"It'll be safer if I start it off," Rick scratched his neck, "I don't know what they'll do, but if I can just tell them we're okay with it, then maybe they'll hear you out."

"I'll talk to them, too," Carl added and Rick agreed.

I gave a curt nod, "If you think that's best." It would be better than me trying to stumble through it on my own. Without them they'd probably shoot me the second I talked about the way that bear smelled. I turned to head back to the prison with Carl, glancing at Rick, "Are we still good?"

He sat back down, "As long as you let me know if anything changes, if you need time away or anything."

"You'll be the first to know."

I felt like I could float off of the ground as we made our walk back to the main building. That immense weight had been almost completely lifted, and by this time tomorrow it would be. I tried not to think about what the others would say. For now things were good enough.

Carl smiled over to me, "You have super smelling now, so you're like a hunting dog, right?"

"Who are you calling a dog?" I tried to fake an angry face, but I just couldn't.

"I think it's cool."

"Really?"

He nodded, "It really doesn't bother you to be around me?"

I pulled him under my arm and gave him a noogie, "Never could."

**Woo Hoo! Annie totally delivers on the truth front (Am I Right?). I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Credit for the new character Aidan goes to FanFicGirl10 [I hope you like what I did, let me know what you thought about the representation]. THANK YOU FOR READING! IT MEANS OH SO MUCH TO ME!**

**Question Corner: What do you think the rest of the group will think about Annie's not-so-little secret? Will there be pandaemonium? Or will it be a snooze festival? Inquiring minds (aka. me) want to know!**


	57. 57: The Trial

**So I wrote a rather long chapter for you all! I hope you enjoy it. :)**

57: The Trial

_The sun hung low in the sky, but it still gave off this blissful heat that, coupled with the ocean breeze, felt like nirvana. I could feel the fine pale sand between my toes and smell that salty air and it was perfection. I could have sat there, forever looking at the rolling waves as the broke gently on the shoreline for hundreds if not thousands of lifetimes and felt completely at peace. The beach always had that kind of effect on me, a home away from home, a safe place, a calming aura that just sort of seeped into my bones and made me whole again. _

_A familiar voice came from behind me, breaking my trance, "I take it you feel better now?"_

_I looked back and smiled at that finely dressed and faceless man, "How can you tell?" I turned back to the gentle splashes and soaked in the sun's rays, noticing the faint chill as my guest sat in a chair that had appeared beside me. _

_"It's missing the bunnies and unicorns," I got the distinct impression that he was smiling through that abyss of his, "No matter, I find them trite frankly."_

_I laughed, "That makes two of us." Leaning back onto my hands and closing my eyes, I faced the light directly. The warmth hitting me right between the eyes, "This is nice though. The salt air and the sand."_

_"I suppose it is," he took a long pause, "It went well, didn't it?"_

_I opened an eye, "What?"_

_He crossed one leg over the other, "Everything, I suppose." I shrugged, a flash of remembrance for what tomorrow had in store. Again, the impression of a smile washed over me and removed my worries, "That new family of yours accepts even your darkest side and that ruffian of yours is being friendly again. I'd say yesterday was a success, by anyone's standards."_

_I nodded, resuming my sunbathing for a moment before a realization struck me, "Then why are you here?"_

_"Tomorrow of course." He sighed, "You're telling that group of yours your dirty little secret, remember? There might be blood. We might have to meet again, for the last time."_

_I couldn't hide the annoyance in my voice, "I was trying not to think of that." _

_The crash of waves persisted for a decent period of time before he spoke again, "Do you know what you're going to say?" That was the question, wasn't it? The one thing that needed addressing and the only thing I could control. _

_"I figured I 'd go with what I told Rick and Carl?" I looked over into the void, "That seemed to work."_

_He tilted that empty face of his to the side and gave a nod, his jet-black hair remaining in place, "True, but there are two problems you aren't thinking of."_

_"And those are?"_

_"The woman who hates you already and that boy," his voice was pragmatic._

_It wasn't that I hadn't considered those two variables, but rather that I didn't want to deal with it. I wanted to bask in the glow of acceptance for as long as possible. I didn't want to spoil it. But now the question hung there, waiting to be asked, "What do I do?" I smirked over at him, "And don't say live."_

_"For your information I wasn't going to," if he'd had a nose he would have turned it up at me, "I was going to say you should tell the man first and on his own."_

_I dug my feet deeper into the sand, "Why?"_

_"Well, for one you have a bit more to say to him, don't you?" I did. As much as I wanted to remain stubborn and say he didn't deserve an explanation of his own I knew that wasn't the case. Whatever strange incident happened back at the house dictated that. Things I'd thought best to leave unsaid still invaded my thoughts whenever he was around. It would be best to air those out with the rest of it. _

_But that didn't mean I wanted to do that again. I didn't want to admit to myself, let alone anyone else that the feeling still remained in here somewhere, and it was tied to his existence. I wanted to let it die with the rest. I guess it couldn't hurt. I looked up at him, "I do?"_

_"Yes," I had barely noticed before, but now it was clear as day, he was holding a martini glass. Did Death drink? Could Death drink? He didn't even have a mouth, what was the point? I could use a drink of my own. Maybe that would be my reward to myself for coming clean? 'I'm a monster everyone!' Glug, glug, glug. I shrugged it off and continued to listen, "The other's might just call for a crucifixion. I'm sure you don't want to die without telling him just one more time." He was right there. One more time. One for the road. One more before the potential burning at the stake. _

_With that problem sorted we still had one more thing to deal with, "What do I do about Carol?"_

_"Tell her with the rest of them and make sure she doesn't go running off."_

_"That simple?"_

_He let out a laugh, "That sounds simple to you?" I couldn't help but chuckle back. That was going to be a challenge. She'd want to run and get a pitchfork and torch. She'd want to assemble a mod and have my hanged. She'd never want to hear me out. Hopefully Rick and Carl could help me with that. The silence returned and I went back to enjoying my much-needed day at the beach free of thought for the most part. _

_Then something began to nag at me, like the pulling of the tide. Something I needed to ask. Something I needed the answer to. I looked over to him, "We're friends, right?"_

_He shifted in his seat to face me more directly, "With all the time we've spent in each other's company I'd say I count you among my closest confidants, Annie." I felt a bit of pride and honor in that statement. I shouldn't have, I know I shouldn't have, but I did anyway. _

_After I rolled around some phrasing ideas I decided to be as direct as possible with him, "Did Mitch get to Maryann?"_

_He wagged a finger at me with a laugh, "Trade secrets, my dear." I hunched slightly at the letdown, turning back to the scene before me. But then, to my surprise, he continued on in his debonair tone, "But I ask you this; do you think there is anything in heaven or hell that could possibly stand a chance of preventing that man from getting back to his Maryann?" _

_I smiled to myself, "No way." Of course he was with her. I don't even know why I'd questioned it. Even if there were nothing after Death came for him he would have still found a way to get to her. It was just one of those unquestionable facts, like two plus two equaling four or the world being round. Some things are just certain. Some things couldn't change. Their love was one of those things. Other things, like what would transpire at my truth-telling tomorrow, were still unknown. _

_"You'll be fine, Annie." _

_"I know."_

_"Look at the time," he stood up and bowed slightly down at me, "I'll leave you to your sunset." And then he was gone. I sat there and watched as the sky was set on fire by the dwindling light of the sun, and then there was nothing. Just blackness. _

-o0o-

Right when I stepped onto the lower level of the cellblock Rick was beside me, "You ready?"

"Just about," I forced a smile at him as my nerves began to creep their way into my stomach. I don't think that I would ever really be ready for this. There was no such thing as being ready to be honest with the people in your life; it's just a choice you have to make and follow through with. I motioned for him to come closer so I could speak more softly, "I think I should tell Daryl first though, if that's alright?"

He nodded, "He switched shifts with Glenn today, should be up in the tower."

"Good, good," my mind was already churning away. Should I eat first? No. I was way too queasy to eat. The last thing I need to do is barf in front of anyone. Should I go check on Aidan? No, I need to just get this done with. He'll be fine for a few more hours. I need to just take the plunge. The faster I tell everyone the faster I'll feel better.

Rick was still looking at me. I'm sure he could see how anxious I was, "Do you want us to go with you?"

Would that help? No. That would make it more awkward. I had to do this on my own. I shook my head, "No, I'll be fine." I flashed a smile, thinking about my dream and how death hinted at my possible execution, "But if you hear screams, come running."

A smile cracked over his face for a split-second, but it was gone as quickly as it came, "I'll start to gather everyone up for when you get back."

I took a step towards the hallways, "Sounds good."

As I snaked my way through the darkness with no light except for the beam of the small flashlight I became overly aware of my thoughts. Today might be the death of me. Today the truth might set me free in a whole different way. Today I might lose my place in this group forever, maybe even my place on this planet. Just because Rick and Carl could cope with it doesn't mean that I was granted amnesty. I was still vulnerable. I stepped out into the sunlight, squinting at first and trying to get my bearings. There were no sure things today. Today was in flux, and all I could know is that I didn't know how it would turn out. Once I'd adjusted to the light I started towards the tower with my eyes on the ground. Just get this done Annie. Don't worry. No worries. Just go up there, tell him you're a monster, and go back inside for the real trial. I gripped the crimson fabric of the bottom hem of my dress for moral support. Remember what Carl said; you have a superpower. Super-smelling. And you have your super-suit. You're practically a hero, albeit not in a traditional sense. But you're still more than capable. You're invincible. You're death-proof. You can do this. You're a strong woman. You can totally just spew this out. What's the worst that could happen? Crossbow bolt to the face. Okay, yes, I'll admit that isn't a good outcome, but that is a worst-case scenario. There are dozens of other ways this could go down. He could shoot you with a gun, or throw you off the tower, or just hate you for the rest of your life. So many other outcomes. So many different ways this could go down. Just be cool about this. You can be cool Annie, cant you? My stomach dropped when I got to the stairway. No. No way. I'm going to completely make a fool of myself. The best I can hope for is to just get out of there without any major injuries and as fast as I can. All I have to do is go in, spill my guts, and flee. That's what I told Maggie and Beth to do, right? Run? It'll work.

I opened the door and stepped in, shutting it softly behind me. He looked over at me, obviously confused as to why I was there, but all I could see was those eyes. Those fucking eyes. Focus. I have to focus. Forget about that hue of blue and just get this done. Just talk. "Hey," I took a step towards him, "Can I talk to you real quick?" He shrugged. Good enough. I started in with my quasi-rushed speech, "So, you know how Carl and I went to see Rick last night?" He nodded, "Well, that was because I kind of had to tell the group something, and I needed them to know first, and I need you to know next."

He nodded once more, "They were saying something like that." That hostile tone returned, "Why d'you need to tell me now?"

"Because I just need to tell you before the others, alright?" My exasperation and worry couldn't be hidden. I needed to get this done before I lost my nerve. I needed to power through.

"Whatever." Wonderful; I could already tell this was going to go horribly. The runaway plan would have to do. Maybe it'll help if I watch out for any sudden movements on his part? Yes. Sudden move means screw the speech and run for it.

I let out a sigh, which relieved the buildup of tension in my chest just long enough for me to continue, "First you have to know that I told Rick and Carl and they are cool with the whole thing." Skepticism and concern, or was that anger? Who cares? Don't think about his reactions, just say it and leave, "Just hear me out and I swear I'll leave you alone."

"Just get it over with." Finally, something we could agree on.

One more deep breath should do it, "So…" I then proceeded with roughly the same speech I'd given the night before, but at twice the speed. The words flew out of me as quickly as they could and I tried to not gauge his reactions. Just spit it out, Annie. Just get it over with and everything will be fine, or close to fine, or horrible. But at least it will all be out there. Honesty is freedom. Honesty helps. Honesty is the best policy. Once I'd passed the bit about the scents and being on the road alone and started talking about my days with Riley his face was completely expressionless. Is that a good sign or a bad sign? Don't think about that, just power through. The hunting. The end of the hunger. The trip back. Mitch. I accidently spewed out a random thought I'd pondered a while ago that was completely insane to say aloud; is that why he was so pissed when I got here, because he wasn't around when all of that chaos and pain happened? Had he wanted to be there for me? Move on to Judith. She doesn't smell good. No eating meat. Never eating meat. How I'm safe to be around. Apologize for hunting with my nose; I knew it was cheating but it's just how I do things now. Nervously joke about how Carl called me a hunting dog. Inch towards the door. Hand on the handle. "And one last thing," I turned the knob, still looking him dead in the eye, in those eyes, "I love you still." The second the words were out I was out the door and all but jumping down the stairs. I did it. It's done. I jogged back to the prison, and ran through the halls without the flashlight. The scent made it easy enough to navigate the corridors, and I only occasionally bumped into the walls.

One more down, now the rest of them.

I made it through to the cellblock when Carl approached me. "Dad said you were telling Daryl first," his voice was hushed, "Was he okay with it?"

"I have no idea," I widened my eyes, "I ran out of there before he could say anything."

He laughed, "Why?"

"Because I was scared."

"But you're never scared."

"Today I am," I patted him on the shoulder as we started walking over to Rick, who'd assembled the group just as he said he would.

"Don't worry," he smiled up at me with Joey's smile, and I felt just a bit better, "I'm sure they'll all understand."

I let out one low laugh, "Not all of them."

We joined Rick, who was standing in front of everyone waiting for us. "Alright," his voice was that of a leader, loud and assertive, "Everyone come and sit down. We have an announcement to make."

Glenn furrowed his brow in confusion, "What's this about, Rick?"

He gestured to the ground with the arm that wasn't holding Judith, "Just take a seat, I'll explain everything once everyone's settled."

Carol started walking for the hallway, "I'll go get Da—"

Rick raised his hand to stop her, "He knows what this is all about already, just take a seat." She hesitated for a second, and then sat with the others. Everyone was there, even the prisoners. Damn it. I could feel my empty stomach rolling around beneath my skin, reminding me that I was about to put it all out there. Shit. I felt my palms begin to sweat, and my breathing increased to keep up with the nervous pounding of my heart. Carl could tell. He could tell that I was terrified, so he scooted a little closer to show his support. I felt better. That is, until Rick began to speak, "Okay, Annie here has something to tell everyone, but first I have something to say." He cleared his voice and pointed to me, "Annie's done nothing but protect us since she's got here. A few months ago she put a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs even though it would've just been easier to send us on our way. She even took a bullet for me. All that makes her family, and if anyone has a problem with her then you have a problem with me."

Carl chimed in, "And me."

He nodded, "I expect you to hear her out. Draw whatever conclusions you want, but know that I trust Annie with everything I've got." He stepped back and stood beside me just as Carl had done, "Annie, go ahead."

"Hey guys," my voice was a great deal weaker than I'd expected it to me. It was just about as weak as I felt at the time. I gripped the hem once more to regain whatever shreds of confidence I could. I can do this. I'm invincible. I cleared my throat before I continued, "So, you know how I got bit after the group left the house."

"You're infected!" Carol blurted it out, and I saw Rick lean his weight forward. Already? Once sentence in, not even into the real story, and she was already yelling out shit like that.

Thankfully Glenn spoke up, "Aren't we all infected?"

I saw a few of the other nod at his question, so I kept going, "Technically I'm not infected like you all are."

Maggie asked the next question, "What are you saying?"

"Let her speak, and maybe we'll find out," I think I saw Michonne wink at me, but I might've been imagining it.

I smiled at her anyway, "Thank you. Save your questions for the end, please." I started through me spiel once more; glad to have my family at my side. I only made it to the black bear before Carol stood up.

"So you are one of them!"

Shit. I tried to explain, "N-no, I'm sti—"

Carl stepped up to defend me, "She's still Annie. She's just got super-smelling."

Rick came in too, his voice cool and collected, "Sit down, Carol. Just hear her out."

She begrudgingly sat and I continued. This time only getting to the first time Riley and I went hunting.

Standing up again, Carol fumed, "I'm done listening to this."

Rick tried to help, "Just hear her—"

"She's a murderer, Rick. We all saw her kill those three men. And did you hear her just now? She just admitted to killing five more." I knew this would happen. This wasn't a surprise. But my gut still curled around inside of me, and I felt for a moment that I was going to vomit up all of my internal organs.

Then Axel piped up, "She also said they had nearly killed her friend, can't blame her for giving them what was coming to them."

"And she saved your ass by killing the three here," Oscar continued, "So I don't know why you're bitchin'."

It was the weirdest feeling, having two people I'd barely spoken to, two people I hardly knew defend me. Not only were they defending me, but they were also defending the darkest part of my soul, my most deplorable actions. That, with my new family at my sides, strengthened me. I started on again, this time with no interruptions.

There was only a moment of silence after I'd finished when the group was still processing it all. Then Carl spoke up for me, "Annie's a good person. She came all the way here to keep us safe, even if it's hard for her to be around us."

Carol voiced her own obvious opinion, "She's dangerous is what she is."

"If she wanted you dead she could've done it by now." Everyone looked to Michonne then, knowing that what she'd said was the absolute truth. If I had even the slightest desire to kill any of them, then they'd be dead already.

"I don't want anyone dead," I tried to diffuse the tension, "I want to help keep you all alive."

Ricked looked over to the eldest of the group, "Hershel?"

He didn't answer straight away, and that worried me. "I've never seen her act hostile towards anyone who wasn't threatening us," his wise voice flowed across the room, "As long as it stays that way, I have no problem with her condition." Condition. That's a good way to put it. I'll need to remember that.

"I don't see what all the fuss is about," Glenn looked around, "We all have things we have to deal with, Annie's is just a little bit more… brutal."

Maggie spoke from beside him, "Besides, that baby loves her. And babies can always tell about a person."

"You can't honestly think she can be trusted with Judith," the anger in Carol's tone was growing.

Rick, who was one of the only two real authorities when it came to Judith, came in with stern words, "I do, actually."

"You're all crazy." She stood up, "Is that why Daryl isn't here? There's no way he could be fine with this. She's… She's a monster!" When she started for the hallways no one stopped her. Was she right? Was there really no way Daryl would be able to think this was fine?

Axel got up, distracting me from my thoughts, "As long as she keeps bringin' in the venison I'm happy."

"Plus, I feel safer now that she's here," Beth's voice was so soft I almost couldn't hear her. Her words hit me though. They meant something. She felt safer with me around. Even with my condition I was something that brought safeness.

"And don't forget she's practically a doctor."

Oscar looked over at me, "Hell, I didn't know that."

My voice came through, still a bit shaky but gaining strength, "So you're all, you know, fine with it?" I saw them all nod. So what if two people didn't like it, those people could just deal with it. I had a whole group that would live with me regardless of the hunger. And if they could deal with it so could I. Mitch was right; talking about it helped. The air around me felt lighter, everything did. Everyone got up and started to disperse and I felt better than I had since I'd first been bitten.

"Don't let her bother you," Hershel stopped in front of me, leaning into his crutches, "She'll come around."

"I'll try not to," I smiled at him and he made his way over to his cell. I turned to Rick. Without him this wouldn't have gone so well, "Thank you, I feel so much better." He just nodded and we went off to feed Judith. That reminded me; I had my own person to take care of, "I better go check on Aidan."

Rick informed me of what had happened while I was sleeping, "We gave him some more food and water this morning, but he was complaining about the pain. Is there anything you can give him?"

"I'll find something," I went up to my cell and grabbed a bottle of reasonably strong pain medication and my bag of medical supplies. When I started walking down to get to the hallway I saw Michonne leaning against the wall, keeping her eyes on everyone like she normally did. "Hey Michonne, want to meet my first real patient?"

She kicked off the wall and followed me. As we made our way through the dark maze she spoke up, "I knew you were hiding something like that, wasn't sure of the details, but I knew it was something."

"I figured you would," I smiled at her through the darkness, "Thanks for not talking to anyone about it."

Her voice lightened, "You know you're just about the only one I talk to here." We kept on waling, "So did the hick get mad at you?"

"Don't know," my laugh echoes through the maze, "Did a hit and run."

"Smart thinking," her tone dropped back down, "By now that woman is probably talkin' his ear off."

"Let her talk," I felt the smile spread across my face. I didn't care what Carol said to him. Part of me didn't even care what he thought. The rest of the group could accept me; that's what mattered. That's all I needed. I joked with her, "Like a give a fuck."

"Damn, you're in a good mood."

"Feels like I lost fifty pounds," I unlocked Aidan's cellblock, "Feels good."

"Doc is that you?" I walked to his cell and waved in just in time for him to complain, "It fucking hurts! I need pain pills!"

I shook the bottle, "I got you covered." I handed him the suggested dosage and a fresh bottle of water, "Been taking the antibiotics as directed?"

"Yeah," he swallowed the pills before smirking at me, "So did you miss me?"

"Oh yeah," sarcasm dripped from my words, then it was back to doctor mode, "I need to check it, make sure it's healing alright." He nodded and I undid the bandage. It still looked gnarly, but the bleeding had stopped and the healing process was still working overtime. I took one of the disinfectant wipes I'd brought with me and cleaned the wound.

"Is it okay?"

"Looks good," I started re-bandaging, remembering the whole bedside manner issue. I should make conversation right? "How long were you wandering around out there?"

"Two days and some change."

Michonne's curiosity got the best of her, "Why you were shot?" I'd been wanting to ask him that question myself, but I didn't know if it was rude or not.

"Classic mugging." I guess it wasn't rude after all. He started the short story, "I was camped out and these two guys came out of nowhere. They wanted my supplies, and I didn't want to give 'em to them. So I grabbed the closest bag and that was when they shot me. So I ran. They didn't follow me, luckily." Running. The best plan. The best course of action in almost all tough situations. Maybe it was a coward's move, but at least I wasn't the only chicken in the room now.

Michonne nodded to the arm, "Probably thought you'd bleed out."

He laughed, "So did I." I had to appreciate his positivity about the whole thing. Most people in his situation wouldn't be laughing. Then again, maybe the pills were starting to kick in.

"Besides the pain how are you feeling?"

"So much better."

"Good." I pulled one of the books we'd brought over from the prison library and set it on the bed, "I brought you a book to keep you entertained."

"You aren't staying?"

I shook my head. "You'll be asleep soon anyway," I shook the pill bottle before stuffing it into my bag, "These are pretty strong."

"Good," he reclined onto the pillow and waved his hand at me, "Go, do whatever it is you do here."

I smiled at him, good mood still thoroughly intact, "I'll check on you later." We walked out of the cellblock, and began our adventure through the darkened tunnels.

"Well, at least if that Daryl hates you now you've got a backup."

"Excuse me," I shined the flashlight on her face.

"That boy in there," she glanced back the way we came, "Got yourself an admirer."

"Well, I did save his life. The least he could do is be in love with me," I jested and we laughed our way back to the cellblock.

**Boom goes the dynamite! So, the group was relatively alright with Annie's condition and life for our unconventional hero is looking up. I hope you enjoyed it. I wrote all these lovely words, so PLEASE REVIEW! I really need some solid feedback, and you are the only ones who can provide that for me. :)**

**QUESTION! What do you think Daryl's reaction was, since Annie so hastily fled the scene? Is he mad at her or happy or jealous of her newfound hunting nose? I want to know what you all think. :)**

**Thank you for reading!**


	58. 58: Deputy

58: Deputy

It had been a full week since Aidan's arrival and the day I came clean to the group, and in those days things both shifted and shifted back for the most part. Looks turned from confused, to worried, to curious, and then all the way back to normal once they figured out that I'd be acting just about the same way as I had since I first came to the prison. I guess that's life as a freak; after a while people sort of lose interest and at some point in time all weirdoes become normal.

Today marked Aidan's first day out of the confines of the grey walls and his second major move. First he was moved to the main cellblock with the rest of us after a lengthy talk with Rick, and now he was getting to move around like a free man. I could empathize with that, new freedom. That was something I now completely understood. I looked over to the table where he had reclined, "Sun feels good, doesn't it."

He nodded, holding his hand over his face to shield his eyes from the sun, "Fresh air's better."

"How are you getting used to it?" I pointed at his mangled arm.

He moved is around a bit in demonstration, "It's weird, but it's better than being dead."

I smiled at him, "Good." Finally, a successful case of Annie saving someone besides herself. Doctor Annie, the post-apocalyptic medic. Even better than the self-fulfillment was the new friendship I'd formed with Aidan. He was almost never angry, or rude, which made him quite a bit more pleasant to be around than most of the people in the group. Plus it was nice to get to be around someone who hadn't seen me kill people, but even then I don't think it would have affected the way he treated me.

"So that boyfriend of yours doesn't seem to be around that much anymore?"

I shrugged, "He wasn't my boyfriend."

"So," he sat up and faced me, "you're single then?"

I let out a loud laugh unexpectedly; Glenn and Daryl, who had been standing across the field a ways talking by the looks of it, turned in our direction. I hadn't realized how loud I must've laughed until I saw the looks on their faces before they went back to their conversation. Was it a crime to laugh now? Wasn't it alright to find so light in this darkness? After all, it seemed such a ridiculous thing to ask at times like these. I looked over to the brown-haired boy who was still focused on me, "I guess I am." His smile grew, so I cut him off before he could say anything, "But you don't want to do that."

"I think I might."

"See this?" I held up my arm, deciding that now was as good a time as any to tell the guy about my condition, "I got bitten, now I'm hungry."

"So's everyone else?"

"No," I nodded to the fence, "I'm hungry like they are."

His smile dropped, "Shit."

"Exactly."

"You didn't try to make me dinner though?"

I shrugged once more, "I've got a handle on it."

And just like that those pearly whites were back, "Then where's the problem? Cause I don't see one." I sighed, looking towards Daryl and Glenn without thinking. "Fuck, what does he have that I don't?"

"This section of arm," I pointed to the missing piece and we laughed.

"And?"

"I honestly can't tell you," I looked back over to the two men across the field. Then I realized something; Aidan was totally fine with my hunger problem, and he'd survived out there on his own for almost two years. Not only that, but he actually had a really good attitude about the whole situation. Maybe it was time to cut my losses. Maybe it was time to start looking into other options. Maybe the past should just stay in the past. I looked back to him, "Know what, we can hang out more if that's what you're getting at."

One corner of his mouth crooked up, "Really?"

"Sure," I leaned back onto my hands and closed my eyes as I basked in the sun, "You're cool with the whole cannibalistic tendencies thing, so why not?"

"Was he not?"

I didn't even open my eyes; "He hasn't said anything to me since I told him."

"Well, his loss is my gain," I could hear the grin in his voice.

I opened one eye and looked over at him, "I'm not promising you anything."

Before he could respond Rick was in my sunlight, "Annie, can I have a word with you?"

"Sure Rick," I hopped up and followed him several yards away from the table I'd been sitting at, "What's going on?"

"Glenn and Maggie are headed down the road a ways to get some more supplies," I nodded, "I figured you might want to go with them, get away from all this for a while."

"Thanks," I knew what he meant. He meant it would be a chance to get away from the smell. It would be a chance to have some form of fresh air. I smiled at him, "That's really thoughtful of you." I saw Michonne walking over to sit with Aidan and knew she'd be pissed if she didn't get to go too. "Michonne will want to go, too."

"If you think that's best."

"Eight eyes are better than six."

I could tell he agreed before he even said it, "You'll leave tomorrow morning."

"Okay," I gave him the thumbs up, "I'll go let her know and see if I can switch shifts with Daryl or something." Once he nodded I made my way back to the table Aidan patted the metal beside him, and I sat.

"What was that about?"

"Something to do with Michonne actually," she looked over to me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I leaned back again, "Good news."

"Yeah?"

I couldn't hide the pride from my face, "Tomorrow morning, Glenn, Maggie, you, and me are going on a supply run. Get out of this place for a few hours."

She took a seat on the table with us, "How'd you manage that?"

"Rick asked me if I wanted to go, and I told him you should come too."

She chuckled, "Number two already."

Aidan piped up, "What do you mean number two?"

"Michonne had this idea that I should be Rick's second in command."

"You weren't already?"

I looked over to him and I'm sure he could see the confusion on my face, "What?"

"I thought you were second in command?" My face was still blank. "The way Rick's always running stuff by you, and how close you are with his kids. I just assumed."

The pride was back tenfold. I was no longer Annie the outsider. I had a place here. If Rick was the Sherriff, then I was the Deputy. I was the Deputy and I felt happy about it. Honest to goodness happy. That's not a common feeling anymore, but here it is filling me up and causing a smug smile.

Before Michonne and I went inside to talk to Maggie about the next day's run I ran over to get the shift change out of the way. Glenn waved when I trotted up to them, but Daryl just stood there. I didn't care though, how could I? I was on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down today. "Hey, is there any way you'd switch shifts with me for tonight?"

"Why?"

His foul tone didn't affect mine in the slightest, "I have to be up early tomorrow."

"Yeah, we're going on a supply run," Glenn added. Glenn was always doing that sort of thing, and not just for me. He had this knack for trying to ease hostilities. I think that made him just about the most useful person in the whole world now.

Daryl didn't look at me when he answered, "Fine."

I smiled at Glenn, "Thanks." I meant it to both of them. I'd need my sleep, and when it came to Daryl I needed all the help I could get. I'll have to make it up to Glenn one of these days.

-o0o-

When the door opened at the end of my shift I got up right away, "It's been quiet." Nothing. Of course. Why would he bother? What was his problem anyway? My mouth betrayed me, "Hey, why haven't you said anything to me about," I paused, trying to find the right way to put it but failing, "that thing I told you?"

"Nothin' to say."

"Oh," I sighed slightly. Was I surprised? I mean, sure I'd thought that after what happened back at the house and the whole re-confessing my affections he'd at least have a word or two to throw my way. Had I not known that was wishful thinking? Had I not known that Carol would have talked to him, and he would have listened to her? It didn't matter. Not anymore. What matters is what I have to say. Do I even have anything to say to him anymore? Yes. One final thing. Better just get it out of the way and move on, "For what it's worth I'm sorry I didn't tell you as soon as I saw you that day. I should've just had the guts, but I didn't." Silence. "Have a good night."

-o0o-

"You all ready?"

"Just about," Glenn was sticking his machete in the car and Maggie was loading some full water bottles. Good thinking. Hydration is always important.

"You'll be back before dinner right?" I turned back to Carl, hating myself for going on the run. He looked legitimately worried, and I hated it.

I ruffled his hair before pulling him into a hug, "For sure, buddy." When I took a step back I smiled, "Nothing to worry about, just a supply run."

"Stop hogging her," Aidan shoved Carl lightly and gave me a hug, "We're hanging out when you get back."

"Whatever you say," I laughed.

It was almost time. Almost time to go and I would get some substantially fresher air in just an hour or two. As much as I wanted to stick back and mind my post as guard dog I needed the air. I needed the vacation. I needed some freedom.

I walked back to the car where Rick, holding Judith, was patting Glenn on the shoulder. I approached the smiling baby, "Bye bye, baby Judith!" Once I felt she'd had her fill of Annie time I looked up to Rick, "We'll be back quick, hopefully bring a few treats or something special."

He nodded, "Don't rush, just be back here before dark."

I mocked a salute, "Aye aye, captain!"

Maggie called from the back seat, "Ready Annie!"

I jogged over to the car and sat in my place. The driver's seat. They trusted me enough to be the driver of this run. I looked back, "Seatbelts!" I heard a groan and three clicks, "Alright, let's do this." I turned the key in the ignition and then we were off.

Just a basic supply run, nothing fancy. We'd be back before the sun went down with a nice haul and maybe a good story to tell.

**I know, short chapter... BUT there are going to be a few fun ones coming up (to help get you pumped for next Sunday) so I hope you are all ready for them! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!**

**Audience Participation Time: What do you think is going to be happening next?! :D **


	59. 59: You Win Some, You Lose Some

**New Chapter! Personally, I like this one. I hope you do too. Thank you so much for reading, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on everything! ENJOY!**

59: You Win Some, You Lose Some

The open road was something I'd desperately missed, mainly because of my pre-bite plans. There's something to it, the wind through the windows and the empty streets, which just promotes peace. It had been true with Riley. On the road there was no time for being moody, or bitching, or anything but getting work done. I'd say it was ideal, but there's a certain amount of uncertainty in it all. A family with children or a large group wouldn't be able to pull it off. This was the closest I'd ever get to the open road again.

"So now that we're out here you have to tell us the truth," Maggie smiled at me as she hopped out of the car, "Do we really smell that bad?"

"No," I laughed debating if I should correct her. They don't smell bad; they smell great. Something in me warned me against it. They don't need to know that. I could admit to one thing though, "But it is nicer out here."

She just laughed, "I knew it."

"Walker," Glenn stated.

"I got it." I took the few steps and stabbed it with my knife. This small pit stop seemed relatively untouched, which was promising.

"I'll check out that store over there," Michonne nodded across the way. "Holler if you need me."

I stood in the middle of the street and surveyed the area quickly before looking back to the couple, "I'll take watch while you guys raid the pharmacy." They nodded and made their way to the smaller sized building.

"We'll keep the door open just in case," Maggie put a loose brick at the foot of the door so that it would shut itself.

Maggie and Glenn brought out a few carts of supplies and set them on the sidewalk for me to load. It was amazing how easy they were to work with. No one needed to say what needed to be done, because we all just knew. It made it all so simple. The icing on the cake was the near-clear air. I loved the lack of intense smells around me. Compared to the prison this was scentless. I'd forgotten what this kind of fresh air was like, and even if the other three were close by it didn't matter. Nothing matters on vacation, and to me this was a stint at a beach resort to me. I leaned against the car and took another deep breath in hopes to soak up another dose of the lightly scented oxygen. Wait. Wait, there's something off. There's a new scent. And it's strong. Too strong to be an animal. Too strong to be just one person. And it's getting stronger. "Shit." I ran across the way and stuck my head into the building Michonne was looting for supplies, "Michonne, I smell something."

In seconds she was beside my by the door, that intense look in her eyes, "What is it?"

I sniffed the air once more, "I don't know, but it's getting stronger by the second. We don't have time." We wouldn't have time to get away. We wouldn't have time to hide the car or the supplies. We had no options except to hope for the best and hope that one of us could get away. All my bets were on Michonne. If worst came to worst we could hopefully distract them long enough to keep them from finding her. That was the plan. Simple, but hopefully it wouldn't need to be used. I turned to her, "Stay hidden." I saw her nod from the corner of my eye as I ran back to tell Glenn and Maggie. I didn't make it in time.

"If it isn't the Chinaman," I saw a man with a large metal club where his hand should be. And he knows Glenn. It must be him, it must be Merle. That means these are Woodbury people. That means trouble. Damnit. Michonne would be our only shot. I saw the look in Glenn's eyes as he stood in front of Maggie, protecting her. I knew he was honorable, but that sold me. Glenn was the best of us. I could have hid then, but at the same time I couldn't. I couldn't leave them to fend on their own. I couldn't let them go alone to whatever horrors Woodbury had to offer. I needed to stick with them or else I'd have no chance of saving them. That was why I was here right? That was why Rick sent me with them, to protect them. This was my chance.

I spoke up, loud and clear, making my presence known, "Excuse me, but he's Korean."

He looked over at me as I walked as calmly as I could manage to stand by my friends. I hated the way his eyes followed my path, "And who might you be, sweet cheeks?"

A new voice spoke out before I could answer, "You know these people?" I saw now that Merle wasn't alone. There were five other men with him. Even if Michonne gave away her position we wouldn't be able to take them all out without risking our own necks. There was no other way. We'd just have to wait and see what they wanted. Shit.

"Just the boy," he motioned with his makeshift hand, "I've never seen the ladies before."

"What do we do?"

"Take 'em back for some questioning, I reckon." No. This was bad. I needed to do something, anything. Anything that could get us out of this mess. I reached for my gun and all of theirs trained onto me, "Hey-hey-hey! Don't be a hero now." Shit. I raised my hands. Please, please, we need to get out of this. All I could picture was that map with the 'X' on it and I heard Riley's words, 'Don't go to Woodbury, there's something off there.' But I didn't have a choice now. There was only one move left; plan c. I looked over to Michonne's position and nodded. She knew where the town was. She'd even been there. Michonne could save us. Michonne could get a group together and get us out of there. I know she could. She wouldn't just leave us there. She couldn't. I looked back over to my friends and nodded while mouthing two words, 'Don't talk.' The small ensemble of guns pointed us left only one thing on my to do list: protect Maggie and Glenn the best I could. I could tell by the looks in their eyes that they knew. They knew I'd do anything to make sure they got back. They knew that out here my primary role didn't change. I hoped they knew I wouldn't let them down. Merle spoke to the men, "Knock 'em out and let's get out of here."

Moments later a man approached and lifted the butt of his gun.

Then everything went black.

-o0o-

Why did my head hurt so bad? Why couldn't I move my arms? They were tied; why were they tied? Most importantly why did it smell so damn good? I opened my eyes, finding my head on a metal table facing a decrepit wall.

Fucking Woodbury.

A flood of memories from before I was knocked unconscious came back to me. Maggie and Glenn. They took us. And by the smell I knew we were somewhere within the town's limits. Shit. I tried to move my feet, but they were tied to the chair as well. Great. I looked over at myself; at least my dress was still on. That's good. Small victories. Small victories were all I could hope for right now. I picked my head up, splitting headache and all, off of the table and sat up straight, coming into eye contact with the man that had knocked me out to begin with.

I narrowed my eyes at him before he opened the door and spoke outside, "This one's waking up."

I could hear Merle's voice answer him back, "Then I guess she's first." Good. I'm first, that means Glenn and Maggie probably haven't been hurt yet. I could still save them. I could still do my job. Another small victory. The sound of boots hitting the cement floor echoed and soon the one-handed man was shutting the door with a smile, "Hi there, darlin'. And what's your name?" I didn't say a word as I looked at him, studying him. I could see the resemblance between his brother and him, but I knew from what little information Daryl had told me about him that they weren't very alike. I'd always wondered if that was true. I guess now I had a chance to find that out. He took an aggressive stance at the opposite side of the table and smiled at the blade that was attached to the stump, "This can go real easy, or things could get dicey. Now that's up to you." I just kept staring. He didn't need to know my name; that didn't matter to him at all. What mattered was where his brother was. Glenn was with Daryl, and I was with Glenn, so it wouldn't take a genius to put two and two together. We sat there in silence, and I just watched him. I couldn't help it, getting to put a face with the name was far too interesting and it wasn't like I was going anywhere just yet. "All I want to know is where you're little camp is located." He let his metal arm thud onto the table, "Best tell me now, or I'll lose my patience."

I needed time. Maggie and Glenn needed time. Michonne needed time. I ran through the various ways I could play this: nice, mean, beggar, negotiator. There were so many options, but only one felt right. I smiled for a second before speaking, "What's that thing they always say?" I feigned deep thought before leaning forward slightly, enunciating my next few words, "Snitches get stitches."

"So that's how it's gonna be," he laughed, walking around the table and holding my left ear with his good hand while placing his blade at the top, "How's this, you tell me where your camp is and I'll let you keep your ear."

Shit. Only a few minutes in and we've already gotten to the point where pieces might be cut off. I guess I knew that would happen. Merle was a desperate man, and with his reputation I'd expect nothing less from him. Could I tell him? No way. If I thought for a second he would keep it to himself I might've, but I couldn't be sure. For all I knew he'd get a group of people from that big pile of meat-bags out there and rain gunfire down onto the people I cared about. My family, my friends, I'd never betray them like that. That was settled. I wasn't talking. I'd never talk. Let him take my ear. Let him take whatever; my lips were sealed to the location of the group. But I couldn't let them know that, could I? If they knew I wasn't talking they'd kill me and move onto Maggie or Glenn. That wasn't going to happen, not if I could help it. Protect Maggie and Glenn. That was my goal here. Protect them for as long as I could and give Michonne time to get to us. In order to do that I needed to keep them focused on me. But how? I needed to be entertaining enough. I needed to hint at the possibility of me telling. I needed to pull out all the stops. But what to do? I felt the cool metal at the top of my ear. What did this remind me of? Tied in a chair, ear being threatened; why was this familiar? I let out a laugh when I realized it was not unlike my favorite scene of Reservoir Dogs. Annie, the Hound dog about to be sliced up like in Reservoir Dogs; seemed fitting enough. That would be my next play. I continued my laugh as I began to sing, "Well, I don't know why I came here tonight. I got the feeling that something ain't right."

He pulled on my ear harder, "I'll do it, missy." The voice of a desperate man. I couldn't blame him. He just wanted to get back to his brother. If mine were still around I'd be doing the same thing. The rulebook would be thrown out and there would be nothing I wouldn't do. I think that's were the real problem is though. I had Carl and Judith to think about. There's nothing I won't do to protect them, protect their position. Two people with no limit as to what they'd do.

I was never going to talk, so I just looked up at him, at the guy who I'd suddenly understood, maybe even agreed with, and kept on singing, "I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair, and I'm wonderin' how I'll get down the stairs."

A familiar anger coursed through his voice, "That's it."

I smiled, this time starting straight ahead. Preparing myself for what was to come, "Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right." Then he started. There was a burning almost, and then the noise. I could hear so clearly as the blade ripped through my cartilage and I could feel it as the blood began to gush. Being shot was nothing. Slicing my hand was nothing. This, this was something. I wanted to yell out. I wanted to vocalize my pain, but I couldn't. I needed to gain this man's respect, or something close to it. Don't scream Annie. Don't scream. I bit down on my tongue to restrain myself, and I dug my fingers into my palms. Just keep quiet and it will be over soon. The he stepped away. The burning remained after the sound stopped, and I could feel the hot tears on my face. I looked up at my tormentor. Calm down, Annie. It's just an ear. A fucking ear. One of your fucking ears is gone because of this fucker. No, just relax. You'd have done the same. You'd have done anything to get back to your brother. You'll do anything to get back to Carl and Judith or at least keep them safe. He plopped the bloody chunk onto the table. Shit. My ear looked so small, and yet so big. It felt like a huge chunk of me had been ripped off, but I saw evidence to the contrary right in front of me. Just don't think about it. Nothing you can do now. The hard part is over. Let's just try to avoid any other losses. I forced myself to smile as I looked back up from my old ear and continued the tune, "Here I am, stuck in the middle with you."

"You ain't as weak as you look," he laughed, "I'll give you that." It was strange to think that in the few hellish minutes that I'd spent with Merle Dixon he'd already smiled at me more than his brother ever had. His smile came so easily to him, so unlike his brother. What I wouldn't give for one of those right now. A legitimate Daryl smile. If I saw one of those I'd probably forget all about this ear business. I shook my head at the thought. "Just tell me where your camp is," he poked the lifeless ear, "and maybe you won't have to lose the other one."

"What?" I leaned my right ear, and now only ear, forward jokingly, "Sorry, I can't hear you."

I don't know why, but I'd expected him to at least chuckle at that. My pathetic attempt at rapport building was lost on him, "I'm done with these games, little girl. Just tell me where you're people are hiding!"

Think Annie. Quick. I need to keep the focus on me, and if I bleed out then I'll be no good to anyone. What do I do? Get him to trust me, just enough. Just enough to get this thing patched up. I shook my head as I spoke, trying my best to keep my voice light, "Merle Dixon."

"Lookie that," his crooked smile was back, "I'm famous."

I looked up at him and gave a slight smile, "We aren't so different, you know?"

"Is that right?" he sat against the table.

"For starters there's the obvious; you're missing a piece," I nodded to his hand, "and now I am too," I nodded to the ear on the table.

"I suppose that's supposed to keep me from doing the same to your friends?"

I shook my head, "They won't talk, but I might," he raised an eyebrow, "I know what it's like to miss a brother. I wouldn't wish that on anybody." I could tell he was confused, but I didn't want to get into it. I needed to stop the bleeding. I needed to get this patched up. I continued, "I'd try to help you out if you got me a bandage for this." I knew it was a long shot, but I was banking on him wanting to find his brother. By the look on his face it had worked.

He walked over to the door and leaned out, "Hey, get me some of that gauze stuff."

"What for," I heard a voice answer back.

"Just do it." After a couple minutes he turned back and shut the door once more. Normally I'd want someone with more than one hand to bandage me up, but I couldn't be picky, not now. I just needed to stop the bleeding. "There," he stepped back, "Time to talk."

I leaned back in the chair, "You know what else we have in common, Merle?"

"What?"

"We both lost your brother." I could see the worry rip across his face, the darting of his eyes, he was too easy to read, "Don't worry, he's still alive."

"Well, he ain't lost then now is he?" More of the family resemblance. I think something about it comforted me, because my mind quieted and I knew exactly what needed to be done.

I sighed, "To us, yes." He furrowed his brow in confusion, so I explained it to him as simply as I could, "Those two get even a scrape, and you'll never see him again. I'll make sure of it." I saw his eyes dart nervously once more. Daryl was his weakness. It's always important to know your enemy's weaknesses, especially when they are shared. Now all I needed to do was get some face time with the Governor. If I want to negotiate our freedom he would be the guy to talk to. I knew that wouldn't happen, but they needed to think I was hopeful in that regard. They needed to think I was trying to get us out or they'd catch on and know we had people coming. I examined the worried expression on his face. I had him. I smiled up at him, "There. That brings me to yet another shared trait." He waited for me to answer, "We both love that brother of yours."

He exaggerated a laugh, "Ain't that just the funniest thing I've ever heard." The smile left his face and he slammed the metal down onto the table again, "Ain't nobody loves my baby brother but me."

"Ahh," I nodded, "A fundamental difference."

He held his knife to my throat this time, "Quit with the fancy talk and tell me where my brother is."

"Can't do that unless I know my friends won't be hurt."

He stepped back, "I promise we won't touch a hair on their heads," he crossed his heart with his finger, "Swear on my life." Lies. I didn't even have to look at him to know that he was lying. Woodbury, full of liars. At least I knew it. If you know someone is a liar, then it gives you an advantage. You know that just about every word out of their mouth is false. Maggie and Glenn were in danger. It was time to move forward.

"I told you," I raised my eyebrows at him, "that's where we're different."

"How's that?"

"I'm a reasonably honest person," I laughed, thinking about how I'd neglected to tell my friends about my condition. Reasonably honest. Was I honest anymore? A great deal more so than anyone in this town at least. I dropped my smile as I looked back to him, "You're a liar." I could tell he was going to blow up again, so I spoke quickly, "I'll only talk to the Governor."

"How do you know about the Governor?"

"I'm not dumb." What I wanted to say was 'I'm not dumb like you.' That would have been playing with fire, and I really didn't want to lose another appendage. Not yet. I had to buy time for Michonne to get back to everyone and get them ready to come get us. I needed to drag everything out as long as possible. If I needed to lose a toe or a finger or anything I'd prefer putting it off as long as possible. "I'll talk to the Governor," my words were emotionless. He turned to leave but I spoke before he put his hand on the doorknob, "Then maybe you'll find him." I saw a slight nod before the door slammed. If things had been different I would have told him, even after what he did to me. I wanted to tell him. I wanted Daryl to get his brother back. I wanted to help them. But I couldn't. Things weren't that simple. Things were so complex and messed up, and there was no way to make it work. All I could do is wait this out, drag this out, and hope for the best.

They'll come for us.

They had to.

**FUN FACT TIME: Originally, in my plot mapping this plot point was simply 'Fucking Woodbury.' Then I decided that I could make it both an ode to Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs (one of my favorite movies by one of my favorite writers/directors) and a tribute to Mr. George Weasley (half of my favorite HP duo). So it all kind of worked out. :)**

**Question Time: What did you think of Annie's turn from good luck to horrible luck? Also, do you think Merle and her could have been friends or can be on some level? And finally, the Governor... What do you think Annie and his conversation will be like? I'd love to know! **

**Six days left! (I'm totally doing a marathon of the old seasons, it's been super illuminating)**


	60. 60: Annie, Defeated

**DISCLAIMER: Graphic scene(predominantly implied, with the least amount of obscene description as possible). It should be safe to read through, and you'll know it when it's coming just in case. **

**Now that that's out of the way, here's the new chapter! ENJOY! **

60: Annie, Defeated.

Losing the outer parts of the ear, or pinna, has no major effect on the mechanics of hearing, medically speaking. That isn't to say that I wouldn't be changed forever. That sort of loss does make it difficult to tell where sound is coming from as well as whether the ear could even pick up that sound, but right now that didn't matter. The entire thing was shoddily bandaged and bloody and I could only hear out of my right side right now anyways. I'd worry about it when I got out of here, if I got out of here. If. Time was passing through the hourglass and as the sand fell so did my hopes for getting out of here. As I sat there, waiting for the Governor to make his appearance, I could feel the strength draining from me. First, there was the blood loss. It wasn't substantial, but it was enough to make me lightheaded and give me a subtle sway. Then there was the worry, the not knowing what was happening outside that door. What was happening to Maggie and Glenn, were they even still alive? Did they lose their ears too? Were they close by, or far away? What about Michonne? Had she made it back to the prison? Were they hauling ass right now, coming to save us? Would they get here in time? I couldn't know. I could just cling to the mangled shreds of hope that I still had and wait. Finally there was the hunger. The sweet smell suffocated me, and my weak stomach turned and twisted, beckoning for just a bite. Just one bite. No. No, I need to get out of here and far away. The hundred or so people in this town filled my nose and I couldn't escape them. It was too much. It was too much and I was too weak. My breaths were getting slower, matching my heart. They were heavier too, so that my whole body seemed to ebb and flow with them as my eyelids drooped. This isn't good. I need to stay awake, stay interesting. I need to keep the focus here. Save them. I need to save them. All I could do was stare at the bloody mess lying on the table in front of me and wait.

"Merle here said you asked to speak to me," I looked up to see that I was no longer alone. Merle had returned with a new man, one who I could only assume was the Governor.

My voice was weak at first, "Governor?"

"That is what they call me," he didn't look offensive, but there was something about him that was off, just like Riley had said, just like Michonne had said. Something about how neat his clothes were, how his hair was combed just right, it was wrong. At least I had an edge. At least I had hours of discussion with Michonne, hours talking about this Governor. "I see Merle has already left his mark on you," he said calmly, motioning to the ear on the table, "Can only imagine you'd like to see him dead?"

"It's alright," a faint smile crossed my lips as I looked over to Merle in the corner, "I can understand why he had to."

"Sounds like you're a perfectly reasonable woman," he sat in the chair across from me, "May I ask how you knew about me?"

"I think it's important to know who's in charge wherever I go," I stared into his eyes, noticing the vacancy.

He smiled, "But how did you find that out? My men tell me they didn't say a word about me."

Wonderful. I had him and it was just the first question. I can totally do this. I didn't let up the eye contact, "A little birdie told me."

"And does this bird have a name?" I could sense the anger building, and I was somewhat disappointed. I didn't know what I'd expected, but I thought he would be more level headed, I thought he'd be harder to get a rise out of.

I raised my eyebrows defiantly, still gazing, "Nope."

"Tell him where my brother is," Merle stepped towards me in my peripheral, but the Governor held out his hand to stop him.

"First things first, I need to know how she knows about me," he looked to Merle, then back to me, "You're going to tell me now."

"If you can promise me that the other two, the people who were brought here with me, are safe and will be kept that way," I made my first attempt at negotiation, "Then I'll tell you."

"You have my word," he lied. I'd have known he was lying even if I'd never heard stories about him; he wasn't even that good at it.

But I was. I told the first half-truth, "Had a friend pass by here, said she watched you all for a while." He seemed to be trying to discern the validity of my words, so I added, "Simple as that."

"There, now ask her about their camp," Merle spoke out again.

I could see how this petulance annoyed the Governor, but his voice remained calm, "Merle, would you go to check on the fella that was with them?" Merle's face questioned the order, "Maybe he has an ear you can cut off, too." The one-handed man left the room, and I lost most of my remaining hope. He'd just promised the safety of my friends, and then turned around and ordered for one of them to be tortured. Now there was no denying his lies. He wouldn't be hiding them anymore. Maybe he was a tougher egg to crack? Our clock was winding down. "What's your name?" he leaned back in his chair.

I leaned forward; my eyes still locked on his and my own anger growing, "Fuck you."

"What's your name?" he stood up and walked around to me. I kept my eyes on him. It was the only move I had. The last card in the deck. "How about this," he slapped the side of my head where my ear had once been and a flood of tears rushed out of me without a sound, "Where's your camp?"

Come on, Annie. Keep the focus. Keep negotiating. Keep trying. I tried to hide my shaking bones, "What's in it for me if I tell you?"

"What do you want?"

"Freedom," I tried to steady myself from the reverberating stings, "For the three of us." Not enough, Annie. Ask for something practical. Ask for something that he might actually allow. As for something he'll think you want. "A place in your ranks, maybe."

"You seem strong enough," he tapped the bandage again, sending another current of pain out, before scanning over me. I hated the way his eyes lingered in various places. Scumbag. Then they stopped on my arm, "But I gotta ask you where you got this scar of yours." He touched the old bite mark.

"Happened years before any of this," I lied, sounding so utterly believable that for a second even I forgot it wasn't true, "I was a paramedic, people get bitey." It wasn't entirely untrue; that's the secret to a good lie. Always throw a bit of truth in it, then they'll think the whole thing is true.

"Medic, huh? Might be able to find a place for you," He leaned against the table. "How many are in your group?" I didn't acknowledge the question; I just stared up at him blankly. He slapped the side of my head again, "Did you hear me? I said how many are in your group?"

I saw my chance to get the information I desperately desired and took it, "The others haven't told you?"

"No." Internally I celebrated. They hadn't spoken; we still had time. We all still had time. I could still save them if I just keep the focus on me. Merle wouldn't kill Glenn. Not yet. Not when he knew that I'd never say a word if one of them was dead. His voice came back with a threatening edge, "But they will if you don't."

A chance to gain trust. Numbers were useless information now. If you had forty people and only three were good with weapons then you only really had three people and a bunch of liabilities. This is my chance to try for his good side, assuming he had one. "Less than what you have here," I told the truth, albeit vague, "Not a threat."

He stood back up and began walking for the door, "I'll be the judge of that."

No, no. Stay here. Keep focusing on me. Being friendly wouldn't work, not with the Governor. Time for the Hail Mary. "I heard that something was rotten in the state of Denmark," he continued his stride and I scrambled for the worst thing I knew about him, the only thing Michonne wasn't sure about, "I even heard about your dead daughter."

"What did you say?" The rage was there, even if he'd tried to remain composed. I hit a nerve. Finally.

I smiled as widely as I could manage, still staring at him while I spoke, "I heard about how that little Penny of yours got bit."

He pointed at me, "You shut your mouth."

"Where's your little sweetheart now?" My words were light and cruel, "Did you have to shoot her in her little face? Or were you too much of a pussy? Did you make someone else do it for you?"

He slammed his fists down onto the table, "Shut your fucking mouth!"

"Or what?" I laughed, continuing to dig a deeper hole for myself, "Gonna kill me like you killed Penny?"

"That's it," his eyes were no longer vacant, they were aflame with hatred. Hatred for me. Hopefully this would buy Glenn and Maggie time, buy Michonne time. We were getting down to the wire now. Sacrifices had to be made, and all I could do was throw myself onto the offering stone and hope the other two got out of here alive. They have to. They have to. The Governor swung the door open and yelled out into what I figured was a hallway, "Get in here and hang her up."

In seconds two men from the supply run were in the room untying my bindings. They started with my legs and I took another chance. Once my first foot was loose I kicked one of them in the face. "Bitch," he slammed it into the metal leg of the chair, and I could feel the ankle strain and bend in an unnatural way. Please don't be broken. Please don't be broken. I tried to move it, but I could feel the sting. Not broken, but sprained badly. Shit. Another man came in to hold my legs down as they untied my arms. I tried to claw at them but one of their fists met my stomach and all the air was knocked out of my lungs. Shit. When my hands were free they tied them together tightly and lifted me up. I had no idea where I was going until I saw the hook hanging from the ceiling a yard or so behind my chair. No. No. This is bad. They lifted me further and released, leaving me with my back towards the door, facing the dirty wall, swaying slightly with my feet a few inches off of the ground.

With my good ear I heard the door shut and the faint sound of a zipper, "Time to teach you something about manners."

No. No. Please, no. Who the fuck would do this? Stay strong, Annie. Stay strong. At least the attention is on you. At least Glenn and Maggie aren't dealing with this monster right now. At least you're buying time. "Did you kill your wife too?" I forced a laugh. I needed him to know I wasn't afraid. I needed him to know that no matter what happened next he couldn't get to me. He couldn't break me. "I've always wondered that." I was hit again on the bandage, and I bit into my tongue so hard that it drew a bit of blood. Then I felt the hands. They reached up my dress and ripped off my underwear. No. No. This is bad. Please. Please, someone save me. No. Annie it's okay. Annie, you can handle this. Annie, you're strong.

In a quick movement he shoved the fabric into my mouth, gagging me, "That'll keep you quiet." I squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could. The hands yanked at the dress, my dress, my superhero outfit, the one thing that had made me invincible. I could hear the fabric rip and the zipper snap as it pulled against my skin. Just shut off, Annie. All systems shut down. Force quit. Out of body experience. Anything. I couldn't though. I could feel his hands as he violated me, and I felt sick. I squirmed around, trying to get free, trying to slip out of my binds, but it just made him crueler. He'd laugh and hit my ear, or punch me at my ribs. I think I even felt a knife. No, I know I did. The burning feeling as it sliced down my back, the way I could feel the blood pouring out of the wound. More blood loss. I wasn't going to be able to get out of this, not on my own, not this time. Please, someone save me. God, save me. Michonne, save me. Rick, save me. Anyone, save me. When he started I couldn't fight off the tears, but I kept myself from making any noise. I'd never give him the satisfaction of hearing my pain, not then. I wish I were home. I wish I were sitting at the table, one of my mother's meals on my plate, joking with Joey. That was so far away now. It was an impossibility. I'd never have that again, not even if I got out of here. I tried again to fight off what was happening to me, the pain and the nausea. I wish I were back at the prison, holding Judith and talking to Carl about anything, anything at all. Even boring stuff. Even things I didn't like. Even that was untouchable now. I couldn't even picture it. The best I could do was a fuzzy outline of their faces. Please. Please. I can't break. I need something. Something that can get me through this. Something that can save me from all of this. I wish Daryl were here; he'd save me. He'd save me. He'd save me. Those blue eyes came into my minds eye. They became my only thought. They became my salvation as the assault persisted. Just his eyes. Maybe he was smiling, maybe he wasn't, but it didn't matter. I didn't care how far away that was. It was just his eyes and then it was over. I heard the sound of a zipper once more, and he stood in front of me. He held my chin, the pressure pinching with pain. There was only one thing I wanted to do then. I spit out the makeshift gag and bit down on his hand as hard as I could. I could feel the flesh rip off and the sweet taste filling my mouth as a hand slapped me across my face. I quickly began spitting out the meat and blood, making sure not to swallow any of it. Not now. Not now. I won't become one of them. When I opened my eyes he was clutching his injured hand with a sick smile on his face, "Now I'm going to go do the same to that pretty little friend of yours."

That was it. That was the end of my composure. I had nothing left to keep me from flailing around in the air as I screamed with every bit of breath left inside me as he started for the door, "No!" I let out another blood curdling yell, "No!" I could hear a faint laugh, "You touch her and your fucking dead, you hear me?" The door opened, "Deader than your bitch of a daughter!" Even after it slammed shut I kept screaming, "I'll fucking kill you, you bastard!" The tears were streaming now, stronger than before, "I'll kill you!" I thrashed around, causing the rope to pinch at my skin, but I didn't care. I didn't care anymore. I was done for, the line had been crossed and now there was nothing left. Nothing at all. "I'll kill all of you!" And I would. If I ever got out of here I would kill every last one of them, even the civilians if they got in my way. I kept swinging around and howling with everything in me. Maybe the others would hear. Maybe they'd know I was still alive. Maybe Michonne was on her way. No. No. There was nothing. Nothing. I stopped my tantrum after a while, unable to continue. Then I hung there, drenched in my own tears and the remnants of blood. Was I still strong? No. Not anymore. This was me, broken.

-o0o-

By the time the door opened again I'd all but passed out. The blood loss, the violation, the screaming, it had all taken its toll. It was a hefty toll. I heard Merle's voice, "Reckon that Asian fella will be dead any second now." I just stared ahead at the wall on the opposite side of the room as the door, the wall that I was being forced to look at. I heard the screech of my old chair on the floor and soon Merle took a seat just in front of me, sitting in the chair backwards, "Set a walker on him."

When I spoke my fatigue showed, "He'll kill them all, you know?" He just nodded. I don't think he understood me, "Even Daryl," I sighed, thinking of those eyes again.

He became defensive, "You don't know that."

"That's why I can't tell you." I made to shake my head, but my whole body swayed with it, inflicting more pressure on the bindings, "You hitched yourself to the wrong wagon, Merle."

"Officer Friendly ain't no better," he scoffed.

"He'd never do this," I looked down at myself then back up to him, dead in the eye, "Never." His face didn't let up. I hadn't expected it to. How long had I been here? Hours? At least five hours, and that was with me being conscious. Michonne and them should have been here by now. They should be here by now. I didn't have much more time I could just feel it. I decided to keep being honest with him, "I'm going to die here, I realize that now, so I need to tell you something."

He set his elbow on the back of the metal frame, "Do you now?"

I nodded weakly, the creak of the hook accentuating the movement, "I wasn't lying when I said I love him." I smiled up at him, coughing out a laugh, "Can't keep myself from thinking about him now, isn't that funny?" His face didn't let up, so I continued on, "If you ever do find him, and I really hope you do, he deserves to get his family back, you protect him. You don't let them kill him. Don't let him die no matter what." I couldn't tell if I'd angered him or not, but I must've because he immediately stood up and left the room. I swayed again, trying to get to the chair so I could stand on it and get the hell out of here. Too far away. No luck. Great. Back to looking at this fucking wall.

The door opened and he was in front of me again, this time holding something. What was it? "I'm not sayin' you'll get down from there," he held up the large black t-shirt and set it on the ground at my feet. Clothes. Something. Some kindness. I never expected that.

I looked at him and said with all sincerity, "Thank you." He took his seat once more, and I continued, "I do want to tell you, help you, it's killing me that I can't. Or maybe I'm just already dying." I knew he understood now. He understood that my silence was to keep him safe, to keep them safe. My refusal to speak had meaning beyond loyalty. That didn't mean I'd be walking out of here. "And I forgive you for the ear," he didn't quite comprehend, "we're square in my eyes."

"Why?"

Time was up; might as well talk to him. Might be the last conversation I ever have. "I lost my brother at the start of all this," I looked him dead in the eye, "If I thought there was any way to get him back I'd do a lot more than cut off an ear. That's why I can't be mad at you, can't hate you. You're just doing what you can." The corner of his mouth twitched up for a second. "That's why I want you to be the one to do it."

"What?"

"I'm not walking out of here," I sighed as I again looked down at my naked body, "When the time comes I want your finger on the trigger. At least then it will have some sort of meaning."

We sat for a second before he spoke up, his tone seemingly jovial, "So he finally got himself a girlfriend." I shook my head. That wasn't who I was. I wasn't anyone to Daryl Dixon anymore. Just a member of the group that he didn't want to be around, that's it. And in a short while I'd be dead, and none of it would have mattered. "Was always a damn fool," he laughed.

"It was my fault," I corrected him, "I fucked it up."

"He's always been the one to hold the grudges." Was that trait genetic as well? I hope not.

"I hope you can forgive me," his face grew confused again, "for not being able to tell you where he is."

The door opened once more and an unfamiliar voice spoke to Merle. "The biter is dead." Merle stood up, "The Governor wants us in there, he's bringing the other girl, she talked." Shit. No. Maggie, you didn't.

"Whatdaya know?" he smirked at me as he walked past, "didn't need you after all."

The door shut once more.

That's it? This is it? This is how I go out? A broken failure?

**Thank you for reading! I hope you could all tell I was trying to do this as tastefully and tactfully as possible, as to not offend. Normally I'd never write this sort of scene, but it felt like the only way it could go (at least in my eyes). As always I'd appreciate your feedback. :)**

**Question Time: Do you think we are coming to the last few chapters of this story? Or will the calvary come riding in, just in time to save Annie from her accepted fate? How much does the Governor deserve a good stab to the eye? If she does get out of this, will Annie ever be the same? What of her acceptance of Merle's cruelty? Not to mention the kindness of the shirt? And what do you all think Aidan will have to say about Annie's torture; will he be pissed enough to rampage through Woodbury? And finally, what do you think about Annie taking a bite out of the Governor's hand?**

**Can't wait to hear what you all have to say! It really helps when you guys review (and it's always extra awesome when someone new reviews). :))))**


	61. 61: If I Die, Then I Guess I Die

**Four more days! Ahh! Here's the new chapter. ENJOYY!**

61: If I Die Tonight, Then I Guess I Die Tonight.

I don't know how long I'd been hanging there, how long I'd spent screaming myself into silence, how long I'd struggled against the ropes, or even when I'd lost my voice and my will; I couldn't keep track of time anymore. It all blended in my head. All I could do is wheeze out breaths and fade in and out of consciousness. All I could think of was the pain and the hunger and those eyes. This is what feeling broken is like. This is what I'd been so keen on avoiding. This is what I was now.

"Oh Annie," I opened my eyes to see that all too familiar faceless man standing just in front of me. Death. Death himself. Death had finally come for me, and this time it wasn't a dream. He looked the same, the nice suit that seemed to be made of a black hole itself, the flawless hairdo, and the sleek and elegant frame. He looked the same, and yet he looked vastly different now. Now he was all there, not some undulating mist. Now he was real. I stared at him as his head tilted up and down as though he was scanning me, "Look what they did to you."

"So, this is it?" I let out a tired but manic laugh, "This is my end?"

"Maybe," he sat down sideways in the chair, still looking at me with that empty face, "Nothing is set in stone though, not for you. There's still a chance that things will go well and you will get to live."

My voice came back courser, harsher, "Then why are you even here?"

"I knew you needed to talk. And you shouldn't be alone anyway," there was his uncanny sweetness, "Not now." I believed his words, their kindness. He was here simply to keep me company, provide me with some sort of comfort.

"I thought you said dependence was pathetic?"

"Not now," I could hear the sorrow in his voice, "No, this time you need a soft place to land, I'd say."

I sighed, closing my eyes and nodding, my whole body rocking back and forth as the rope tightened, "Thank you." I opened my heavy lids and looked to him, "Maggie? Glenn?"

"I haven't met them yet, no." It was an honest relief. They were still alive. They were still out there, somewhere, with their hearts beating. I might have bought them enough time.

"Good," the creaking of the metal hook returned.

"It's safe to say we are not the monsters anymore, Annie." He scanned me once more, "That man is a monster. This is unforgivable."

I couldn't hold it together, not another second, not now. I started whimpering, "I hurt." I did. Swinging there, exposed, bleeding, ruined, every inch of me hurt, and I felt so sick. Everything that had happened to me before, all the bad things combined, it didn't compare to this. This was bottom. This was the absolute bottom. This was bottom, and I'd die here.

"I know," he was inches away in a flash, that abyss staring directly into my soul with such candor, "I wish I could make it stop." I believed him. I could see it in how he stood, in how his words flowed out of him and dove onto me. It didn't help. It was a sweet condolence, but it didn't help what I was feeling.

The tears kept coming, accompanied by my pulsing sobs, "I-I don't want to be here anymore." I sucked in a deep breath, feeling the pinch at my side, "I want to go home."

"I know."

My wall came tumbling down: my wall of maturity, my wall of strength, my wall of adulthood. All that was gone. I was back to being a child. The hard shell had been pried off of my soft center; I was back to needing nurturing arms around me. Needing someone to nurse me back to health with love. With a mother's love. It came out in a whisper at first, "I miss my mom. I miss my mom." I repeated the phrase over and over and my words went through the slow metamorphosis before turning into a full-blown wail, "I want my mommy."

"I know." Through the mist of my tears I could see his hand reach up to my face, reach up but not touch. He couldn't touch me, not here. "I know you do."

"Do I get," I took a deep breath, trying to grasp at something real, trying to grasp at anything, "Do I get out of here?"

"I can't tell you that, sweetie." That meant only one thing to me. The end. I knew it. I don't leave here. That's fine. That doesn't matter. Not anymore.

The corner of my mouth curved up slightly, "But Glenn and Maggie, they're okay?"

"Yes."

I allowed myself to smile through the stream, "Good."

"Can I ask you something?" I opened my eyes, giving the smallest of nods as to not move the rest of me, "Was it really worth it? What he did, was it worth enduring all that suffering just to keep them safe?"

"Yes," I didn't hesitate. There was no doubt in my mind that I'd made the right move. If all that meant their lives then it was fine. I could handle it, for them. Then a nagging question came to mind, a question I was scared of asking but needed to know the answer to, "Will I need to - will it happen again?"

"No," his answer rang through the air as I saw him nod, "Never again. I won't let it."

"Good." I sighed before the tears came again. I wouldn't be able to get through it again. I wouldn't be able to make it through again. I felt the tears drop off my jaw, "I don't think I could. I don't think I can again."

"You won't have to," his voice was soft, "Why don't we talk about something else?"

I looked up at him, "I want my mom." I began to snivel, "I want her to hold me again, like she used to." The swaying started up, "I want her to tell me it'll be okay."

The tender tone returned, "I can tell you that, if you'd like?" I looked back to him, "It'll all be okay, Annabelle."

It didn't help. I knew it wasn't true. I knew that it wasn't going to all be okay, not for me. Not anymore. I was stuck here. It wasn't okay. I'd never again have motherly arms around me. I'd never again have someone look after me, tuck me in, bring me soup in bed when I didn't feel well. I'd never have someone kiss my scrapes and tell me that no one would hurt me again, that there was nothing hiding around the corner, that it was safe. I'd never have that again. I'd never have that or the blue eyes. I'd never have anything again. I let out a low wheeze, "I'm dying."

"Don't say that," his tone had the strangest level of worry to it. It reminded me of how I felt about the group. My new family, my old family, both of whom filled me with anxiety. That same emotion that was radiating off of my unlikely friend. His voice lightened, "Let's talk about something else. Why don't we talk about Joey?"

Joey. My very best friend. I started to convulse as I gasped for breaths between the now violent sobs, "I miss him, too." I could picture him so clearly. The cowlick on the left side of his hairline and the way that his right eye twitched ever so slightly when he was lying, I could see it all. My brother. My other half. I'd get to see him again soon, if I was lucky enough to make it to heaven. I looked up at my polished companion, "I wish he was here."

"Drat," he sighed, his shoulders dropping, showing clearly that he was struggling with something under that empty face of his, "I'm going to be honest with you, I don't really do this sort of thing."

"I thought," I let out a worn-out laugh, "this was your job?"

He shook his head, "Taking people is my job. I don't normally sit and chat."

Another laugh, "Then why start now?"

"Because we're friends, Annie." I locked my eyes on his vacant face. It didn't seem so empty now, even without any of the things that normally made faces what they are. His face was his own; his face was so plainly loving. His face seemed to hold the entire universe inside of it, if I could only see it clearly, see through it then I'd know all there was to know. He hovered his hand above my cheek, "Because from the second I met you those years ago on that hunting trip I knew you were different from the rest of the lot."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Hunting trip?"

He dipped his head, "The first one, with your father and Joseph." He clarified, "When I took the deer I saw you."

It took a minute before his words soaked in through the haze of the pain. He was there that day, the day of my first kill? "You're just a," I shook my head at the ridiculousness of the whole thing, "hallucination."

"No, Annie, I'm very real," I watched as he turned the metal chair around for him to sit properly, I even heard it screech as it grinded against the concrete floor, "See?"

"But how?"

I got the impression of a smile, "Trade secrets, I'm afraid."

I spoke frantically, realizing the potential escape, "Then why don't you help me?"

He held up his hands, "I can't intervene. It's one of the rules."

I raised my voice, "Screw the rules. Get me down from here."

"I wish I could," he chuckled but there was some form of regret behind it, "I really do." I kept staring at him, praying he'd change his mind, but he didn't move.

I let out another wheeze, "So I'm special?"

"I'd say so," he held out his arms in exaggeration, "Unique enough to make Death himself care about you." I rolled my eyes, "Come now, is it that strange of a thought?"

"Death doesn't care," I scoffed, "Death just takes."

"Normally I'd say you're right," he didn't seem at all offended by my accusations. He seemed to even smile as he stood once more, both hands caressing the air on either side of my face, "But not in this case, not in your case. You're special to me." Was it true? Did he care? He was here, wasn't he? He was with me when I needed him. Before today he had helped me, guided me. He was a friend. A true friend. He didn't judge me, he just wanted to help ease this suffering. He just wanted to help me. He was here. He was all I had now. He was the only one here with me at the end. I started crying again. The tremors rolled through me, and I knew there was nothing left in me. "Let it out," he encouraged me, "Let it all out."

"Does he get his?" my mind snapped back to the present as the sadness flowed out of me, "The Governor?"

"My dear," there was an air of mischievousness to his next phrase, "I'm planning a very special trip just for him."

I pointed my face at him, unable to see, "Does he suffer?"

"I can't say that for sure," his voice turned maniacal, "But he will once I get my claws on him. I'm very much looking forward to that day. I hope you can find some solace in that."

My voice matched his depravity, "I do."

"You might get out of here, you know." He sounded legitimately hopeful. Maybe he wasn't lying before, maybe it wasn't set in stone?

I couldn't keep that hope from coming through, "Will I?"

"No part of you has died here yet, let me make that perfectly clear to you."

I sighed, "It feels that way." It did. It felt like a bulldozer had come through and ripped me to pieces. I would never be whole again. Never.

"You had bad breaks here, several of them," I sensed a smile from him, "But nothing that can't be mended."

"Don't," I hissed, "I know that's a lie." I looked down, glimpsing the pool of blood and tears that had formed beneath my feet, "If by some miracle I do get out of here I'll never be the same."

We stayed silent for a while before his smooth words returned, "I wish it wasn't so."

I didn't look to him, "I know."

"Any requests for what I do to him?" an edge of cheer echoed in his words.

"No," I sighed. "Wait," I snapped up, staring directly into the void, "He never gets to her, he never gets to Penny."

"Consider it done." I smiled widely, wider than I'd thought possible now, "There she is, there's my girl. How about I tell you about the first time we met, what it was like on my end?"

I laughed, "Sure that's not against your rules?"

He took his seat again, wiping off his pant leg, "I know for a fact that it isn't."

I rasped, "Fine."

"Well, mind you I did have quite a busier schedule back then. As it is more life means more deaths and a full docket," I could almost see the nostalgia in his demeanor, "I would have never had time for this sort of thing back then, but it appears that now I do. But back to the story; it was just a simple hunting grab, deer, relatively peaceful when they go, especially that one." He tapped where his eye would have been, "Clear shot, if I recall correctly. A painless death."

I felt an odd sort of relief then. After all this time that first kill had this weight over me, even now. I'd hoped it was painless, but I couldn't have known for sure. Until now. Now I did. And now that weight was gone, "Good."

"Quite," he continued in a conversational tone, "I took him and I remember distinctly hearing crying. It was out of place for that sort of taking, and unlike anything I'd heard before, and I've heard plenty of wails in my day." He shifted his weight, "I paused then, between jobs, and I stood beside you."

"I don't remember seeing you."

"I don't often show myself to people that are still alive," he ran his hand through his ebony locks, "Recently you have been my exception." He continued on, "As I stood there, seeing your guilt and shame, how horribly torn apart you were by such a humane kill, I knew you were different. For starters it was the first time I'd ever felt anything for a human." I took in the gravity of what he'd said. Death, who'd been round since the very beginning, only first felt compassion for one of us measly creatures the day he met me. "Since then I'd been fascinated by you, so naturally when the time came for your family to pass on I was there early. Joey wrote that note just in time; I'd warned him, subtly. Then your parents. I took them and then I watched. It was so intriguing, watching you like that. It was plain as day, how much you loved them, your pain. I could even feel it, just barely." His head fell slightly, as though he was examining his fingernails, "I'd never felt anything before, you know. It was quite a shock. Made me wonder about certain truths I'd known. It even made me wish I could give them back to you. I'd never wished that sort of thing before that day."

It was difficult to hear, but something about it didn't bother me. It was like he was sharing this intimate detail from his own life, and I was the one who got to hear it. On some level I felt honored. "It's just your job," I tried to shrug, but instead I just wiggled in the air, "Right?"

"Yes, but that didn't make it any easier to cope with, darling." He sighed, "Then there was that day that you were bit; I was eager to grab you. I wanted to finally talk to you, I was - to turn a phrase- dying to know what made you different." He held up his hands in an attempt to display an echo of his displeasure, "But you didn't die."

"You're talking to me now though?" even I could hear the confusion in my voice, "And in the dreams?"

"After combing the rulebook in my newly gained free time I found a loophole," the impression of a smile came across the gap, "And now I know."

My voice was now nothing more than a whisper, "What do you know?"

"This virus has changed everything," he waved at the air, before leaning forward, "Everything but us."

"I'm not the same," I shook my head slightly, protesting his words.

"But you are," his voice was animated now, "I've watched you carefully, sweetheart. You've had to kill again, and again and yet you still react the same way. You still feel the same way you felt for that deer."

"No I don't."

"Tsk tsk tsk," his finger wagged at me, "You're much better at hiding it, yes, but you can't hide anything from Death, dear."

"That doesn't mean I'm the same." He shrugged just before I croaked out, "What about the hunger?"

"Hunger is a natural thing. Everyone gets hungry, even you got hungry before all of this I'm sure." He paused, searching for the words, "I'd consider your little condition a kind of growing up. At your core you as still that very same girl who cried in that forest."

"I'll" I looked down again. Down at my now broken body. Down at the shell. I let out a whisper, "I'll never be the same now."

"What happened here was an abomination," he stood up, noticeably livid as he paced.

The pain flared, the tears, all of it as I squeaked out two words, "I'm broken."

His rage filled the room entirely for a brief moment. Then he looked at me; he looked at me and I could feel I was not alone in my suffering. "I know," he stood beside me again, "I know, and it pains me to see." His hand appeared beneath my chin, as though he wanted to lift mine up, "But when something breaks the pieces are still intact; you are still all there. We just need to put those pieces back together."

I looked into the nothingness, feeling for the first time that I wasn't strong enough, not for this. I would never be strong enough to mend this, "I don't think I can."

"It'll take time, but that's nothing to get discouraged about. You'll get there, Annie."

"I don't have time," I'd have been screaming if my voice hadn't already left me, "I'm going to die here! There _is_ _no_ putting myself back together! This is how I die!"

He shook his head, "Don't say such things." His face came closer, only an inch away with a voice like sugared honey, sweet but smooth, "Eventually those pieces will fall back in place and you will be yourself once more. You have to."

"Stop!" There was no avoiding it, not any longer. I wouldn't walk out of here. I would die today. I'd die and that was fine. Maggie and Glenn were safe. I did my job. I squeezed my eyes shut as I started choking on my cries, "I know - I'm dying - down here."

I heard faint yells come from the crack under the door, or maybe I was imagining it? My eyes snapped open and I saw I was alone again. I was alone, but I could hear something in the distance. Gunfire? Was that gunfire? I couldn't tell anymore as the darkness flooded the corners of my vision.

**There you have it! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Only one more chapter before Sunday! :))) **

**Question Time: What do you think will happen in the next chapter? Who will save Annie, or will anyone save her? _Can_ she even make it out of Woodbury and back to the prison in her mangled state? How will her conversation with Death affect her, or will it at all? If she gets back to the prison how will the others treat her (including Tyrese and the new people)? And lastly, how brutal do you think will Annie be towards the Woodbury 'soldiers?'**

**Can't wait to read your reviews/thoughts! Seriously, they make me write more (obviously). :)))**


	62. 62: Made To Suffer

**Ahh! Less than 2 days! :))) ALSO: Sorry, I've been having difficulty with uploading this chapter. I had it ready at like 10 this morning, but it's been making me all angry! Damn this! I hope I can get it out to you guys today! Sorry for the inconvenience.**

62: Made To Suffer

How long had it been since the shots went off? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? I couldn't remember. I couldn't even remember if it had actually happened of not. I didn't want to. Hope was pointless now. Who was I kidding? The shots weren't real. It wasn't real. It was just another hallucination. Some phantom noise brought on by the loss of my ear, or my mind trying desperately to cope with the end. This was the end and my mind wanted to keep fighting, but my soul, my soul felt empty. The noises, they weren't real. It wasn't real, but I'll tell you what was; I was all-alone now. I was alone and I wasn't getting out of here. I wasn't going to be saved. I wasn't going to make it back to Carl or Judith. I was just going to hang here until someone had the decency to put a bullet in my brain. Hope was gone. Hope had been taken from me, no matter what Death had said. Just because he cared for me didn't mean I was getting out. Even if they came they wouldn't be able to find me, it would be too late. I'd be dead or I'd be broken. I'm broken. There is no use. All I could do is hang here, close my eyes and think of where I wanted to be. His Goddamn eyes, his whole Goddamn face. I don't even know why is was on my mind, why I wasn't thinking of Carl or Joey. It felt so much easier than thinking of him. It wasn't pain; it was just a thought, just a vision. I let the tears flow out of me and waited.

I heard the door slam open and I knew there were only a few things that could happen now. More torture or death. I immediately started pleading through my worn-out voice, "Please, just don't hurt them. Let them go, you can keep me, just let them go."

"Annie!" That sounded like Maggie. No. I shook my head violently causing my body to jolt around; I was just imagining things. I was just dreaming. Just coping. That's all this was. It was just my mind trying to make all this better. It wouldn't help. It would just make it worse when the end came.

I felt hands on me, hands that wrapped around my hips. No. Not again. I thought Death had promised it wouldn't happen again. I struggled against the grip and cried out, "Please," I squirmed as the shrieks poured out, "Please not again! Not again!" I was lifted, and in a moment I felt the pressure on my wrists subside. It was relief, but I knew what was coming. If it wasn't torture it was Death. This was the end. I begged through the tears, "Please just don't hurt them." I squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could as I was set on the table. I didn't want to see who it was. I didn't want to see what was happening. Would they waste the ammo on me? Or would it be a knife? What if they chose something else? Something slower? Shit. "Please."

"Oh God, what did they do to her?"

I heard a knife unsheathe, a now familiar sound. No. A knife would be too slow. And that sound meant it wasn't Merle. It was someone else. No. Just use a gun. Just get this over. I couldn't keep it together. All I could do was curl up in a ball and squeal, "Please don't! Please! Just use a gun!" I felt a hand grab my wrists and try to pry them away from their place shielding my body. I screamed again as I resisted, "I'm not talking, just kill me and be done with it."

"Annie," was that Rick's voice? No, I pulled my sore limbs in tighter and began to rock. I was just imagining things. It wasn't real. "We're gonna get you out of here, just open your eyes."

I didn't want to. I didn't want to see what was happening. I didn't want to open my eyes and see that it had all been a big lie. I couldn't take that kind of let down. I'd die right here and now. I didn't want to see, but I couldn't help myself. I relaxed my eyes and forced them open. It took a few moments for the tears to make way and let me see. Then there they were, those blue eyes I'd been thinking about, they were right there. They were real, and they were right there and he was saving me. My body went limp and I was lost. He was all I could see, all I could focus on. I could hear murmurs behind me, but I didn't care enough to try to figure out what they meant. I just stared ahead and watched as the one person I'd wanted to see cut at the rope. Of course he'd be the one to save me. I felt the stings as the rope rubbed against my lacerated wrists, but I couldn't think about it. There wasn't enough room in my mind. All I could comprehend was the man I loved was saving me.

"She's hurt bad," I could barely make out his voice, "See the gash on her back? Must've lost a lot of blood." Why couldn't I hear him? Why was everything so quiet?

"My ear," I rasped lazily, ignoring what he'd said. I remembered my ear was somewhere on the table with me, but I couldn't look. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. If I looked away I'd realize it was all a dream and I'd have to wake up. My hoarse voice came out again, "I want my ear."

Another voice spoke from behind me, "I'm putting it in Glenn's pocket, Annie, just stay still." I felt as the tears fell off of my face and hit my thighs. Was I still crying? Would I ever be able to stop?

Then another muffled mumble came, "Where'd that Aidan go?" Was that Michonne? Of course Michonne was here.

"He wasn't with us when we got them," was that Oscar? I didn't care. I didn't care about anything except what was happening right in front of me. I felt the need for arms. I wanted those arms around me, and then I'd know it was real. Then I'd know that there was hope.

I didn't move immediately when my hands were freed. I was frozen still. Glued to the spot, but shivering. All I could do was suck in uneven breaths and stare ahead, trying to suppress the involuntary movements. I just sat there and watched as Daryl picked up the shirt off the floor, the shirt his brother had found it in his heart to give me, and walked back to me. He carefully slid it over my head, but the second my arms were through the holes he was moving away, "We gotta get going." I weakly reached out after him in protest, in desperation. Just one hug. One second. If I could just feel safe for one second then I could get enough strength back to get out of here. I might even get enough back to massacre the whole town tonight. I reached, but he was already too far away, already heading out the door.

I shifted to stand up but the second I put weight on my legs I collapsed, hitting the floor with a loud thud. I winced, "Shit." Michonne was there in a second, reaching down to help me, but I batted her hand away, "I can do it myself." I didn't want help. Where was this help when I really needed it? Where'd they been when I was being broken? Even Death came to help, but where were they? Taking their sweet time as I was being tortured? Don't blame them, just focus. I pulled myself up, this time trying to forget about the pain in my ankle, the pain in my side, the pain where my ear had once lived, the pain in my soul. I'd deal with it later. I'll deal with it all later. Right now I needed to be strong and get back and protect Carl and Judith. That's what I needed to do. That's all there is right now. I looked to Maggie, who was struggling holding up a bloody Glenn. We needed to get out of here, and in order to do that I'd have to suck it up and help Glenn. I stood on the other side of him and we began to carry him through the doorway and out of the building. This building. This ugly building. This is the building where Annie broke. I loathed it. I loathed every plank of wood, every slab of flooring, I loathed the pipes and the wires in the walls. I wanted it destroyed. I wanted to burn it down. I wanted to burn the whole town down. I wanted these settlers trapped inside when the flames rose. I wanted all these monsters dead. I wanted to rid this world of Woodbury. But that has to wait. Vengeance would have to wait. Safety first. Saftey first, then they all die.

-o0o-

It hurt. It hurt to walk. It hurt to breath. It hurt to think. It hurt to be alive. It hurt like hell, but I couldn't show it. I couldn't let any of them know how ruined I was. Not yet. Not until we were back. We have to get to safety, Annie. Then you can hurt. Then you can hurt all you want, you can cry all you want, but now we have to get out of here.

The three of us tried desperately to keep up with the rest of them. We were running on empty, but it didn't make a difference. Nothing made a difference. This was survival. I could hear people screaming around us. Unfamiliar voices of the people from this town. The people who lived in Woodbury. The people who let the Governor run the town, let that sick bastard run a community. I hated all of them. I hated every voice I heard. With every new scream I had to resist the urge to go after them, strangle them, show them some of the suffering I'd gone through. No. Not now. Focus. Focus on getting back to the prison. Focus on us. My group. My people. Woodbury can wait. It can wait and then it can burn. I heard Rick whisper to Michonne, "Which way?"

"In here," her voice was sure and we all piled into a building. Setting Glenn down, we tried to catch our collective breath.

"Where's Michonne?" I heard someone ask, but I didn't care. She got us out, and now she had her own work to do. I just leaned over panting, knowing exactly where she was. She was right where I wanted to be, killing that twisted fuck. Hopefully she'll make him suffer, and then Death can have him. I needed to keep moving, keep working towards the goal. If I stopped I'd crumble. I can't stop. I can't stop. I picked myself up and began to look around for anything useful. Anything at all. Where were we? Some café? These people had a café? As if I couldn't hate them any more than I already did. I rummaged around. Nothing. Great. I began looking through the cupboards silently. Nothing. Nothing useful. I didn't want to go back out there empty handed. I needed something in case they caught me again. I needed to protect myself. I needed to be myself for just a while longer, be strong for just a while longer. Shit. Shit. I pulled open a drawer: sporks. Plastic fucking sporks. The drawer was filled with them. Of all the cutler options in the world, sporks. I wanted to scream, and kick, and throw a tantrum. I couldn't though. I needed to stay quiet. I snatched one out of the pile and stood beside Maggie once more. At least it was something. The others were still catching their breath. This was my chance. I turned to look over to her. I wanted to ask her if I'd helped, if he'd violated her too. I wanted to know if I'd succeeded or failed. I wanted to know now. I just couldn't get the words out. She was just staring down at Glenn, worry across her face. I couldn't ask it. This wasn't the right time. Once we're out of here, but for now I'd wait.

Glenn spoke out, "Rick, we told him about the prison. We couldn't hold out any longer." Facts I already knew, but they still cut at me. After all I'd endured, all I withstood, Carl wasn't safe; no one back there was safe. The clock was ticking. He looked over to Daryl, "Merle did this."

"And this," my voice was quiet as I touched the left side of my face just in front of the bandage. I didn't want him to hear me. I didn't want him to think that I was angry about it, angry with his brother. I wasn't. I couldn't be.

"Merle? He's here?" The full gambit of emotions flew across his face and he stepped towards the door.

"We have to go," Rick held him back.

"But he's my brother, I gotta talk to him," his voice was so desperate. Hadn't I known it would be? He was finally close to his brother. I wonder what that feels like? To be so close to finding your brother alive and well? I would never know that feeling. I wonder if it's harder? It must be. I can hear it in his voice. I heard him plead with Rick as I touched the fabric of the shirt remembering the kindness Merle had shown me, "I can try to work something-"

"Glenn can hardly walk," Rick's voice was unyielding, "And Annie…" there was a long pause, "We need to leave now." I didn't see what happened then, I couldn't really see much of anything anymore. The fatigue, the blood loss, it was with me once more. Whatever adrenaline rush I'd gone through was leaving my system and the walls were caving in. Just stay focused. Just stay focused. Then suddenly we started moving once more. I didn't know where we were going, all I knew is we were running again. This time Maggie was dragging Glenn by herself and I was limping behind as fast as I could, clutching the spork like it was my very own katana. I couldn't think. All I could hear were the gunshots and the yells. All I could feel was the pain and the hollowness. All I could do was cry and stumble out a run.

I was passing by an alleyway when I felt a hand grab my arm and pull my in. I looked up preparing to brandish my piece of plastic, but I saw Aidan's face. "Annie," he smiled down at me, "They got you out," he pulled me into a hug and I was able to glimpse behind him. I didn't feel safe. This place wasn't safe. These arms weren't safe. We had to keep moving.

"We gotta hurry," I tugged at his arm as I attempted to make it back to the street.

"No," he pulled me back so hard I was sure my arm would be bruised, "You don't have to leave. I talked to the Governor, he said you can stay with us, you can stay with me here."

"You," my eye twitched slightly and I tried to process his words, "You – talked to the Governor?"

"Yeah," his grin was so wide then, he looked so proud, "I lived here before I got lost in the woods." He'd lived here? He'd lived in Woodbury? He was from Woodbury?

I saw movement at the end of the alleyway. Merle. Shit. I looked back to Aidan, my voice empty from the shock, "You – You're from Woodbury?"

"Yeah, come on." He opened a door, "Let's get you inside."

He tried to push me in. "No," I shoved him off of me.

"The Governor told me it was okay," still he smiled like everything was wonderful, "Don't worry about getting in trouble." Merle had finally reached us, but all I could see was that he wasn't pointing his gun at me. He wasn't trying to kill me. Not yet.

I slapped Aidan's hand away backing closer to the street, "The Governor, he did things to me, he raped me." The word I'd been avoiding in my thoughts, the one word I didn't want to use. Suddenly it was all real. Everything that happened in that room, it was real. There was no escaping it. I felt as my mind switched over. The time for feelings had passed, there would be time for it later on, but now it was purely survival.

"Don't worry," he persisted in trying to get me inside, "I don't mind. It's fine."

I slapped the hand again, this time gripping the spork firmly in my other hand, "You don't mind?"

"I still think you're beautiful," he stroked the side of my face that hadn't been sliced up by the man shooting out of the alleyway next to us, "What he did, it doesn't matter to me." That's when I knew what I had to do. Aidan was someone from Woodbury; he was one of these people. He was one of the Governor's people. That made him an enemy. And with what he'd said, how he didn't care about what had happened to me, he didn't find any offense in the thing that even Death himself had considered unforgivable, that made him worse than an enemy. What happened in that room, it wasn't okay. It wasn't fine. It could never be fine. I gripped the spork as tightly as my weak hand could manage, knowing exactly what I had to do.

"It matters to me," I spoke loud and clear this time before driving the spork through his eye socket in one swift motion. He screamed as he fell to the ground twitching, but I didn't stop pushing, I didn't stop until I was sure he was dead. It would never be okay. It could never be forgiven. Once he stopped moving I grabbed his rifle, slung it over my shoulder, and looked up at Merle, who now had a gun pointed at me. I stood up slowly and waited for him to shoot. Waiting for all of this to be over.

But that shot never came.

I stared at him, a deer in the headlights. I couldn't understand why the gun hadn't gone off. I could see something in his eyes, but I couldn't tell what it meant, not now, I was too tired. He shook his head before nodding to the street, "Now get!" I mouthed 'Thank you,' and then I ran. I didn't look back, I didn't aim the rifle, I just ran. I ran through the smoke. I ran through the pain. As guns went off I didn't flinch I just kept on going. I ran as fast as I could away from this awful place. My legs kept pumping as the bullets flew, and I didn't stop until I was at the wall.

There was another shot, then a scream from Maggie, "Oscar!" I couldn't think. I couldn't think about what had happened. We needed to keep going.

"Just get over the wall," I yelled as I climbed up and threw myself over. I hit the ground hard on my back, right where the gash must have been, and I couldn't control my howl of pain.

"Annie, are you okay?" Glenn was lying on the ground nearby.

I knew it wasn't safe yet; we'd have to keep moving for a while. I scampered up and over to him. When I picked him up I had to grit my teeth against the stings in my ankle. "We gotta keep moving," we leaned against each other for a moment, then Maggie and Rick hopped over the wall too and we were running again. I didn't know where we were going, none of us but Rick knew and all we could do was follow him. I could feel the stabbing pains in my ankle as my booted feet hit the ground ever second. I knew I was just making it worse, but I didn't care. I tried to will the stinging away from my thoughts. It didn't work. Shit. Shit. Just keep going. Don't worry, just keep going. You can deal with it later. Just keep moving. The faster we move the faster this will be over.

Then we suddenly stopped. Maggie and I leaned Glenn against a tree as Rick started picking something off of the ground. Was that a bag? What was it doing out here?

His whisper was furious, "Where's Daryl?" Did he really have to ask?

"Damnit," I sighed. He'd have gone to see Merle. Even if Rick told him not to, he wouldn't have listened. That was his brother. There would've been no way he'd leave without seeing him. And now we'd have to try to find him before we could head back. Shit.

There was a second when everyone but me snapped their heads and guns to one direction. I looked over just as Michonne was emerging from a shadow. The barrels didn't lower, "Where the hell were you?" I watched as Rick took Michonne's katana from her, but I couldn't understand why, "Hope you got what you came here for." I looked at her, hoping she's see me, hoping she'd say she killed the bastard. She didn't.

"You'll need me," she breathed, "To help get them back to the prison or to rescue Daryl." The guns lowered.

"Annie," Rick threw something at my feet. Gauze, "See if you can patch up Glenn." I nodded and knelt at his side.

I went over him, checking carefully as he protested, "You don't need to –"

"There are no real cuts," I wheezed, "There's nothing I can really do anyway."

His voice was almost as weak as my own, "You're shaking." I let out a large sigh turned laugh; I was hoping he wouldn't notice the tremors in my hands or the way my body was shivering as I hastily wrapped the gauze around my own torn up wrists. He didn't need to be thinking about that now. We weren't safe yet. We had a long way to go still.

"Don't worry about that," I made sure I smiled at him even if it was fake, hoping it would give him some sort of peace, "Just keep taking deep breaths and take this," I handed him the gun I'd gotten off of Aidan. He just nodded a couple times and closed his eyes. He hurt too. I could tell. He couldn't go back in there. I couldn't go back in there, not now. We'd be useless in helping rescue Daryl. We'd just slow them down. What we had to do was get out of here, back to the prison and the pain medication. I had to clean my ear out, clean myself off with some scolding water. I had to get out of here and warn the others. I looked to Rick who was speaking with Michonne, trying to come up with some sort of plan then back over to Maggie. This was my chance. I stood up and leaned by Maggie, needing to know now, needing to know if it has all been for nothing, "Did he," I paused, not wanting to say the word again, "The Governor, did he touch… did he hurt you like he hurt me?"

"No," she shook her head as she looked at me with her big eyes.

Thank God it hadn't all been for nothing. I'd protected her, saved her from this feeling. I let out a sigh of relief, "Good." I was taken aback when she pulled me to her.

She hugged me, with her lips to my right ear, "I'm who told them," I could hear her regret, "I told them about the prison."

"I know," I hugged her back, unable to squeeze her. I had nothing let. I wanted to break down then, I wanted to let my guard down. Now wasn't the time. We still had miles to go.

When she pulled away I could she see was beginning to tear up, "I'm so sorry."

"No need to be sorry," I shook my head and set my hands on either side of her face, "You two are safe. That's what matters." I patted her on her back. I tried to sound reassuring, but my vocal chords had been strained too much, "Just need to get Daryl back and then we can get back to warn the others. Get everyone ready for when they make their move."

Her eyes got wide again, "You don't think –"

I nodded before she got the whole question out. A look of fear came over her face, and I knew she was thinking of Beth and Hershel just like I was thinking about Carl and Judith. She didn't need to worry. Not now. I couldn't have her worrying now. I leaned against the tree by Glenn, the desolation filling me as I stared blankly into the darkness, "Let them come," my words cut like the cold but burned like hellfire, there was no use trying to hide my rage now, "I'm going to kill every last one of them for _this_."

**There you have it, the escape! Survival Mode Annie. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reading. :) (AND SORRY FanFicGirl10! Annie killed Aidan. Don't hate me, that's just how the story was going! Us writers have to be cruel sometimes.)**

**Question Time! So! What do you think Rick's big plan will be for busting Daryl out (I too am curious to find that out tomorrow. Here's to hoping they burn the whole town to the ground!)? What do you think Annie will do, can she even help with another assault on Woodbury or will she have to sit this one out? How long do you think she can hold it together before breaking down? How do you think these recent events will affect her relationships with everyone, especially Daryl, Rick, Glenn, and Maggie? And finally, what do you think of Annie and Merle's unspoken understanding?**

**CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! ****_It really makes a difference in my writing, and it helps me stay motivated to keep churning out these monstrous chapters (incentive). :)_**


	63. 63: The Smart Move

**AHH! I'm so excited for tonight, and I know you are too! So here's this chapter to help these last few hours pass a bit more quickly. :)) ENJOY!**

63: The Smart Move

Daryl was in there. He was in there with those people. The people who did this to me. Shit. Shit. We had to make our move soon. We couldn't wait any longer. I looked down at Glenn barely breathing at the bottom of the tree I was leaning against; he'd be no use if we went storming the town. He'd be in danger of getting shot, or worse captured again. Shit. I turned my foggy gaze to my own body. I could see the swelling of my ankle peek out from the top of my boots. My bare legs were shaking violently beneath me not from cold but from the recent assault. The blood was beginning to seep through the fresh gauze around my trembling wrists. I was beat. I could barely move myself. If I went in there with them I wouldn't be coming back out. Shit. I'd be of no use either. Damnit Annie, the one damn time you need to be brave and strong and you're a mess. No, I'm more than just a mess. A mess was putting it too lightly; I'm a pane of glass that has shattered into a million empty pieces only held together by thin laminate and that laminate was slowly failing. If I went with them, if I went back into that town, I wouldn't come out. I needed to go back though. I need to save him. I need to fix this. I need to get him back. Shit. I picked my head up to see Rick still talking things over with Michonne, Maggie had joined the discussion. Three people I trusted completely. Three people that I knew could get him out. If it had been anyone else with me, if it were any other three people I wouldn't have even considered leaving. But it wasn't just anyone, it was them. They could do it. They could save him, even if I wasn't at their side. They could save him, but the two of us couldn't just sit here. We couldn't just wait for them to come back, couldn't just wait to be found. We had to keep moving. We had to get back. We had to get everyone ready.

"Rick," my voice was almost inaudible now, but he'd heard it somehow. He moved over to stand closer as I continued, "We won't be able to help you," I looked down to Glenn who nodded up at me, "We'll just slow you guys down."

"Are you sure?" I couldn't tell if he was disappointed. It didn't matter. I was disappointed. I wanted to go running back in there, killing everyone I saw, and pull him out of that Godforsaken town. I wanted to save him like he'd saved me. I wanted to help, but that wasn't an option, not tonight.

We could still be useful though. We could still warn the others. "We need to – to try to get back to the prison," I breathed, "I'll help Glenn walk. Might be able to get there by morning."

"We shouldn't split up."

"I know," I sucked the air in through my nose feebly motioning down to Glenn, "But we gotta keep moving." I could see the hesitation in all of their faces. Did they forget? Did they forget that the prison had been compromised? My voice came back for a second, "Warn everybody." That was all I needed to say. They knew I was right. If we couldn't help save Daryl we could at least help warn the group. Maggie knelt down by Glenn, saying goodbye.

Rick whispered to me, "Do you know where you're going?"

I gave an exhausted nod, "I remember the map." I hadn't expected the embrace he gave me then, my own goodbye. How far we had come since those days at the house amazed me. How far I'd come amazed me. Now I had people who said goodbye to me. Now I had people of my own. I had a place. When he released me I wheezed at him, "Hurry back once you get him. We'll need numbers." He nodded back in the dark.

"Here," he handed me a pistol from the bag, "In case of walkers." I readied it, but kept the safety on. The last thing I need right now is to accidently shoot myself. Hopefully we wouldn't need it and they'd just leave me alone. It would be hard enough to get back all those miles without a bunch of deadies biting at us.

I turned to Glenn who was now standing, "You ready?"

His own voice was empty, "As ready as I'll ever be." I knew he didn't want to leave Maggie, but this was what had to happen. We had to get as far away from here as possible. We had to get some space between this awful place and ourselves.

I looked back to the three people I was trusting to rescue the man I loved, "See you soon." More nods were shared and then we were off going our separate ways. The pain on my ankle was keeping me awake. It reminded me that I was still alive. We'd only made it about twenty yards when I felt it was safe enough to whisper to him his first orders, "You're going to have to be my ears, okay?" He grunted. Silence returned as our feet dragged across the forest floor.

We made our way step by step, leaning into each other for support, our breaths gasping in the night. Anyone who saw us would've thought we were walkers for sure. There was no life in our movements, just survival and desperation. Just keep going, just keep moving. That's all we have to do. I repeated the phrases over and over again in my head, hoping that they would help keep me from shattering. All I needed to do was make it to the prison, warn them, and then I could break. That's all I had to do. Our steps would slow down and speed up at irregular intervals; we wanted to run, but we just couldn't. We were running on fumes. After an hour I could feel his steps shorten along with his breaths, and his weight grew even heavier against me. I knew he was at the end of his rope. He was at the end and I would have to pick up the slack, even if I couldn't.

"We gotta stop," I halted, leaning him against a nearby tree before I spoke again, "Just for a minute."

His voice replied, almost panicked, "Annie, I don't think I can make it any further." He sighed and winced. What did Merle do to him? His face was beaten, and I realized that it was his shirt I was wearing. Shit. "Just leave me here," he hunched over and rested his hands on his knees, "On their way back they can pick me up."

Leave him here? Was he really asking me to do that? I couldn't do that, not to him and not to Maggie, "I'm not leaving you here." If he wasn't going to be able to walk anymore, then I would just have to carry him. It was as simple as that. Even if I couldn't, I'd have to. I stepped in front of him and faced away, bending my knees slightly, "Get on."

"You can't be serious, Annie."

"You can't walk anymore," my voice rasped as loudly as it could, "So I'll carry you the rest of the way."

"But you're limping just as bad," he pointed to my ankle, "You can barely walk yourself."

I looked back at him. His face was already a bloody mess. We were two disfigured corpses wandering the woods. If we had to do this, then it was better if we stuck together. I could never just leave him. I couldn't show up at the prison alone. There was no way. I'd never do that, not now, not ever. "We stick together. Better than leaving you here by yourself." I handed him the pistol Rick had given me, "Just take this and get on. We're wasting time." He conceded, carefully climbing onto my back. We both let out various moans and groans of pain as we got sorted, and then I started onward. It would be slower, and significantly more painful, but we'd both get back. We wouldn't be alone out here. I kept going, picking up my legs and stepping down, each step closer to the place that I could let this façade fall. Glenn wasn't as heavy as I'd expected at least, and I could tell he was trying his hardest to make it easier for me. For all his attempts still every now and then I'd step in just the wrong way and let out a wince.

"Sorry," Glenn coughed. It seemed so silly to apologize for. He wasn't the one who'd hurt me. He didn't have anything in the world to be sorry for.

I did my best to lighten my voice to try to pick up our moods just for a few moments, "I used to give my brother piggyback rides all the time, this is nothing." Maybe talking a bit would help the time pass. Maybe it would get our minds off things for a moment, just a moment, "Did you have a brother?"

"No, just sisters."

I was going to try small talk again but then I caught a scent on the breeze, "I can smell them."

I could almost hear the smile in his tone, "That means we're close right?"

"Yeah," I grinned slightly myself, "Be there in no time." My pace quickened marginally.

Then he asked what felt like the oddest question, "How are you so okay right now?"

I didn't want to answer him, but I didn't have it in me to lie to him, "I'm not."

There was nothing but the hard steps of my boots on the floor for several minutes. Then he spoke, "You didn't talk."

I croaked back, "You didn't either."

His words became rushed suddenly, as if I'd accused Maggie, "It's not her fault, she-"

I tried to calm him down, "I know. I don't blame her, I still love her, don't worry."

He calmed down just in time before his voice came back in a near yell against my ear, "I can see it," his words were borderline hysterical, "I can see the fence."

I sighed, "Thank God." I all but ran those last fifty yards, even with nothing left. It didn't matter. I was so close; I'd get to stop. I'd get to stop this act.

"Glenn! Annie!" Carl ran up to meet us at the gate, I'd never been so happy to see him, "Are they behind you?"

"Daryl got captured," I was glad when Glenn answered him. I don't think I could've said those words. "They're rescuing him though, should be back soon."

"Get everyone armed," it was all I could get out, "Everyone."

Axel piped up, "Why? What happened?"

"They know we are here," Glenn answered for me, "They'll be coming."

"I'll stay out here on guard," Axel shook the binoculars as we passed him, "Holler if anyone approaches."

Beth and Carol came running up to us just as Glenn was dropping off of my back. "Oh Glenn," Carol's arms were immediately around him, helping him stand, "Honey we're gonna get you a nice bed, and some soup." I felt so unreasonably jealous in that moment. All I could do was remember how much I'd wished for my Mama, how I'd wished for her arms around me. Seeing someone else get that, get exactly what I'd desperately wanted, it was too much. It felt so childish, to want that at a time like this, but I couldn't help myself. I'd have crumbled right there and then if Beth hadn't spoke up.

Her face was full of fear, "Maggie?"

"She's alive," I looked at her as I started my limp towards the door, "She was strong, should be proud." She must've felt reassured because she didn't speak again until just as we were stepping into the prison.

"You're bleeding really bad." It sounded so hilarious; of course I was bleeding. You'd have to be blind not to see that.

"Yeah," I almost laughed.

"I'll have my dad get ready to check on you cuts," she started forward just as I turned down another hall. She looked back at me and in the soft lamplight I could tell she was confused, "Where're you going?" Another strange question.

I spoke to her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Shower."

It didn't take long to get to the showers, or maybe it did, I couldn't tell anymore. Everything blended together. I set the lamp on the floor before grabbing a fresh bar of soap and a washrag. I was so tired, so drained, but I needed to do this. I needed to get this off of me. I pulled off my boots, noting how swollen the one ankle had become, almost twice the size of the other one. Shit. No, I'll worry about that later. Now I need to get cleaned. I yanked off the bandages around my wrists and my ear as I waited for the water to heat up to its hottest setting. I needed to seer this day away. I needed every last spec of dirt to be gone, every centimeter of my skin to be boiled clean. Once I saw the steam I stepped into the downpour. It stung at my ear, it stung my face, it burned through the fabric of the shirt. It burned, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore. There was this vacancy in the place where I used to feel. A giant chasm with only six things housed at the bottom: Daryl, Carl, Judith, Rick, the group, and that hatred. As my skin burned so did I, I wanted that town razed. I wanted everyone there to hurt just like me. Not just die, but suffer. It's all I could think of. That odium and those eyes. I tried not to think of them though; it made my stomach seize up with questions. Was he okay? Did they hurt him? Would they save him? When would they be back? Eventually I pulled off the shirt and started vigorously scrubbing at every inch of my skin. I scrubbed as hard as I could, disregarding the way it felt. Just get clean. Just get this off. Please. Please just get this off of me.

It would never come off though, at least not all the way. After the stream turned cold I gave up and turned off the water. When I came back to the place I'd put my boots I found they had been replaced with prison grade slippers and my comfortable clothes. There was also a large towel and a water bottle lying beside the lantern. Beth must've brought them in while I was under the water. I couldn't help but feel better at the sight of it. It wasn't much, but it was something. It was compassion, and I badly needed that. I dried off, noticing the bleeding had slowed substantially. Good. Good. That's good. I put the clothes on and started to drink from the bottle. It felt like heaven going down my sore throat as I limped through the halls.

Once I reached the cellblock I saw a group of people I'd never seen, but I couldn't for the life of me begin to process that information. Carl unlocked the bars and let me through before shutting them once more. He didn't say anything to me; he just walked beside me as I approached Beth standing at the nearest cell. I silently uttered, "Thank you."

"Oh my God," she covered her mouth in disgust, "Dad, Annie's lost an ear."

I let out the strongest laugh I could, "No, I know right where it is. It's in Glenn's pocket."

Hershel was suddenly right beside me, motioning for Beth to have me sit in the cell. "She's lost a lot of blood," he started going over me. Is this what it felt to be on the other end? This is what being a patient it? It had been so long since I was on this side of things. "I'm going to need some antibiotics," he looked over to his daughter, "One of the suture kits. She'll need something for the pain, and I'll need something to clean the wounds with." She disappeared and then she was suddenly back. How long had that taken her? She was like a ninja she was so fast, or maybe I was slowing down? Hershel handed me four blue pills, "Take these." I followed his orders, finding it difficult to get the pills down. They stuck to my throat and I had to down the rest of the water. Then I saw Hershel had the Smirnoff bottle out, "This is going to sting."

I laughed again, "I know." When he carefully poured the liquor over my ear I could almost not feel it. The pills hadn't started working yet, but there was just this numbness to my skin. How much blood did I lose? Maybe I was just too tired? I suddenly remembered the unfamiliar faces, "Who are those people?"

"We're taking care of it, don't think about them right now," Hershel had the loveliest voice. When he said not to worry I felt it as all the worry left my body. "Now all I can do is rebandage your ear," he seemed to be saying it to himself, more than to me, "But I can stitch up the cut on your back."

I nodded down to my feet, "My ankle."

He immediately inspected them, "Jesus, Annie. How'd you manage doing this much damage?"

Carl spoke up, and I remembered he was there, "She was carrying Glenn when they came up." I wish he'd sit by me. It would be nice if he could just sit by me, maybe I could give him a hug and this would all be better? Maybe?

Hershel's voice came back, snapping me out of my thoughts, You'll have to be off it for at least a few weeks, maybe over a month." He looked to his daughter once more, "Beth, would you get that extra pair of crutches we found, she'll need them." She nodded and ran off again. "I'm going to start the stitching now," Hershel pulled out the suture kit, "Have those pills kicked in?"

I chocked out a few hollow laughs, "I had my ear cut off, I was sliced up and then raped, I think I can handle a few pricks from a needle." As soon as I said it I saw this look of terror on his face. Shit. What did I just say? Wait, Maggie. His daughter. "She wasn't," my frail hand came up to pat his shoulder and my eyelids fell, "She wasn't hurt."

"What does that mean?" Carl's voice came through. I looked over to him. He wasn't asking me, he was asking Beth. When did she get back? She started to whisper something to him. No. No, don't tell him.

Hershel put his hand on my shoulder, "Just try to relax," he leaned me back onto the bed and had me roll over so he could get to work. I felt it as the needle bit and pulled at my skin. I couldn't focus too hard on it. I couldn't focus too hard on anything. There was this mist that covered everything now. "There." Was he done already? Good. Good. I need to get back out there. I need to go save them. I stood up and started out of the cell and towards the door out of the cellblock, "What do you think you're doing?" A hand stopped me.

"I gotta make sure they get back safe."

Hershel's voice was stern, "No, you have to get some sleep." Beth was beside me then, placing crutches beneath my arms, "We'll keep watch."

I looked to them, "You sure?"

"We'll all pitch in," Hershel had picked up his shotgun. Was it really safe to sleep? Was it really time to let this mask fall?

I looked to Carl, but he didn't look back at me, "Buddy?"

His voice had a tinge of wrath to it, "We'll handle it." He started off towards the exit, towards the hallways leading outside. Why wouldn't he look at me? I felt the heat behind my eyes. It was only a matter of time before I'd be unable to keep this together. I put my weight on the crutches and started towards the stairs.

"I'll be in my cell," I looked back to then, "If you need me just come get me."

It took me forever to get up the stairs, but I was set on doing it alone. Just get to your cell, Annie. Just get there and then it will be safe. I started down the walkway when I passed by Glenn's cell. I looked in, finding Carol beside him with an empty bowl in her hand. "Now you're all cleaned up," I just stared into the cell. I couldn't help myself. There it was. There was the one thing I'd pleaded for back in that room. A mom caring for her kid, it was all I could see. The tears were threatening to break out and stream onto me face when Carol glared over at me, "Excuse me, he's trying to rest." I'd never have that. I'd never have a mother again.

I draped the damp shirt on the railing before awkwardly reaching for the bloody jeans on the floor, "Just getting something." I searched the pockets before I pulled out the remains of my lost ear.

Glenn's voice was a bit stronger now, "You okay?"

I looked at him. I wasn't okay. I'd never be okay. He sent me a nod; he knew I'd never be okay. I maneuvered out of the small cell fast, trying to hide that I'd started crying, "Rest up."

I clacked down the walkway as quickly as I could, the tears pouring now. Just get to your bed. Just get there. You can do this. I hopped into my cell and clumsily dropped the crutches before falling onto my bed. I curled up, pulling the covers around me, needing to shut everything else out. I had nothing now. I had nothing but the emptiness and the cries. I sobbed into the blanket, thinking of nothing and everything all at once. I wanted arms to hold me. I wanted my mother, any mother, to sit with me and cry with me. I wanted hot soup of my own, I wanted to be tucked in and babied. I wanted someone to protect me.

That wasn't going to happen, though. I'd never have that. What had happened in that room back in Woodbury would be mine to bear alone. There was no soft place to land, not for me. There was no one to help me pick up these pieces. What happened to me would stay with me until the day I die.

I'd never be the same.

**Thank you for reading! You are seriously the best readers a writer could ask for, you totally make this worth it. :)**

**Question Time: Did Annie make the right call in heading back to the prison without the others? What do you think will be going through her mind in the chapters to come? Will she bounce back, like she always does, or will she curl up and hide indefinitely? What do you think Carl is feeling, and why? When the others get back (if the others get back), what will the aftermath be in regards to Annie? **

**:) Ahh! Only a few more hours! **


	64. 64: Pieces Of What

**ENJOY!**

64: Pieces Of What

I couldn't tell the difference between asleep and awake. It all flowed together and in either place I couldn't escape what was happening. I couldn't escape what had happened. It just hung there in my cell with me. It was the only thing I could think of. The pain, the loss; I couldn't help but sob into my pillow in silence. Flashes of faces flooded my thoughts, and then the ear. The ear on the table. That wall. That stupid ugly wall. I'd twist in my cocoon and try to escape them but there was no use. You can't run from what's in your head. You can't run from memories. They'll just scab and scar, never completely fading away, never completely leaving me be.

At some point the pain medication and my general fatigue must have won out, because things seemed to stop for a while. My eyes shut, my breathing slowed, and the next thing I knew it was a new morning. When my eyes opened there was no grace period. There wasn't the normal moment of forgetful bliss. Then it occurred to me; those moments were gone to me now. Now I'd never be able to forget the evils of this world.

I sat up too fast. If there had been anything left in me it would have been purged, but I was as empty as I felt. That's all I was. Empty. I looked around my cell. Nothing had been touched. The crutches still sat on the floor, unmoved. No one had come to see me. No one. I felt the heat behind my eyes again and the wetness covered my face. No one had come to check on me. Why had no one come? I thought after everything we had been through that they had cared. I thought they cared enough to check and make sure I hadn't blown my own brains out. Maybe I was wrong.

My stomach grumbled loudly. I needed to eat. Hopefully someone would talk to me at breakfast.

I pulled the slippers on my feet after I wiped the moisture from my face. Just get some food in you, some water too, and then you can come back in here and cry some more. Maybe someone would sit with you, hold you. Maybe Daryl would. I eagerly picked the crutches off of the ground and jammed them under my arms. I could faintly hear talking, but I couldn't make out the words. It all felt so far away. Just get some food, Annie. You'll feel better if you eat. You'll heal faster if you eat. I clacked down the walkway and slowly descended the stairs. I hated this, how could Hershel stand it? I grunted and huffed as I neared the bottom. Once I reached the floor I was able to get a look around. No one was in the cellblock. They were all eating breakfast by the smell of it. Why hadn't they woken me up for breakfast? Why didn't they come get me?

Clack, clack, clack.

My old table was full. Carl, Rick, Beth with Judith, and Hershel had filled it. Shit. I made my way over to the food that was set out. Powdered eggs, scrambled. They used to be my favorite. Now they would be as good as anything else in the lineup. I needed protein. I filled a plate with the yellow fluff and grabbed a bottle of water before making an attempt to sit at the only table that wasn't full. Glenn and Maggie. I held the bottle in my mouth to free up one of my hands and made my first attempt towards the table. No luck. It took me a second before I realized I'd need to ditch one of the crutches to make it over with the plate. As I slowly inched my way to my seat I felt eyes on me. They were all there. They were all talking. They were all just sitting there, staring over at me while they talked about whatever pointless thing was the news today. Couldn't they see how difficult this was for me? They had to be able to see that I needed some sort of assistance. Then why weren't they helping me? Why were they just looking at me, but not addressing me? I finally set the plate down as I thudded down onto the bench and then opened the bottle to take a sip.

The water quenched my thirst, and I felt a bit better. Focus on that, Annie. Don't focus on them. Just do what you came down here to do and get on with your day.

Now to eat.

I kept my head down as I shoveled the food into my mouth. It tasted so disgusting, but I didn't care, not anymore. I was so hungry that I'd have eaten just about anything at that point. Chew, swallow, sip. Chew, swallow, sip. After a few bites Carol appeared at our table and spooned some more food onto both Maggie and Glenn's plates. When I looked up at her, expecting that I, too, would get another few spoonfuls, she just walked off. I stabbed at me. I wanted someone, I wanted someone to hold me and tell me things would be fine. She'd never do that for me. Why did I even want her to?

I was halfway through when I remembered that something was missing. The one thing I wanted to find down here. Those eyes. Daryl. I set my fork down and looked around the room for him, fighting the stiffness in my muscles. No one looked at me when my gaze passed by. No one was looking at me, but it was clearly intentional. Did I do something wrong? Wait. He's not here. I scanned again. He's not here.

I looked up to Glenn and Maggie who didn't look away immediately like the others. I didn't want to say it allowed. I didn't want to say anything, so I just mouthed, 'Daryl?'

They both shook their heads. No. No. I should've stayed back, and made sure he got out safe. I shouldn't have left. I should've gone back in and killed them all like I'd wanted to. I looked back down to my eggs, seeing drops of water appear on the plate. Was I crying? My face was too numb; it was as though I couldn't feel anything anymore. I lost him. More droplets fell. Shit. I wiped my face with my spare hand. Not in front of everyone, Annie. Glenn cleared his throat only to speak in a whisper, "He isn't dead."

I looked up at him in pure confusion.

Maggie continued his thought, "He left with his brother."

"Why?" was all I could get out.

"Annie, I need to talk to you once you're finished." I looked over my shoulder to Rick who had just spoken, tears still streaming from my eyes faster than I could wipe them away. All I could do was nod back.

Once the food was chocked down Maggie took my plate for me. I wanted to tell her thank you. I wanted to tell her thank you, but I couldn't get the words out. I just grabbed both of the crutches and made my way over to Rick and Carl who were now by their cells. I didn't say anything when I reached them; I just stood there and waited.

"I hate to ask this of you right now," Rick's voice was notably weaker than usual, "But we need to double up the watches and you're just about the best shot that we have."

At first I didn't move. I couldn't do that. I couldn't take a watch. Not now. Not in the state I was in, either physically, emotionally, or mentally. What use would I really be? If anything happened I'd be a sitting duck. I couldn't hear properly anymore. All I could really still do was smell, was that enough? I could see in his face that I had to, they still needed me. This was something I would have to do, even if everything in me wanted to say no, even if everything in me wanted to curl into a ball far away from here and waste away. I could feel fresh tears forming as I stuttered, "Oh- okay." I caught my breath quick, but it was too late. Whatever levy I had shoddily managed during breakfast had been flooded over. Now I was back to the heavy breaths and sobs.

He stepped out of my way and motioned towards the bunk bed, "Sit down."

"He left," I dropped down onto the bed and stared up at my would-be father, "Why'd he leave?"

I could hear the disappointment in his voice, "He wanted to stay with Merle."

My words became frantic now, "Merle couldn't stay here too? We have plenty of space."

"After what he did to Glenn, to you," I saw his eyes dart to my bandage, "We couldn't have him here. He's too dangerous." Too dangerous? He was another strong person, another potential protector. He knew the Governor, he knew all about Woodbury. He could have been an asset. He could have been a friend. And most of all if he was here Daryl would be too.

I snapped back, "I don't care about my ear."

"That's not the only thing he did," he looked at me directly in the eye. I knew what he meant. When they found me I was hanging naked from a hook dangling from the ceiling. Even if Beth, Hershel, and Carl had kept it to themselves they could have still guessed what happened in that room.

"The Governor ruined me," I motioned at myself, "Not him. Merle could've killed me, but he didn't." I thought back to that moment. He could have shot me, justified it, but he didn't. I could have killed him, too, but I didn't. Whatever unspoken agreement we had was finalized in that moment. "He let me just walk away."

He ran a hand through his hair and stood up straight once more, "What was I supposed to do?"

I looked at him as I continued to bawl. What was he supposed to do? He was supposed to keep us all together. He was supposed to make sure they all came back. He was supposed to know an asset when he saw one, and keep Daryl here with us no matter what. But how could he? How could he manage all of that when he was barely keeping it together as it was? For all I knew he felt like crying too. His decision, even if I wish he'd chosen otherwise, was what he thought would be best for us all. Either way would have been difficult. He made the call. He was just doing his best to keep us as safe as possible. I looked up at him and wiped off my face before nodding. He knew what I meant by it. He knew that I knew he was just doing the best he could. This wasn't his fault. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine. I should have been stronger.

Rick turned to the opening in the cell, "You can have the day shifts."

I nodded again before he left. Carl, who had been standing just outside the cell, also turned to leave, but I stopped him, "Carl?" He faced into the cell, but his eyes stuck to the floor. No. Despondency filled my voice, "Please look at me, buddy." His head raised and our gazes finally met, "Can you sit with me until I have to go?"

"Okay." He slouched down beside me, and I couldn't control myself. He was so much like Joey, and even if he hadn't been he was still family. I pulled him to me, wrapping him in a tight hug and for that moment I felt better. I didn't let go; I couldn't let go. I didn't want to put this on him, but I needed my brother now more than ever. I needed my family. All I had wanted was a hug, and even with his arms limp under my own it was enough. My sobs subsided into a quiet drizzle. After a few minutes I felt him relax as he began to pat my arm.

Eventually I knew it was getting time to gather a few rifles and head up to the tower. I didn't want to have to leave though. I didn't want to have to leave him just yet. I didn't want to be alone with someone else just yet. I let go of him, "Do you think you can cover the watch with me?" He gave me a silent nod, and I couldn't be that upset anymore. I still had my buddy. I still had something.

-o0o-

I stared through the binoculars during my fifth sweep in the last three minutes. We had to be careful. We had to be more than careful, we had to be perfect. Whatever I felt, however hollow I was would have to wait while I was up here. Up here I had to keep it together and do my job. I couldn't slip up. I slip up and we all might die. If we all die then I would have gone through all of that for nothing. If we all die I'd never get him back.

Once I finished my scan I looked over to Carl, his nose still stuck in Riley's book. We agreed to trade off doing the scans every once in a while to pass the time, help pass the time. It would also keep us relatively alert, and that's what we needed. I held the binoculars back up, "How do you like the book?"

His voice was less than enthusiastic, "It's okay, I guess."

I spit out my favorite line, "Losing all hope is freedom."

He slammed the book shut, "So that's it?" He dropped it down on the floor, "There's no hope?"

I couldn't help but shrug, "Who needs hope?" When I glanced back at him he looked so mad. No. I tried to explain, "I got you, don't I? Family. That's a whole lot better than hope." I stood still immediately and for a second I was back in that horrible room, alone with no hope of escape. Hope wasn't even something I'd wanted then. No, what I wanted was my family. What I wanted was a fellow human, someone to help. I wanted to not be alone anymore. I wanted to not have to go through everything alone. A tremor ran through my body, and a now commonplace sting came to my eyes, "I'm sorry. I just, I'm struggling."

"I know." He didn't seem mad anymore. He didn't seem ashamed either. He seemed confused, and I was right there with him. This was uncharted territory. This was the untouched jungle. We were completely lost. We didn't know how to navigate through. I don't know why, but I instantly thought of Mitch. He'd gone through tough times of his own. He told me how hard it was when he was trying to get through it, and the struggle. The one thing that helped him was talking about it honestly. Honesty. Maybe that was what I needed to do now?

"I can be honest with you, right?" I looked over to him and waited for a response.

"Sure," his voice was back to normal for a second, "You know that, Annie."

Just be truthful, Annie. That's all you can do. It will help. "I can't do this on my own," my voice was the strongest it had been all day, "Not this time."

"But you're the toughest person I know."

"Not anymore," I sat on the desk and peered out the window, towards the road, "Now it's your turn."

"Why?"

I didn't look back to him, "Beth told you what it meant?"

"Yeah," I could tell he was uncomfortable. This was going to be uncomfortable for a while. That's just how it will have to be. Eventually, maybe, things will get better. But for now we'd just have to get through this.

I continued, "I was so sure I was going to die." I sighed, "That sort of thing changes you, even if I didn't want it to, even if he said I'd be put back together."

"Even if who said?"

Just tell the truth, "Death." His face showed absolute confusion. I knew he wouldn't understand. Not yet. "I talk to Death sometimes," I tried to explain, "In that room he came to see me, help me. It was probably just a hallucination, but he seemed so real."

"What did he say?"

I looked to him then, the smallest of smiles on my face, "He said time would pass and I'd get to be me again." I looked back down to the fence line, "He also said this virus changed everything but him and me."

I was surprised when he had come to stand by me, "What does that mean?"

I shrugged my shoulders heavily, "He tried to explain it, but I have no clue." He seemed to be trying to figure it out on his own. "I just know that I'm," I tried to be as positive as possible for him, "For now I'm broken."

"You weren't gone that long," he took a seat beside me on the large desk.

"It feels like a lifetime, buddy," I bopped him on his sheriff's hat, "I still love you though, just the same."

His tone got serious once more; "That Governor guy did this to you?" I nodded. "You know where he is, we should go after him," he held up his gun, "Kill him today."

"No," I put my hand over his gun, lowering it back down.

"What are you saying? He needs to pay for what he did."

"He will," my voice was cold, "We'll burn the whole town down, they'll all get what's coming to them, but not yet." I jangled the crutches that were laying beside me, "Can't go after him with these, now can I?"

"Then I can just do it," he pleaded.

"I know you can," I put my arm around his shoulders and gave a squeeze, "But I need you to stick with me for a bit. I don't think I can lose someone else, especially not you." He pulled his binoculars up and started to inspect the fence line. I was glad he was with me. It was nice to not be alone anymore. The only thing that was really eating at me, besides being the void personified, was that no one seemed to want to talk to me now. Did I do something wrong when I got back? Did they blame me for everything that happened? I raised an eyebrow, "You know why everyone's been avoiding me?"

"We thought you'd want to be alone."

I shook my head, "Not this time."

"I'll let everyone know."

"No, it's fine. You're with me, right?" I saw the brim of the hat move in a nod, "That's enough for now."

We sat in silence for a long time, hoping to see nothing while at the same time I know we both wanted to see Daryl coming down that road. The group was stronger with him around. We needed him now, with the looming threat of Woodbury. We needed him now more than ever. And I needed him, too. Carl looked towards the door suddenly, and I grabbed my pistol and snapped my head that direction as well, "How are you two doing?" I relaxed; it was just Rick.

"All clear so far, Dad."

He looked over to me, "How are you holding up?"

"Barely," I patted Carl on his back, "But he's helping."

Rick came to sit in one of the uncomfortable chairs Carl and I had abandoned earlier in our watch. "What happened to you… I just don't know what to say," he leaned his elbows on his knees, "I don't know how to make this better for you."

"Neither do I," I forced my voice to lighten, "Thanks for getting to us in time."

"We didn't," he shuddered slightly.

"You did," I scooted off of the desk and hopped a few times before I got control of my crutches, "We are all still alive."

"But–"

I interrupted him in a near-shout, making sure to get through to him, "What happened in Woodbury was nobody's fault but the Governor's." I winked at Carl, "And he'll be dead soon enough."

**Noooooo! Damn Dixons should have stuck with the group (Am I right or am I right?) Well, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you for reading! Be sure to review so I keep motivated! **

**_( I will be trying to keep as close to the show's storyline/timeline as possible, but bear with me if you'd please. I'll do my best, but it gets a bit tricky. You know what would help? Feedback and input! Just saying. )_**

**Question Corner: With Daryl ditching the group for his brother, what do you think Annie will do now? (Go completely Rick-Level insane? That would be funny, two unhinged leaders rampaging around the prison.) Tyrese's group has yet to be fully addressed by Annie, what do you think she'll have to say to them? How about the new brother/sister assassination plot? At least she got a damn hug this time around. :)**

**Can't wait to hear your thoughts! I love hearing what you all have to say!**


	65. 65: Home

**Sorry for the wait! New episodes, so writing it can be a bit touch and go. ENJOY!**

65: Home

We had only been sitting up there for an hour longer when I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'd gotten it a few times before in my life and it had always been a bad omen. Today would be no different. The message was clear. Something was wrong. Something bad was about to happen, and I couldn't just sit here. I needed to try to be proactive. I needed to try to contribute. I needed to keep my mind off of everything that had been nagging at me. I needed to do more than look through binoculars.

I looked down at my still swollen ankle. I wish it were just better already. I didn't have time for crutches, not with this feeling in my gut. It wasn't safe to be without the full use of my hands, let alone slowed down by anything. How do I fix it?

Splint.

That would be the only way to let it continue to heal and free up my hands. It was my best bet to start helping again. Whatever I was feeling, however lost or empty, it would have to wait. Maybe forever. For now I needed to free up the use of both of my legs. I needed to make a splint for myself. And I know just how to make one. I could use parts of the crutches and some rope, and then I'd be almost back to normal. Normal enough to go out into the woods and try to sniff out the Dixon brothers. I pulled some rope from one of the cabinets and carefully crawled onto the floor to work.

"What are you doing, Annie?" Carl watched as I began hastily taking the crutches apart, throwing the spare parts to the side of the room.

"Making a splint," I didn't look up at him, I just kept my eyes on the task at hand. I put one of the height adjustments on either side of my calf and began to tie the pieces together carefully, "So I can walk by myself."

"Why?"

"I can't just sit here," I glanced up for a second, my hands still tying, "I gotta check the woods, try and find Daryl."

"But," he stopped pacing for a moment, "What if the Governor's men come?"

"That's why we need Daryl," I tightened the makeshift brace around my knee, "Merle can help, too."

"I meant what if they come while you're gone?"

I looked up at him and realized that he was worried. He was worried just like me. Maybe he had a gut feeling, too. I nodded to his gun, "Then take care of them."

"But we need you here."

"I won't go too far," I stood up and took a few testing steps, "I promise."

When he looked at me I could see the disappointment on his face. Maybe it wasn't a good idea for me to go combing the woods, but what else was I supposed to do? Just sit here and wait? I just couldn't do that. When I walked for the door he came with me, "I should go check on everyone."

"Good idea," I patted his shoulder as he passed me and started down the stairs.

His head turned slightly to the side, "Be safe out there."

"I will be." Once we reached the bottom we went our separate ways. "Should probably tell Rick what I'm going to do," I scanned the fields. I couldn't find Rick anywhere. But I did find Michonne picking around an old overturned bus, and I saw Hershel hauling serious ass on his crutches, "Where the hell is he going?" I yelled over the field, "Hershel, you know where Rick is?"

He motioned to the forest with one of his crutches, "Went off into the woods."

"Shit," I mumbled before speaking up once more, "If you see him tell him I went looking for Daryl!" Once I saw a nod I decided it might be best if I had someone with me. Maybe Michonne could help? I made my way over to the bus, tripping a few times over the uneven ground. I still wasn't at full capacity, but it was far better than those crutches. "Michonne," I leaned against the splint for a moment as I caught my breath, "I'm going to head out to—"

Bang.

A loud gunshot rang out through the air and we froze. Then came the rain of gunfire. There was burning and I couldn't tell where the sounds were coming from, not with my ear hole bandaged. Shit. I ducked low and crept closer to the bus for cover, "What the fuck is that?"

Michonne's eyes were filled with focus as she spoke, "Get down."

"Shit," I peaked out from behind the bus being careful not to stick my neck out too much, "I thought we'd have more time." I heard more gunfire. It felt so close. Why did it feel so close? Something is wrong. I felt wrong. What's wrong?

"Just stay down," she pulled me back behind the protective metal of the grey bus, "They'll run out of ammo eventually." She was right. It sounded like they were using automatics. Waste of bullets. There weren't that many of us, they knew that. Why would they be wasting so many bullets? Why… why do I feel so lightheaded?

"I don't feel so good," I swayed slightly as I tried to look myself over. My right arm was bleeding now. When did that happen? Why was it bleeding?

Michonne quickly grabbed it to get a better view. "Just a graze," she nodded to my gun, "Got a bunch of steel protecting us. The others need some cover fire. A diversion." I nodded and readied the piece before leaning out and popping off a couple rounds into the forest line near the car. None of the shots seemed to hit anything.

"Shit," I could see my hands shaking as I attempted to steady the gun. There'd be no way in hell for me to hit any of them, not with my arm like this. "My-my aims off."

"It's just to distract 'em," her words reassured me, "Buy the others some time." We heard two loud clangs and watched as a van came barreling through the front gates and over the field.

I couldn't help myself but ask the obvious as my mouth gapped open, "What the fuck is that?"

"Don't know," Michonne pulled out her katana, "But it doesn't look good."

"Don't suppose it's just the ice cream man? Could really go for a snow-cone right now." I leaned against the sweltering metal, wrapping my hand around my new wound. I couldn't lose any more blood. Not now. Not after I lost so much yesterday. I ripped the bottom of my shirt and dressed the knick as best as I could. I couldn't keep getting hurt like this; I'd be dead by dawn. Once it was secure I peaked out from behind Michonne. We watched in horror as the back of the van dropped opened. Then they came out. Walkers came running out. Damnit. At least they didn't have guns.

"We gotta try to take care of them," she turned back to me, "Got your knife?"

I pulled it from its home at my thigh, "I'll be right behind ya."

She gave me a nod, "Let's go." As we ran out, into the deadies, into the nightmare, everything else disappeared. I hobbled as fast as I could, taking out whatever was close enough for me to sink my blade into. A few yards in front of me I could see the glint of the katana as it sliced through the muck like butter. It was just us slicing through the snarling dead. Whatever else that was happening around us didn't get through. Just the sounds of flesh being sliced apart. It was all there was.

When there was another roar of an engine I searched for the source, hoping that it wasn't another truck full of biters. That's when we saw the silver pick up. One of ours. Thank God.

"Get in!" It was Glenn, climbing out of the driver's seat, "Get in!" We followed the orders, piling in the cab and panting.

Hershel's voice rang through as we started to move again, "Any of you hit?"

I grunted as Michonne spoke for me, "Annie was grazed."

"Looks like there leavin'." There was relief in Glenn's voice.

I couldn't see Hershel, but I could hear the confusion in his tones, "Why?"

They didn't understand. They didn't understand just who these people were. I spit out my words, "Got what they came here for."

"We're still alive though?"

"Broke the fence, shot all those extra rounds to draw every dead-head here for a couple of miles. Figured the walkers will take care of any survivors," I stared out the window as I wiped the sweat off of my face.

Glenn's words were quiet, "The noise."

Michonne spoke up, goal driven as ever, "What are we gonna do?"

"We'll take care of it once we've regrouped."

When the car stopped we got out. I could see Carol in the distance, kneeling beside a body clothed in black. Axel. No. Damnit. I looked around. Beth, Maggie, Glenn, Michonne. Where the hell is Rick? Shit. I started to make my way over to Axel's body when I noticed Carl. His face was expressionless.

"Buddy," I nudged him with my splinted foot as I walked by, "You okay?" He too was looking over at Carol, but I saw him nod faintly. He might've been lying, but he's a fighter. He'll make it through. We'll make it through. I trained my gaze over to Carol, silently crying beside the motionless body of her friend. Would she be okay? I felt as my feet dragged their way off in her direction. I knew we weren't friends. I knew she didn't like me. But maybe those things don't matter now. Maybe what mattered was that I needed a mom and she needed a friend, maybe even a daughter eventually.

I closed the gap between Carol and the myself. She was just sitting beside his body; I could see the subtle contractions in her shoulders as she stared down at him. They had been with each other all day, helping to fortify. She must've been with him when it happened. I don't know why exactly, but I just couldn't stand seeing her like that. I couldn't stand her being there, alone. She shouldn't be alone at a time like this. I knelt down beside her and she snapped over at me, "What do you want?"

I ignored her hostility. She'd lost a friend. Anger is a natural reaction to loss. Anger is a natural reaction to most things these days. I let go of my wound and wrapped my good arm around her shoulders, scooting closer to her, "I'm so sorry."

Her voice was almost hollow, "It all happened so fast. I didn't know what to do, so I…"

I pulled her in closer. It reminded me of when my mom used to cry, that powerless feeling. There's nothing worse then when a child sees their mother cry; all you want to do is make it stop, make it better. That was all I wanted to do for her now. I wanted to do something, anything to ease the pain, even if she hated me. I didn't hate her, I couldn't. I wiped my bloody hand on my leg and wrapped her with both arms. I could feel her sobs grow more severe, "You're safe now." I rubbed her back as I sat there with her; it might not have been the hug I'd wanted earlier, the roles had reversed, but it was what she needed. That's what families do. Even when things don't go your way, you have to get past it. You have to help each other when you can. I spoke softly down into her ear, "He protected you?"

Her hands grabbed my sides, "I didn't have anywhere else to hide." I looked over to the body. Riddled with bullet holes. Total overkill, they must've been trying to get to her. That must have been awful.

"He'd be glad," I rubbed the back of her head, trying to calm her down, "Glad he could help keep you safe."

She pulled away slightly, "Why are you—"

"Shh," I pulled her back in. Of course she'd be confused as to why I was here. She wouldn't understand why I wanted to help her, not yet. I'd tell her later, once things relaxed, but for now she didn't need to know why. She just needed someone here. I could be that person. We were two people who'd lost their families, why couldn't we form one of our own?

"You shouldn't be here!" I heard Glenn's raised voice faintly behind us.

"We just helped save his ass," who the hell was that? "You ungrateful—" This wasn't the time or the place for an argument.

"Do you mind!?" I turned my head as I shouted towards the bickering group. Then I saw the owner of the other voice. Merle. And behind him there he was. Daryl. The Dixon brothers, the people I was going to go try to find, right here. He came back. I could feel the shocked expression on my face fade as Beth approached us.

"I can sit with her now," she nodded for me to join the rest of them. I stood up slowly, getting my still unfamiliar footing as a ball of anxiety filled my stomach and my vision began to blur. He was back.

Merle smiled over at me when I got to them, "Look who it is. Ol' One Ear."

I couldn't help but laugh as I reached out to shake his hand for the first time. He looked at it for a second before giving in, "Glad it all worked out for you."

"Wish I could say the same to you too, Killer."

I nodded and let go of his hand. He'd let me live. He didn't kill me. I furrowed my eyebrows; "You didn't kill me, does that mean I owe you now?"

"Didn't kill me neither, Blondie."

I let out a low laugh, "Good." I turned to Daryl, wanting to say something, but before I could open my mouth I was being called on.

"Annie," Hershel clacked over to right beside me, "Let's get you inside."

"Can't I…?" I nodded over to Daryl.

He shook his head and nodded down to my right arm, "I'll need to patch up your arm right away."

I just stood there for a second, trying to figure out what he meant. Then I remembered. The bullet graze. "Oh," I looked down at the bit of fabric covering the gash; it was still oozing blood, "I forgot."

-o0o-

As I sat on the bottom bunk of the vacant cell with Hershel failing at his attempts to re-bandage my arm all of my concerns flooded over me. I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I was supposed to die in that room in Woodbury. I couldn't fight the rage that filled my heart when I thought about the Governor shooting Axel. I should have killed him. I should have killed him the other night. I should have killed him today. He should be dead, or maybe I was supposed to be dead. Either way, one of us has to die. As the blood continued to flow I started to lose my focus, my control. I felt as the hot tears started to fall from my face.

"I'm sorry," I softly whimpered as I tried to wipe what I could from my eyes.

"No need to be," he continued his work, "Reckon it's been a hard couple of days for us all."

I nodded as he pulled a suture needle and thread from his bag. Great. More stitches. I already look like a busted ragdoll. It'll help with the healing though. He started to tug at my skin and I sighed, "I'm tired of getting hurt."

He let out a small laugh, "I'd imagine so." I don't know why, but his words made me feel just a bit better. I wish I had a bedside manner like his. It's crazy to think he was just a vet before all of this.

I watched carefully as he sewed the last few stitches. "Don't ya think it's funny," a smile cracked over my lips, "Us medics look so much worse for wear than the others?"

He leaned back onto his crutches with a calm grin of his own, "I guess I never had time to think about it."

I motioned to my various wounds, "Think all this means I'm brave? Or just stupid?"

He bent down and reached in his bag again, "I think sometimes they are the same thing."

I nodded for a bit until he found whatever he was looking for, "Daryl's here."

He wiped as much of the blood from my arm as he could, "I saw that."

"His brother's missing a piece too. Like us," I reached up to where my ear used to be, "Maybe we can form a club or something." He just laughed and started wrapping gauze around my forearm. It occurred to me that now that I didn't have to go combing the woods, or sit around waiting for the Governor's men to show up, I had no idea what to do with my time. I lazily voiced my worry to Hershel as he taped up the edge of the gauze strip, "I don't know what to do now."

"You need to get some rest, I'd say." Rest. Yes, technically my body needed to recuperate. But if I stop now, if I try to relax, then everything I'm trying to push out of my mind will find its way in. I didn't want to deal with it. Not now. Not until the Governor is dead.

"No," I pulled myself off of the bed, "I can't stop yet. Not now anyway."

"I don't think so," his hand rested on my shoulder, and I saw the sincerity and sweetness in his eyes, "You need time to get your strength back." I knew he was right, but I just couldn't stop. Not yet.

"Besides," I nodded out of the cell, "There's something I need to take care of."

He picked up a water bottle that was sitting on the floor and handed it over to me, "Drink plenty water at least."

I twisted off the cap and took a swig, "Sure thing, Doc."

I went off in search for Daryl. I needed to just get this done, then I could find Carl and maybe he could tell me what happened on his end of the firefight. Or we could go take care of the field with Michonne or something. But first things first…

"Hey," when the brothers looked over to me I suddenly snapped back to awareness. Everything came back into focus; the hushed conversations, the weeps from Carol, the strategic discussion. I looked down at myself and realized that I looked about the same as I felt. My shoddy splint, the blood smears all over my legs and shorts, the large section of shirt that was now lying on the floor of the cell. I was a mess. Everything about me screamed that I shouldn't still be standing. Just get it over with, Annie. Just spit this out and then you can move on. I looked back up to Daryl, my voice coming out weaker than I'd hoped since the shock of seeing him back hadn't faded yet, "I need to talk to you."

"Can't it wait?" I took a deep breath, to regain some of my confidence after his retort.

I shook my head; "I'll make it quick."

"I'll leave you to yourselves," Merle's smirk was undeniable, but what really threw me off was how he winked at me before leaning over to mumble something to Daryl before he walked off.

As my stomach twisted around I figured it would be best to just cough it up as quickly as I could. It came out in a jumble, "We'd be stronger together, you know." My cadence slowed slightly, "Unbeatable once I'm healed up all the way."

"So?" Of course. What had I expected? Did I really think that just because he was with the group that saved me from that hell it had meant anything to him? Just say your piece, Annie. Just say it and get on with your life.

"I get it," I sighed. I guess I could understand where he was coming from. Bitten, raped, who would want to deal with all of that? I had to try though. Really try, just for today. I continued, "After what happened with the bite and in Woodbury I'm probably not very attractive to anyone anymore. I know that. But I'll be good to you." I paused for a second, hoping he'd say something. Anything. No luck. My voice cracked, "Is it because I didn't go back in to save you?" Nothing. "I wanted to, you have to believe me. I hated that I couldn't; hell, I almost did. If I could have gone back, I would have. I swear. I just, I knew I wouldn't make it back out." After the words were out I stood there trying to read his expression. It was impossible. I just stood there waiting for something, some words, anything at all. As the seconds ticked by my eyes fell to my boots.

The silence broke, "Merle told me what happened in there."

I shifted my weight, but couldn't find it in me to look at him, "And?"

"And nothing."

What does that even mean? It might have been the blood loss, or the slow string of long days that had begun to form in my life, but for whatever reason I was tired. I was tired of everything needing to be complicated and confusing. My voice came back with a iota of conviction now, "You saved me, even before you all showed up," I pointed at him, "You, not them." I brushed back a few loose strands of hair from my face, "Now I can stand a lot of things," I stepped closer, "I can stand being alone for months on end. I can deal with everything I've lost. I can stand losing ears and being bitten. I can stand wondering if I'm even human anymore. I don't even mind Death; I think he's actually a reasonable guy. And one day I'll even be able to come to terms with what happened to me in that room," I took another step, putting the last part of me on the line, "But I can't stand this. It's bullshit how convoluted this has become, because it's really simple. We should be together."

**There you have it! New chapter! (Super glad the Dixons came to the prison, oh my goodness) Thank you for reading! Be sure to review with your critiques and comments, helps me stick with this story and such. **

**QUESTION TIME: Annie's running on fumes now, how long do you think she can keep it up before breaking down? How about her attempts at reaching out to Carol? And Annie and Merle, BEST FRIENDS FOREVER (jk?), what do you think about that (talk about potential hilariousness)? And what effect do you think the end conversation will have on the Daryl/Annie dynamic? **

**I'd love to hear what you have to say! :)**


	66. 66: Such Great Heights

**New Chapter! ENJOYYYYYY!**

66: Such Great Heights

There is a breaking point that I think everyone has. At this point things are so chaotic and hideous, but at the same time things click. The stars align, the dust settles, and in the mess there is only one path forward. I have reached that point, and in the muck and confusion the way out illuminated itself in front of me. My final words still rung in the air; we should be together. That was the route, that was the getaway play, that was the skip forward directly to go card. That hug I had so desperately wanted in that room. The arms I needed to be wrapped in all those minutes ago were right there in front of me. There were no other options. There were no other tasks to be completed in that moment. It was just the one thing in the world I truly needed and I. As the silence between us began to permeate throughout the air I took a small breath and closed the gap between us. Back where I belonged, I rested my forehead on his chest and lightly wrapped my arms around his torso. Home. It was all I could feel. How strange it was to think of how long it had been since I had felt this, since I had been in this spot, but at the same time it felt as though I had never left. Maybe I hadn't? Maybe that bit of me had clung here all those months, waiting. There was no initial resistance, as I had been expecting. Instead I got to bask in the glow that was my own happiness undisturbed. As I stood there time became muddled; it might've been second or minutes, but eventually those familiar arms found their way around me.

Very seldom does anyone get exactly what they want, and I can only imagine that statistic had decreased significantly since this all started, but here I was, right where I'd wanted to be. Whatever tragedy had befallen me became fuzzy in my mind as if they were some sort of made-up nightmare, and in those arms I wasn't entirely sure if any of it had even happened in the first place. There was just this small portion of peace in the world where all my troubles had once been. Maybe I was delirious from blood loss. Maybe I was so starved for an embrace that it had driven me into temporary madness. Maybe I was just so tired that I was slipping into a dream state; I don't think so, though. I felt awake. I felt a raised level of awareness even. I could hear his steady heartbeat as it clashed so completely with my own's quickened thuds. I only moved to get closer, to remove any remaining distance left between us. Then we stood there in the cell, my heart slowed, joining his, and even though I wanted the moment to continue on forever I knew it would have to end eventually. I allowed myself a few more minutes of bliss before speaking once more.

"I'm glad you're back," I leaned back, shuffling to keep my weight on my good leg. "Rick kind of lost it and without you here things sort of…" I paused. What do I say? While you were gone we were lost, divided, confused, barely keeping it together? Was that even the case, or had I just been projecting the last few days? No, things had been different. Everything had been harder; it wasn't just me. I nodded slightly, deciding it was best to just keep it simple, "It's just good that you're back."

He sat down on the bottom bunk and glanced over to his brother standing across in the main room, "Would've been back sooner if Merle knew which way north was."

I plopped down beside him, all of my grace used up for the day, "How's having him back?"

He chewed on his fingernail, "S'fine, I guess."

"I know Glenn doesn't want him around," I let a small smile creep across my lips as I stared at the one-handed brute, "But I'm glad he's here."

From the corner of my eye I could see his face contort in confusion. He motioned briefly to his own ear, "Didn't he?" In reflex my own hand went up to the bandaged empty space on the side of my head, and the second my fingers grazed the gauze there was a sting of pain and a flash of that room. The dingy walls, the metal table, the bloody mess with the remnants of my left ear sitting in the center. I was not mad. Not about that. My moments with Merle had been the least offensive thing that happened to me in that room. What he did I could at least begin to understand.

"It was only because he wanted to find you," I poked at his side, "Can't say I blame him for it. I would've done the same thing."

His eyes flashed from the bandage back to my own, "You gonna be deaf now?"

"No," I chuckled a bit, scooting back further onto the mattress, "I'll still be able to hear, but it'll just be different." I could tell he was uncomfortable, so I tried to lighten the tone, "Carl thinks that it'll make me look more intimidating, scare off bad people. That could be useful." I turned when I saw Daryl's eyes dart to Merle, who had only just walked up to the cell door.

He waved his metal contraption around in the air, "Least ya didn't lose a hand."

My grin was wide when I wiggled my fingers as I spoke to him, "Very true." He slid down the wall carefully and took a seat on the floor, "So, how do you like the prison?"

"S'fine."

"I'd imagine Woodbury was more," I shrugged trying to figure out where I was planning to go with that. Woodbury was more evil. Woodbury was more cruel. I smirked at him, "comfortable."

"You'd imagine correctly." I had to appreciate how animated his voice was, even now, with everything up in the air. There was something about it that made me forget just how bad things actually were; it was a rare quality to have these days. "Now I gotta ask," he reached across the cell and motioned to my arm, "Were you lyin' about this bite of yours?"

"Yeah," my eyes suddenly became glued to the floor as my hand instinctively covered the scar, "I was bit at the beginning of this last spring."

Genuine interest and shock filled his voice, "And you didn't turn into one of those bastards?"

"No," I squirmed, not wanting to lie anymore, especially in front of Daryl, especially after we'd finally made progress, "Not exactly."

"What's that mean? Not exactly?"

Daryl spoke before I could even open my mouth, "Doesn't mean anything." It was strange how much relief came from those three unsuspecting words. It was clear he hadn't entirely accepted my condition, but there was something defensive about it. He was defending me, my flaw. I reached over and grabbed his hand as my eyes left the floor.

"It just means that I," I looked Merle directly in the face, "I get hungry." I saw his eyebrows furrow and hastily added the rest, "And I can smell… stuff."

"Hungry?" he looked from me to his brother and let out a laugh, "Ain't we all hungry?"

I shook my head, "I kind of get hungry for people… well, meat. That's why I can't eat any of it anymore. Not even squirrels. Too risky."

There was a flicker of disgust on his face, but he hid it quickly, "What do you mean you can smell?"

I tapped my nose, "Now I have a nose like a hound dog. I can smell bodies from miles away," I continued, trying to make it sound as normal as possible, "The bigger they are, the easier it is." A wave of quiet washed over us and I thought back to the day's events. Had I smelt the oncoming storm that was the Governor's assault? I had, but I had been too busy to register it, too wrapped up in my own bullshit to save Axel, save all of us. My voice came back soft, "I was distracted earlier, otherwise I could've…"

Thankfully Merle didn't miss a beat in changing the subject, "You two hunt together?"

"She doesn't need my help," Daryl's voice seemed quasi-defeated. He was right, though. I really didn't need his help with hunting anymore, not like I used to. That wasn't the whole situation though. Hunting alone felt pointless; I always brought someone with me. Besides, the only reason I hunt is to feed the others. If it wasn't for them I'd probably just avoid animals.

I quickly disagreed with him regardless of his valid point, "Yeah, I do. You're a good shot, and I can't carry most of the bigger game by myself."

I could tell he wasn't happy, "Whatever."

"Fine," I rolled my eyes before inching closer to him, trying to fix what discord had just occurred. To my surprise his arm instantaneously wrapped around my waist and pulled me the remainder of the distance to him. There was no fighting the joy in my face. Finally things are easy again. I felt safe again. I felt like I might actually get to relax. I yawned before attempting to continue the conversation, "Probably won't get to hunt for a while now anyways. At least not until he's been dealt with."

"He'll probably kill you first," Merle spoke almost in passing. Daryl shot him a mean look, and I couldn't help but be glad to not be on the receiving end of those anymore. He raised his hand in retreat, "Just sayin' is all. He'll find out that she's the strongest, and then it's curtains for her."

"I know, that's a good thing," my smile was countered by two confused-looking Dixons. "He goes after me first," I began to explain as best as I could, but I started to feel sleep dragging at my eyelids, "I can smell him coming, and if my arm heals by then it will be cake to shoot him," I mimed shooting a pistol, "Then –BANG- dead as his daughter."

Merle let out a laugh, "Sound pretty confident about that, Killer."

"I am," I wiped my eyes in a final attempt to combat the fatigue, "But I don't know if that's how I want him to die," my voice started to trail off as my eyes refused to remain open, "Might be too easy for him. He should hurt." I felt the arm around me give a subtle squeeze. I looked up into Daryl's face, "I think I'm going to take a nap now." Before he could move I slumped down and rested my head on his leg. I was asleep in seconds.

-o0o-

I didn't dream at all that afternoon. My eyes shut, the lights just went off and I was gone for what felt like a split-second before I heard hushed voices. I didn't need to open my eyes to know that night had fallen. The air had a coolness that only a set sun could account for. When I came to completely I did not immediately sit up.

"Think she'll be okay?" I heard Daryl ask softly as I felt a hand carefully make its way through my hair. It felt nice, to be so tenderly touched by anyone, most of all him. I would've fallen back asleep right then if I hadn't been so curious about their conversation.

"She seems pretty calm now, don't she?"

"Why'd you let him do that to her?" I didn't have to be able to see his face to know he was scowling at his brother. The harshness in his voice that I had become too accustomed to was back. I thought about sitting up and defending Merle's inaction, but my body was too exhausted, my brain was too tired, and it wasn't my place. Instead I just stayed still and listened on.

"Nothin' I could've done." There seemed to be a level of remorse in his words even as he continued, "If she'd have talked then it wouldn't have had to happen."

"That supposed to mean something?" It was nice to hear that he was on my side again. That he felt some loyalty to me. I'd wanted that for so long, having it happen felt so surreal. Was I still asleep? No. No, I'm awake.

"I didn't think she was serious bout lovin' you, bout how the Governor would be killin' ya."

"What'd she tell you?" My stomach tensed in anticipation. What would he tell him about that day? Had he not told his brother a single thing about what happened in that room yet?

Merle let out a low chuckle, "Kept saying we were alike, me and her. She had a chance to kill me too, when y'all were runnin' off. Chose not to." There was a long pause and I found myself holding my breath, "After he had his time with her she lost it, I think. Told me to keep you alive and then told me that she wasn't walking out of there and asked me to be the one to kill her. Said something about losing her brother or some shit, that it would mean something if I was the one to pull the trigger." Another long pause passed and the hand that had once been in my hair held my shoulder lightly, "Then she said that if she thought she could get him back she'd do anything, she said she understood me, what I did." My breathing returned to normal. That was it. That was all that he could say. Nothing bad. That was all there was. The deep voice returned, "When I left I could hear her talkin' to herself. Sounded like she was set on dying in there. Knew she wouldn't make it out." He had heard me? He had heard me talking to Death?

The hand's grip on my shoulder tightened gently, "She didn't die."

"Nope," there was a hint of pride in his tone. Was not dying really something to be proud of? Either way, it felt nice to know that Merle had remembered what happened in there. It was nice to know that I hadn't imagined our camaraderie. It was nice to know that I wasn't so alone. "So you two?" there was a mischievous edge to his words when they came back, "Have y'all… consummated the relationship?"

"We've been sittin' here since this afternoon," Daryl sounded more annoyed than usual.

"Damn, little brother," the edge remained in his phrase, "Even I got to see her naked." There was movement and I could hear the various thuds of the playful sibling violence I had once enjoyed with my own brother. I felt a pang of mourning as the fake beating continued. "You little shit," the rustling ceased, "Well? What's she like?" Shit. What had I missed? My eyes squeezed as shut as possible. Don't tell him. Please, don't tell him.

Daryl's voice came back cold, "Fuck off."

"C'mon brother," another punch, "Don't hold out on your big brother now."

There was a slap next, "S'none of your business, asshole." I couldn't keep from smiling then. Not totally because he had kept our private life private. Not entirely because the thought of someone slapping Merle was a joyous thing for me. I smiled mainly because he got his brother back. Someone who I cared about had been rewarded in this new world. Daryl had gotten the one thing he'd been missing since I'd met him. Family.

A minute passed before the silence broke again, "Think she'll be able to kill him?"

"The Governor?" The hatred and anger in his voice paralleled my own disdain for the man.

"Yeah," I felt eyes on me as I tried to stay as still as possible, "Think she has it in her to take care of him?"

As I waited for his answer I began to feel anxious. Did he think I could do it? Was he as confident in me as I was in him? Then he gave his answer, "If she doesn't then I will." I went back to sleep then, happier than I'd been in months.

-o0o-

A good night's rest does a lot for a person. It clears everything up, it refills empty tanks, and it puts everything in perspective. Life is a whole lot easier after a solid sleep. The only way to make it even more simple is to have everyone you care about even remotely close to you, and having someone to flirt with doesn't hurt either. And as the overall awareness and readiness of the group increased since the attack I began to think that we might just be able to swing this conflict into our favor.

I peered out from between the wooden slats as a new fragrance passed through the air. I took a step back and looked to Carl, "Someone's coming."

He nodded and I heard Maggie holler from another lookout point, "How many?"

"Smells like just one," I called over to her, "But we better be ready just in case. I'll go get the others."

**Hope you enjoyed this one. :) I know it was like, cavity-level sweetness. LOL. Please review with your thoughts on it all! **


	67. 67: Civilians

**NEW CHAPTER! SORRY FOR THE WAIT! It's been hard to write with the new episodes, so I've been lagging intentionally so that it all lines up. :) BUT HERE IT IS! The new one! ENJOY!**

67: Civilians

"Andrea!" Maggie whispered loudly over to Carl and I, "Get your dad and the others." Carl was off back into the cellblock without any explanation.

Andrea? They were on a first name basis with whoever the blonde woman was that approached the gate. I couldn't hide the puzzlement on my face as I spoke plainly back over to Maggie, "You know her?" I gazed through the binoculars at the newcomer.

"She was with us at the farm," I listened to her as I watched the woman rip through a walker's face with a hatchet. "Thought she was died there."

"Guess not," I went inside to get my gun, and when I got to the cells everyone was frantically grabbing weapons and running towards their designated places. I joined them, at a slower pace due to my leg, but I still managed to keep up with everyone else as we exited out into the only piece of the yard we'd been able to keep.

As the sun hit me I had a brief moment of bliss. I'd taken off the bandage over my ear to let it air out a bit. It felt so nice to get to hear at least something from my left side. I did a quick scan. We were all down here, except Glenn and Carol who were on the upper breezeway.

"Go!" Rick ordered Merle ahead of us.

"Clear!" He yelled back to us after he'd given the yard a once over. We all proceeded forward to the only gate we had now. I stuck close to Carl as we neared the woman.

Rick called out to her, "Are you alone?"

"Open the gate," the blonde breathed, beginning to struggle with the walker she'd been keeping on a leash-like device. Michonne had mentioned using walkers like that before, removing their teeth and cutting off their arms, making them virtually harmless, turning them into pack-mules and protection. It was a good idea, if you weren't like me, if the geeks noticed you to begin with.

"Are you alone?" Rick's voice was sterner now.

"Rick!" She pleaded. I saw Rick give Daryl a nod, and then the keys were out.

"Open it," Rick's words rang over the noise of the gate running along its tracks. "Hands up. Turn around. Turn around now," he pointed his gun at her and we all did the same. It was the wrong time for a visit. "Get down, on the floor," he shoved her to her knees, "I asked if you were alone."

"I am," the woman seemed so frightened. I couldn't understand why Rick was so angry with her. Had I missed something in these last few days? Everyone else had that same level of aggression, and I just couldn't figure it out. Did they all know something that I didn't? Was there a reason why I was being kept out of the loop?

Rick grabbed the bag from her shoulders and tossed it our way, "Welcome back." Carl grabbed the bag before I could limp over to it. Rick pulled her up by the top of her collar, "Get up."

It was strange how we escorted her through the maze back to the large room adjacent to the cellblock where we'd been spending most of our time since the assault. I couldn't tell if they were pissed at her, or if they were happy to see her. None of it made any sense to me. I couldn't even read Carl, and I could always read Carl. I hated this feeling. This feeling of being on the outside looking in again. Had I done something to be kicked from the kingdom? Were they mad at me because I didn't comprehend the scent before the attack?

The second we got to the room I saw Carol set down her gun and run towards the girl they kept calling Andrea. I slowly made my way down the stairs and over to one of the tables to sit down. From the looks on everyone else's faces they recognized her. They all knew her. Even Michonne. Was I out of the group again? Was that what this all meant?

Carol pulled away from her and there was no mistaking the joy in her face, "After you saved me we thought you were dead."

Andrea began to scan the room, her eyes stopping on the place where Hershel's leg once was, "Hershel, my God." He didn't say anything in response, and she kept running over the faces, stopping on mine for a second, but quickly moving on. "I can't believe this," she turned to Rick, "Where's Shane?" There was silence. "And Lori?"

Hershel spoke up then, obviously trying to preserve Rick's feelings as best he could, "She had a girl. She didn't survive."

Maggie's voice followed, "Neither did T-Dog."

"I'm so sorry," I could see actual sorrow on her face. She'd been with them before I knew any of them. She was a part of their group. I saw her eyes fall onto Carl, "Carl…" His face was easy to read now. Pure hatred. Pure nothingness. He looked so old then, not like the kid I met at the old house. "Rick I…" she paused, looking around the room, "You all live here?"

Glenn stepped forward slightly, "Here and the cell block."

"There?" she points to the barred door, taking a few hopeful steps towards it, "Well, can I go in?"

Rick's arm shot out to stop her from going any further, "I won't allow that." _Won't allow that_? Did that mean she was a threat? I raised my gun, and from the seat just beside her I pointed it directly to her head.

"Get that gun out of my face," my hand didn't move. She turned to Rick, "I'm not an enemy, Rick."

Rick's rage returned, "We had that field, courtyard, until your boyfriend took down that fence with a truck and shot us up." Then it all clicked. The hostility. The not allowing her into the cellblock. She was one of them. She was from Woodbury. As the fury began to course its way through my veins I could see my pistol start to shake in my hand, and I quickly brought my arm down.

"He said you fired first," by the time she'd finished her sentence my whole body was shaking.

"Bullshit!" I laughed as a heated veil started to invade my vision. He. She meant the Governor. She meant that prick who broke me.

Rick stepped in, "Well, he's lying."

"He killed an inmate who survived in here," Hershel's voice reverberated in me. Axel, another person I'd failed to protect.

Daryl spoke up next, "We liked him, he was one of us."

"I didn't know anything about that," the more Andrea spoke, the angrier I could feel myself becoming. "As soon as I found out I came," she looked around again, "I didn't even know you were in Woodbury until after the shootout."

"That was days ago." Glenn's voice was exasperated and had a shade of my own resentment in it. Good old Glenn. He knew where I was coming from. He understood at least a fraction of how I felt.

"I told you I came as soon as I could." Andrea turned to Michonne, "What have you told them?"

Her voice had its usual cool collectedness, "Nothing."

"I don't get it, I left Atlanta with you people and now I'm the odd man out?"

"He almost killed Michonne and he would have killed us," Glenn attempted to explain it to her.

Then she pointed to Merle, "With his finger on the trigger." She looked to Glenn once more, "Isn't he the one who kidnapped you? Who beat you?" There was a silence then. She thought that the beating was the worst of it. "I cannot excuse or explain what Phillip has done. But I am here trying to bring us together. We have to work this out."

"There's nothing to work out," Rick said exactly what I was thinking. There was nothing to work out.

"Some things… What he did just can't be forgiven," my words were soft, but my annoyance was clear.

Rick picked back up, "We're gonna kill him. I don't know how, or when. But we will."

"We can settle this," she continued to plead, "There is room at Woodbury for all of you." I couldn't help but let out a laugh. Room for all of us? Really?

Merle laughed too, "You know better than that."

"What makes you think this man wants to negotiate? Did he say that?" I looked to Hershel. He was trying his best to be the voice of reason, keep the conversation on track.

"No," she admitted. Of course it was a no. Why would he want to negotiate?

"Then why did you come here?" Rick was getting irritated, or he wasn't trying as hard to hide the aggravation in his voice; either way I couldn't blame him.

"Because he's gearing up for war. The people are terrified, they see you as killers. They're training to attack."

Daryl shifted in his seat across the room, "I'll tell you what, next time you see Phillip you tell him I'm gonna take his other eye."

"Then I'm going to take his life," my voice was more airy than I'd intended. I chalked it up to the idea of seeing the Governor's dead corpse lying in front of me.

Glenn was riled up now, "We've taken too much shit for too long. He wants a war, he's got one."

"Rick? If you don't sit down and try to work this out, I don't know what's gonna happen. He has a whole town." She turned to look at everyone else, "Look at you, you've lost so much already, you can't stand alone anymore."

"You want to make this right? Get us inside."

"No," she shook her head, "There are innocent-"

Rick was already walking away, "Then we've got nothing to talk about."

Next she turned to me, "What's your problem? I don't even know you."

"My problem?" I glared at her and she nodded. I stood up, pistol still grasped firmly in my shaking hand, "My problem is that monster," my voice grew louder as the heat returned just behind my eyes, "He ruined my God damn life!" I couldn't control myself, and my body began to sway back and forth as the tears began to build up, "He ruined me."

"Don't you think you're over-reacting a bit?" she looked me over, "It's just an ear, and the leg will heal."

I opened my mouth, but Daryl snapped at her before I could get a word out, "She ain't over-reacting."

I could see the confusion on her face. She didn't understand. She didn't understand that her precious Governor isn't the man she thought he was. "_Phillip_, or whatever the fuck he told you his name was," my eyes quickly darted over to Maggie, then back to the ignorant woman in front of me, "You're in here defending him to us. To Maggie. To ME!" I laughed as the first few tears fell, "You don't even know who he is. You don't even know what he did."

"I'm not following…" she looked around at the others who all wore uncomfortable expressions on their faces, even Michonne. "It's just an ear," she turned back to me, "You'll still be able to hear, won't you?"

"This isn't my fucking problem," I tapped the open wound with the barrel, before staring at Merle, "He did this, and at least he had a good enough reason. Merle is a good man." My eyes flashed back to Andrea, "That Governor, he's a monster."

She still didn't get it, "For what? Your leg? That will heal."

I couldn't keep it in any longer. The threshold was broken and the sobs came accompanied by unbridled laughter for the stupidity of the woman in front of me. I hunched over, hands on my knees, to lessen the laughing pains in my side.

"If she's the reason why you don't want to make a truce..." I could see her shift her weight as I looked down at the floor where my teardrops were falling.

Michonne questioned her, "What are you saying?" Yes, what did she mean by that? I straightened myself out so I could see her answer this question.

"I'm just saying look at her," she motioned towards me as she looked at the others, "She's unhinged. How can you trust her?"

"She earned her place here," Hershel's voice again washed over me. My chuckles stopped. "She took us into her home, and she's provided for us."

"She's one of us," Glenn added. Then it occurred to me. Maybe they hadn't told me about Andrea, not to keep me in the dark, but because I didn't need to know. Maybe they were just trying to make things easier for me. My grip on the gun loosened.

"But look at her," as her eyes examined me I saw the disgust in them, "She's lost it over an ear and a bum leg." I reached up and combed my hair over my ear to hide it. Did I really look that crazy? Was I really that disgusting now?

There were a few beats of quiet before Carl's voice emerged, cold and clinical, "She was raped."

Her mouth hung open as she swiveled to look at my non-biological brother, "What did you say?"

When he spoke again it was matter-of-fact, "I said she was raped."

"By _Phillip_," Michonne's eyes narrowed for a split-second.

There was a look of complete shock on her face. It was priceless, "He wouldn't." She glanced back to me, and then began to plead with the rest once more, "You believe her? She could be lying."

Michonne leaned against the chain link cage in the room, "Found her hanging by the ceiling of a room by a hook. Naked."

"He… he wouldn't," she shook her head, "She lied."

"She ain't lying," Merle defended me, "I was outside, heard the whole thing."

My gazed turned to the floor, and my voice lost its muster, "I don't care if you believe me. You're just one of them to me."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

I looked back up to her, directly into her eyes, "If you support a monster, that makes you a monster." I didn't wait for her to say any sort of response. I just walked off into the cellblock; I wasn't even hoping to change her mind. I didn't care what she thought. I didn't care about her at all. Lions don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep, why then should I care what someone from Woodbury thinks of me. I climbed the stairs and plopped down into my bed, kicking my feet up.

I had a few minutes to listen to the faint murmurs of the conversations going on in the other room before footsteps came up the walkway. Then Carl's head popped into my cell, "Annie?"

"Yeah?" I sat up.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded before scratching my neck, "I'm just kind of angry right now."

He nodded a few times, "If you need anything, to talk or something, I'll be out keeping watch."

I smiled and pulled myself back up to standing, "I'll go with you. The fresh air might be nice."

-o0o-

At the tail end of the afternoon we all gathered back up to see Andrea off, and even I joined. It wasn't because I liked her. In fact, if I didn't think the others would get mad I would've shot her. But no. I saw her off because I was a part of the group. It was clear. They all thought it. I was one of them, and right now we were saying goodbye to Andrea. Rick had even gotten one of the cars from the prison lot for her to take back to Woodbury. As much as I wanted to object, I knew he wouldn't stand for it, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Can you spare it?" Andrea asked Rick as she stood with her hand on the car door.

"Yeah," he nodded a few times.

She looked around at everyone, "Well, take care," then she disappeared into the front seat.

"Andrea," Rick handed her a knife and a gun for her trip, another thing I would have objected to, "Be careful"

"You too." And with that the gate opened, she drove out, and the gate slammed shut once more.

As the others stared at the car slowly making its way out of the prison grounds I turned to Rick, "What are you hoping to get out of this?"

He shrugged, looking out through the gate with the others, "Maybe she can reason with him. We can come to some sort of agreement." He looked back at me, furrowing his brow slightly, "I know that's not what you want, but…"

I raised my hand, "Don't." I glanced out of the gate too, "I'm a team player. If this is what you think is best, you don't need to explain it to me." I saw him nod, and we turned to head back inside.

"We're still going to get ready," his sternness returned.

"For war?"

"If you can call it that."

I sighed, "I should've burned the whole place down when I had the chance."

Carol piped up, "Didn't she say there were civilians?"

My head tilted as I looked at her, "What am I? What are you?" I stepped past her, speaking loudly enough for everyone to hear, "We're civilians too. Think that's going to stop him from killing every last one of us?"

-o0o-

When night fell we all congregated in the C-block. Some of us were leaning against the cell walls, or sitting on steps or chairs, but I was sprawled out on the floor with Judith lying contently on my stomach. As Beth began to sing I hummed softly to the child on top of me.

A few feet away Hershel, Rick, and Daryl were propped against the wall. Daryl spoke softly, but I could still hear him, "Some reunion, huh?"

"She's in a jam," Rick was trying to explain Andrea's actions, her new allegiances.

"We all are," Hershel's strong voice stood out to me, "Andrea's persuasive. This fella's armed to the teeth, hell bent on destruction." Did they really think she could talk him out of war?

"So what do you want to do?" I perked up at Daryl's question.

"We match it." There was a pause before Rick spoke again, "I'm going on a run."

"We'll head out tomorrow."

"No, you stay here, keep an eye on your brother." I closed my eyes again, rubbing Judith's back lightly as Rick continued, "I'm glad you're back, really, but if he causes a problem it's on you."

"I got him."

"I'll take Michonne." I couldn't help the small upturn my lips made. Rick was going to try to patch things up with Michonne.

"You sure that's a good idea?"

"I'll find out," Rick almost laughed, "And Carl, he's ready. You hold it down here."

"You go it."

I turned my head over to them before speaking up, "Should I come too?"

Hershel shook his head, "Not with that leg of yours." I opened my mouth to object, but he cut me off, "Even with that contraption you made, it still needs time to heal."

I looked to Rick, hoping he'd say he needs me, "Hershel's right. We'll be fine with the three of us."

Then it hit me. I might be part of the group. I might be one of them. But whatever position I had in the group was gone. Before I was obviously number two to Michonne. After what happened in that room, after how I reacted today, it was safe to say I wasn't second in command anymore. Probably not even third or fourth. I sat up, walking over to Carol to hand off Judith to her. I wasn't the deputy. I wasn't the lieutenant. I was the broken girl who could smell people. I trudged up to my cell, sitting down to face the grey wall.

"Something wrong?" I looked up to see Daryl in my doorway.

I turned my head back to the wall, "Yeah."

"Those three'll be fine tomorrow."

"I know," my voice was blank.

"Then what's the problem?" he sat down next to me.

I looked over at him, "Just because that happened to me doesn't mean that I'm weak or unfit, or whatever you people seem to think now."

"Who said that?" his eyebrows scrunched.

"Rick," I shrugged, "Before and just now." He seemed confused, so I explained it to him, "Doesn't think I can watch after everyone. Doesn't think I'm right in wanting that town razed. Doesn't think I can even help him on a supply run."

He patted my thigh, "It's just 'cause your leg."

"Is it?" I could feel the heat of threatening tears, but I willed it away, "He didn't even ask me to keep Judith safe while he was gone."

"Knows you will," his arm wrapped around my shoulders, and for a second my mind cleared.

"What about you?" I leaned my head against his shoulder, "Do you think I'm weak now?"

"Hell no," his voice was honest and sure, "Just gotta get your rest."

I felt my smile return as I looked back into his eyes, "Then let's sleep." He gave me a look that said he wouldn't be joining me again tonight, but I just couldn't. I needed him with me this time. I shook my head before nodding to the pillow, "You aren't going to weasel your way out of this another night, now. Come on."

He didn't argue with me. We were just together, and it made things a little easier.

**So, last time I got only a few reviews (GIANT FROWN!), and I figured it was because I didn't really have good questions for you, plus I've been having to hold off on writing updates due to the show. So, firstly, I'd like to let you know that I've started a new WD story (in the same vein as this, but with the added bonus of Clementine from the game), so if you're looking for something to read while I'm waiting for the show to continue on feel free to check that out. :) **

**QUESTION TIME!  
What do we think of Andrea? Total idiot or total idiot? LOL Second, we're seeing Annie's place in the group change once more. How do you think this will affect how she acts towards everyone? Who do you think will kill the Governor in this story? How do you think potential treaty talk will affect Annie's desire to remain with this group? How awesome is it that Annie and Daryl are back together? :) Inquiring minds (mainly me) want to know. **


	68. 68: Heavy Soul

**NEW CHAPTER! Sorry for slacking on these! Juggling multiple stories, beta-reading, school, work, and everything else is slowing me down. You are all such awesome readers, and I just want to give you the best I can do so it takes longer than it used to, ya know? Also, I've been going back through the chapters of_ this_ story starting with numero uno (It's crazy how much the story has evolved since then, especially Annie as a character!), adding things, tweaking things, correcting things, you know, basic polishing for any newcomers or if any of you feel like doing the old re-read. ENJOY!**

68: Heavy Soul

I was looking out of the cell with the same expression of worry that I'd been wearing all day when Hershel's words snapped me back to reality. "They aren't your responsibility," he had already inspected my arm, and was now undoing the mess of metal I'd wrapped around my leg. He looked at me from the tops of his eyes, "You keep this up and the stress will get to ya."

I sighed, looking back out of the cell, "What else am I supposed to do?"

"You're supposed to take some time," he started to prod at my now free leg, "Try to recover."

I shook my head, "We don't have time for that." I could see the concern in his face, so I explained myself, "I don't see anyone else taking a day off."

"Annie," he stood up as he continued, "I might not be a young man anymore, but I can still see what's going on with you."

I glanced back to him, "And what's that?"

He raised his hands, "Ever since you showed up you've been carrying everything on your shoulders. Lori, T-Dog. And now Axel. You have to stop."

I shook my head once more, "It's my fault that they are dead. I should have been here. I should have been paying attention."

He kept pushing the point, "You were bitten and you survived."

"So were you," we stared at each other in silence for a solid minute, neither of us letting up.

"Yes, I survived," his gaze went to the floor where his foot would have been, "But only because Rick was quick about it." He went back to examining my ankle, speaking so softly I could just barely make out his words, "You were captured by a sick man. You can't keep this up. You need to heal."

My words came out as stern as my mother's once had been, "Once he's dead, once he's taken care of, then I'll take time or whatever."

"Please," he pleaded, "If it comes down to war, we will need you at your best."

"Maybe this just is my best now," I was surprised by the subtle tears forming at the bottom of my vision, "Maybe this is as good as it's going to get."

"I don't believe that, not for one second." He moved my foot around, and I was happy enough that it didn't cause much if any discomfort, "Right now all you should be focusing on is dealing with everything that's happened to you. The bite, Woodbury, everything. Get it sorted out, and then we might have a chance at making it out of this."

I sighed, looking down at my foot and thinking about Rick's refusal to bring me on their outing today, "You don't need me."

"We do," his tone was adamant, "And even if we didn't, I know that we'd all still want you here." He stood up and scooted over to his crutches, "Try standing."

I followed his orders, able to take a few steps without any pains. A small smile crossed my lips, "Finally."

"Aren't you glad you kept off it?"

"Yeah," I nodded to the pile of debris that was once strapped to my leg, "The splint thing was a good idea."

He clacked out of the cell with a smile, "Might have to have you make me one of those."

-o0o-

It was nice enough just walking on my own again. I'd felt so helpless before, but now I at least had this, freedom of motion. I walked around the cellblock for a while, just because I could, until finally I stopped a few feet away from Carol and Judith. I didn't say anything at first, but then Carol noticed me.

"Want to hold her?" she smiled over to me.

I took a hesitant step forward, "Can I?"

"Of course," she patted the space beside her and I took a seat before she handed the child to me. Then she did something unexpected, "How are you holding up?"

I just looked down at Judith for a bit, trying to figure out how to answer that. "I don't know," my voice sounded so empty, so confused, "Hershel said I should try to work through everything before…"

She looked ahead, "War."

I nodded slightly, "Yeah." I started to rock Judith back and forth, "I don't think there's enough time to, though. There's still so much to do."

"What was it like?"

I turned to her, "What?"

Her eyes were glued to the scar on my arm, "Getting bitten?"

"Oh," I debated lying to her, but decided against it, "Scary." She nodded. "It was like," I continued, still searching for the right words, "like I knew I was going to be dying soon. Everything kind of shifts."

"How do you mean?" She sounded genuinely interested, and for a second her tones so closely resembled those of my mother that I forgot where I was.

I looked over to her, "I felt it before I saw it, the teeth. Then when I finally looked over it took me a second to realize what was happening, but before I had I'd already stabbed the guy." I sighed, remembering those moments so clearly, but they had a haze about them. It was almost like they'd happened to someone else. Maybe they had. I was so different back then, it might as well been someone else. But I had the scar, the hunger, the proof that I was she. I shifted Judith closer to me, "Then it was just, stay alive long enough to kill them all. And when that was done I just sort of kept myself busy, read the notebook Carl'd given me. Thought about my life." I looked to the ground, "I was so ready for it, I almost wanted it, but it didn't happen."

There was apprehension in her next words, "And then you found out that you're different?"

"Yeah," the corner of my mouth jutted up for a few seconds as I kept talking to her, looking at the floor in front of me the whole time, "I was so happy about it, too. Being immune. Until I went hunting and I found out that I wasn't." I took a long pause, and felt the sting behind my eyes, "It's hard to feel like you're not human anymore."

I felt a hand on my knee, "I don't think you're the only one who feels that way, sweetie." I stared at her hand for longer than I should have. Affection. Carol was being affectionate towards me. This was… This was actually helping.

"I know," I looked over to her, "It's just… a lot. I'm starting to forget what it was like before, what it felt like to not be one of them."

Her eyebrows furrowed and her voice came back more confident than I'd ever heard it, "You're not one of them." Her face morphed, and I saw shame as clear as day there, "When I said those things… I wasn't thinking clearly."

I shook my head subtly, "You were right."

"No," she looked to Judith, happy in my arms, "Just look at the way you are with her. How you were with Aidan when you patched him up. Even if you still… you still want to feed, you fight it. You still try to help people. You're trying to do the right thing." The shame returned, "That's more than most people these days can say."

"I killed Aidan," I said the words before my brain could stop my mouth, "With a spork."

"I thought he was shot by one of the Governor's men?"

"No," I confessed, taking full advantage of this chance to talk, "I ran into him when we were trying to escape. He… He was one of them."

There was terror on her face, "What?"

My voice turned cold, "He was from Woodbury. Said that I could stay there with him. Said that he'd talked it over with the Governor and everything."

"And you…"

I looked her right in the eye, "I didn't even think about it." The heat was back, and my eyes began to water, "He said what happened to me, what that bastard did, it didn't matter. I…" I looked down at the ground again, "It matters to_ me_."

Her arm wrapped around my shoulders, "I know it does."

"The strangest thing is that Merle was there," my eyes darted to Merle, who was standing across the cellblock talking to his brother, "Saw me kill Aidan, could've killed me. But he just let me go."

"Is that why you've been defending him to Glenn?"

I nodded and turned back to her, "He could've killed me." I sighed, wiping my eyes with my free hand, "Not only that, but, after that _thing_ happened, he was… he was nice to me."

"We can talk about what happened," there was honest sweetness in her voice, the kind I'd never experience from her, "If you want."

I perked up, but fear still crept in, "Really?"

"Of course," there was a somber smile on her face now, "Hershel's right. You've gotta try to deal with it."

"Okay," I nodded, trying to find the courage in me but failing, "I guess I just don't know where to start."

She tightened her hold on my shoulders, reassuring me, "The beginning?"

"I remember I was trying to keep the attention on me," there were flashes of that room, that horrible room, it was all I could see, "So they wouldn't go after Glenn and Maggie, hurt them. That was the whole reason I let myself get captured."

She was shocked, "You let yourself get captured?"

"I could've hid," I batted away a few more tears, "Like Michonne did. But, I could've just leave them." More flashes of the room, my ear on the table, that dingy wall, "I was trying to antagonize them, pretended I'd talk if I spoke to him."

"The Governor?"

I cringed. "Yeah. Then _he_ came in. Wanted to know how I knew his name. I lied. Then it all kind of blurs." It did. The events that transpired, they were fuzzy, like the bite, but at the same time they contained such clarity, "I remember they untied me, and I kicked one of them. Then I was put on the hook. And-and then he m-made the others leave." I'd started to cry. I couldn't help it. Not anymore. Not while talking about it. It was just too hard.

She leaned over towards me, "I'm sorry that happened to you." Just feeling another body by mine, that I wasn't alone, it helped.

"I t-tried not to cry," I continued, wanting to just get it over with, get it all out so I could start healing like Hershel said, "Not to l-l-let him know that it was getting to m-me. I t-tried to think of s-s-something else."

"Were you able to?"

I nodded, still finding it difficult to speak between the sobs, "T-thought about him, Daryl. I-I knew he was mad at me, but it made it easier. It-it was like it wasn't happening, not all the-the way."

She'd started to rub my back, "Good." I couldn't help but think about how my mother had done the same thing. The first time a boy had broken up with me there she was, rubbing my back, trying to make it better. Just like Carol.

I tried to stifle my hysterics, "And th-then it was d-done." I reached up to wipe of my face again, but her hand was already there, doing it for me. Wiping away the tears. I continued on, calming down gradually, "Merle came in, b-but then the others were going to talk. So he left." I squeezed my eyes shut, "I knew I was going to die in there."

"Like with the bite?" It was strange how little her questions annoyed me. They didn't bother me at all, not like I thought they would. It was making it easier.

"Yeah," I nodded as I took in a sharp breath, "But this time it was different. This time Death actually came." I smiled as I thought of him, the macabre vision I'd been blessed with while trapped in that room. "Nicely dressed fella," my grin widened, "Eternity for a face. I don't think I was imagining him either. He moved a chair."

"What?" Her head snapped to look at me.

"Yeah," I continued nonchalantly, "He talked to me, said I shouldn't have to be alone, go through that alone." Her face was still full of disbelief, but I didn't mind. Maybe I was crazy? Did that even matter now? Does crazy matter anymore? "First I asked him to make sure the Governor never makes it back to his daughter, but mostly I just wanted my mom," my face fell again to look at Judith, "I know it sounds stupid, but I still want her here with me."

She patted my back a few times, her tone warming again, "I know you do."

"I worry about that with Judith," I rubbed her little belly, "That she won't get to have that."

"That worries me too."

"I don't know what to do," I looked back up to her, almost begging her for guidance, "I still have this feeling that I'm going to die."

"Don't think that way," she pulled me in with a few more pats, "We're going to make it out of this."

"What if I'm never the same?" I sighed, looking at the plain concrete because looking at her would have been too difficult, "What if I can't put the pieces back together?"

"We'll help." Carol and I both turned around to see Beth and Maggie walking down the stairs behind us.

I immediately went into backtrack mode, "I'm not going to ask you—"

Maggie stopped me, "Don't have to." She sat just above me, looking at the baby in my arms and then back to my face. "Thank you for going with us," her face was full of sorrow, despite her words, "And trying to keep us safe there."

Beth called my attention next, smiling over at me, "If you need us for anything, you can tell us, okay?"

It wasn't until then that I considered that Death had been right. Maybe I can pick up these pieces. Maybe I can be whole eventually.

-o0o-

After my talk with the girls I dragged a chair outside so I could spend some time keeping watch in the cage. The groans of the walkers kept me at attention, but my mind was starting to sift through everything.

The Governor was going to die, and it was only a matter of time. Men like him always do. But as I watched the empty faces of the ten or so dead people clinging to the fence several things occurred to me that I hadn't considered for a long time. Morality, for one, the morality of everything I'd done. I'd killed people without thinking twice, and not just one or two. The tablet on my soul had been etched a few too many times; I wasn't like this before. This world didn't allow for it. Before all of this life had meaning. Before all this I would have considered everything, and even then I would never take a life. Before all of this doing the right thing meant being merciful, it meant trying to see past evils. What did that mean for me now? Was I too far gone? Or could I do the moral thing, at least until the bullets begin to fly?

Only kill when it's absolutely necessary; wasn't that my rule? How does vengeance factor into that? Yes, the Governor was an evil man who deserved death, and deep down I wanted nothing more than to be the one to bring that down on him, but what if me killing him is the wrong play? What if the talks of coming to an agreement, a peace treaty worked? Then I could ruin everything for the people I care about with just one bullet.

Maybe there was a way to do the right thing and keep Carl and Judith safe? Keep them all safe? Maybe this was how I manage it, maybe following Rick's orders was the way to move forward? Just because I don't want to go racing over to Woodbury right now and slaughter everyone in the town, hell a part of me wants nothing more, but I could wait. I could hold off until it was absolutely necessary. I could stand the hatred until this was all sorted out if that meant they could all still be safe.

The other thing I had to consider was that I wasn't alone anymore. Whatever happened I had people, people whom I cared about and who cared about me right back. I had friends who'd not only listened to my hardships, but offered to help clear up the mess inside me.

As the groans persisted I leaned back in my chair, and life wasn't so bad.

**Okay, so no Daryl time. [My sincerest apologies!] Next time there will be! I swear! ** **Please REVIEW so I know you all aren't abandoning this ship! Reviews keep me invested, and thorough reviews mean better chapters (what a tangled web we weave). A_lso, if you are in the market for another Daryl/OC story to read I do have another one I've been writing (And it has CLEMENTINE from the game! I love her.); it's called Take Us Back and I kinda like it, maybe you will too. :) _**

**Question Time! How did you all like the sisterhood of the prison yard situation in this chapter? Ladies getting together to help their fellow sisters! Girl power! And how about Annie's attempt to rationalize a potential truce, and have her thirst for vengeance taking a backseat? Think that will hold up for long? **

**THANK YOU FOR READING! I GREATLY APPRECIATE IT! **


	69. 69: For Whom The Bell Tolls, PART 1

**Hello! We are coming to a close in this story. :( I wanted to get you lovely readers something (I know I've been slacking. My mind has been a mush of craziness lately, so hard to get my thoughts out coherently). I plan on getting the remaining part(s) of this chapter out pre-finale! (AND AHHH! I'M SO STOKED FOR THE FINALE!)**

**69: For Whom The Bell Tolls**

**PART 1**

The last few days of my life passed too quickly, but I think everyone feels that way, maybe even more so now that the world is in the state it's in. This sentiment isn't to be confused with regret or sorrow, because I do not regret anything that happened in those hours, nor do I feel sorry for the life I was allowed to live. I do, however, wish to live in those last few days forever. There was peace there. There was purpose. There was love. There was the entire world, and that's all I had ever wanted.

I guess I couldn't run it forever.

-o0o-

There were several painful days that occurred in fast succession; starting with the day I didn't kill the Governor. I wasn't sure why Rick had let me go with them on their 'trip for peace.' I wasn't even sure if I'd really wanted to go in the first place, but what I knew for sure is that he didn't stop me and I had to be there. Not just because the masochistic side of me wanted close proximity to the monster so I could feel that hatred, no, I don't think that was the reason at all. My intentions in the last days were completely pure. I wanted to go on the run because I wanted to be with the guy I loved. I didn't want us to be too far from each other. Plain and simple. If he was going, I was going. I think that might've been why Rick allowed it, I think he might've known.

Daryl came around the corner, without Rick at his side, "He's already in there."

I knew that. Of course I knew that. I could smell_ him_ when we got there, but I hadn't said anything. I hadn't said a whole lot in the last few days; I was done talking, talked out. Right now, in this abandoned town, my only goal was basic. All I had to do was not bust into that building and unload the contents of my gun into the one-eyed man. A flush of heat and rage passed through me regardless, and my finger twitched on the trigger of the assault rifle. I wanted him dead. I wanted his life over. Hershel's voice provided a distraction, "I don't see any cars."

"It don't feel right," Daryl's eyes were scanning the area intently as he spoke to Hershel, and I took my place only feet from him as had become custom, "Keep it running." Seconds passed and I smelled the approaching car before we all heard it, "Heads up!" Hershel and I took a more defensive position as the occupants of the white car piled out. Two other men stepped out along with Andrea, but Daryl only addressed her, "What the hell? Why's your boy already in there?"

Her face filled with confusion and annoyance, "He's here?"

"Yup."

She didn't say another word, only sighing as she hurried off into the abandoned building that housed the 'mediation.'

Quiet crept over the rest of us, but there was no comfort. The hostility was evident. We were all just people waiting on the orders, waiting for the go ahead to kill the others. I guess it was to be expected. The worst part was the faint scratching sound of the man with glasses writing in a little notebook. It got under my skin, and I was irritable enough with my tormentor only yards away. I could feel the twitching return to my finger. Something about it, the sound of it, something about him confused me. He had no gun, at least not one that was in plain sight, and he just wrote. It seemed ridiculous.

"Maybe I should go inside," Hershel's deep tone broke the silence.

He was stopped by the man with the glasses, "The Governor thought it best if he and Rick spoke privately." I rolled my eyes quickly before adjusting my weight forward only slightly.

"Who the hell are you?" Daryl spoke before I could even open my mouth.

He straightened up, "Milton Mamet."

"Great, he brought his butler." I couldn't stifle my laugh in time to go unnoticed. Daryl smiled slightly while the Governor's men narrowed their eyes, but a part of me didn't care. Not about them. Why would I? These were just people from Woodbury; what they think doesn't matter. They'd all be dead soon anyway.

Milton piped up, clearly aggravated by Daryl's words and my laughter, "I'm his advisor."

"What kind of advice?"

"Planning, and biters, uhhh… yeah, I'm sorry. I don't feel like I need to explain myself to the henchmen." My finger twitched again, and this time my left eye joined it. Henchmen? Is this guy serious?

I couldn't hold my tongue anymore, "Excuse me?"

I stepped towards the wimpy looking man, but Daryl was already there, "You better watch your mouth, sunshine."

The other man spoke, "Look, if you and I are going to be out here pointing guns at each other all day, do me a favor and shut your mouth." Now that I could agree with.

"We don't need this. If all goes south in there, we'll be at each others' throats soon enough." Hershel was right, just like always. That's just who he is. I think the others recognized that, because the silence was back after that. I stood closer to Daryl than I had planned to, breaking the foot mark; it was all I could do to prevent me from doing the one thing I really wanted to do. Standing there, the occasional sound of scribbles, the sound of the breeze through the trees and the drone of deep voices from inside, the occasional moments where my eyes wandered over to the guy I loved, the one person who I was done leaving, it made it manageable. It made me stronger. I took a deep breath; I could get through this.

It wasn't long before Andrea came out of the building and plopped herself down on a bail of hay nearby. She seemed defeated, and I could feel the itch of my finger again. Things weren't going well in there. I knew it, Hershel knew it, and with the way Daryl was pacing back and forth it wasn't hard to guess that he knew it too.

Maybe I should just take care of this now? Since it's not going well anyways? Maybe I should kill these two guys, kill Phillip, and then we can go back to the prison in time for a nice leisurely nap before dinner? I'd have to take care of these two with something quiet; a gunshot would tip Phillip off. Might put Rick in danger. Maybe I could tell Daryl about the plan discreetly, and he can help? We could end this in less than a minute.

As if on cue Milton stepped forward to speak, "There's no reason not to use this time we have together to explore the issues ourselves."

The other man turned to him, "Boss said to sit tight and shut up." I wanted to agree with the other guy. I didn't want to talk to these people; they were just monsters.

Daryl cut in, "Don't you meant 'The Governor?'"

Milton continued, ignoring everyone, "It's a good thing they're sitting down, especially after what happened. They're going to work it out, nobody wants another battle."

I couldn't keep myself from scoffing. Was this guy serious? Did he really think they'd fix this in one day, with a few words? Things like this can't be fixed.

Daryl practically spoke for me, "I wouldn't exactly call it a battle."

"I would call it a battle, and I did," he held up the notebook he'd been writing in, "I recorded it."

Daryl and I both looked to Milton at the same time, speaking in unison, "For what?"

"Somebody's got to keep a record of what we've gone through, it'll be a part of our history."

"That makes sense." Hershel seemed to approve of Milton's notebook, and for whatever reason this brought a nerdy jitter to four-eyes. Maybe it_ was_ a good idea to keep a record of things. But there was one small problem to it; any history this guy would record would be skewed. It would be second-hand tales from Phillip. It would be inaccurate. It would paint us as villains and that bastard as some sort of hero.

He eagerly made his way towards Hershel, "I've got dozens of interviews…"

Just as he got over to him we heard the snarls and groans from a few deadies nearby. I was glad that they finally made some noise, I was tired of having to smell them. I was tired of having to wait around for the others to realize they were there. Within seconds the other man, Andrea, Daryl and I followed the sounds, making our way around the building to a small herd of seven walkers.

Daryl lowered his crossbow and turned to the other man, "After you."

"No," the guy motioned towards the zombies that were approaching, "You first."

As I shook my head and took a step forward, knife drawn; I saw Andrea roll her eyes and do the same exact thing. We each took out a walker before the men started to go after the rest of them. Once I saw that they were going to handle the rest I started to make my way back around the building with Andrea at my side.

She had a small smile on her face, and a faint lightness in her voice, "Guys never change, I guess."

"Good guess," I laughed, allowing a few quiet paces before trying to talk to her again, "You were a lawyer, right?"

She nodded, eyes distant, "It feels like a long time ago."

"Shouldn't you be in there?" I nodded to the building, "Helping them sort this out?"

"That _was_ the plan," the irritation in her voice was more than obvious, and I couldn't help but feel for her. She must've been kicked out. Too many cooks in the kitchen. Here she was, trying to make peace, and she was kicked out.

I threw her a bone, "I was pre-med." I figured why not? She was a part of my group once, and from what I'd heard about her she wasn't all bad. Maybe she had similar goals?

She glanced over to me, "So you're the medic now with Hershel?"

"Yeah," a smile spread across my lips, "But I mainly just patch myself up. I seem to be extra accident prone these days." I chuckled and she joined me for a few beats. Then my brain's filter malfunctioned, "He won't make any deals."

"Rick will do what's best."

I shook my head, "I'm not talking about Rick." She stopped just before we were about to round the corner, and I stopped with her, staring directly into her eyes, "Phillip… even if he makes a deal it will be a lie."

Her brows furrowed, "You don't know that."

I wasn't going to try to argue with her, and a part of me didn't think it would even be necessary. She was a lawyer. There were brains in there. She could probably read people better than I could. She probably had some understanding of basic morality. We stood there for almost a minute, looking at each other, not speaking. Then I broke the pause, "You'll do the right thing."

Her eyes darted away, "How can you be sure? You don't even know me."

I shrugged before starting to walk again, "I asked about you." Once we reached the bail of hay she'd been sitting on earlier I continued, taking a seat just beside her, "You lost your sister near the start of all this, Amy, I think that's what they said her name is."

Her head lowered just barely, "Please, don't talk about that."

"It's just," I tilted my head as I looked to her, "I lost my brother, too. My parents." Her eyes softened, so I kept talking, "They make me better, even now, make me do the right thing. She'll help you do the right thing, too."

The corner of her mouth twitched up a few times. I patted her knee and stood up, popping my neck to either side. I nodded to Hershel as I walked over to Milton, keeping with the social streak I was riding.

He was scribbling in the notebook when I sashayed up to him as casually as I could manage, "So, you advise him?"

"Yes," he didn't look up from his writing as I sat down beside him.

Then I said something I hadn't expected to say. I expected to just sit with him and maybe try to get some intel on Woodbury's arms, or maybe just bullshit for a while, but thats not what my mouth decided to do. My voice was low, but had a strange steadiness I was surprised I could manage, "Were you the one who told him to rape me?"

He looked up from his writing, but not into my eyes. All the color had drained from his face, "Excuse—"

I interrupted him, peering over into the pages, "Did you put that in that little book of yours?"

He closed his notes and looked to the ground in front of my feet, "I wasn't aware that he did that."

"He assaulted a friend of mine as well, another woman in our group who had been captured that day." I faced him again after a long break in conversation, relaxing my face into the friendliest visage I could force, "Want an interview from the other side?"

He looked directly at me this time, "Pardon?"

"You said you conducted interviews," I nodded to the notebook. "I just thought…" I looked towards the building briefly, "Before all of this history was one-sided. Written by the victors. It felt like we were never getting the whole story in the books. Maybe this is our chance to fix that?"

He cracked the notebook open and pulled up his pen to the page, "I suppose I can write a few things."

"I was just a college kid before all of this," I let my lips curve up slightly as I thought back, "Loved my family, had a few friends, wanted to get into med-school and become a doctor." I shifted in my seat, bringing the leg with the large scar from the first few months of the outbreak to his view, "I've learned a lot about medicine since then, I've gotten to help people, help myself."

"You did that…" There was genuine curiosity in his voice, and it made me glad I decided to talk to him. It made me think that Andrea wasn't the only person who we might be able to get onto our side.

I nodded, "I still want to help people, I always will. It was my life's ambition before this; that's why I joined up with Rick and his group. To help people who deserved it. That's one of the reasons at least." I shifted back and hunched forward, putting most of my weight onto my hands, "I was mainly just lonely, though."

He jotted a few things down before looking back up at me, "Were you alone long?"

"Yeah," I nodded again, "But that's all kind of a jumble now, though. It was easy to get used to being with people again, easy to forget how much being alone sucks." I stared at the building again. Inside who knows what was happening: war planning, treaty producing, maybe they were just shooting the shit. I wanted to be in there. I wanted my thumbs up to their knuckles in Phillip's skull. I wanted this over. I shook the thought away and I turned my attention back to Milton. He seemed like a smart enough man. He didn't seem too evil. He didn't seem very different from anyone in our group. Maybe he could be reasoned with? "We're just trying to stay alive, just like you. We don't torture people, we only kill when we have to, and the majority of our group hasn't had to yet."

He scribbled more words down as he spoke, "So you feel like you had to at the battle?"

"I was sure I was going to die there," I looked him directly in the eye and he stopped writing, "We were taken hostage. We were hurt, mutilated, beated. Your people would have killed us had we not been rescued. Force was necessary for our survival." From the corner of my eye I could see Daryl and the other man round the corner so I stood up, "I better go."

Once I reached Daryl I could see he looked worried as he looked from Milton, now ferociously scribing, back to me, "What'd he say?"

I shrugged, "I did most of the talking. Hopefully it will help." I nodded to the other man, "Him?" He shrugged too and we both took our spots leaning against the car. He handed me a cigarette from a pack he must've found and I graciously accepted. I didn't want to smell anyone right now. As I took a drag I felt the stresses subside.

The last half hour of our excursion went excruciatingly slow. Hershel was speaking to Andrea, and Milton was busy writing in his book. The rest of us just stood beside our respective cars. There was no angry trading of mean looks, it was just boring, for all of us. My eyes even began to grow heavy after a while, and out of habit I lazily leaned against Daryl's shoulder. He didn't seem to mind; he didn't seem to mind anything I did anymore. Maybe it was the looming war, but I wasn't complaining. We'd gotten into a groove. It was the nicest any relationship had been for me. Even now, with evil so close by, I was happy.

Those final thirty minutes of quiet were peaceful, even with the 'enemy' only feet away.

Once it was over Phillip emerged, followed by Rick. Neither said anything, nor did anyone else. We all just got into our vehicles and went our separate ways. Had Daryl not been beside me, had I not gotten on the back of his bike and held tightly to him as we made our way down the road, I would have killed that one-eyed asshole. I wouldn't have thought twice about it. But he was there for me. I had someone I wanted more time with. I didn't need revenge.

Not yet.

* * *

**Boom! Part 1 of Chapter 69! That's what's up! Review and let me know what you think!**

**Question time: First, Andrea and Milton? Friends or foes to Annie/the group? How much do we all want some 'Daryl time,' as I plan to refer to it (relations)? Will Annie be able to prevent Merle's death or will she be a shoulder to cry on for her rugged/sexy/fantastic/horrible crying faced beau? Annie's death is hanging in the near future! How do you think our heroine will kick the bucket? Will she get to kill that pesky Governor before her curtains close? (How many more cliches will I be able to cram into this author's note?) Will Death (the character) make a reappearance soon? How stoked are we all for the finale next Sunday?**

**MORE REVIEWS MEAN MORE KICKASS CHAPTERS IN THE NEAR FUTURE! :)**


	70. 69: For Whom The Bell Tolls, PART 2

**Hello! New chapter! (Ahh, the finale threw a wrench in all of my ideas. But don't worry, I've figured it all out.) Thank you so much for being great readers, especially now that this thing is coming to a close. Seriously, this is the most successful story I've had, and it wouldn't have been if it wasn't for all of you! Please REVIEW with your comments and concerns as well as critique. ENJOY!**

**69: For Whom The Bell Tolls**

**Part II:**

The pain of not pulling the trigger was nothing compared to what happened next. There's this thing that happens when caring about someone deeply; this desire that your other half's life goes smoothly, that nothing bad happens. It's natural. It helps us know we really care. It helps us know we aren't calloused. It helps us feel as though we are good people, and right now that was what I needed. I needed to feel like I was still a decent person.

-o0o-

The sun was just starting it's daily routine, and it cast several shadows over the field. The groans that accompanied the scene might have bothered me another day, but today, right now, they were all I really wanted to listen to.

Rick stood in front of Daryl and me with Hershel to the side of us. He'd been trying to explain his reasoning, trying to explain what happened during the meeting, but all I could hear was he was considering sacrificing my friend. "It's the only way. No one else knows," it was as though he wanted our approval or something. Like I would ever say that was a good idea.

Daryl looked towards the building we'd all been calling home, "Ain't gonna tell 'em?"

Rick shook his head, "Not 'til after." All I could do is stand there in silence. What was there to say? I couldn't consent to this, any of it. Would he really keep everyone in the dark like that? My stomach ached and whatever sleep I'd gotten the night before did nothing to combat the headache growing in my skull; the whole thing felt wrong to me. He continued, "We have to do it today, it has to be quiet."

Daryl spoke again, skepticism still rampant in his tone, "Got a plan?"

"We tell her we need to talk," I couldn't even look at Rick anymore as he talked, I could just stare at the walkers on the other side of the fence, "Away from the others."

"Just ain't honest, man." Daryl wasn't lying. Not in the least. Lying to the group, and Michonne, all to appease the Governor. It was wrong.

"No," Hershel added, his words cutting, "No it isn't." The old man seemed just as disappointed with the situation as I was. Rick, who was such a stand-up man, a sheriff, a good guy, was about to do the bad thing, the wrong thing. I would have walked away with him, but I stayed. I had to.

Rick looked at the two of us, "We do this, we avoid a fight, no one else dies."

"Okay." Daryl spoke only for himself now. It wasn't okay to me. I knew it wasn't okay. You don't just do that to someone who's saved your ass time and time again, even when they didn't have to. When Rick looked to me for my answer I just stood there stuck in silence and casually breathed in the smells of morning; it was the closest to consent he would ever get about this decision.

He looked from me back to Daryl, "We need someone else."

Daryl took a step towards the cellblock, "I'll talk to him." Wait, now they were dragging Merle into this? I looked back to the fence-line, hiding my displeasure.

Rick stopped him, "I'll do it."

"I'll go with you."

Rick objected to Daryl once more, "No, just me." After the words were spoken he walked off leaving the two of us just standing there in the wake of a bad decision.

I broke my morning long vow of silence, "We shouldn't do this." I thought he would say something: say I was right, say that he agreed it was the wrong call. When he didn't I knew I had to ask, even if he wouldn't really know the answer, "He'll change his mind, right?"

He shrugged and started to walk off, "Don't know."

-o0o-

Even with Rick's plan, Rick's morally wrong plan, he didn't halt the fortifications. Everyone was still in preparation mode. Everyone still felt the war was coming. I felt lucky that there was nothing for Daryl and me to do but wait for Rick, Merle, and Michonne. It gave us time, even if that just consisted of checking the fence and road to make sure we were still safe.

On one of our walkabouts we ran into an angry-looking Glenn. He was trying to attach some rusty metal bars to one of the doorways, but he couldn't seem to do it on his own. Without word Daryl jogged over and helped him with it, but that didn't seem to calm Glenn down any.

I was standing close enough to hear Daryl start to talk to him, "Say he was sorry yet?" Great, they're going to talk about Merle. Glenn was very opposed to the thought of Merle being with us, and I know he had his reasons. I just wish that he didn't. "Cause he is," he continued, "He's gonna make it right, I'ma make him." Glenn's face didn't break as he continued to place various items that were strewn across the table into a cardboard box. Daryl spoke again, and it wasn't hard to see he was getting exceedingly desperate, "There's gotta be a way. Just needs to be a little forgiveness is all."

The second he said it I knew it was the wrong thing to say, or at least not a thing that would ever work.

Glenn finally spoke up, looking directly at him now, "He tied me to a chair, beat me, and threw a walker in the room. Maybe I could call it even, but he-he took Maggie to a man who terrorized her, humiliated her. I care more about her than I care about me." With that Glenn picked up the box and left for the cellblock. I couldn't help thinking about what he'd said; Maggie meant everything to him. It was sweet to hear, sweet to know that still existed somewhere, that it ever existed.

Daryl looked over to me, I hadn't moved since I got there, "You mad at him, too?"

I tilted my head as I turned my attention back to him, "You know I'm not." He didn't seem to believe me, so I continued, "He might've done the wrong things, but he did them for the right reasons." I started back, continuing the walk, "As far as I'm concerned he's a good guy."

-o0o-

After I spent some time walking around the perimeter by myself, inspecting the fence, scanning the forest line, Daryl returned to help.

Not long after that Rick came jogging up to us, "It's off. We'll take our chances."

I didn't hide my relief, nor my smile at the news.

Daryl spoke for the both of us, "I'm not saying that's the wrong call, cause it's definitely the right one." For all the good news there was still a strange expression on Rick's face, one that I couldn't place. Daryl must've had the same problem because he flat-out asked, "What's wrong?"

Rick sighed slightly before confessing, "I can't find Merle or Michonne. They've gone."

Merle. Merle the wildcard. He would have gone through with it on his own if it meant keeping his brother safe. Daryl started running towards the stairs, "Come on." We snaked through the tunnels until we reached the generator room. I couldn't smell a thing, not a trace of either of them. Daryl started looking around, "He was in here, said he was looking for drugs. Said a lot of things actually."

Rick and I both asked in unison, "Like what?"

"Said that you were gonna change your mind," he continued his search until he found a pillowcase. "Here we go," he lifted it up and scanned the room again, "Yeah, he took her here."

Rick kicked the air, "Shit." Then we all looked towards the door, but only Rick spoke, "I'm going after him."

Daryl scoffed, "You can't track for shit."

Rick kept moving towards the exit, "Then it'll be the three of us."

"No," Daryl stopped him, "Just us. I said I'll go and I'll go." Rick looked to me and I nodded, "Plus when we come back here you need to be ready. Your family too." When Daryl said family Rick's eyes darted to me for a split second, and that made all the difference. I could leave them for a bit, find Merle and Michonne. They could handle it. I could handle it.

We didn't waste any more time. All we did is run, at first with Daryl leading, but soon I caught a scent and took off ahead of him.

When we caught up to the scent we found Michonne. Just Michonne. She was stabbing the head of a decapitated walker.

Daryl called out immediately, "Hey! Where's my brother?" Michonne nodded towards the direction she appeared to be coming from. Then Daryl asked something that made me hold my breath, "You kill him?"

When Michonne shook her head 'no' I let out a huge sigh of relief. She glanced at me, hunched over trying to catch my breath, then back to Daryl, "He let me go."

He _let_ her go? She didn't fight him? He just let her go?

There was no time to ask her anymore questions, because Daryl was already off running again, "Don't let anyone come after us."

We ran for a long time. We ran and every few feet I was hoping a scent would make itself known to me. I'd hope to catch his trail, but nothing. Daryl seemed to know where we were going though. Eventually we made it to the place where Rick and Phillip had their meeting. All I could smell was death. _He can't be here. He can't be here. _It wasn't long before we saw a few fresh bodies: shot. They looked like they could be from Woodbury. Daryl was a good twenty feet ahead of me now. _Shit. _He stopped dead in his tracks.

When I looked passed him I saw what he'd seen. Merle, only he wasn't Merle, not anymore. He had blood on his face, and even from this distance I could see the cold eyes. _Shit._

I saw Daryl's shoulders moving before I heard his cries. _Shit. _Merle approached him, and twice Daryl had to push him away. Then he lost it. Stab. Then more stabbing. I stood back, paralyzed, as one of the few people I still cared about stabbed his own brother eight times.

_It's not Merle. It's not Merle. Just like Joey wasn't Joey and Mama and Papa weren't themselves. It's not him. _I took a few steps closer to him, writhing on the grass, howling. I couldn't take the rest of the distance to get to him, not yet. Instead I just watched the horizon; I watched the sun lowering in the sky. I watched it all and everything in that field became perfectly clear.

Vengeance is stupid. It's petty and ridiculous. In this light nearly everything seemed ridiculous. I looked back to Daryl. As I watched him cry out I thought about consoling him. I thought about saying it would be okay, or anything at all. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. For every impulse to hug him there was this voice screaming at me that he needed time and space. He needed to go through this on his own, at least for a bit, a few seconds.

So I stood in silence. The deadies around us groaned and snarled, but it didn't even faze me. All I could do now was stand there and watch him cry as the sting came to my eyes. I glanced over to the body that caused this pain and in that second I saw Death. It was a flicker of him, the suit, the perfection. Then it was gone and it was Joey standing there. My brother, my blood. I saw him standing there and I remembered that night.

My limbs came back to life at the memory, and I knew what I needed to do. I took the few steps and sat down beside him. He was still wailing, and I couldn't blame him. Blood. When you lose your blood it's like you're all alone. That's a lie though. We all still had each other. Blood wasn't all there was. There was still hope. There was still something.

I opened my mouth slowly to speak, "He was something else entirely." I wasn't sure if he could hear me, but I kept talking, "We didn't meet under the best circumstances, and I know the others had their issues with him, but I didn't. I only knew him at his best. I've always wondered which is more noble, to be born good, or to be born evil and, through excruciating effort, overcome that darkness." I stared at the body of my companion's brother. I might've called him a friend, and I think I do. We were friends because we had a mutual interest; we both were fighting for the safety of the same person. That sort of thing binds two people together. Merle and I were comrades. I wiped the tears from my face, "Whatever darkness anyone else might have seen, I don't see it here. Death will be kind."

When I said it I knew Death would hear it. He was here, and he would be watching. He would be kind to my fallen friend.

**NOOOOO! This was the saddest episode ever, and as much as I didn't want to do it I had to. :(((( I hope you still enjoyed it. ** **PLEASE REVIEW! When you review I am more motivated to write, and I'd really love to break 600 before this story is done. Only a few more installments left, so the pressure is on. **

**Also, if you are feeling like checking out another WD fanfic you should check out my new one, Take Us Back (Romance-ish) or Veni, Vidi, Vici (Adventure/Friendship/BadassCollaboration). THANK YOU FOR READING! YOU'RE AMAZING!**


	71. 70: Everything Was Beautiful

**70: Everything Was Beautiful And Nothing Hurt**

I think people make life worth living. When I didn't have other people around it pushed everything away like nothing was real, like looking through a lens. Nothing could touch me because I wasn't really experiencing anything. Without other hearts to feel with, other people to laugh with, everything just becomes a slop pile of events. Things aren't important, nor unimportant. Things are just happening and that's all there is to it.

I have people now, a family that will be with me until the bitter end. Now everything means something.

-o0o-

I did not go into the day expecting it would be my last, far from it. I spent the time with Carl and Judith mainly, because I knew he wasn't feeling happy. I knew it was where I was needed.

Then it was time to go our separate ways, so we said goodbye like we always did. In both our minds we thought we'd see each other again. That's how it went with everyone. This wasn't the end; we'd be laughing together in just a few hours.

When the first explosion shook the ground I was perched on my tiptoes behind one of the exterior prison walls. I had one job to do today, my mission, and that was preventing them from escaping back to their fortress at Woodbury. Today was the day we'd end it all. That was the plan.

"They're inside," I heard the whisper over the walkie-talkie.

I clicked mine on to give the reply, "I'll get to work." I ran out into the field, crouching low as I made my way to one of the only vehicles still with viable tires.

I popped open the hood as quickly as I could and began to fiddle with the wires so we could ambush them. Surprise factor. That was what we needed. They had the numbers, but we would have the edge. I was about to yank a handful of the pieces out when I heard a door slam open, and then gunfire.

I closed the hood just as the invaders made their way around the corner.

"Shit shit shit shit," I whispered to myself as I jumped in back of the truck I'd just ruined and pulled a tarp over myself.

It wasn't until the metal vibrated by my ear that I knew I had failed. Whatever I'd done to that engine hadn't made a difference in how it ran. I felt as bodies piled in around me, and for the first time in a very long time I felt the sting of fear.

All I could do was lie there paralyzed. Surely I would be found. Then who knows what fresh horrors would happen.

I couldn't tell if it had been one minute of a hundred, but the truck came to a stop. I was still frozen; still so scared I couldn't make out the heated words being shared amongst my enemies. Just stay still; maybe they won't see you. You can get out of this.

Bang, Bang, Bang.

The popping of a semi-automatic whirled on the other side of the truck's bed, but I couldn't figure out what it meant. Did one of his own do it? Did they kill him for us? I still couldn't make out the words being said, so I slid out from my hiding spot to see what had happened.

Bodies. Everywhere. Some were still groaning from their wounds.

I can do this. Just him and me, I can manage that. Annie, you just have to move. You can't be afraid anymore. It will be over in a few seconds. Annie, get your gun. Just get your gun and we can do this. I carefully got onto the ground and pulled out my gun. For a second I thought I saw the gentleman in the nice suit, but I shook it from my mind. Focus. One shot and this will all be over. One shot and you can go back home.

As I jumped out from my hiding place behind the truck I took aim, and as I took aim a hand from one of the nearby bodies pulled me down. I still squeezed the trigger, still hoped that I could manage it.

There were two shots. One from my own gun, and the one from the Governors. Mine carried a bullet to his left arm, and his carried a bullet to the right of my chest cavity.

As I gurgled he walked over to me, laughing. The bastard was laughing as I bled out, slower than I would have anticipated, but still I knew. This would kill me. This would kill me. It didn't matter what I did. The wound was fatal.

"I could end you now," he leaned down towards me slightly, shaking his head, "You deserve to turn."

I blinked for a moment, and he was gone. Then I heard the car. They were leaving, leaving me here not just to die, but to become a monster. I felt as my closed eyes watered, but I didn't expect the footsteps. Footsteps coming towards me. When they stopped I could sense someone standing next me. Death, old friend. That would be him, come to take me to my family. I opened my eyes.

A woman was hunching over me, immediately putting pressure on the wound.

I wheezed as I looked to her, "Are you okay?"

She nodded, "We need to get you into the cab before they come back."

"He's," I could feel my heart racing as I thought of the Governor returning to finish the job, "He's coming back?"

"No, They'll come back." She lifted my hand to the fresh wound and helped me press down before dragging me towards the front seat of the car.

I kept quiet as she locked the doors and took her seat beside me, pushing down on the wound as I lay there. "The gun," as I choked out the words, along with some blood, she looked at me with fear. The same fear I had only minutes ago. "For when I come back."

She took the gun from hand and tucked it into her waist. "I won't need it," she forced a small smile as she looked at me, eyes darting to my bleeding chest for a split second, "Your people will come for you."

I gave a small nod. "I'm Annie," I feebly lifted my hand to shake hers, but only realized just how quickly my strength was leaving me.

"I'm Karen," she quickly shook my hand, and I realized just how kind she was being to me. Two hours ago I would have killed her. I could kill her right now if I felt like it, but I didn't. She was trying to keep me alive.

I wasn't going to be alone when I died. I was going to have someone kind beside me. I tried to keep my eyes open, but eventually it became too difficult. I'd catch a glimpse of Karen, pushing onto my wound, tears streaming down her face and landing on mine. "Thank you," I coughed again and more blood came. Then it was back to the darkness for a while.

"Do you hear that?" She said after an indeterminate amount of time.

"No," I attempted to lift my head from the seat but only managed a centimeter before I collapsed back down, "What - is - it?"

She was looking through the rearview mirrors frantically, "Sounds like a car." She took one of her hands, her hands stained in my blood, and grabbed mine that was lying limp on my stomach, "Might be your people?"

I felt my lips curve upwards in a sigh, "Good."

Soon she let go of my hand though, and used it to bang on the window. "It's got to be them," she was in hysterics how. Her door opened, "He shot everyone, we need to save her."

I heard another door open, the one at my feet. Then it was Rick's voice, "Annie?"

Next I heard Michonne, tone steady as ever, "Shit."

"I - got - his - arm," I tried to open my eyes, but I was too tired. Everything felt heavy; all I could do was breathe the words out. "But - he – got - me - back." I felt as hands pulled me out of the car and onto the grass. Grass. I remember that smell. We'd always roll around in the grass when we were kids, and Mama would scold us for ruining our clothes. We never cared. We just laughed.

This time it was Glenn who brought me back to reality, "There's so much blood."

"I've been putting pressure on it the best I could," I opened my eyes a sliver to find Karen's hands had been replaced my Daryl's.

Then I heard him, "What do we do?"

He was looking at me, looking at me like I'd have to answer. I'd be able to fix this one. That wasn't true, not this time. This time it was too much. The Governor's aim had been perfect, and now it was time to go. It was time and I couldn't stop myself from feeling happy. There was pain in my chest, yes, but there was also peace growing in me. I opened my eyes wide now, smile on my face as I looked around at the friends who had gathered around me. They were beautiful, the sky above me was so insanely blue. It was like I'd never seen any of it before, like I'd been blind my entire life and here I was at the end of it with a chance to really see. "We - do - nothing."

"We can fix it," he shook his head, "You just need to tell us how."

Glenn's eyes were still fixed on the growing red, "There's a lot of blood."

"So," I could hear the annoyance in Daryl's voice as he faced the others. There he is, that's him. "There's got to be something we can do for her."

I coughed again as I tried to nod, then their eyes turned to mine. Their burning eyes, filled with tears, looked at mine and I nodded again as a hand wiped the blood from my mouth. Now there was no pain. No pain at all as I spoke again, "Don't let me come back." I smiled again as I saw a figure approach from above my head. There he was. The man in the suit. My final friend. The void that had been his face bore a shape now, a visage of indescribably striking features, but I knew it was him.

I couldn't feel anything else, but I could hear Daryl yell at me, "Stop!"

So I looked back to him, still smiling. Companions at the end of the world. All of it had been near enough love for one lifetime. I let him, and the people who had joined him at that house in the woods into my heart. Even when I'd never expected to have done so. It had been exactly what I'd needed at the time, and now that time was up. I wasn't sad, or angry, or regretful; I was happy. Happy to have people with me here at the end.

As the darkness flooded the corners of my vision I took in one last look. One last look at the exquisiteness that was my life and I was not alone.

-o0o-

The sun was high in the sky as the white leather hit my hand. A baseball? I rolled it around for a while before I looked up to see where the thing had come from. Then I saw them; Joey was standing about twenty feet away smiling at me, and to the left there were our parents, laughing as they waved over to me. I looked down to the grass, it felt different than any other grass I'd stood on. It was as soft as fur, but it still had a coolness to it.

"There you are, Sis," Joey called out over to me with his signature smile.

I looked back to the ball, smiling as I threw it to him, "Here I am."

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**So first and foremost, THANK YOU FOR READING. It has been a wild ride, and I can't explain to you how great you, the readers, have been to me and how much you've made me believe in myself. You have a place in my heart forever. **

**Secondly, I had planned on an intimate relations scene before this chapter, but it just didn't feel right to me so I nixed it. Call it poetic license, or what have you, but it just was a call I had to make. **

**Third, it took me so long to get this to you because over the months of writing her I've grown to love Annie. I didn't want her to die, but I had this feeling that it was the right thing to do. Again, another call I had to make. Then I had to write her death, and all I could think was that I didn't want my time with her to be over just yet, so I put it off. Then there were papers to write, then I was mad at how the finale of TWD turned out, so I just kept putting it off. But here we are, and now she's happy so I'm happy (She's semi-real to me, I know I'm insane, but it's just the way I am). **

**Finally, I have to reiterate what I said first, THANK YOU READERS. I started writing this hoping that maybe fifty people might like it, but you've all given this thing a chance and I am forever happy/grateful. PM me anytime, and feel free to review this and check out my other stories. You've helped me grow as a writer, and I love each and every one of you. **

**Thank you,**

**easyl0ve**


End file.
